As someone who has organized a gangbang, it is SO HARD to Wrangle People towards the sexy parts and away from the crafted table of snacks which just so happens to be in front of your book shelf and OMG you have THIS gaming System?? That was Kickstarter exclusive! Like, no. Stop. Please return the game book to the shelf and remove your clothes. Please?
#throwback to that one time a platonic friend invited me to a swinger club#and his earnest reasoning was#'the buffet there is the best I have ever been to and it's so cheap we need to eat our way through the buffet together'#I didn't go but I have reliable sources that the buffet really is that good (via @notgreengardens)
#this has been the case at every single kink event i've been to#went to a fireplay demo once and it took like 45 minutes to get started because everyone was distracted by the host's pet lizard (via @glorious-spoon)
The best sex party I ever went to nearly stopped because someone taped a sheet to the back of sliding glass windows and were using dry erase markers to make diagrams. A bunch of math and physics PhD’s were helping a chemistry phd with a thorny problem and they cheered when they solved it. A board game night broke out and it was really hard to pry people away from the games, science and snacks for sex so someone put up a pole in the living room and four women started pole dancing while shouting instructions to the scientists and board game nerds.
Epic party, I think I shagged 8 women that night and I won a card game.
Penetration is a gender-neutral act. Topping is gender-neutral. Bottoming is gender-neutral. You are not more or less of a man or a woman depending on how you fuck. You are not “fake trans” for having sex a certain way. You are not any less masculine for bottoming or any less feminine for topping.
Additionally, acting like being penetrated is an act of submission is deeply rooted in misogynistic, cisheteronormative ideas of sexual intercourse, as in "penetration is something that is done to women for the sexual gratification of the man, nothing more, therefore it is inherently degrading and feminine".
A cishet man getting pegged by his cishet girlfriend is not gay, he's not less of a man or submissive by default. A cishet man getting pegged by his cishet girlfriend can be sexually dominant and simply likes to be fucked in his ass - these two can co-exist. Yet, in the eyes of cishet society, a man that likes to have his ass played with, must enjoy it because it's "degrading" , not because it simply feels good.
That's why I so heavily preach about the difference between sub/dom/switch and bottom/top/vers. Penetration can be used to increase the feeling and severity of a power dynamic, but it doesn't create one. These two things are entirely separate from eachother, unless connected willingly.
Notes: death, angst, strangulation, major spoilers for lesson 12 of Nightbringer and nightbringer as a whole, 1.2k
☞. . . I think belphie should be an evil little shit again. Aka my thoughts on if nb belphie was like lesson 16 og belphie
When the door creaks open you become bathed in the light from outside, the fluorescence casting across your body like it was from heaven above. The lights in this room are dim, gently flickering from the tree where they hang. You had always wondered how the candles didn’t light the tree ablaze, but you supposed at this point you should just suspect magic.
Belphegor stands in the doorway. He’s looking at you, tail flicking this way and that. Beelzebub has left for the kitchen, rummaging in the cabinets and fridge. He had become so protective over you. The youngest doesn’t know how to feel about that. Belphegor slinks into the room and shuts the door behind him.
“…hi.” He’s standing next to your bed, a certain kind of expression on his face, one that can’t be read. He gazes at the expanse of the bed, the offerings of food laid all around your body. In a way, you remind him of the human world fairy tales, about princesses fallen into a deep slumber and a Prince Charming coming to wake her with a true love's kiss. He wonders how many of his brothers have already tried, and to no avail.
He stays quiet for a few moments, just watching you, your serene expression and slow, deep breaths.
“You’re sleeping deeper than I do.” Belphegor says, cracking an awkward smile. You don’t respond.
He goes quiet again. He tries to see what his brothers like about you, namely Mammon, Leviathan, and Asmodeus. He can’t say he sees the appeal.
“…about what I said in the coliseum,” he begins, sitting on the edge of the bed, right by your legs. A few wrapped snacks tumble down next to him and the weight he puts on the mattress.
“I don’t…Lilith fell in love with a human man. And she was punished for it. And it was the humans fault, if he had never wooed her, she would still be here, and we would still be angels.”
