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Reflections on Truth and the Trail

Speak your soul and you shall be free. Keep it contained and it shall swallow you. In past travels I realized the importance of being truthful about my experience, even if it was negative. The same holds true for other experiences in my life and the emotions I have including the Trail. These past 2 weeks have extremely difficult for me. Initially I started off well coming off of a high from Trail Days. It wasn't just the joy of the festival, large drinking parties tend too bore me actually. Seeing old friends I started the trail with was uplifting. What I enjoyed the most however was establishing a connection with a girl I had known on the trail, touring around the festival and enjoying the festivities. Alas, this ended quicker than I would have liked, but I also felt happy that I had such a good experience with a sweet girl. The trouble began with the fact that she was 30 plus miles ahead of me on trail. We kept in close contact via text, but this was not enough for me. I was committed to catching up with her, commonly referred to on the trail as 'pink blazing'. In one week I hiked 122 miles including a 18, 19, 20, and 26 mile day. It also rained 5 days during that week. My efforts while exhausting were successful. I caught up to her in town and was within half a day of her on trail. The trail however took its toll. While in town and during hiking with her I was too exhausted, too grumpy from fatigue to take much interest in her. She shared with me details of her past pain and current frustration and anger. It was difficult for me to respond as I was trying to digest them in an attempt to help find a resolution for her to move forward. I had a realization that I'm tired of living a solatry life and tired of having meaningful connections only to having that moment slip through my fingers like sand through an hour Glass. I started the trail partly because I was lonely and now here I am with that feeling again. She is off hiking with other friends now and I'm still recovering from what the trail left with me mentally and physically. The chances I see her again are unlikely. The chances she reads this are even less likely. But if I could see her again I would thank her for her company, that I found her to be the sweetest, somehow even when she was frustrated by the trail or her past experiences. I would tell I'm sorry she was burned and betrayed in the past but don't loose hope. She deserves not only the life of a strong independent woman, but one including a dependable, loyal companion. She is stronger than she thinks and is capable of healing herself if she can both accept the potential for her to change and acknowledge the connections between the things that cause her pain and anger. I wish I could share more of this journey with you, but I understand it is yours to travel. I don't like to be alone, but this is uniquely my own walk as well. All I can do at this point is wish you the best.

Contemplating Life. May the Sun bring me my next phase.

Trail Days Realization

Well I have made to the Appalachian trail Mecca of Damascus and completed 486 miles. I'm looking forward to hitting the big 500, but not so much to the 500 plus miles of Virginia trail. The word is that VA is more forgiving than NC, TN, and GA. I'm uncertain if my ankles would agree with that. This is why I realized I cannot complete the trail heading North in time to beat the snow in Maine with how my body is feeling. I need to change the game. I have come up with a plan, Operation Save the Thruhike. In phase 1I will hike through and complete the VA trail getting the higher elevations out of the way. For phase 2 I will go home to NJ, rest for a week or two, and complete the NJ section of trail. I will then get up to Maine and Sobo it back to NJ. I will leave PA and Maryland as the final bit to hike in October, which will be more agreeable then fighting the incoming Maine cold. My body is not the best at thruhiking and is still adjusting so I have leverage my mind to compensate. Hike smarter not harder. There are many ways to Maine, think outside the box to find your own.

Smoky Trials on the Trail

It's been a while since I last reflected on the trail. It's been over 100 miles since the last post. I'm sitting pretty at 273 miles in, normally nothing note worthy on a 2190 odd mile trip. However, the big accomplishment here is successfully entering, traversing, and weathering the Smoky Mountains. The views were glorious (weather permitting), the terrain was steep, and the weight of the food I had to carry for 7 days without a resupply was a burden. Those mountains lived up to their name and water logged me for the majority of my time with them. Before entering the park I recall thinking this is a big test and will change me, hopefully for the better. I made it through but I had some challenging physical and mental moments. It was the first time I considered not finishing. My spirits were dampened by the cold rain, but my mind was strained by what the pain in my ankles would mean for my thru hike. I broke one of my trekking poles at one point out of frustration at the trail and my pain. The mantra that helped keep me focused was 'Just make it to Hotsprings.' I made it to town and have been resting my feet and soul preparing for the next leg of this journey. Half of the people thru hiking quit by this town. I needed some time away from the trail and I have. Time to get back at it. Damascus VA is 200 miles from here. Im planning on making it there in 15 days, just in time for the Trail Days festival. That's the new goal, the new mantra. Make it to Damascus!

Maine or Bust

There is no quiting until you get to Mount Katahdin. This was the slogan at the Hiker Hostel I stayed at before I began this journey. It isn't easy to really feel the pull of those words until you are tested on the trail. These last few days I've been tested. I've had to address my ankle issues with new expensive boots and inserts. At first it they didn't address the issue. It's funny how quickly my thoughts changed from 'If I fix this I'm good' to 'If this continues my thru hike is over'. Thankfully, I had a reality check in the form of an amazing view. I can't stop this hike now. I will do all that is in my power to continue this amazing journey in a healthy and productive way. Fortunately, I was able to have my inserts fixed and now I'm feeling better, still adjusting to the trail but I'm getting better. There will be many more physical and mental breakdowns on this trail, but they are worth what the trail provides. Adventure and family, humanity and humility, love and lost. I accept all of these blessings and will continue the journey, because there's no quiting til Katahdin!

