@fiveskies - Tumblr Blog

yuppp this is it. my friend really listened to me gush like fucking GUSH about this mid mf. And encouraged me to pursue it further w him. Meanwhile, she had a whole on and off relationship with him. THE FUCK? and this mf really turned around and said “yeah I never really saw you in that way”…….and then I booked a ticket out of the country the next day.

I literally cried on the phone and all this guy had to say was oh.

yupppppp see I nearly started to catch feelings for him again and then he reminded me why it wouldn’t work. ain’t shit.

this mf listening to every album of my fav artist and sending me all his thoughts. but he still won’t actually ask me out. ugh.

I am scared to admit that I like you because I know I am one of many to you. I am not a fool. I know that I only caught your eye because I refused to hold your stare. I threw your attention back into the air and ran as fast as I could. But…you were the first that I felt this way about. The way that I actually felt that my soul was matched. Not my intelligence. Not my wit. Not my upbringing. Not my cultural background. But you got to me for me, like no one else did. I am afraid to admit that I like when you fully smile like teeth and dimples kinda smile. I like that when you are actually smiling your dimples deepen (but you don’t do it often enough). I like the way you love your sisters. I like the way you love your mum. I like the way you are unapologetically a big fan of Selena. I like they way you show glimpses of how soft you really are for romantic comedies and kids movies. I like that you try to show me you’ll be there even when I’m not open to you at all. I loveeeeee when you send me music (because I read into the lyrics you send me). But I hate that you make me feel like an option sometimes. I hate that you make me feel like this whole situation is one-sided sometimes. I hate that you haven’t actually asked me out. I hate that because you haven’t tried to advance this, that you have made me feel cheap. You make me feel like I am just another girl on your rotation. I hate that you don’t have enough respect for me as a friend to even just be honest as to what this even is. I guess it’s partly my fault because I never asked either. But that’s why I haven’t let my guard down. The one time I did try to take a step further, you didn’t meet me half way and then I didn’t hear from you for weeks. So even though I have a long list of things I like about you, I refuse to be devalued like this continuously.

A paragraph I won’t send to Jackson.