A/N: hello! here is part 2, it wasn't meant to be as long as it is (i wanted to write a winter forced proximity which then turned into this lol) but im proud of it and i hope you enjoy!!
warnings: mentions of injury, angst.
Love Lies in a Lightsaber (Part 2)
You werenât sure how long you were out of it for. For all you knew, you were dead. You couldnât remember what happened on Sovath or why your subconscious was currently floating in a liminal space. Had you ascended? Perhaps become a Force ghost that was waiting to reveal itself to a particular Jedi? You werenât sure, but all you could see was the darkness of whatever realm you were currently in.
You did try to remember what event caused you to be in this strange place, with the most you could remember being the feeling of warmth and wetness on your face and your skin. You knew it felt familiar. Comforting. Safe, even. But what was it? What, or who could cause it?
So when you were eased out of your deep sleep to one of lingering pain, flashes of lights behind your closed eyelids, and the sounds of beeping, your brain could only focus on one thing.
Although you couldnât see him right now, you could certainly feel his presence. He was everywhere, like your head was trying to prepare you for him before you woke up completely. You could smell the scent of clean robes and blaster residue that lingered on his tunic from his endless participation in battles. You could hear the smoothness of his voice, how it always reminded you of the ocean, soft waves rolling through your ears with the ripples becoming forceful when need be. You could taste the saltiness of his tears on your face when he thought you were going to die in his arms. And you could feel his frantic hands grasping at your own robes, their shaking reminding you once again of just how scared he was when he thought Anakin wouldnât make it to retrieve the both of you from the facility on Sovath.Â
But when you finally woke, you didnât have to just imagine what it was like for him to be by your side. Because you could finally see him.Â
Your eyelids fluttered open, and blurriness taking over your vision for a moment whilst you readjusted to being truly awake.Â
Looking around the room you were laid in, your eyes scanned the cards and flowers that littered your bedside, the bandages on your body, and golden sun shining in through the window.Â
Then your eyes came to rest on the man sitting in the chair next to your bed. He was asleep, his auburn locks having fallen into his eyes as he slouched into the seat. Evidently tired, every so often he would let out soft snores, a declaration of how little sleep heâd got since your injuries. Oh, he looked so tired. The dark circles under his closed eyes told you that also. There was a similar element of innocence, though. One which you hadnât seen since he was a Padawan. Since before Qui-Gonâs death.
After a moment, he inhaled sharply, and his own eyes flickered open, like he had sensed your return to the world through the Force.
His eyes shimmered with unshed tears, hidden feelings attempting to shine through.Â
âY/NâŚâ he whispered softly.Â
You tried to speak his name with the same gentleness he had spoken yours with, but all that came out was an incomprehensible jumble of words.
âYouâre okay. Youâre alright. Donât try to move, your body is still healing, okay?â
You moved your head in what looked like a nod, neck still hurting from your weeks of sleep.
He let out the smallest laugh, trying to prevent his tears from falling. âYou scared me, Y/N. I thought youâd left me.â
âIâŚWhat happened?â you probed, your senses finally coming back to you.Â
He sighed and rubbed his forehead, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. âWeâŚwe were on a missionâŚon Sovath, remember? We were doing reconnaissance in that Separatist facility and they were using it for the storage of battle droids. You were detected and injured when the droids found youâŚand they shot at you. To be quite honest, we barely got out aliveâŚI thought at one point youâd died in my arms.â
It was all coming back to you.Â
Closing your eyes, you began to remember what happened.
âHow did you get us out?â
âI had to carry you out,â he admitted. âLuckily not all of the droids in storage powered on when they sensed you, so I destroyed a few and ran from the rest. Anakin went back to the ship and he was waiting for us when we escaped the building, but you were unconscious the entire flight homeâŚI was cleaning your wounds and you didnât even react. We were scared you wouldnât wake up.â
You closed your eyes. It was all coming back to you now.
The droids, the thermal detonators, your injuries, yourâ
âLightsaber. Where is my lightsaber?âÂ
He tentatively reached into a compartment of his utility belt and pulled out a small cloth. He looked at it in his hand for a second before slowly bringing it to you. Taking the cloth, you looked him in the eyes.
