Filth and Wisdom

The creators of this blog are Kayla and John. Kayla is a 19 year old high school graduate who currently works in retail, and John is an unemployed drop-out who has been an intravenous opiate user for three years. John has also been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks and clinical depression. After a suicide attempt and a brief ending our relationship, we are currently back together. This blog is a documentary of our lives and the consequences that opiate addiction and mental illness have on our relationship.

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We were thinking about starting this blog up again, but does anyone still care about it???

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just wondering if you guys ever do opiates together?

no, kayla doesn't use opiates at all. we used to do e together sometimes, but because of my sensitivity to it, i can't take it without going fucking crazy.

-John.

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Fuck you Kayla if I was John I'd slam opiates by using you for money to pay for them, which he does. You're a Toolaudid, a tool someone uses to support their dilaudid habit.

Lmfao. Ok first off he doesn't do dilaudid anymore, he's swtiched to morphine because it lasts longer AND so it uses less of MY money.

I wasn't aware that an anonymous stranger on the internet had full insight into our relationship and into John's mind. He read this and it really pissed him off. He's not using me for money, he's the one usually saying "don't give me money" but I do because he's been doing really well with his tapering and he really does want to get clean.

So fuck you you fucking moron. God you idiots piss us off sometimes. Don't think you know everything about us, you only know what we post online. Ughhyerfd fucking idiot.

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To anyone who still cares:

Sorry for the lack of inactivity. John's kind of abandoned Tumblr (for now anyways) and I've just been lazy. There hasn't been much to say anyways. Things have been going good between us, and he hasn't been to bad lately.

-Kayla.

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I'm standing outside of InSite looking in, and Jesus Christ is there with a styrofoam cup, cheering.

John sharing his hallucinations with me.

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I really appreciate the fact that you guys like Eugene Hutz, not many people do. Filth and Wisdom was such a great movie.Just out of curiosity have either of you seen Gogol Bordello live?

Kayla: I FUCKING HAVE OMG IT WAS SERIOUSLY ONE OF THE BEST CONCERTS I'VE EVER BEEN TOO. I hope they come back soon.

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If I could somehow prove to you I'm not a cop, would you shoot me up for a fuckton of cash?

No, learn to fucking shoot up yourself.

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I don't want anyone around me for the next month.

-John.

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This is to both of you: What are your favourite songs?

John: I don't have favorites of anything. There are too many things I like, and too many things I like equally.

Kayla: Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens, probably. It's a really beautiful song.

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Uh so this is for John. When you have tried to kill yourself, I am assuming that you woke up in a hospital. What was that like? Were you mad when you first woke up? Did you have an IV or anything?

I was pissed, pissed at everyone. It was my stepfather's fault for calling the ambulance, and his excuse was that he "didn't want to go to jail for assisting in (my) suicide." I was pissed off for weeks. I refused to talk to my parents except calling them bitches and whores in Russian. I did have an IV, but I pulled it out the minute I woke up, and painted my entire bed, pillow, sheets and clothes with blood that wouldn't stop gushing from the hole.

I don't know why you would even ask me such a gruesome and personal question.

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Harm reduction question. How far apart on my arm should I space apart my shots? I heard if you shot into the same little hole over and over the clotted blood will break off and go into your bloodstream and possibly get lodged in a small blood vessel leading to heart attack, stroke, or death. So yeah, like how far apart should the spots where I stick in the spike be? And do you move up your arm or down your arm when finding a new spot?

The clotted thing is bullshit. I've shot into my arm in the same spot over and over again with no consequences other than a ruined or collapsed vein, which will eventually be reabsorbed into your body, with a new one replacing it. The only thing you should really be doing is alternating the sites you shoot in. Up and down your arms is good enough. Just so the punctures in your veins have enough time to heal. It's more of a question of vein health than strokes and shit.

The risk of stroke comes from injecting clotted blood from a rig, not from a tiny clot on the surface. Just make sure you don't flood your rigs with so much blood that it clots together, and you'll be fine.

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uglyghosts:

John’s arms, I think they’re pretty.

My arm. Kayla took a lovely photo of my scars and tracks.

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Sorry for the lack of posting, I guess we've both been kind of busy/haven't been able to think of anything worthwhile to post.

Yesterday we went to Crab Park and I bought him a lollipop, and the whole time he was eating it, he was complaining about dying of lead poisoning because it was made in China. Pointless post heh w/e.

-Kayla.

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mumma does drugs. lots of it, weed and zoloft are the only ones i see everyday, sometimes she'll come home with a bag full of prescription drugs sometimes it'll be a box. i've seen her hurt since i was 4. why 4? that was when i became aware of who she was. sometimes i wish mumma would sleep forever. i don't like seeing her in pain. you won't care. i know that. but i wanted to tell someone. being 15 with a suicidal drug addict, mother isn't easy. but it isn't hard either.

Sorry to hear that, that's an extremely shitty situation, and I hope it gets better for you.I guess I can kind of relate, minus the mother part.-Kayla.

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Where in the world are you?

Canada.

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do you think you'll ever be happy with your body

No. Satisfaction is a joke.

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john, what do you think when kayla expresses concern over your weight

It's my body to deal with, not her's. The only opinion of my body that matters is my own.