all i get is more jagged

finnick//23//werewolf//sansoria//farm hand my veins are running nowhere-theodore roethke

[finnickpearson-blog]

He laughs when Zech immediately brushes by the younger boy to tend to the cut on Finn’s own finger, and the haughty look of disapproval at being passed over that only a twelve year old could muster. “I haven’t really gotten that far. He walked up while I was getting Jupiter settled in, you came right as I turned around.” He stands on his tip toes to gaze over Zech’s shoulder, a warm and kind smile on his face as the boy shifts his weight from foot to foot and gnaws on his bottom lip nervously. “I haven’t even seen him since he was born practically. If it weren’t for his scent I don’t know that I would have recognized him.”

Luca looks like he wants to say something, and there’s a pang when he realizes it’s the same expression he remembers on his oldest brother whenever he had done something he wasn’t supposed to be. The boy runs a hand through his hair, the same dusty brown color of Finnick’s own, before he finally gains the courage to speak. “Mom and dad, they wanted to arrange a marriage for me.” He blurts out, his face turning red. “They think it’s good for me to marry an alpha, since I’m only a beta I guess. But I don’t want to marry her, or any girl-for that matter.” 

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He should have known something was off when Jupiter stamped the ground nervously and tried to take a bite out of his hand. The creature was incredibly perceptive and tended to feed off of the emotions of humans around him, and he never acted out around Finnick. Zech was out, still having not returned from setting up new guards in their posts, and the long shadow that was cast behind him bore little resemblance to the alpha’s own. 

His hand falls to the dagger poised on his hip, a gift from Zech after Finn had gotten into a small scrape near the border of the two kingdoms, and he takes a deep breath to steady himself. The voice in his head undoubtedly resembles that of his mate’s, reminding him that the key to victory in a fight is to start with a calm level headedness. 

He wheels around quickly and nearly stumbles backwards when the shadow finally has a face to put to it. “What are you doing here?” He gasps, wincing when he accidentally knicks his own finger with the dagger. He sees Zech stride up behind the figure, and he can’t help but chuckle at the difference in size before a quick smile takes over his face. “Zech, darling, I don’t believe you’ve met my youngest brother, Luca, who if I’m guessing correctly should be about 12 years old by now.” 

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“You have no idea how difficult it is.” He teases and bites down on his bottom lip before rubbing his nose gently against the flush on Zech’s cheeks. “To not kiss you every second, until I’ve swallowed all of your breath into my lungs. I come and watch you during training and it’s torture, watching you move so gracefully and with such power.” His chest is heaving at his own words, and now it’s his turn to blush deep scarlet. 

“When I was younger I stayed in the kings castle for about a month. My favorite part of the whole thing was the garden, it was massive and had these willow trees you could get lost in. Anyway,” He smiles broadly, tucking a lock of stray hair behind Zech’s ear, hoping that the alpha can feel the warmth in the memory. “He had these statues all over the garden, immaculate and carved from marble. You remind me of this one of Apollo that I used to sit underneath, I had every detail memorized. He was driving his chariot towards the sun, and he had this look on his face, like it was impossible that he could feel so strong and so light at the same time. All that is tangled up in you.” 

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He giggles again, and wriggles under the large hands that have him pinned gently to the bed. He doesn’t miss the way that he could escape if he wanted to, how the touch keeps him grounded rather than trapped in place. It’s all warmth and gorgeous sensation and he wouldn’t mind just basking in it for the rest of his life. “Are you trying to do me in early?” He teases and cranes his neck back, allowing the alpha better access to the bristling hairs he has yet to shave. 

“You should see what that week old stubble does to your skin, then you might not like it as much.” He laughs when Zech mentions it, his mouth presently occupied with scraping his teeth deliciously along Finn’s own jawbone.  His voice turns to purring, and he dips his head until he can steal a kiss. “Good thing a little angry skin doesn't stop you from being the most beautiful alpha in all of Aurelia and Sansoria. I don’t think I’ve told you enough how completely gorgeous you are, now that I mention it. Let me make it up to you.” He grins and kisses him again, slowly and with determination, a solid weight against the alpha’s chest. 

