Figs & Teale

Learn more about yourself and your relationship with Figs and Teale, Couples Therapists and creators of the Empathi Method. They are your go-to Relationship Experts for people who give a sh*t about their relationship.

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Couples Therapist Critiques TherapyJeff’s Relationship Tips (With Love)

Welcome back to Figs & Teale. In this episode, we take a thoughtful and respectful look at TherapyJeff’s popular video, “10 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship.” Jeff’s work has helped millions start important conversations about love, boundaries, and emotional safety. As couples therapists, we deeply appreciate that—and we also want to slow things down and add the context that short-form advice can’t always hold.

Using an attachment-focused, systems-based lens and the Empathi Method, Figs walks through each of the ten signs and explores what they look like in real, lived relationships. We talk about why many of these “healthy signs” are not permanent states, but places couples visit, lose, and work hard to return to. From co-regulation to intimacy, boundaries, and repair, we explore how striving to achieve these traits can sometimes create pressure, shame, or self-rejection.

This isn’t about tearing down advice—it’s about expanding it. Real relationships are messy, emotional, cyclical, and deeply human. Our hope is that this conversation helps you feel less behind, more normal, and better supported as you do the real work of love, again and again.

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Relationship Shame: The Hidden Stories We Carry and Never Talk About

Welcome to Figs & Teale. In this episode, Relationship Shame: The Hidden Stories We Carry and Never Talk About, we open up a deeply honest conversation about shame—the quiet stories many of us hold inside but rarely name. This space is about real connection, real relationships, and the parts of love that don’t always feel neat or polished.

Figs shares a vulnerable story about the shame he carries around their wedding anniversary, how he and Teale met, got pregnant, and built a life together. What may seem like a simple timeline brings up old cultural beliefs, family history, and inherited messages about worth, marriage, and belonging. As the conversation unfolds, it becomes clear how shame often isn’t logical—but it is powerful—and how it can quietly shape how couples show up, celebrate, and connect.

Together, Figs and Teale explore how shame shows up in relationships, how it creates distance, and how naming it can soften its grip. This episode is tender, funny, uncomfortable, and deeply human—an invitation to reflect on the hidden stories you carry, and how sharing them might lead to more closeness and healing.

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Therapist Reviews Reality TV’s Most Intense Date

Welcome back to Figs & Teale, where we explore what’s really happening beneath the surface of love, dating, and connection. In this episode, we review a viral reality TV moment featuring Tiffany Pollard that had the internet laughing, cheering, and cringing all at once. On the surface, it’s bold, funny, and unforgettable. But when you slow it down, this one-minute clip reveals something deeply human about dating, vulnerability, and the fear of not being chosen.

From a therapist’s lens, we look at both people in the scene. The woman’s powerful protest for love, commitment, and respect is not random. It’s a protective response shaped by past hurt. The man’s quiet, detached reaction isn’t indifference either. It’s his own way of staying safe from feeling “not enough.” These are what we call character strategies—ways we protect our most vulnerable parts.

Finally, we share how moments like this don’t have to end in disconnection. With awareness, empathy, and safer ways of expressing needs, even intense dynamics can transform into real connection. Whether you’re single, dating, or partnered, this episode shows how understanding yourself and others can change everything.

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Why Couples Fight: The Rooster & Chicky Theory That Explains Every Relationship Conflict

Welcome to Figs & Teale, where real love includes real conflict—and real growth. In today’s video, we’re sharing one of our favorite and most relatable ways to understand why couples fight: the Rooster & Chicky Theory. Filmed during a drive through Oahu, this episode captures the playful, messy, and honest moments that show how easily partners can misunderstand each other, even when love is strong.

On the outside, couples often look like roosters—puffed up, defensive, pecking, and poking at each other’s words and mistakes. We argue about being late, not being heard, or not feeling like a priority. But inside, beneath all those feathers, is a small chicky just wanting to feel loved, chosen, and enough. When that tender part feels hurt, the rooster comes out to protect it.