âObi-WanâŚwhat is this?â
âJustâŚjust open it. Please.â You noticed heâd looked away from you, unable to meet your questioning gaze.
Doing as he said, you hesitantly opened the folder piece of cloth, only to reveal what was left of your shattered blue kyber crystal.Â
âIâve meditated with it for weeks since youâve been asleep. Iâve tried everything to try and fix it but itâs beyond fixing Iâm afraid.â
You didnât reply. You couldnât.Â
You knew you shouldnât be attached to something as material as a lightsaber, but you were. Youâd spent years perfecting it, modifying it, focusing your training on the balance between your style and your saber, treating it as an extension of yourself. Youâd even been gifted new parts for it by your Master on your sixteenth birthday. And now it was gone.
Obi-Wan offered some sympathy. âIâm sorry, Y/N. I knew how much it meant to you.âÂ
âI suppose this means Iâll have to take a trip to Ilum, doesnât it?â you asked rhetorically.Â
âUnfortunately so. I know you donât enjoy the cold. Perhaps I could come with you? It is partly my fault that your lightsaber was destroyed, so it is the least I can do.â
You didnât reply. You just laid in your bed, feelings of despair arising.
Despair over your lightsaber, yes. But also despair because of this man who currently sat beside you.
This man whoâd carried you out of a facility full of droids. This man who had done anything and everything to make sure youâd survive. This man whoâd sat at your bedside for weeks whilst you slept, making sure that when you woke up, you wouldnât be scared and alone in case your memory eluded you. And this man, who had tried his hardest to fix your kyber crystal, even though he knew it would be an impossible job.Â
You were completely and utterly in love with Obi-Wan Kenobi.
And even though these emotions were running high between yourself and Obi-Wan, neither of you could reveal your true feelings.Â
A week after youâd been dismissed from the Halls of Healing, you found yourself sitting under a large tree in the Temple gardens. You watched the orange sunset as youâd done for the past several days, opting for peace and quiet over the intensity of the Temple refectory. It was funny, you thought, how even though youâd taken to trying to avoid Obi-Wan for fears of your feelings towards him consuming you, the world was constantly trying to remind him of you. The colours of the bright sunset were akin to the colour of his hair, and the bright blue sky that shone through even the most ominous clouds was comparable to his eyes and his personality.Â
You would never really be able to escape him, even if you tried your very hardest.
Shaking your head, you returned your thoughts to your daily reflection of the other events of the past few weeks.
Your lightsaber was destroyed. Gone. Youâd been temporarily housing a spare lightsaber on your utility belt whilst recovering from your blaster wounds, but you really did need a new one.Â
Hence, you would have to make the trip to Ilum.
As much as you tried to deny it, you did want Obi-Wan there. You wanted his comfort. You wanted his company. And if he was offering it to you on his own accord then stars, of course you would accept. Even if you were trying to avoid him at the moment.Â
You were suddenly snapped out of your thoughts by a soft voice behind you. âMay I join you?â Obi-Wan spoke.Â
âOf course,â you replied.
He moved to sit next to your left, keeping his gaze towards the sunset, just like yours. He sat, cross-legged, hands resting on his knees like he was about to start meditating. You peeked at him from the corner of your eye, and noticed the somewhat distressed look on his face, the crease between his brows making another appearance.Â
âI understand youâve been thinking about making the trip to Ilum.â
You exhaled, looking down at your hands which currently rested in your lap.
âI wondered if youâd thought anymore about my offer. Considering recently it feels like youâve been trying to avoid me.â
He held a hand out to pause your retort. âY/N. Itâs alright. I know the past few weeks havenât exactly been the easiest for you. Which is why I understand that you may have required some extra space. But, it is also why I wish to accompany you to Ilum. You donât have to say yes, but my offer stands.â
Force, he was persistent. But you loved him for it. Which is why you couldnât say no when you found yourself drowning in his eyes.Â
âYou can come. I suppose the company will be nice on a desolate planet like Ilum.â
He gave you a small, excited smile, like a youngling whoâd just held a lightsaber for the first time.
