Findom Problems

Are you a Domme? Or perhaps you're a sub? Being a FinDomme isn't all sunshine, handcuffs and tributes. It's hard work, and sometimes there are problems. If you're into the BDSM scene, then you can probably relate to some, or most, of these common issues that FinDommes experience in their careers.

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FYI: Don't do this. It gives a very bad impression as to your ability to properly submit. 

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Hi I've just started being a FinDomme but idk how to get paypig's attention

Here are some of the best ways. First of all, I highly recommend that you start doing things other than just being a FinDomme; unfortunately there are very few subs around who are willing to pay you just for the sake of giving you money, so you’re probably going to have to branch out a little bit into some other areas if you want to make money. But anyway:

1. Make a profile on every BDSM/alternative lifestyle website you can think of - fetlife.com, alt.com, collarspace.com, findoms.com, seekingarrangements.com, etc. 

2. Log onto chats, especially sex chats, and advertise. By “advertise”, I mean write up a short statement and copypaste it into the chat window every five or ten minutes. (For example: “I’m a curvy 21-year-old dominatrix who’s looking for slaves to abuse for my own pleasure. Message me if interested.”) 

3. Make accounts for your Domme self on social media websites and post on them regularly, especially Tumblr and Twitter.

4. Make a Wishlist.

5. Make an alternate Skype account for your Domme self. Make the username something suggestive or sexual in the title that will draw men in; ex. chubbydominatrix (mine), mistress_of_femdom, etc. 

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i've literally just gotten into findom, and by early i mean this week, how did you get into it/how has it been for you? have you had any bad experiences? any good? how have you gone about becoming part of the community? sorry if this is a lot, i'm just so curious. thank you so much in advance!

It’s a pretty long story how I got into it, hah. The short version is that when I was nineteen, I met a guy online who pestered me for literally years to do/watch certain things on webcam for him. After a while he offered me a price that I couldn’t refuse, and I took it. After that I realized how easy it was to make money, and I began to relish the feeling of total control knowing that there were men out there who were willing to pay me hundreds or even thousands of dollars just to talk to me. It was a pretty powerful feelings. 

Overall I must say that the experience has been overwhelmingly positive. There have been some bad experiences, but every Domme has them at least once - a sub who tries to pull the “I can’t afford it right now, can’t you just give me a free session and I’ll pay you back next week?” card, time-wasters, rude harassing messages from people calling you names, etc. But for the most part - and perhaps I’ve just been lucky - my subs have been very polite and genuine people who were really just into BDSM because they enjoyed it, and not because they were trying to victimize people. 

As for becoming part of the community, I honestly believe that FinDommes can never really truly be part of the BDSM community; not because there’s something different about them, but because so many other Dommes look down on us for what we do. 

The single biggest piece of advice I could give to a newcomer is the following:

1. Sit down and figure out what you want to charge BEFORE you start doing sessions. If you’re indecisive, certain people will take advantage of that. Do not under-charge for your services. Not only does it set a bad precedent for the rest of us (”I had a girl once who would do what I wanted for $10, how can you be charging $60?!”), but really, you’re just worth more than that. Don’t undervalue yourself. Remember, these men are coming to you, begging for you, because you have something that they want. You’re holding all the cards here.

2. Branch out. Don’t just stick to findom. Look into other aspects of D/s relationships too. Some of the most common ones that I can suggest are humiliation, degradation, small penis humiliation, chastity, orgasm denial, foot fetishists, forced feminization, cuckolding, K9 training, and blackmail. (This last you’ll want to do a lot of research into before you get into it.)

Anyway, don’t worry about all the questions! This is what this blog is for, after all.

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Is it possible to wear down a sub's fetish buttons by pressing them too hard or too fast? For example, I have one paypig who just LOVES it when I call him "my bitch" (of course, I only allow it when he tributes) and frankly I love it too -- partly because it's so easy, and partly because it makes him even more submissive every time I say it. But I don't want my little bitch to run away or become insolent just because I'm giving him what he wants. How can I ensure that he's my bitch for life?

That’s a complicated question. I’m not sure that here’s one right answer I could give you. When it comes down to it, I think it really has more to do with him than with you - if he wants to be one of those subs who puts up a fight in order to get punished, then he’s going to. If he’s not, then he’s not. 

I think the best way to head these things off, honestly, is to just straight up to talk to him about it. Ask him if he’s satisfied. If you suspect he’s not, it might be time to come up with a different routine, something creative and different that you’ve never done together before, or that he’s never experienced. 

I had a sub very similar to that once - he very much enjoyed being referred to as my bitch, and he tributed very well (we never had a schedule, but he would randomly just send me $100 or $150 about every week or so). Over time he did eventually want other things, though his submissive nature always remained the same - he never fought back or became demanding or insolent. If a sub is the type that will be disobedient, then you would probably already be noticing red flags to indicate that sort of behavior. 

tl;dr, I think it’s unlikely to happen, but if it does, then I would say the best thing to do would be to escalate your level of “abuse” of him to keep him on his toes.

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Yeah, no. You aren't that amazing.

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How do you accept payment from ppl? Can you remain anonymous?

If you want to remain anonymous, I would suggest having them sending it to your PayPal through the third party website GiftRocket.com. If you give them your PayPal e-mail, it still ends up in there, but if they go through GiftRocket then they can’t see your name, and you can’t see theirs (unless they add their real name). 

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Also: I'm going to start writing my FAQ soon, I just realized it's been on my To Do list for like, a year..

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How would you guys feel if I started posting some more BDSM/Findom content other than just "Findom problems"?

[sulfurandvans]

Remember guys,

[probablyinanotebook]

When choking your lady out, squeeze the sides. Not the air way. The pleasure comes from the lack of blood. Not the lack of oxygen. Plus if you choke the airway too hard you could break it so squeeze the sides, not the front. And don’t do it all at once either. Start soft and then squeeze gradually harder.

This is so important