hi, you reading this. i love you.
this is hard to write but i feel that it’s necessary.
i just want to say that i love you all. and that i miss you all terribly. i may not really talk about it anywhere. and i just want to say to you all: please tell the people that you love that you love them while you can.
yesterday ( 5 august 2017 ), there were gunmen at sm southmall, las piñas, philippines. to those of you who know me (a very fair few), but sm southmall is five minutes away from my house. and while i was stuck at home, my family was in that mall when it happened.
my mother and my older sister were mere feet away from where the gunmen shot up, targeting a single man--a local politician. when i found out about the shooting, i couldn’t reach my family for half an hour. i tried calling them and i was in hysterics, desperate to hear my mother’s voice and it was genuinely the most terrifying thing i’ve ever had to experience in my life. my mum called me when they were finally back in the car and safe. it took them three hours to get home because the entire area was in gridlock after the mass panic. there was a sale that day so it was packed with people.
they’re fine, they’re alive. everyone in my family is fine, thank god.
but that half hour... well, the feeling stuck with me. and it has stayed with me, no matter how hard i have tried to suppress it. and while i’m unfortunately no stranger to violence as i live in a fairly dangerous village, this was the first time i felt like i nearly lost my family. if you look up where the assassination took place (by the mall fountain), my mother and my sister were at conti’s--the restaurant just on the right side of the fountain. they saw it happen.
and while it’s taking me a while to process -- and not to mention how my family is taking it (which i won’t speak about as it’s not my place to tell the story of their mental state) -- the whole situation has made me think about things i didn’t think to consider before. the friends on here that i’ve made and haven’t spoken to in months. the misunderstandings and arguments that seem so small in the true light of things. everything and everyone.
so you, who is reading this. i don’t give a damn what’s happened before. and i know how this sounds to a very, very specific few and i don’t know how sorry is going to sound so i don’t know how to say it but i hope you hear me anyway. i have lost so many people in my life, and a lot of the time -- it’s my own doing and i recognise that, but yesterday... i had to imagine being truly, truly alone and grieving for the first time. for half an hour, i felt the grief of losing most of my family in the blink of an eye. and it’s made me realise that i don’t want to lose any more people than i have to.
so to you, reading this. if we’ve ever spoken. if we’ve never spoken. if i’ve somehow blocked you or if we’ve ever fought... know that i wish you well. know that i love you. and i miss you all terribly. and i wish the very best of and for you, always. and i beg you to please, don’t wait.
tell the people that you love that you love them.
when i was hysterical and waiting for my mother’s phone call, i thought about how despite everything my mother and i have gone through... i didn’t hug her enough. i didn’t even remember the last time i hugged my mother before last night. and that half hour was the longest of my life. and i’m grateful i still have my family now.
so yeah. thanks for reading. i don’t know if i’m ever going to come back on this website as clara but... hey. who knows?
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
kianamaiart
stormborns
dededos
tangentwithtanner
dailybridgerton
