Jon: “I wanted to leave, and hunt down Elias—“
Martin:
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@flfernandes
Jon: “I wanted to leave, and hunt down Elias—“
Martin:
“Something moves outside, struggling to crawl on a hundred reaching, grasping hands. It shudders, and grips the earth, pulling itself along as nails rip free and skin scrapes loose. It is afraid of what it has become and where it might be going.“
so thats daisy right? we all agree?
Hearing gerrys voice again like
Jon after he snaps out of his statement trance about the haunted cabin:
god the fondness in jon’s voice when martin starts rambling is what really gets me
me, through tears: the magnus archives is a horror podcast
Jon: Now for my daily routine of self-inflicted torture by listening to tape recordings of my dead friends
The Eye: Waky waky eggs and bakey bitch it's time to go on a post-apocalyptic roadtrip of truly homosexual proportions
listen i know most people have already come to the conclusion that this particular stack of tapes didn’t come from magnus (and for good, plot-ish reasons) but honestly the most convincing evidence for that theory to me is that there’s no way mr “[extended sounds of brutal pipe murder] was an overreaction” wouldn’t have immediately destroyed a tape on which tim called him jimmy magma okay
“Remind me to tell you about Agnes.”
Leitner: didn’t know you’re a pyromaniac
Gertrude: oh, you know-
my favorite thing about that “i love you” is that in the season 4 q+a you could hear how exasperated jonny was that anyone could interpret their relationship as platonic. like he was trying very hard to not let it slip but you could just TELL so episode one. episode fucking ONE, he has jon say it. just come right out and say those three words like it wouldn’t knock us all off our asses for the rest of the week. jonny writer man went “you can interpret this however you want but also fuck you they’re in love” and i think that’s beautiful
Jonny post s4: I tried many ways to make jon express his feelings for martin in 159 more explicitly but it never sounded right, he’s just not that open with his emotions yet
Jonny writing s5:
So, my university does a lot of outreach Classics work, trying to make it less of an elitist subject and more accessible to children, and as part of that, I went to give a talk to a class of 6 and 7 year olds a few months back.
And here’s the thing. Classics is really often portrayed as the last bastion of academic privilege, a subject that is only taught to rich white kids so that they can brag about knowing Latin and get jobs as Tory MPs. But these kids were OBSESSED. They had already done some stuff on myths, and they were so excited to talk about it. They knew all the stories, all the heroes, the gods, the monsters. I have never seen such an excitable group of kids as these 6 year olds shouting about Odysseus.
For the lesson, I asked them to think of their favourite myth and to consider it from the point of view of the monster rather than the hero. The end goal was to show that often the monsters and heroes are quite similar. We decided to do Polyphemus (the Cyclops) in the Odyssey, and so I asked them why they thought Polyphemus might have been so angry at Odysseus that he killed some of his men.
Because he came home and found lots of strange men in his house, eating his food, said the kids.
So, I asked them, do you think that was a good reason to kill people?
No, they said, but he was very cross, and he didn’t do it because it was fun.
And then this KID, this SIX YEAR OLD CHILD, put her hand up and said “well, it was very bad of him, but if we’re cross with him then we have to be cross with Odysseus too, because when he came home from his adventure and found lots of men in his house, trying to marry his wife, he killed them, and that’s the same thing, isn’t it?”
AND LET ME TELL YOU
I am a published Classicist! A PhD student! And I have never made that connection before! Not once! And this child was six years old! And she made the link! By herself!
And so I tried not to show how gobsmacked I was, and we talked more about other monsters, including Medusa, and at the end of the lesson a lot of them said that they thought the monsters were not as evil as we usually think, and then I went home.
But I honestly haven’t got over how excited and engaged those kids were, in a totally regular primary school. Classics, in that classroom, was not elitist or inaccessible. It was something they understood, could really get their teeth into and use to think of new ideas of good and bad, of why we demonise different people for doing the same things. And that’s how I like to think about Classics. Not a series of dry texts in ancient languages, but as living stories that you actually can’t help but love, just a bit.
