Musings of a Lost Soul @fkjadoon - Tumblr Blog

- m i s u n d e r s t o o d - 🥀 © F.K. Jadoon https://www.instagram.com/p/CH-MwxAlKyO/?igshid=aygwloplwqa6

©F.K. Jadoon // S O U L M A T E ❤ https://www.instagram.com/p/CEpWk49l1Vr/?igshid=1nyliox1bnzdt

And one day, as i gazed outside the window, I caught a glimpse of the sky, and noticed that it had, right there in front of my eyes - turned a brilliant shade of pinks and blues, yellows and greens. The sight was so unusual, and yet, so breathtaking - that i marveled at the wonder my yearning eyes beheld! For a moment, i could not fathom what mystery the sky was unfolding! It seemed like some sorcery, some trickery, some mockery- and i told the sky as much! But then i thought, was it some potion of delight, that the Lord was concocting! It left me breathless and shocked, and i felt a kick of excitement, right there in my solar plexus! I was full, i was happy, with my insides trembling with some unknown fear! It was hidden but it was there, and, at that time, I couldn't describe it in words! That fear- now i know- it was like a snake, slowly uncoiling to strike! And then, so suddenly, it was a punch to the gut- that beautiful pinkish blue sky- lost all its color, in the blink of an eye! And I was left standing under a starless sky, with the moon stolen from the sky! There was nothing there except, a sky that now bled red, with each flash of lightning, and howled, with each bout of thunder! It was as if a war had broken out, and the only casualty there, were my dreams and I! For it had now turned into a brutal nightmare, and i, tied that i was, couldn't do a single thing! So, i stood there, and watched, the sky bleed, and the stars, turn upon each other! I saw the moon, with all its eternal magical glory, plucked from the night sky, and thrown into the depths of the sea, with its light going out forever! And, then, at last, i felt, that tiny flutter in my heart, take its last breath, and go still, for forever! ©F.K. Jadoon https://www.instagram.com/p/CEXgIaLFDlB/?igshid=19uedp3oye2kr

The universe plucked all the stars from the night sky for you and sprinkled them all over the earth. ❤✨ https://www.instagram.com/p/CEBNKjEl4qB/?igshid=1m9zptbu5qexd

And then i took myself out of the race and became a pond of water; silent, still... stagnant, instead of a warm winding stream; thrashing, joyful... adventurous. I began and ended there, in the very same place. And that was that. ❤ ©F.K. Jadoon https://www.instagram.com/p/CCY2VS5FvCE/?igshid=zs125zhuirss

For those of you who have been wondering where has all my poetry gone, should know that my muse has died. It was a slow, brutal death. One that i deliberately refused to accept and acknowledge till now. My muse died the day i got married. It's been dead ever since. And I've long since buried it in the deepest depths of my heart along with other once precious, cherished things and memories that once made a home inside it. I must admit though, a part of me has also died with it. It's like my body's one organ short now. A very vital one, i might add. I'm no longer the same person. I no longer see words form upon the blank canvas of my soul, nor do i color them in green and blues. It's all just an empty barrenness that's replaced it. Nothing else. I must admit that i feel suffocated with the weight of all that i do not say, of all that no one understands. The unspoken words accumulate upon one another, creating a layer of greasy tar that does not let anything through. Not a gust of wind, not even a breeze of freedom. I'm caged, you see. Shackled. The one thing I'd never allowed myself to even think about for it suffocated me so greatly that for days, i used to feel a collar around my neck, slowly getting tighter, with each passing minute. Now, these invisible shackles weigh my limbs down as if rocks tied to them. I cannot cut them loose nor can i make myself free. I'm a slave to fate. To powers beyond my understanding. Powers, I'm no match for. Nor do i wish or dare to go against. I'm past caring at this point. For months, this lava of emotions has been gathering inside me, creating havoc upon lands unmarred. For months, I've tried to look to the "brighter side" and for months, I've witnessed no "brighter side" cuz there really isn't. Life's just a series of "unfortunate" events, which you have to take in stride, no matter how much you try to run from them. Or paint them happy the way others want you to paint and see them. But you really shouldn't have to. You gotta paint it the way it really is. And start accepting what's staring you right in the face. Even if it's just a load of cr*p. With apologies, © F.K. Jadoon https://www.instagram.com/p/CBeJCCHF6Cn/?igshid=i91tvuqjjuhz

