@flameofl0ve - Tumblr Blog

I never knew being in love could hurt this much

Damn Taemin are you gonna do anything right this week????

I woke up a little early this morning. Something about the sound of the waves was a little calming. I actually got some sleep last night. full uninterrupted sleep. I didn’t wake up in a panic like I have been since Paris. Minho was still asleep on me when I woke so I just laid there and softly played with his hair the way he likes me to, watching him sleep for a little.

my heart aches for him. it truly does because I know how worried and nervous and scared he is for the safety of me and Dowon. at least right now Dowon is safe at home with Minho’s mom until we get home from tour again. i miss him.

I don’t blame Minho for feeling the way he does I don’t at all. I just wish there was something I could do to ease his anxiety and make him feel better. I’m proud of him for being able to open up to me more about it and actually talk with me instead of keeping things bottled inside. It feels a little like things are going back to how they’ve always been with us. sharing things with each other. our thoughts and feelings. he’s always been the one i tell everything too because i trust him completely. it would be a big problem if i didn’t considering were getting married.

I just hope he knows how much i love him and that i’m here for him always no matter what. I try to remind him of this as often as i can because it’s important and it’s the truth. things between us have been really good and i feel really happy and i want nothing to ruin that. i’ve been doing a little better at being less quiet and more honest about how i’m feeling so i’m going to keep working on it.

I hate it when my friends are going through shit and you want to help but there isn’t anything you can do no matter how hard you wish there was :(

Why do I always fuck everything up? I wish I didn’t hate myself so much.

I trust Minho I do and I know I can always talk to him about shit and I so badly want to just tell him i’m really not doing okay right now but for some reason I just can’t bring myself to do it. I feel so stupid and I know he’d be upset about me not talking to him.

Jimin & Yoshi have been trying to make me feel better after the hotel incident and i’m thankful for them both. They’re such good friends to me and I don’t know what i’d do without either of them. I’m pretty lucky to have such a good support system around me.

Why am I so sad?

Mood drops really are the worst. I have no idea why my mood suddenly went to shit but it did and I hate it cause I was doing so good.

Things are just so perfect right now well as perfect as they can be considering the incident that happened. i’ve just been tryin to live in happy engaged bliss since Minho asked me to marry him. It was so so unexpected like I had no idea he was planning it or had planned it. It was such a beautiful surprise though. it was honestly everything i’ve ever dreamed of. Paris will always hold a special place in my heart because of it but it also leaves a slightly sour taste in my mouth too.

For most our trip we had been getting followed around by this girl everywhere we went and every time we saw her she just intensely stared me down. We saw her during lunch one day and Minho decided maybe we should go say hello since she seemed like a fan then maybe if we did that she’d stop following us around. We did just that. We said hello and chatted, took a few photos with her and figured okay it should be over maybe she’ll stop following us around. god were we wrong.

The morning after the day we said hello to her, whilst I was asleep and Minho had gone out to get us some breakfast and coffee, she broke into our hotel room. she was just sitting there watching me sleep until i woke up. i honestly don’t think i’ve ever panicked so much in my life. while she was distracted getting a tray of breakfast she brought off the dresser, i was able to call Minho who immediately picked up on the fact something was wrong when i didn’t greet him in the usual sweet way i do when we call each other. he came rushing back just in time as she tried to kiss me and was saying all sorts of delusional things about how i should marry her cause she’s perfect for me. Minho managed to get her away from me and pretty much tackled her to the floor where he held her until the cops that he had told hotel reception to call showed up to take her away.

the whole thing has just left me on edge. i haven’t slept properly since then. i just keep walking up panicked and shaking. Min told me that SM are handling the whole thing but that doesn’t really ease my mind at all considering their track record at handling shit. i know i’ll get over it eventually and be at peace again but for now my mind just doesn’t seem to want to settle at all.

I’m honestly just so happy right now 🥰

I’m suddenly stuck in Taemin headspace again. Aka i just wanna spend quiet time by myself. As much as i’d love to hang out with people I just don’t feel up to it right now. I was doing so well and everything was going so well so i’m unsure why I feel like this but it needs to go away again.

I’m really glad Minho and I sat down and actually talked about things and he finally apologized to me for the way he was the other night and for hurting me. It went well and it absolutely helped us both I think. We’re good now. Real good. We actually ended up having sex again tonight for the first time in a couple weeks and it was so nice to feel that closeness again.

We decided we’re gonna book a hotel in London for a few days after the last tour date so we can do some exploring and just have some fun together. It’ll be so fun and I can take more photos to add to my memory scrapbook of us that I made using the scrapbooking stuff Minho got me as a birthday gift because he knows how much I love making them.

I wanna tell you I miss you. That I can’t sleep without you. But i’m just still so upset that I can’t bring myself to do it.

I am so fucking tired of being the one who apologizes when you have been a dick to me and wont accept the fact you were a dick.

Maybe if I were pretty then stylists at work would stop making comments on my appearance. :/

thelingerielovely

#minho would love me in this 💕#👀👀

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