so i knew this guy that made my eyes grow brighter, my smile get bigger and he made me laugh a little more than usual. on september 5th? 6th maybe? that’s when i knew this guy was the one giving me heart palpitations. once, to me, i realised that his eyes twinkle like the stars in the sky and I can see the reflection of galaxies inside; maybe i still do see that when i get the chance to look.
we may have broken, split in two...grown apart, but, he’s just a beautiful boy with a beautiful soul. and i still love him.
it was cold, well, cold enough for kyungmin to complain about; though he was far from complaining about the temperature, far too distracted, far too saddened, far too deep into his thoughts.
the room was dim, the only brightness provided sourcing from the window, the evening’s dark navy sky scattered with the youngest glimmers of stardust; lighting the small bedroom he’d grown to love so much. a small, hesitant hand runs over silken sheets, pale extremities curling around fabric of duvet that didn’t completely belong to him, and already lips are being moistened by a shy swipe of his tongue, he was scared, but oh so ready. opposite hand holds that of a needle, not too small nor large; just enough for his petite self.
feelings come rushing to him, one of regret being identified easily, and digits that were curled around needle soon uncurl as if he’s ready to just leave it, throw it away safely and forget about it; but what comes rushing to him next is far worse, far more easier to indulge in and feed into. tears are forming before hazel hues, one easily falling, streaming down his cheek as he replays awful words through his mind, feelings of anger, sadness, desperation taking over. and that’s when extremities curl around needle once more, moving quickly to pull a sleeve of faded red tartan up his arm; exposing pretty pale skin.
experimentally, he runs the tip of the needle across skin, shuddering from its cold touch, and then he looks around, in hope that maybe the other will show up, arms open, or maybe he’s just asleep, right where kyungmin’s hand is resting, fingers now uncurled, or maybe, just maybe he’s dreaming; maybe the whole last few days was just a blur, a figment of his silly imagination he always went on about, always endorsed in. but no, he wasn’t there, he didn’t have his arms open, he wasn’t asleep right beside him, and no, this definitely wasn’t a figment of his imagination, sadly, it was all too true; kyungmin was sitting here, in the dull lit room he once shared with a lover compared to nobody.
slowly, he presses sharpened steel into his arm. ‘you don’t think it’s real?’ a wince is offered in return. 'I’m not really sure what love is.’ tears, flowing down cheeks relentlessly. 'It’s weird.’ numbness, but excruciating pain flowing through a pierced arm. 'what’s weird, baby?’ its not enough. he takes more, marking skin prettily, heavy crying silent. 'I never knew what love was before I met you.’ ease, tranquility, serene bliss; though momentarily. head soon comes within contact with pillow, one that wasn’t specifically his, that scent he breathes in is addictive, it’s peaceful; its his home.
in, out, tick, tock. eyes close, body comes to a still; he’s at peace. 'you’ve made me realise what love is.’ silence, darkness, unease. 'promise?’ end. 'I promise.’
hú, i really need to stop making these posts perhaps.
my thoughts are flooded with him. his laugh echos in my ears, his voice, like a lullaby, it sings me to sleep. his body warms more than mine when he holds me. he radiates excellence, and i am completely, totally, endlessly, and incredibly in love with him.
I get lost in him, and it’s the kind of lost that's exactly like being found.
it’s the small moments, the 2am conversations, the pointless laughs at nothing, the music we listen to and sing together because we know every lyric, the way when you kiss me, it’s as if the whole world had stopped for that exact second like, like the world knows I needed time to expand for that one second and it feels as if a million years has passed but I feel so on top of the world i dont care, the way I feel when we sleep and you wrap me in your arms and hold me till I fall asleep, or the way we get drunk and you give me the look like you need love and i’m always right there next to you, the way we tell people we want to go home to “sleep” but we both know that we dont mean sleep, the way you let me understand every aspect of you and see things no ones seen. the way no matter what happens you, always make me smile.
my fingertips are frozen but the heat of his mouth on my neck set my whole galaxy ablaze; my whole universe.
I dont like him. we talk constantly, basically non stop, when all I’d do is smile, while watching my life fall apart before my eyes, but when I talk to him, it was like everything was okay and that’s why I never want to hang up, that’s why I never want to say goodnight. I don’t like him, but I sure as hell love him.
“l love you” means, i accept him as he is. i don’t want him to change; as well…i love him, but I want him to grow up and be a better person every day. i want him to achieve his dreams. i want to see him shine. i respect him, i trust him and i admire him because he’s a great person. i know his past, his secrets and his mistakes, but I’d never judge him; i know he wouldn’t either. i need him to keep on breathing and he needs me to be alive, my life is much better when im with him. together. i’ll be there whenever he need me; maybe someday I’ll be late, but I promise him, I’ll go wherever he is if he ask me to.
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