The Death of a Girl Who Dreamed Too Much.... And suddenly, She stopped seeing rainbows in clouds, She stopped believing in magic and fairytales, There were no prince charmings in her stories anymore, Nor were there any dragons to slay no-more! She didn't wish on falling stars or fallen eyelashes now, And her heart didn't skip a beat, every other day now. Her dreams now laid dead under life's stagnant pools, And her smile was now as fake as a sad clown's painted one! The sparkling glass in her eyes had now turned to cold hard stone, That saw nothing now, except the reflection of dark chambers and forlorn cages! And the noose that was tied around her neck that day, had now really truly begun to choke her! At night, now she worshipped a god that was more of a lord, And in the day, she now posed as whatever he'd command! And now that, everything was said and done, after all, All her life, the one thing that she'd always sought and cried for, That she'd begged not to evade her, or run far off, Had finally stopped - Turned around And laughed cruelly at her astonished face, And she realized quite late, That the thing that she'd been running after for so long, Was nothing but a stupid, stupid mirage! And that was the moment, my friends, When she lost, what was left of her faith, And she saw her dreams turn to dust, at last! Yes, that was the moment, When her soul died on the spot, And her lost lonely heart, gave one last throb! And then there was silence, complete and utter, all around, As when someone dies, and no one even comes to mourn! The silence that no scream could penetrate, nor any howl could pierce! And that was the day, a girl died... Along with her dreams to touch the sky, To wear a crown of stars, hand-picked and plucked from the clear night sky! Yes, that was the day, a girl finally died... Still cradling her dreams of happily ever afters, And beautiful forevers in her empty arms, That was the day, a girl died... With a coat of adventure still lining her worn out soul, And love and poetry, finally breathing their last inside her hollow heart! ❤ (C) F.K. Jadoon https://www.instagram.com/p/B_AZcs9lrs5/?igshid=1nd32a1v21rf0

It's okay. https://www.instagram.com/p/B-6VjFFlB3r/?igshid=ixotz2h28cqd

Of Beautiful Dungeons Wearing Pretty Faces "If you were ever to venture inside my head some day, don't blame me if you find only a rotten dungeon inside, with cobwebs adorning its old walls, and a thick silence prevailing all around. Don't blame me if you reach a prison cell, where the only prisoner inside there is my sick old broken self, wearing bits of rags, with heavy shackles weighing its arms down, blood seeping from the slices on its wrists. Don't blame me if you get scared. After all, it was you who wanted to take a walk inside that wretched hellhole despite all the warning signs you saw on your way. Don't get scared if you encounter some ghosts fluttering around, cackling loudly, mockingly, possessively. After all, it was they who arrived there first and claimed that place as their own. Engraving spells upon every single surface, so that my head would remain their territory till it seizes to think some day. Till thoughts stop raining down its path, till memories stop clanging inside its chambers, echoing screams of past. You'd lose yourself there, I assure you of this. And it won't be pretty. There is a high chance that you'd go as mad as the previous venturers who dared step inside the confines of my head. The achromantula that creep there during the day would come your way, scenting fresh blood, sensing fresh flesh; full of light, full of life. You'd be their first ever fresh prey in years, as the only thing that they'd been feeding upon for years were my happy thoughts, my bright light. Now that they'd consumed every single drop of goodness inside me, you'd be their next much awaited and welcomed target. My head is a terrible, terrible place, you naive fool. Where only darkness reigns and ruins remain. It is a world of complete destruction and chaos, where intruders aren't welcome anymore, except on days when the demons inside my head thirst for fresh blood and come out of their hiding places to seduce and beckon fools like you to sift through my brain's many alluring chambers; to lure you in by presenting my murky thoughts as bait. And you, fool that you are, fall, for that beautiful deception, like you are always meant to." (C)F.K.Jadoon https://www.instagram.com/p/B4CsmJHld1B/?igshid=1lhthhptc149h