You’re quiet, as you always are.
“If Lilith had never found your race so charming…I don’t know what she saw in them.”
He grabs your hand, your skin warm and full of life despite your slumber.
“…your hand is still warm. I can’t figure out if I like that or despise it.” He laughs, his voice the only one he hears. His tail flicks again, ears swiveling.
“You’re an enigma to me, you really are. I can’t figure out what you’re hiding or what you’ll do next. But I guess you’re pretty predictable right now.”
The bed creaks as Belphegor crawls further on, hovering over you.
“I don’t think I like you.”
His body shadows you, the looming of his curled horns falling just above your head, like a pair of your own.
“I tried to understand why my brothers liked you even if you ended up to be a human, but I just can’t understand them. You’re the very essence of what took our sister away.”
There’s a certain kind of cold look in his eyes.
“I will always hate humans. I will always hate you.”
Belphegor sits down on your stomach, uncaring of the way a harsh gust of breath punches from your lungs and out of your lips. He expected them to be cracked and dry, but he should have expected that Asmo would take care of you.
“So I’ve decided that you can’t be here anymore. You can’t be in any realm, I won’t have peace if you are.”
His hands fall on your throat, his slender, almost dainty fingers framing your jugular. It pisses him off how peaceful you look despite his rage. You’re sleeping so soundly now, unaware of the threats above you. Belphegor wishes you were awake so you’d bear witness to every moment.
“I can’t bear the idea of a human getting chummy with my brothers and I,”
His hands tighten around your throat and he squeezes, he squeezes as tight as he can, wringing the life from you.
“You’re nothing, you’re scum, we don’t need you here,”
Your mouth gapes with stolen breaths, a cryptic kind of croaking emanating from your throat. Belphegor grits his teeth, his nails digging into your skin and he has the urge to tear, to rip apart, to destroy the very soul of you.
Belphegor finds himself annoyed with how your unconscious body still gasps for air, yet is so complacent with what’s happening. The bed begins to tremble behind the force of his hands, practically shaking you where you lay. More wrapped snacks and offers tumble off the bed, falling onto the floor with small thumps.
“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you-“
Your face is turning blue, your eyelids flickering open, bloodshot sclera all he sees. Drool slides down your chin, your tongue bitten down between your teeth. The veins on your neck pop out with agitation. The final straw for him is when your voice finally creeps through, whether you’re trying to speak or it’s basic instinct. It’s a simple ‘no’ that sends him over the edge.
“I HATE YOU!”
There’s a crack, a crunch, a splutter, and silence. The bedroom is so eerily quiet now. There’s peace, there’s serenity once again. Belphegor stares at the consequence of his actions, unfeeling other than relief. Humans truly were weak, feeble minded creatures. Easy to bend, easy to break.
He gets up and crawls off the bed. Belphegor has the decency to toss the food back onto the bed haphazardly. You’re lifeless now, and it looks no different than when you were alive three minutes ago.
He snorts, straightens his back, and leaves.
Asmodeus comes around the corner of the hall after Belphegor has shut the door, a cheery smile on his face. “Oh, Belphie, there you are! Beel told me you were visiting them.” Asmo is holding a little kit of nail supplies and skin care. “Are you done so soon? The others are usually much longer in there.”
Belphegor shrugs. “Not much to do when they’re asleep.”
Asmodeus pouts. “Still, it’s nice to sit with them and just talk. They say the hearing is what always sticks around, you know?”
The youngest doesn’t reply.
“…they care about you a lot, Belphie. I know it upset you finding out they're human, but they still love you just the same. I can sense these kinds of things!”
Belphegor gives a nonsensical hum. “What are you doing?”
“Oh, me?” Asmo lifts the basket he carries. “I’m going to go take care of them! Just because they’re sleeping doesn’t mean they don’t need to be clean and tidy. I think I’ll paint their nails blue this time…” he trails off mostly to himself, before seemingly snapping out of his own thoughts. “Well! I’ll talk to you later, kay?”
Belphegor walks past his brother with a stiff nod.