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“I’m not stopping you.” He laughs and can’t help the shiver that shakes through him at the feeling of soft lips at the base of his neck. “Though I am pretty happy with how your mouth is presently occupied.” He curls upward with the feeling of hands on his bare skin, it feels like an electric current is running through his veins rather than blood. It makes him feel warm and alive and almost predatory. It’s a thrill. 

Fingers skate over the bumps of each of his ribs and he can’t stop the whine that escapes his lips, a needy and soft sound. “You make my heart beat so quickly, so fiercely, that I’m shocked you can’t feel it attempting to escape right through my chest. Especially when your lips are on me like this.” He presses his fingertips into Zech’s shoulders in response, rather than move the alpha’s hands up to his mouth so he could see the smile pulling at his lips. “Beautiful beam of light that you are.” 

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“I know, I know. I feel like you are your own special brand of stubborn though. I like it, it’s incredibly attractive.” He smiles against Zech’s shoulder, biting gently at the skin there. “That, and the way your collarbone dips here,” He drags his mouth across the broad expanse of chest until he reaches the dip, where he takes his time lazily kissing the area. “And the perfect bow of your top lip.” He grins again, kissing just the top part gently. 

He wrapped his arms all the way around Zech’s back, pulling him all the way down until he was relaxed and draped over Finn’s chest. “I could go on you know. The way your hands feel wrapped around my hip when you feel possessive, the way you flick your tongue over your canines when you’re thinking.” 

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“No, never. You’ve been nothing but kind to me. The hurt is mostly dull now, particularly since I’ve met you. I used to think that alphas were only capable of dealing out hurt without any thought to others, but you-you’re not like that. You have always been concerned for my feelings and my safety, a luxury I had never been afforded up until now.” He smiles as he speaks, a light chuckle escaping his lips when Zech tries to wrap himself around Finn’s smaller frame. 

“I didn’t mean to take away from the pain that you were feeling either, I want you to know that. I just wanted to be as truthful with you as you have been with me.” He speaks quietly, but there is no fear wrapping itself around his bones anymore. “I am more worried about you holding all of that hurt inside for so long, I know how much that it could hurt you. It will slowly start to kill you, cause you so much pain. Just-don’t ever feel like you can’t tell me anything okay? Even if you think I don’t want to hear it or it will hurt me, I want to hear it.” 

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“Thank you for telling me.” He murmurs and gently pushes the tip of his nose up Zech’s jawbone, just breathing in and out, and in and out, slowly and carefully. He’s always been the one tossed around, not knowing his place or who he was, but he feels it right there in their small bedroom where he’s holding the person he loves together. He knows he’s found where he’s supposed to be. “You can tell me about him you know. I think it would be good for you, to talk about him. It would keep his memory alive.” He knows that his words aren’t important now, but he feels like he needs to keep saying them. Keep Zech from slipping into his own mind. 

“Zech, darling, love, since you told me this, I feel like I should tell you something. I don’t want to detract from your grief, but I want to be totally honest with you.” He says it quietly, his face pressed into Zech’s hair as he inhales. “On the night I was kicked out of my parent’s estate, I met this alpha in the woods, a female alpha. She tried to-force something between us. I managed to escape, but-um” He pauses and feels a shiver wrack his spine, and he bites down on his bottom lip. “She came back, and got, what she wanted.” 

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He listens to the story and bites down on his bottom lip, sighing quietly. He doesn’t feel remotely jealous that there was someone who came before him, he feels only a sense of gratitude that there was someone who loved Zech in the most difficult period of his life. “I’m so sorry.” He whispers, and presses a soft kiss to the top of his mate’s head. “I’m so sorry that you lost your love like that. There’s no words that I have that could make that pain ease, or go away.” He stays quiet and lets Zech breathe, lets his mind come to terms with telling Finn something so painful. 