This video gently shows how one rooster triggers the other, creating a cycle of conflict that feels endless. The hope is simple: when you learn to see the chicky inside yourself and your partner, you can soften, repair faster, and reconnect. So tell us—when you fight, who’s your rooster and who’s your chicky?

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Relationship Ultimatums: Why They Don’t Work and What to Do Instead

Welcome to Figs & Teale! In this episode, we look at the real emotions behind relationship ultimatums and why they almost always backfire. Using a viral meme clip as a starting point, Figs explains what’s actually happening when someone says, “I’m done,” “Choose me,” or “I won’t put up with this anymore.” These moments may look strong on the outside, but they usually come from deep hurt, fear, and a longing to feel chosen.

We explore how both partners often end up protesting at the same time. One person may sound firm or angry, while the other shuts down or looks like they don’t care. But underneath those reactions are two people who feel scared, unseen, or not good enough. Figs, an Emotionally Focused Therapist, shows how these protective behaviors—while understandable—create a painful cycle where both partners feel abandoned.

Most importantly, we share what to do instead of giving ultimatums: slow down, notice the cycle you're both caught in, and speak from the softer feelings underneath. When couples make room for these tender emotions, connection becomes possible again—even after intense moments.

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How to Have “The Talk,” According to a Couples Therapist!

When couples face big decisions—prenups, moving countries, career changes—it’s easy to rush toward answers. But in this episode from Figs & Teale, we explore why the real solution begins long before solving anything. “The talk” is not about choosing Spain or France, or about getting the prenup right. It’s about slowing down and creating space for the connection conversation—the one where partners share fears, needs, hopes, and the deeper emotions underneath their positions.

Instead of pushing for quick fixes, Figs shows how emotional honesty opens the door to real clarity. Often the person insisting on Spain isn’t just choosing a country—they’re longing for belonging, safety, and love. When both partners stay with each other’s truth without defending or fixing, something powerful happens. They reach what Figs calls empathy squared—empathy for me, for you, and for us—unlocking warmth, compassion, and new problem-solving they couldn’t access before.

Through humor and real stories—including the unforgettable “dishwashing time-machine” moment—this episode reveals why jumping to solutions never works. But when couples connect first, almost every solution works. As Brené Brown reminds us: “Rarely does a response make something better. What makes things better is connection.”

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How to Have “The Talk,” According to a Couples Therapist

Welcome to Figs & Teale, your space for real talk, real love, and real tools for healing. In this video, couples therapist Figs shares what truly matters before couples jump into hard conversations about prenups, moving, money, or careers. Before problem-solving begins, there must be emotional safety. This is what Figs calls the connection conversation — or simply, “the talk.”

In this session, Figs breaks down the three pillars of relationship repair: Attachment Theory, Systems Theory, and Experiential Therapy. You’ll learn why we fear being abandoned, why we fear not being enough, and how two people can get stuck in painful cycles without realizing it. These patterns don’t mean something is wrong with you — they mean you learned how to survive.

Most importantly, this video shows couples how to move from fear and fighting back to safety and closeness. It’s about getting back to that feeling of, “Thank God you’re here for me, and thank God I’m enough for you.” This is the heart of real connection — and the starting point for every hard conversation.

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How to Have “The Talk,” According to a Couples Therapist

Couples often rush to solve the problem. They want the answer: prenup or not? America or France? Who’s doing the dishes tonight? But solving the issue first can actually make everything harder. Before making decisions, couples need to have what therapist Figs O’Sullivan calls a Connection Conversation.

In this conversation, the goal isn’t to fix anything. Instead, you share feelings, fears, needs, and the stories underneath the problem. Why do you want one choice over another? What are you scared will happen if you ask for what you want? When partners are heard without judgment, something powerful happens — empathy grows.

Figs calls this Empathy Squared: empathy for me, empathy for you, empathy for us. And once that connection is there, the solutions become easier. In fact, many new solutions will appear that didn’t exist before. As Brené Brown says, “Rarely does a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.” So don’t skip the connection. Slow down, share, listen — then the problem-solving becomes magic.