âExcellent,â he beamed. âWhen were you anticipating leaving?â
âI was thinking about tomorrow. Iâm not sure I like the feeling of a saber that isnât my own at my side.â
This made him chuckle. âThen tomorrow it is.â
Tomorrow, you would go with Obi-Wan to Ilum, simply replace your lightsaber, and go on with your life as you did before the mission on Sovath.Â
Nothing more, nothing less.
At exactly 0500 hours, you met Obi-Wan in the Temple hangar, ready to embark on the journey. You noticed he was carrying a thick insulated robe, ready to brave the harsh weather of Ilum.
When he noticed you, he waved at you. âAh, youâre already here! Are you ready to go?âÂ
You nodded back, tightening your grip on your own thermal robe.
âGood. Then letâs go and get you a new kyber crystal.â
You both boarded the ship, with him taking the pilotâs seat and you quietly sitting next to him. You still felt slightly awkward about his confrontation yesterday, so sitting in silence for some of the long journey seemed like your only option.
You looked over at Obi-Wan, who was focused on flying the ship out of Coruscantâs atmosphere. Whilst his face looked relaxed, you could see the way he gripped the controls too hard, and how he was holding tension in his shoulders.Â
Evidently he was hiding something.Â
You just didnât know what.
Many hours later, your ship touched down on Ilum. You hadnât been to the planet since you were eight, when youâd come with the other younglings to find your crystal and eventually build your saber. As you stepped off the ship, you were greeted with the white plains of ice on the surface of the planet, and after wrapping the thermal robe around yourself, you turned around to try and see the Jedi Temple in the distance.Â
âReady to go?â Obi-Wan called. âIâve done this three times now, and itâs always easier than the first time. You have nothing to worry about, my dear.â
âTo be honest Iâm more worried about being defeated by the cold.â
He put the hood of his robe up and shot you a smile. âWell the faster we walk, the faster we will get out of the cold, and the faster youâll get a new lightsaber.â
He wasnât wrong. You were cold. And you were determined to find your new crystal.Â
You decided to take the lead, heading in the direction of the Temple. You couldnât really remember much about your last visit to Ilum, it was over twenty years ago, but you were drawn to the Temple, a pillar of warmth in the Force compared to the physical chiliness of the planet.Â
Hearing the crunching of Obi-Wanâs footsteps in the snow, you couldnât help but feel at ease. As heâd mentioned whilst you were hospitalised, you didnât particularly have an affinity for the cold, but knowing he was by your side allowed the irritation you were feeling towards the cold to disperse slightly.Â
After walking for at least an hour, and making minimal conversation with Obi-Wan, the Temple came into sight. It was a clear day, with minimal clouds in the sky, so the Temple looked just as grand as it had done when you were eight. It was one of the only things you could remember that day, alongside finding your first crystal. Those were certainly memories the Force wouldnât let you forget.Â
âNot long to go now. How are you feeling?â the voice behind you called out.
âIâm feeling like Iâm ready to get off this planet,â you retorted.Â
The man let out a huff, used to your sarcastic comments. He wouldnât admit it, but it was one of his favourite things about you.
âThatâs the spirit.â
Once you were inside the Temple, it didnât take long to identify the ice covered entrance where you knew youâd have to go to embark on the journey for your crystal. You turned to look at Obi-Wan, who was looking around the Temple.Â
âIâll open the mechanism for you, but youâll have to go in alone. Iâll be waiting for you out here, alright?âÂ
Nodding, you stepped towards the entrance to the cave system. Moments later, Obi-Wan opened the mechanism at the top of the chamber you were standing in, letting the sunlight shine through to melt the ice.Â
As he watched you walk through the now-clear doorway, Obi-Wan called out.
