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real funny what almost happened yesterday

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plans of unaliving myself got cancelled because my dog has to stay home with me so i won‘t be alone

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my mental health is deteriorating so much

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i‘m itching to hurt myself

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i feel really fucked over

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cant trust anyone

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my brain seems so funny to me sometimes

how could i have just completely blocked out that i almost ended myself a year ago

i can barely remember anything from that time

but what i’m reading back on here sounds awfully familiar rn

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i always held my friends in higher regards than my family

and we always insisted on our bond being more important

but now i’ve come to realize that there is truly no one i can rely on

not my friends and certainly not my family

and i won’t ever have a partner either so i’ll always be alone

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i just realized how i’ve been lied to the entire time

this is the best example omg

i know i’m not fun to be around i know ok i know

and it’s not like i don’t want to be, i just don’t have the energy for it anymore

bc all i do when i’m spending time with my friends is picturing me stabbing myself to an end

and i’m not just making this up i wish i was

and i’m trying so hard to be more present and more fun but

when i tell you i should stop coming around then don’t lie to me

i’m sick and tired of people lying to me

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i never want to talk to anyone ever again

i feel i only bother people with my stupid thoughts

and i get upset easily thinking i cant trust anyone

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i think i should recap last saturday on here so i can remember it more clearly but i feel like i’ve already forgotten everything

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why do i feel betrayed lmao i’m pathetic

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LMAO I MADE OUT WITH SOMEONE FOR THR FIRST TIME EVER

happy pride !

lol gotta date this

17/07/21

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oh i love this

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just remembered something really stupid from a few day ago lmao like people make it so obvious that i have no place in their lives

i really should take those hints

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well that’s one way to make me feel bad

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i mean i hate myself as well but this is just ridiculous