“I would have liked to have met him,” He laughs quietly and traces a hand so tenderly down Zech’s jaw. “Even if it meant that you weren’t mine. He kept you safe and stood by you, and I owe him the world for that. And-” He pauses, trying to decide if he should say the next words, but they fall out of his lips anyway. “A life with you in it is one that has been lived well. It’s really not my place but I know if I was him, I would be be happy to know I had you even for that long.” 

He falls quiet again, and takes in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “I hope that you know I’m not trying to replace him, there are parts of you that will always belong to him and I wouldn’t change that for the world. I love you as you are now, after everything.” 

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“I mean what I say as well.” He grins brightly and runs a hand through his hair. It’s a nervous tick he’s had for a long time, since his parents didn’t really care if he looked presentable and his hair was always a little bit longer than it should have been, but it’s nervous in a good way today. It’s a happy sort of nerves, at finding the one place in the entire universe besides his little cabin in the woods that he feels like he can be himself in. “I have half a mind to ask her for something incredibly maternal, like, recipes or something. I can’t cook worth anything, my mate does all the cooking. You would like him.”  

He grins again, a face splitting expression with a hint of mischievousness in the happiness. “I think the two of you would get along well. He’s blind and trains wolves like himself or who don’t have resources in the use of weapons. He’s also incredibly stubborn and kind, much like yourself.” 

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“I love you my darling.” He says as Zech settles on his chest, an ear pressed over Finnick’s own pulse. He softens himself, letting the tightness that was drawing his ribs together dissipate, evening out his breath so that his chest rises and falls in a secure and steady rhythm, and running a hand through the alpha’s hair and down his spine. “You don’t have to listen, but I’m going to talk okay? I think it’s important that I just talk right now.” He knows what it’s like to feel like you’re collapsing internally, like nothing can ever sew you back up the right way, and he knows that hearing the voice of someone you care about can make all the difference.

“How about a story?” He chuckles quietly. “There once was a boy, a beautiful and kind boy. This boy, he had a heart unlike any other, when he looked at people he saw the best in them and made them feel like-” He has no words to describe the feeling exactly, it’s something he’s still trying to name, so he moves on. “Anyway, one night, he looked up at the moon. The moon had spent its whole life cold and alone, aching from being so close to the sun and never being able to be as bright. When the moon saw this boy, this incredible boy that would make the sun jealous with his light, he fell in love completely.” He punctuates his sentence with a kiss to Zech’s head, searching out his hands to kiss each knuckle and lace their fingers together tightly. “But the boy, the boy had something inside of him that was hurting his tender heart. He would look up to the moon every night and his eyes would be full of tears, because of this sharp bits and pieces he had held inside of him for so long. The moon hated that his love was sad, that he was hurting so badly. So he came down, and while the boy was sleeping, he kissed both of his eyelids, and gave him all of the light that he had. And when the boy opened his eyes, he had beams of moonlight where eyes should have been.”

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“Good,” He blushes again and a small smile crosses his lips, it’s a strange sort of comfort that a random omega that he’s never met has people that care about her, a place where she can feel safe and not like she’s hanging on a predator’s hook. It makes him feel like maybe the world has hope left for it yet. “That’s good. She looked really scared, for a second it reminded me of myself not so long ago.” 

“Thank you, for everything, I suppose I should be getting home, my mate will be worried about me.” He hugs them tightly, his own laugh ringing around the room. “Though I suspect this won’t be the last time I’m here, there’s a woman downstairs who told me that if I didn’t have parents she would adopt me, and I’d love to tell her I’d take her up on that offer.” 

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“You’re safe.” He murmurs when he hears the sobbing die down to just choked out hiccups and snuffling. “I’m so sorry love, I’m so sorry you feel like this. I’m here, I’m here.” Zech shakes in his arms and it makes his heart break, he’s never seen the alpha this vulnerable and laid open before, and he wants nothing more than to protect him from everything. He manages a small smile when Titus leaps up onto the bed, settling his large body over their tangled feet. 