Pump the Breaks Before the Wall Greets You

A more accurate title for this blog would have been sore ankles instead of Sore Foot Chronicles. As I arrived in Franklin, NC my ankles continued to hurt fiercely. It was clear I needed to talk to someone about more ankle support. As I entered the outfitter I couldn't have foreseen the deep philosophical lesson I would receive on feet and avoiding the end to my thru hike. The adjustment my body is going through while hiking is significant and I must allow it time to rest. There are huge debates about how many miles you should hike in the beginning. Most agree starting at 8 is a good way to ease into the schedule. This was emphasized even more at the outfitter. For the first two to three hundred miles go 8, keep a steady pace, and get plenty of rest. Most importantly, don't normalize any pain you are feeling. You shouldn't be hiking while in pain. Also keep that ego in check, you don't need to catch up to your buddies doing 15 mile days or that cute girl who smiled at you. In the end I got new boots to provide more stability for my ankles. Just as important was that philosophical lesson, it ain't a race to Maine and I'm not here to conquer mountains or people. I'm here to learn, about myself, the art of backpacking, and the people around me. Oh and I'm also here to enjoy this great, beautiful, and humbling wilderness. I have 109 miles down and quite a few more to go. One step at a time.

The tramily you find is the tramily you keep

One of the more interesting elements of the Appalachian trail is the people you form bonds with while on the trail. The motley crew you find yourself with is frequently known as your 'tramily'. I wouldn't have thought it, but a little more than a week after beginning I have a 'tramily'. It is great to have company while undertaking this huge task, but having people who are emotionally invested in the success and suck of the trail means the most by far. You share the elation of unexpected trail magic and low of a backbreaking trek up a mountain. We all came here for different reasons, but we share a desire to find something out here. Maybe it's a piece of ourselves that we lost or the fire of life we know is deep down inside. The trail is our guide on this path, a path we share together. We also share the emotions of the trail and there is a certain satisfaction in collectively digesting the trials and tribulations, the accomplishments and joy. We are there for each other, to laugh, to cry, to lend a hand when needed. It brings me joy to know there is a network way out here in the woods. A network of shared pain and joy, a network of collective knowledge of the trail. Humanity still exists out here on the trail and through these woods and mountains.

What Goes Up The Mountain Must Come Down

31.4 miles from Springer Mountain and here I am at Neels Gap. So far I have hiked 40.2 miles in 4 days (8.8 on the approach trail and the AT). That's more than the average starting out but less than some. The ankles are sore, but my spirits are high. I have regrouped and resupplied, iced my feet and filled my stomach. Most of all I have continued to learn. I learned that when you feel like you can't make it up last mountain, you actually can... It just might take a while. I learned that to eat even if you aren't hungry to avoid headaches from low sodium. I especially learned that water is precious and running low when a Mountain is standing between you and the next water source is a real bummer. Most of all I learned that despite the obstacles there is an actual possibly that I can do this. I went up the mountain at Springer and came down the mountain at Neels Gap. On to the next.

View from Neels Gap, GA.

Hail, down in Georgia! Oh boy, sure am glad that I didn't hike today.

Tortoise, Not the Hare

So here I am down in the south. It kind of boggles my mind to think yesterday morning I was home in New Jersey, last night Philadelphia, and now Georgia. This is the reality of modern traveling, fast paced change. It's going to take me a bit for my body and mind to adjust to that. Acclimating from 20F to 70F can be a shocking experience. To make matters worse I've come down with a chest cold and cough. I guess it is fitting for my AT motivation to be tested right from the beginning. So I've decided to swallow my ego and take an extra day to rest and take meds. I am eager to get out there, but it's important to literally start this thru hike out on the right foot. Ego and anticipation can be seductive, but they can also betray you. In this case I will stick with patience. Hopefully, I will avoid being stuck in the rain while fighting a bad chest cold. Today I will be the tortoise, tomorrow the hare.

#appalachiantrail #cold #rest #tortoise

Little known fact: North Georgia cats prefer sunbathing whilst nestled on large rocks.

#prehike #appalachain trail #hiking #cats

Why I am Hiking the Appalachian Trail

Not all who wander are lost. Many wide-eyed adventurers have used this phrase as their mantra for life and justification for the lifestyle they lead. Those who lead an adventurous life frequently find themselves looking for that next natural high. Having had a taste of this while studying and traveling abroad it is easy to get caught in a cycle of wanderlust. At some point though you have to ask yourself why? What is the base reason for doing this? The reason I am beginning this journey is not borne out of a lust for adventure or glory. If I ascend and descend mountains I do so knowing they are unconquerable and I’m humbled by the lessons they teach me. I’m sure these lessons will often include get my ass kicked and thereby keeping my ego in check. I am hiking the Appalachian Trail because I have wandered, in fact quite a bit these last few years. I am not hiking to justify this wandering, but because I realize I am to some degree lost. I am hiking to come back to myself and have a moment of reflection with myself about where I have been, where I am, and where I will go. I am hoping though this conversation with myself and the journey I can return to my center, my sense of being. I can only hope sharing these chronicles can foster this process and perhaps help others wandering, whether they are lost or not.

#exploring #hiking #finding myself

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