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flora madera || 23 we're on the good side of bad karma

[floramadera]

shay:

Shay wrinkles her nose a little bit. She doesn’t mean to come across as hard as she tends to around new people, she’s just wary. When there’s an expiration date, when you know you don’t have a lot of time, it tends to make you less trusting. There’s so little time left that she doesn’t want to waste it on people who will just hurt her. “Obviously the music is where I hide my good attitude.” She always has lyrics swimming around in her brain, basic melodic outlines, but she doesn’t know how to get past that point, to flesh out full songs. “I don’t know, maybe some people are born knowing how to use Garage Band.” She doesn’t say what she’s thinking, that she’s probably just not good enough to get her songs out there, or that it’s pointless because she doesn’t have time anyway, but Flora seems intuitive. Which is probably what scares her the most about all of this. It’s easier to be friends with people who just want to one day make Instagram posts about how their friend died from cancer, rather than the people who are dreading that day because they care. It’s only with slight reluctance that Shay returns Flora’s high five, smiling in spite of herself. “Let’s call it a probationary period.” She bites her lip to stop her smile from widening even further, but it breaks free anyway. “See? I can guess things too.” Shay shrugs a little, partly because she’s never considered it that way, and partly because she’s not sure how much she agrees. She wouldn’t say she was particularly strong, rather just used to what she deals with. Shay has no idea what it’s like to be healthy, what it’s like to just live a normal life. To her, cancer is a way of life, not something to face head on with bravery. “I like to make people uncomfortable. It makes them think about it, and their own behavior.” Figuring this is the end of it now, the surprise shows on her face when Flora indicates that she wants to hang out again, and so soon. She doubts her parents will care. They’re the ones always pushing her to try and enjoy life, when they’re not pushing her to get treatment. “Ah, I have a pretty wide open schedule. So uh… whatever you want to do, I guess.”

Flora drops her jaw in fake surprise, placing a hand over her chest. “You? A good attitude? I didn’t think such a thing was possible,” she says, trying to be as over-dramatic as she can manage. Truthfully, that makes her want to listen to her music even more than before. She can only hope that eventually, with time, she’ll get to listen to some clips. “That would be weird, wouldn’t it? Babies coming out of the womb and being like, little mini D.J.s and whatnot,” she wonders, pursing her lips at the image that brings up into her mind. She’s a little ashamed to admit how excited she is that her high five was returned, doing her best to keep her level of excitement at a normal level. “I hope we pass the probationary period. I love making new friends.” Her smile widens to match Shay’s, heart swelling a little at how cute she is now that she’s actually smiling. “That’s hardly impressive. Of course I was dramatic, I’m an actress,” she states, rolling her eyes. She purses her lips as she considers what Shay says, lifting a hand to rub her lower lip softly. She supposes that she’s right - the more honest she is about what cancer is actually like, the more people are aware of how they’re acting. She wonders if that’s something that she has to deal with regularly, other people and the way that they act toward her. She can only imagine how annoying that gets after being sick for as long as she’s been. “I hope you at least get some entertaining reactions out of people. In the short amount of time I’ve known you, I’d think you’d like to watch people trip over trying to say things that won’t aggravate you, if there are any,” she jokes, trying to lift the mood a little. She doesn’t know whether she’s doing it for herself or for Shay, but she feels this is a little heavy of a conversation for meeting for the first time. Then again, this is what the other girl has to deal with daily. Maybe it’s only fair that she be able to talk about it whenever she wants with whoever she wants. Part of her is shocked that Shay is so willing to hang out later tonight, though she knows she would’ve given her a hard time if she’d tried to say no.  “Perfect! I don’t really have anything planned for later... But we can figure it out as we go, as long as that’s alright with you? I know a few spots around the city that are alright,” she says, trying to remain some form of nonchalant. She doesn’t want to oversell anything; she knows that if anything is less than stellar, Shay will let her know without an ounce of hesitation.

[floramadera]

shay:

Shay has to laugh at that, as much as she doesn’t want to. “It’s how angry I am, right? No I… guess it’s pop? It’s still in the acoustic stages. I don’t really know how to use backing tracks and shit. I think you have to be an actual artist to get to that point.” She pointedly ignores the part about playing her music. It’s personal, and while Flora isn’t what she expected, that doesn’t make her suddenly want to share that part of her life. She isn’t sure what to say to that, so she simply nods, agreeing weakly. “Okay. We can hang out.” She doesn’t know what else to say, not feeling comfortable to continue to praise Flora. Once someone accepts a compliment, there doesn’t seem to be much point. She’s spared another response however, when Flora jokes about her as a child, and once again, Shay can’t help but smile. “I was a little shit, that’s for sure. I’m sure you were like, a totally well behaved child, right? But probably dramatic because you’re an actress. I was always singing, and then I’d get mad when someone came into my room while I was doing concerts for my Care Bears.” She wasn’t sure what made her keep talking, and she wasn’t sure what the strange stirring she felt in her stomach was, but she ignores it for now. Maybe Flora is just nicer than she ever anticipated. She sees Flora’s point now and huffs out a sigh. It’s easy to pretend like she’s not affected, but it’s not like she actually doesn’t care that she’s dying. It’s just easier to be apathetic than it is to be brave. “Books and movies that think kids dying of cancer is a quirky plot does that plenty. I’d rather be real about it. People post graphics of that Waters kid saying he lit up like a Christmas tree like it’s fucking romantic when that’s my life. So. I try to be real about it.” Shay hasn’t really thought about that, and she doesn’t really want to admit it. She’s about to make something up so she doesn’t have to say that she just kind of plans to die, when she’s spared by a producer coming back to inform Flora she has a scene. Shay stands, not sure what she’s supposed to do now, almost a little sad that their conversation will be coming to an end, even if it’s the strangest conversation she’s had in awhile. “Is this the part where the Make-A-Wish kid gets kicked off set?”