She was Her ❤ https://www.instagram.com/p/B340mpFFkcV/?igshid=15zm2sesmkx7y

❤ https://www.instagram.com/p/B2KNXg8l-0q/?igshid=12dsosgsyoiuj

Her eyes went a desert dry, Her heart got frostbitten. She neither cared now, nor cried, The end of her, was bitter. (C) F.K.Jadoon https://www.instagram.com/p/B0od0jqlmD7/?igshid=o63y72739jhs

I wrote you in blood and stars. You wrote me in dust and water. (C) F.K.Jadoon // We were never meant to be. https://www.instagram.com/p/B0TmdN5F4-0/?igshid=1sb9hukea9jue

"He was spring to my autumn heart." ❤ (C) F.K.Jadoon https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz8zHnRl71U/?igshid=ogivjkim42v0

I leave him Small bread crumbs, On the trails i follow, When i wander far Into the cobwebbed maze of his memories, So that he could follow them, If he wishes, And find me, if he can. To bring me back To the light that I'm seeking, To show the colors that are now, Hidden from my gaze. To reveal the wonders That are concealed, To sew the wounds, Still unhealed. He never follows me though. And so, the bread crumbs, i leave for him, Get eaten by hungry birds of prey! The light that I'm seeking, Disappears once again! The colors, still hidden, go A permanent blue and grey! And the wonders remain concealed, From my blind gaze! The wounds, unsewn, now fester and seep, poison instead of blood, turned purple and green! And i walk and walk, Through cobwebbed old streets, Awaiting my tormentor and saviour, Slowly forgetting me! ❤ (C) F.K.Jadoon https://www.instagram.com/p/Bznt1J_FK7z/?igshid=14lhtmrtb6gd1

I feed them lies, Carefully concocted. Make them sip Hollow halftruths, Hiding patches of ugliness, dust and rotten promises, So that they wouldn't Go near the inner, Broken, rustic House of weeds, Hiding skeletons In dark closets, Breathing that foul Smell of purple oranges, And whispered Murmurs of the past. ©F.K. Jadoon // Of Lies & Halftruths https://www.instagram.com/p/BzHsMALlOjp/?igshid=sgt21gyi9xtb

"Missing You..." Missing you, is having a hundred knives cut through me, with their sharp pointy edges. Missing you, is a torture that squeeze me of every drop of blood i possess. Missing you, is being burnt at stake, where your memories are gasoline to the fire. Missing you, is aching for you in the deepest, darkest parts of the night. Missing you, is cursing you, every hour of every single day, all the while praying, that you be safe and sound, wherever you stay. Missing you, is hating myself and loving you, with every breath these traitorous lungs take. Missing you, is having salt being sprinkled on open, bloodied wounds. Missing you, is loving you, even when there's no love left in me to give. Missing you, is mourning you, while you're still alive. Missing you, is experiencing loss, knowing that you're now as lost to me, as am i, to myself. Missing you, is killing myself while resurrecting you, one bloody memory at a time. Missing you, is a prayer, to put an end to the torture, I gladly welcome and accept. Missing you, is making a wish upon a fallen star, each night, every night... knowing that it won't come true. Missing you, is pining for you, like two parallel railway tracks, that go together, hand in hand, towards their destination, but never meet, not even once, no matter how far they go, or how much they yearn for that! ❤ ©F.K.Jadoon https://www.instagram.com/p/ByGthGSlXI5/?igshid=1cowofuhj44ng

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