Even towards the end of the hall he can hear Asmodeus open the door, greeting you with his usual sweet charm. He can hear the concern in his older brothers voice when he probably touches your hand and feels that it’s cold. He can hear the shrill screech when Asmodeus no doubt finds the bruises and sharp angle of your neck.
“NO! OH PLEASE NO-“
The panic, the dread, the fear. He can hear it all, and oh, how it’s so delightfully tasty when it’s you who’s on the menu for it.
I wish kinky sex ed wasn't so stigmatized even among left-leaning "sex positive" circles. Everyone's all "uwu I'm a sub I'll do anything you ask" okay mommy wants you to read The New Bottoming Book so you learn how to sub without hurting yourself since your sex ed up to this point is porn and your ex boyfriend Jared who liked to choke you incorrectly
I’m so glad you asked! Let me list off what I’ve got for you:
Books I personally recommend:
- The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
If you’re having kinky sex at all, you need to read at least one of these two books. Point blank. They’ll teach you the very basics of negotiating properly (which is critical!), and help you identify what you are and aren’t into.
- Mindfucking Mindfully, by Sir Ezra
Where this book really shines isn’t actually in helping you “mindfuck” people, it’s in taking a close look at how to do so ethically. It’s a great answer to the question “how do I get someone to consent to something and still surprise and shock them with it?”
- Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny
This is a slightly niche pick but there simply isn’t a better book on the subject. It’s written from a 24/7 M/s perspective, which is not what I do, but the book itself is an indispensable guide to giving and receiving service. The phrase “if the Master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service” will be burned into my psyche for quite some time. I love this book a lot. Maybe my favorite out of all of these.
- Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation, by Princess Kali
This one’s high on my reading list; I’ve heard it recommended by a number of people whose opinions on these things I trust.
- Pretty Much Anything Midori Has Ever Done
Midori is a great resource for this stuff - I haven’t personally read much of her work, but she’s a well known sex educator and great at what she does. She’s known for bondage, but has a lot of range beyond that.
- This Negotiations Worksheet from Bex Talks Sex
This is what I default to using a lot of the time for negotiations. Forget BDSMtest, you don’t need that, it’s no good. Just look through this worksheet’s wordbank with your partner. Big fan especially of the “how do you want to feel?” section.
Books I can kind of recommend:
- The Ultimate Guide to Kink, edited by Tristan Taormino
This book is weird. There’s a lot of good info for experienced players, but some of what’s written here skeeves me out. I think if I had a top that thought the way some of the tops in here think, they would not be topping me for long. But there’s some good techniques and so on to pick up that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I liked the distinction one of the authors makes between being sadistic in the sense of inflicting pain and being sadistic in the sense of doing something your sub doesn’t “enjoy.”
- The Ritual of Dominance and Submission, by David English
Man, this book fucking sucks. The writing and editing are garbage, and the fear and protocol play described need way more careful negotiation than he ever lets on, let alone recommends. This is some 50 Shades bullshit. The only time I recommend this book is to tops like me who tend to be very affirming to their partners and need a guide on how to really scare them - when their partner consents and when you negotiate it, which this book sucks at teaching you. Really good content on fear, punishment, and protocol play, really terrible presentation of the topic though. Don’t read this if you don’t already know what you’re doing.
- Paradigms of Power, by Raven Kaldera
I love this book. Great book. Very focused on 24/7 M/s play though, and, being an anthology, some chapters are better than others. If you can’t read something and pick out what is and isn’t for you, don’t bother. But some really great inspiration, and generally pretty well written. Big fan of the discussion of leather throughout the book.
Hope some of these are helpful for people ^-^ for the average person reading this I recommend New Bottoming/Topping, but they’re all important parts of my library and I’ve recommended all of them to friends at some point or another.
it’s difficult to be a dom with anarchist leanings.
my sub will be like “i have to tell you something… i broke a rule. i’ll accept whatever punishment you see fit.” and i’m like. rise up comrade you have nothing to lose but your padded restraints. no doms no masters. oh you want me to spank you. yeah i can do that.
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