âY/N! Good luck in there.â
You turned around and smiled at him, before heading into the dark caves. You didnât see it, but you could feel his kind blue eyes burning into the back of your head as you walked away, willing you to be safe.Â
It didnât take long for you to learn your way around the caves, the ones which you still had little to no memory of. Using the Force, you were able to navigate your way around, remembering where youâd already checked. You came across many different crystals, but none of them called to you.Â
You remembered what Obi-Wan had told you on the flight to Ilum.Â
âIt took me hours to find all three of my crystals. Sometimes the Force just rewards patience. Donât worry if it takes longer than you feel it should. Everything will be alright in the end.â
Itâs hard to have patience when it felt like your extremities were about to drop off at any moment.Â
Only then, you turned the corner into an unfamiliar part of the cave system. Feeling as if something was calling to you, you decided to investigate. As you progressed further, the feeling got stronger. It felt likeâŚpeace.Â
As you came towards the end of the cave corridor, the feeling reached its peak. Reaching the end, you observed the substantial cavern in front of you, eyes focusing on a crystal in the centre of the chamber.
It was as if the entirety of the Force itself was being projected into the crystal, as you were taken aback by the energy radiating from it.
Closing your slack jaw, you quickly headed towards where it was located. Despite having to manoeuvre yourself around some suspicious looking pillars of ice, you made it to where the crystal was, and took it from the column of ice it was attached to. Instantly, you were rewarded with the feeling of warmth washing over you, and you knew that this was meant to be yours.Â
âRight,â you spoke aloud to yourself. âTime to go.â
And with that, you headed back to where Obi-Wan was in the main Temple chamber. You didnât know it yet, but he was beginning to pace with worry, having seen the water covering the entrance to the caves freeze over, he knew you shouldnât be taking as long as you did.Â
It didnât take long for you to navigate your way back to the entrance. Taking a page from Obi-Wanâs book, you decided to kick the frozen ice, smashing it open, and revealing the manâs slightly shocked expression.
He stormed towards you. âThank the Force!â he exclaimed. âI thought youâd gotten lost in there! Did you get it?â
Holding your hand out towards him, you peeled your fingers back to reveal your shiny new kyber crystal.
He smiled widely at you. âExcellent. You should be proud of yourself. Now, how about we go back to the ship and get some warmth into our systems?â
You couldnât agree more.Â
You left the Temple and it felt a littleâŚcolder than when you entered. The two of you noticed the small flakes of snow that were beginning to fall on the frozen ground. Looking up, you noticed the sky had clouded over, with dark grey clouds overwhelming the blue that had been there previously. You and Obi-Wan looked at each other, slight apprehension on both your faces.Â
âI think perhaps we should speed up our expedition back to the ship. We donât want to get caught in a particularly dreadful blizzard and freeze to death, do we?â
âI think youâre right. I donât like the look of those clouds.â
He looked to the sky. âNor do I.â
Wrapping your robe tightly around you like youâd done earlier, you embarked on the strenuous journey back to your ship.Â
Except the sky was darkening, a lack of a golden transition into night scaring you a little. That, combined with the fast, heavy flakes that were beginning to fall, made you question if youâd even make it back to the ship tonight.
âObi-Wan!â you shouted. You didnât know if heâd even be able to hear you over the sound of the whistling wind, but it was worth a try. âObi-Wan, we need to find cover! We wonât make it in this weather!â
He looked back at you, squinting at you to avoid getting snow in his eyes and wiping the lingering ice from his beard, he nodded.
âYouâre right! Weâll be frozen by morning! Head to the left, thereâs a wall of ice which might be harbouring a cavern!â he yelled.Â
This was even worse. You were now practically walking into the blizzard, making you even more cold than you were before. The laying snow was also gaining height, growing from covering your ankles to coming up to your knees, slowing you both down. Plus, the pain from the injuries youâd sustained on Sovath were beginning to make an appearance, making your leg and ribs hurt substantially more than theyâd done in the past week, despite the bacta treatment you were still receiving.
