I mean, I really didn't know how to title this post given that it's probably not live but it's as live as it can possibly get. So this is the update of the century given my lack of posting on Tumblr.
1. My fashion blog is not dead. I just haven't found the right topic to talk about given the personal problems that has occurred over the past few months. I'll get back on it eventually, though. I have no plans of letting it die.
2. Everyone has been worried about me recently. I appreciate it, I really do. When I'm ready to talk about what has been going on, I will do it. Right now, I just want to concentrate on me. For the first time in my life, I really just want to work on improving myself. I spent so much of my teenage years and early adulthood on a support system. While there's nothing wrong with that, I never learned anything about myself. I was too easily influenced by the people around me that I lost track of finding myself (hah, hence "finding Michelle"). If I expect myself to survive this world, I need to learn to fend for myself first.
3. With that being said, everyone has been asking me about my recent tweets/Instagram posts. I mean, 50% of the time it is just lyrics to a song that I'm feeling at that very moment. Don't read too much into the things that I post. I'm a reserved person and always have been, but I will gladly answer your questions if you ask me directly and personally. Social media is never the place to be spreading things that other people can't help you with.
4. School has been the devil to me. I passed my Midpoint Review (basically half way point to present my senior thesis before being able to initiate the development process of my collection), but things kind of got more difficult as time passes by. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge advocate of people wanting to go to college. At the same time, not everyone is meant to go to college. Some people are literally too talented for school and if it works for them, heck, do you boo boo. Do you. For me, it was half an excuse to watch over my parents (long story - too personal to post up) and a fall back if my initial plans don't work out.
5. My love life is no one else's business. Who I talk to, who I am with, what happened, is nobody's business. I don't want people to instigate anything or start rumors just because of what they read or see. Unless you've heard it from me (yes, the source), then don't believe it. I'll even throw in this point: I have a lot of guy friends and some treat me like their sister which can come across as being overtly friendly (i.e. more than friends). You can't get anywhere by judging people, so please don't do that with me. There are plenty of other things you can be doing other than wondering what it is that I am doing and with who.
6. "You changed, dude." Yeah, change is inevitable. I have been evading change for so long that I became ignorant about a lot of things. Being open-minded about change has helped alleviate a lot of my preconceived notions about a ton of things such as music. Oh gosh, music. I used to side-eye people who listen to EDM. Now, EDM is the most played genre of music on my iTunes. I am even open to the idea of doing a lot of things that I would never imagine doing. I drink from time to time, I don't get mad as easily, I try to take everything at face value, and I've stopped judging people. It's a simple mentality and it just works for me. Don't bag it if you haven't tried it kind of mentality. I'm still young. I still have a lot to learn and experience.
7. "Wtf you doing playing those games?" Like #6, I've been open to trying new things including new games. Yeaaaah, I mean. It's a scary thought. I can't play with a mic on or anything because I don't want to be scrutinized for being a girl playing games like Call of Duty. I'm not even good at it and who knows? I may never BE that good at it. But I enjoy the game because it's a stress reliever amongst other games. I like making new friends and it's neat to play along those who are really good at it. I have mad respect for people who take the time out to teach me how to play something since patience in people are kind of rare these days. If you love what you do and are willing to share the knowledge, you're amazing in my book.
8. I'm actually working to be healthy. Most people know about my constant battle with my health. Half of them I am born with and the other half just branches off from the problems I was born with. Working out takes a lot of time from school work, but I'd rather suffer a grade level trying to elongate the time I have being alive than to stress a higher GPA. What good will it bring to be an all star student if all it does is bring me unhappiness and a terrible immune system, am I right? Squat squad, cardio, eating healthy and yoga has been my one-way ticket to a clear head.
9. I've learned to care less. The biggest problem that is wrong with me isn't the fact that I am emotional. I mean, that's what people see - an emotional person. But it's more than just that. Over the years, I've cared too much about what people think and say. In general, I cared too much about people. It's not to say that I shouldn't care about my friends and family. I do and always will. But if I don't love myself more than I love everyone else, I lose sight of everything that I am. I'm here to live my own life and to find what makes me happy - not to be a super hero and attempt to save others. The less I care about others and the more I learn to love myself, the easier it'll be for me to support others over time.
10. I have learned to love myself. I used to dread looking at myself in the mirror. I used to nit-pick about everything from the fact that I am chubby (still am) to the fact that I have so many blemishes that it just seemed unattractive. The moment I threw away that negative mentality, I felt so much more confident about myself. People have noticed and have asked me what I've done differently. I didn't lose weight nor did I do anything to change myself physically. I just feel more confident. I feel sexier. I love myself and for everything that I am. And with just that sort of mentality, I am able to look at myself in the mirror and appreciate everything that I have - assets, blemishes, fat, and more. If people still don't see it well, fuck them. It's all about you, baby. Do you.