I love stories like this where knowledge is enthusiastically shared and received, rather than guarded as some item of limited quantity. I wish academia were more focused on this kind of exchange and less on justifying one’s place in the ivory tower.
CAPTAIN CARTER !
This could never happen due to them both being flagrant bisexuals but just lean into the comedy of this for me real quick and dont accuse me of biphobia am literally bi but like jon and georgie break up cos georgie is like oh shit. im a girl. and whats more shes a lesbian and she hems and haws on it for a bit like should i tell him because as far as she knows jon is a het girl but her relationship w jon is on the rocks anyways so its just like. the excuse they need to actually bite the bullet n break up. so she goes to him and tells him and shes like trying not to cry cos she likes jon and doesnt wanna break his heart or anything but jons just like. oh god. i was just about to tell you im a gay man. and they break up. unfortunately this would not work w the rest of tma because this would create a fucking unbreakable bond and she and jon would be bffs
jon works at the magnus institute anyways and one day mr bouchard calls him to his office and has a whole conversation about him being promoted to head archivist and jon is like (hyperventilates) i have to go to the bathroom for a sec excuse me and texts georgie as he hides in the mens room like “WHAT DO I DO” and shes like “wtf thats weird. you arent qualified for that” and hes like “hey i could totally do it” and shes like “maybe but youd be so stressed jon you know what youre like when youre stressed i cant have that much bastardly energies in our flat” (because they are roommates) and jons like “okay maybe but what do i tell him” and shes like “just say youre not qualified & dont feel comfortable go out there and show some spine” and hes like ok thanks
and later georgie is like “wait what happened to the old head archivist” n jons like “he said she ‘died in the line of duty’” and georgie is like. “OKAY SO HE KILLED HER???? WTF” and jons like “GEORGIE you cant just ACCUSE PEOPLE OF MURDER” (big words from you jonny boy) and georgie is like “NOBODY PHRASES IT LIKE THAT HE’S A SERIAL KILLER JON THIS IS NOT ON ME”
anyways jon and martin still have an office romance but with fewer worms and much more georgie beating jon insensate with his own emotional repression. and elias tears out his hair as his new head archivists keep dying and having too many braincells to be manipulated. he continually asks jon to be the head archivist and it gets creepier every time and jon just keeps being like (dreamily staring at the back of martins head as martin pours over a book) no thank you im not qualified. melanie never works at the magnus institute and she and georgie kindly bully the admiral while jon cries and tells them to stop being mean to him.
Thanks nathan @jaredboneturner you Understand me in a way that no one else does
Oh melanie also starts cohosting what the ghost with georgie when her whole thing happens and the fans listen to them fall in love. Jon guest stars sometimes and georgie keeps making jokes about the magnus institute that are actually plot points.
Georgie: and today we are joined by Jon, who works as a researcher at the magnus institute, where they totally Do Not murder the archivists!
Jon: georgie please i dont want to get fired
(Next ep) georgie: and Jon - a researcher at the magbus insitute, where they totally arent trying to start a supernatural apocalypse - has agreed to help us out!
They get elias arrested for tax fraud cos they cant get him on all the murders. Every time georgie ends up being right with her jokes everybody looks at her accusingly. By the end she’s not allowed to make jokes about the magnus institute because every time shes like “lmao wouldnt it be funny if elias was actually jonah magnus whose been body hopping this whole time as an immortal because hes too attached to his stupid institute to die” she ends up being right.
Inspired by nathans tags lol but elias keeps inviting jon to his office and starts raising his offered salary and jon keeps refusing because Creepy and eventually it gets to be a fucking ludicrous amount of money and jons eye like twitches because god saying no to that number of zeros is. Oh god. So he texts georgie and is like “look at the new starting salary georgie that is so much money i really want to take it” and she texts him back like “HE LITERALLY WANTS TO KILL YOU AND WEAR YOUR SKIN” and jon is like. (Deep breath) “no thanks” and elias almost throws his chair through a window. He starts spitefully sending avatars to jon only jon is like never alone because he has friends thanks to georgies braincells and tim charms mike crew so thoroughly that simon refuses to touch jons whole space because he needs mike to join his polycule and mike wont do it if he upsets tim or tims friends. Jude perry thinks georgie is too sexy to fuck with her friends. Elias is crying in his office.