After a long struggle against the snow, you made it to the wall of ice and began the search for cover. You walked directly behind Obi-Wan, his large frame giving you a small amount of protection from the snow. You couldnât help but feel a little bad about this, however. He was getting the brunt of the cold.Â
You felt him stop in front of you. âWhatâs wrong?â you called out.Â
âThere! An opening! We need to get inside, come on!â
Following him into the cave, you were finally granted some relief from the storm. The two of you took a moment to catch your breath, before Obi-Wan suggested having a look around the cave to see if there were any resources to start a fire.
Which was a complete and utter failure.Â
The cave was small, cold, damp, and now closed off. Whilst searching around, a large snow drift rendered the two of you trapped until the blizzard passed.Â
Sitting down to wait for it to pass, you saw Obi-Wan ignite his saber from the other side of the cave in an attempt to ward off the darkness for a little while.
âI guess we're stuck here for a while,â you muttered, clearly unhappy with the current situation. You were frozen and all you wanted was to get into your comfortable bed and sleep. But instead, you were embedded in this small cavern whilst your nose was stinging from the cold.
Obi-Wan, who didnât look happy himself, let out a small sigh from the other side of the cave and pulled the hood of his robe over his head. âI suppose youâre right.â
Then, in an attempt to preserve heat and energy, the two of you were rendered silent.Â
As some time passed, you could feel the frost seeping into your bones. Youâd truly lost feeling in your fingers, toes, and nose now, and you could feel yourself uncontrollably shivering. You lifted your head to look at Obi-Wan, the blue light from his saber being the only source of illumination within the dark, and saw him with his eyes closed, shivering himself.Â
The both of you couldnât go on like this any longer.Â
âObi-Wan?â you whispered, not wanting to startle him.
He opened his eyes and lifted his head in your direction. âYes?â
âWe need to do something to preserve more heat otherwise we will perish in here.â
His eyes flickered away from you and he hesitated before speaking. âThereâs nothing. Thereâs no wood for a fire, our robes are damp, and all my saber is doing is giving off minimal light.â
You noticed his hesitation and wondered if he had thought of the one idea youâd been thinking about for the past hour.
The one which would probably reveal the love you had for the man.
âWhat if weâŚmaybeâŚpreserved our body heatâŚtogether?â
His eyes snapped to yours, but the darkness of the cave hid the blush rising to his cheeks.Â
He certainly had been thinking of that idea.
âI just thoughtâŚweâd both be warmer than we currently are andââ
âYes. Itâs worth a try,â he interrupted, sounding reluctant. You tried to hide the upset in your expression. Yes, youâd be close to him, but he didnât sound best pleased about it.Â
You slowly rose to your feet, making your way over to the other side of the cave where the man sat. You then gently lowered yourself to the ground, already feeling the warmth emanating from Obi-Wanâs body. The man was a ray of sunshine, physically and emotionally, and it was hard not to feel heated in his presence.
You cautiously edged closer and closer to him, until your shoulders were touching. You heard him let out a breath, but you werenât sure what it meant.Â
âIs this okay?â you asked him.Â
â...Yes,â he mumbled.Â
Once again, you could feel the tension he was holding in his shoulders.Â
There was something wrong, just like youâd sensed when you left Coruscantâs atmosphere.
Sitting quietly next to one another, you could hear every shallow breath he took, every beat of his pounding heart.Â
Jedi were meant to control their fears.
But how could the Jedi next to you do that if that fear was running through every bone, muscle, and tendon in their body?
It was seconds later when you felt an arm drape lightly over your shoulder.
And you froze. Not from the cold that youâd now mostly forgotten about in favour of understanding Obi-Wan, but in your own fear. And longing.
You took the opportunity to lay your head on his shoulder, and that was the catalyst. Pulling you into his side, he turned his head to rest in the crook of your neck. You exhaled, feeling like this was exactly where you were meant to be. He curled his arm tighter around you, running his hand up and down your bicep, and you sensed a disturbance in the Force.
You knew why he felt so anxious.
It was because he loved you.Â
Not just as a friend, which you previously thought.
But he just never knew how to say it.
This stoic, courageous, determined man had hidden his love for you for perhaps as long as youâd hidden yours for him.Â
You felt brave for a moment, and you wanted to show him just how much you loved him too.
