messy/real

[alltoowsll]

Draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man

[findingmags]

therapy.

I don’t deserve punishment? I’m not going to believe I deserve good things, enjoyment, and pleasure until I loosen my chokehold on control and let life happen how it happens? it’s not crazy that someone likes me and wants to spend time with me? I’m not just a consolation prize? I’m not just convenient?

another takeaway: my therapist thinks it would be good for me to have a hoe phase 💀

on the reals, I do feel more motivated to explore joy, comfort, pleasure and to act in opposition of the thoughts that tell me Bad things will happen if I let myself have good things. it’s fucking terrifying, and maybe I can tolerate the panic and distress.

[bakwaaas]

listening to music you loved when you were younger feels like a connection with your past self. like did she know I’d be listening to this exact same song so many years in the future? she couldn’t have imagined the person I am now. it feels like a hand reaching through time. like looking at the moon and realising that throughout history other people have looked at the same moon and felt the same way. a moment when the boundaries of time blur and it’s just me, enjoying music, connected with all the past versions of myself who are listening to this same song

[fairycosmos]

lonely people are like nooooo i love the silence i love being by myself and then you ask them how their day has been and they tear up a bit

[zackisontumblr]

fantasizing about my back being cracked like a glow stick and releasing all of my inhibitions, allowing me to feel the rain on my skin

[disc80s]

x

[tea-with-mrs-mourning-dove]

[akindplace]

Crazyheadcomics

[triflingthing]

1/2 decade of this ♥️

Custom illustration by @jessmasonillustration

[iwantsweetrevenge]

the gap where "hey kids spelling is fun" is supposed to be literally makes me feel empty inside more than anything else ever

[triflingthing]

dreamy, gloomy mornings

[oohiremember]

[feral-ballad]

Blythe Baird, from If My Body Could Speak; “Eat”

[Text ID: “I am trying to stop doing / things that don’t make any sense. Body, / forgive me. I am trying. I am trying. I am still trying.]

[for-fucks-sake-h]

Cocaine side boob pumpkin cream cold brew

[findingmags]

got my first Pap smear today and got myself an iced coffee and burger from McDonald’s afterwards as a treat

*it’s like a reward*

[troutlawyer]

Grandmas were so right about puzzles and knitting and crocheting and solitaire and reading slow and slippers and baking and watching deer in the backyard send post

[findingmags]

My therapist and I have been talking lately about identity, people pleasing, and depersonalization. The idea is that if I explore my identity outside of who I’ve crafted myself to be in order to please others, then my sense of Self will strengthen. I’ll be able to weather storms without maladaptive behaviors because my Self will be the anchor. I’ll connect with others on a deeper level because I won’t be chameleon-ing myself to meet their perceived needs. I’ll live aligned with my values, goals, passions because I’ll be able to define those things for myself.

It’s terrifying because I feel like true resiliency comes from knowing I’m able to morph myself to find control in any situation. But I believe my therapist when she says that true resiliency comes from knowing that my Self is steady no matter the situation.

Despite feeling like I’m simply Russian nesting dolls with no end, I’m willing to be open to the idea that there is a Self within me — my therapist says she needs that from me.