“I love you, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything else.” He nuzzles him again, up the line of his jawbone to his ear where he speaks the words softly. “Come back to me, talk to me about this.” He moves his hand gently to the spot on the back of Zech’s neck that the alpha had told him to touch whenever he felt full of tension, taking another deep breath. “I only want to help, whatever it is.” 

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“Do people do that a lot?” He nods thoughtfully and cocks his head. “Try and pursue relationships with escorts who don’t want it?” He frowns the more he thinks about it, and his fingers itch at the phantom space where his bow would be slung across his chest. “It’s not fair to her, she’s just doing her job, she didn’t ask for some creepy guy to fall in love with her! This, of all places, should be a safe space.” He folds his arms again and purses his lips, shuffling restlessly. “Does she need someone to sit with her? Maybe it would be nice to have someone to talk to who isn’t a client or a worker, just, another omega.” 

He thinks of himself, sobbing behind a barn the day after that alpha came back, body shaking as he tried to push all of the bad feelings down into the pit of his stomach. “He’s never, hurt her, has he? Made her feel like she had to be with him because of how he felt?” 

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“It’s all right, it’s okay my darling.” He murmurs softly and follows him into the softness of blankets and bed and the scent of them mingled together. He wraps himself around Zech’s larger frame, stroking his hands down Zech’s spine in slow and gentle motions. “I’m here alright? I’m not leaving. I’m here as long as you need me.” He feels like he’s repeating himself, but every word he says he knows Zech needs to hear. That he needs to hear himself say. 

“I know you’re hurting, I know. It’s okay, I want you to know that it’s okay.” He rubs his nose against the alpha’s cheek, replacing the spots where tears have fallen with his own scent. “You’ve been strong for so long my love. Let it go, let me take it.” He breathes deeply, a silent encouragement for Zech to do the same, and he starts singing softly. 

There’s one memory, that until this second he didn’t even know he still had, of his mother. She’s holding him to her chest after a nightmare, stroking his hair gently and singing the same song quietly to him. She says it’s something she learned from her nurse when she was a young girl, but nothing more than that. 

“Lavender’s blue dilly dilly, Lavender’s green, 

When I am king dilly dilly, you shall be king.

Who told you so dilly dilly, Who told you so? 

Twas my own heart dilly dilly, that told me so.” 

[finnickpearson-blog]

“I never got the chance to be anyone’s annoying and chatty little brother. I think I’d like it.” He murmurs and blushes, but he’s smiling at the thought of having people who like him for who he is, who don’t have to qualify their trust and love for him with ‘for an omega’. It’s everything he’s been telling himself he doesn’t need, that everything he’s built up over the years will protect him from ever getting hurt like that again, and it’s incredible to know that there are people who’s minds the thought would never cross. 

“One more question. There was a girl downstairs when I came in who looked younger than I am, and she looked terrified. Is she alright? Does someone need to stay until she’s done for the day so she feels safe? I know she has you, but you’ve been up here with me this whole time.” His voice is back to it’s normal cadence, all chirp and energy and steeled determination. He has his life in some sort of order now, he’s not gonna sit around and revel in it when there are people to be helped. 

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Zech makes it a point to be the picture of stoic, never letting anything other than neutrality and anger (and in Finn’s case fondness and affection), make their way to the surface so that Finn could see them. “You’re incredibly stubborn, do you know that?” He speaks quietly and crosses the room, settling himself into Zech’s lap before wrapping himself around the other man. “I love you. You don’t have to tell me what is bothering you, but you have to come to bed and let me wrap my arms around you.”

He wipes at the tears that escaped Zech’s eyes, kissing the tracks that they left on his skin before gently cupping his face with both hands. “Listen to me Zech, my love. Being with you is the safest I’ve ever felt, and believe me when I say that is a feeling that has never come easily to me.” He looks at the man in front of him, and he knows that his face is betraying every emotion that’s thrashing inside of him like a wave. So he moves Zech’s hands, carefully and gently so that he knows what’s happening, up to his own cheeks before pressing their faces together gently. “You’re safe with me. Come to me and let me protect you from everything for a while.”