they end up having gay game night with the avatars every week. they don’t actually know about the entities so they think jude is just magic + evil and mike is just evil. jude blatantly cheats at every game (they play uno only once because jude burns like half the deck under the table) and mike always calls her out on it but they can’t get in a fight because then their Elaborate Covers (“jude just runs warm” and “mike has fancy cologne”) will get blown. oliver banks gets invited to gay game night when martin meets him at a farmers market and smells the gay depression on him and adopts him on the spot. come to gay game night, he says. you need friends. okay, oliver says, because he does. jude and mike run smack into oliver banks, AVATAR OF DEATH, on georgie’s doorstep. there is a very tense 10 second staring match where they all might just go ham on each other and then olivers like “if youre planning to kill these people you’re not gonna lol” and judes like WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE and olivers like…….. gay game night? i have an invite? and they have to quickly run him down on the No Entities thing.
jude: okay so. we’re just magic and evil. there are no fear gods okay you cannot ruin this for me georgie is too sexy
oliver: okay, whatever, but i’m not magic or evil.
georgie, the second oliver walks in: oh you’re so evil! get the fuck out of my house!
georgie boots him and smoke cleanses the fuck out of her apartment to get rid of his rancid vibes. martin feels so bad and spamtexts oliver apologizing. oliver cries on the tube home because he got kicked out of gay game night for having “””evil vibes””” even though JUDE is fine I GUESS even though she set a shit ton of people ON FIRE while COMPLETELY HUMAN just for FUNSIES but thats FINE I GUESS oliver didnt even DO anything!!!!! he only killed ONE person and they would have died ANYWAYS terminus gets EVERYONE in the end it was INEVITABLE its not even his FAULT!!! HE WANTS TO PLAY MARIO PARTY!!!!!!
Elias gets so fucking mad he straight up hires jared to attack jon and co at their home but jared has vastly more meat than one brain can handle so he shows up at the wrong time and its gay game night. Melanie and georgie are visiting georgies mum so its being held in martins apartment. Jared looks in through the window. Theres a group of people. They are all varying degrees of wine drunk. Theres the dude he’s supposed to steal only a few bones from chilling on the couch next to an Avatar Of The Desolation and an Avatar Of The Vast. Theres also an AVATAR OF THE END who is, frankly, fuckin killing it on just dance. Jared takes out his phone and texts elias “no thanks” and leaves. Elias starts drinking and doesn’t stop until 10 am the next day.
It's unbelievably hard to focus on the positive right now but I'm trying to count my blessings. I know people who, for the first time ever, have the time and space to work on their passions. People are making art and music and noise against the big wide silence we are all backed against. I am at risk due to preexisting conditions. But I am also playing a Pokemon emulator and FaceTiming people I'd have never called otherwise. I am aggravated that my students are being left in the lurch and the teachers are given no help. But I am also aware that every time I've asked for patience, they have stepped up and offered me as much time and help as I need. For every person I see fighting over supplies, there's two who are offering theirs to shelters, who are volunteering, who work endless hours providing supplies. Many of us are in such dire circumstances that we feel like discarded rats, trapped and screaming. But I am reminding myself - even rats know to hold their hand out for each other.
No, the media does not like this narrative. It is not good for ratings. It is better to say we are crumbling as a society for them; they need the views regardless of how much panic they incite. This is okay. I know in my heart. For all that things are coming apart, people are doing what we have always, always, always been best at. We are a tiny mammal species with badly designed backs. We still put paint on cave walls and called each other home and taught our young to dance. We made safe and we made gentle and we told ghost stories. We kept legends and sang glories. They will tell you this was not necessary. But of course it was. The real nature of humanity is to spread our joy, our love, our hope. One at a time in tiny candles. It is the nature of people to light every endless night. To hold hands. To offer up.
I cannot see you. I am sorry you are lonely. But here am I and here are you and we are both scared. It is growing dark, but tell me your story or show me your drawing. We can both say - isn't it so wonderful to be reminded? We were always in love with each other. Look up. Tell me how I can be helping.