He looked down at you, and he noticed your gaze flitting between his eyes and lips.
His eyebrows furrowed for a moment, like he was confused on whether this was really happening, and that you were in fact hinting to him that you loved him too.
After several moments, his face relaxed and he seemed to get the hint, leaning down to press a hesitant and timid kiss to your lips. The weather had made both of your lips chapped, but in that moment, you wouldnât have changed anything for the world.Â
You didnât focus on the cave, the cold, the reason for your being there, because all that mattered was him. The feeling of him everywhere, on your mouth, your body, your soul. Because thatâs what Obi-Wan did. His entire presence surrounded you until all you could feel was his warmth, his happiness, his love.
Youâd felt his presence since the day you met him, only now, it was finally complete.
Not allowing him to pull away, you deepened the kiss, moving your hand to lay at the back of his neck, playing with the fine hairs that lay there. He wrapped his arms around you, keeping you warm and showing his devotion to you simultaneously.
A minute later, you pulled away, breathless but happy. You peppered his face with kisses, leaving them on every inch of available skin on his face, trying to reinforce just how much youâd wanted this. Then, you rested your head on his shoulder, a small smile gracing your face.
A trembling voice came from next to you.
âIâm sorry, Y/N. Iâm so sorry.â
You looked up from his shoulder, gazing into his eyes. Just like when youâd awoken in the hospital after the events of Sovath, youâd noticed how his eyes were glassy, like a soft look from you would make him cry.
âWhatever for, Obi-Wan?â
âFor taking this long to show you any affection. I wasâŚscaredâŚto say the least. I didnât know how to approach the situation and I didnâtâŚI didnât want to lose you.â His voice wobbled as he spoke.Â
You took his hand as he carried on speaking.Â
âI was so worried after Sovath, I thought Iâd lost you. I knew I wouldnât be able to hide my feelings for much longer, not after Sovath. Not after I nearly watched the woman I care so much for die in my arms. Youâre the light of my life, and I donât think I could ever live without you.â
You tried to reassure him, squeezing his hand. âBut Iâm here. And Iâm okay. You won't lose me, Obi-Wan. Just as I hope Iâll never lose you.â
âYou wonât lose me darling, I promise. Even if we freeze in this small cave, at least weâll be together. Every second spent with you is worth it.â
He curled his arms around you, pulling you close to his body.Â
Finally, this felt like where you were meant to be all along.
When the morning came, you awoke to feel Obi-Wanâs arms still wrapped protectively around you. He was already awake, running his free hand softly through your hair, the other laid on your back.
âGood morning, love.â He smiled down at you.
âMmmphâMorning,â you groaned, nestling deeper into the warmth of Obi-Wanâs arms.
âSleep well?â he teased.
Grumbling again, you tried to settle even deeper into his arms. He chuckled and wondered if you were trying to force your way into his skin. It felt so normal, so natural, that youâd almost forgotten about the confessions from the previous night. In your eyes, youâd always been his. In his eyes, heâd always been yours. You were always destined for each other, it didnât matter which galaxy, universe, or lifetime youâd existed in. Youâd always belong to each other. There was no doubt about it.Â
âI thought that you might like to know that the blizzard has ended and the snow blocking the entrance has melted. We can head to the ship whenever you like now, my dear.â
Resituating yourself with your environment, you looked towards the entrance.
It was unblocked, the light of the sun shining down through the cave.Â
But youâd also have to go back to the Temple and hide whatever was now happening between you and the man. You werenât sure you could take the secrecy of it all. The slight smile on your face contorted into one of sadness.Â
Obi-Wan saw your expression shift. Reading the troubled look on your face, he spoke tenderly. âI know. But we can make it work. We will make it work. I promise you that, sweetheart.â
With a newfound confidence, the two of you rose to your feet, gathering any belongings and making sure your new crystal was safe, and left the cave, hands threaded together like theyâd never be apart again.
Walking back to your ship, you smiled at one another, knowing all it took for you to share your love was a broken lightsaber, a trip to Ilum, and a rather harsh blizzard.