Flora does a mental fist pump when Shay laughs, feeling satisfied that she doesn’t seem to dislike her as much as she initially did. “That might’ve influenced my guess a little bit,” she admits, shrugging her shoulders. She has to stop herself from offering to talk to somebody for her. She doesn’t want Shay to think she’s trying to buy her favor; she genuinely wants to hear what her songs would sound like if they were recorded professionally, but that’s not exactly something you offer someone the first time you meet them. Maybe later on, if she successfully becomes friends with her. “Yeah, I get that. I can’t imagine anybody really went into song writing knowing how to do any of that stuff. Probably an acquired skill after a while,” she guesses. She raises a fist in the air, glad that Shay actually agreed to hang out with her at some point. “Hell yeah. I promise it’ll be great. High five for new friendship,” she says, her fingers straightening out from being in a fist while her hand lowers so that Shay can hit it. Flora places her hand over her chest in mock offense. “Me? Dramatic? No way,” she defends sarcastically, unable to keep a smile from her face for long. She was definitely a bit more than dramatic. She caused a lot of trouble in her youth but those are stories for another day. “I can’t believe people had the nerve to interrupt your private concerts for your audience. How is someone supposed to perform under those conditions?” She says, shaking her head. It’s easy to joke around with Shay, more than she thought it would be at first. There’s something nice about hanging out and talking with her, something that feels right about it. She’s easy to talk to and it’s been a while since Flora found someone like that. She nods her head, crossing her arms. She never thought about how books and movies that portray cancer a certain way affect people who actually have cancer. “It’s good that you’re real about it. It’s easy for people to sugarcoat hard things. But it takes a lot of strength to be real about them,” she says. She almost groans when they’re interrupted, but she knows there’s no sense in arguing. After all, this is her job and she probably can’t get away with not shooting any scenes today. She stands up and uncrosses her arms, lifting a finger to wag it at Shay. “Don’t think you’re getting away from me so easily. I’m finding you after my scene. What’re yours plans for tonight?”

[shaybishop]

Shay smirks a little at that. “Funny. Yeah, I sing them too.” She isn’t entirely sure what to make of that one. She hasn’t considered that her and anyone from this cast would hang out again, especially not Flora. She wonders briefly if Flora’s offer is out of pity, but after talking to her for a little bit, she’s not entirely sure anymore. “Are you saying we’re going to hang out again after my ‘give the sick girl a great day’ thing is done?” She nods in agreement, still surprised that the two of them seem to agree on so much. “That’s why I like it too. It’s not afraid to let women be complicated, or to call out men on their crap. Well, hopefully you get to be around here for awhile.” Shay actually laughs out loud at that one, shrugging in mock humility. “It’s a byproduct, I suppose, though my mom says I was like this the moment I started talking. There’s just not enough time to play all the stupid games.” Flora listens to her bravely. Shay knows she has the shorter end of the stick here, but she also knows it can be hard to just sit and witness cancer. It’s such a vicious disease, even being in close proximity can be affecting, even if you barely know the person. Doctors talk about it like it’s the weather, her family dances around the subject, but at least Flora will just listen. “You’ve definitely got that one right.” Shay bristles at that a little bit, not finding anything about what she’s been through to be interesting, but she stops herself from snapping at her. She knows that’s not what Flora meant, and it’s not worth starting a fight with a celebrity over poor word choice. She does feel the need to correct her though, because everyone has to learn. “I wouldn’t call it interesting. It’s not a John Green novel, it’s my life, you know? I know some people like me, cancer patients, they’re willing to answer questions and educate. Like online, they talk about what chemo is like, what radiation is like, all that. And that’s cool that they use their experiences to teach others but…” Shay trails off, wrapping the fake phone cord around her finger. “I’m terminal now, and I made the decision not to receive treatment anymore, so I don’t want to be this like… cancer knowledge bank. I just wanna live the rest of my life.”

[floramadera]

"Well, if you write them and you sing them, then I’ve gotta hear them. What kind of music do you write, anyway? I can see you being into scream-o.” She nods at Shay’s question. “Yeah, I’d really like to hear you play some time. And you’re not so bad to talk to, either. So, yeah, I’d like to hang out again after today,” she says simply, shrugging her shoulders. She’s glad that she has so many similar opinions to Shay about this show. She doesn’t know what she was expecting when she first met her, but she definitely didn’t think they’d be able to agree on anything. “Any show where men are held accountable for the shit they pull is an amazing show in my book. Thank you. I’d definitely like to be around here for a while,” she says, looking around the set. She laughs at the thought of a small toddler version of Shay walking around and being blunt. “I can imagine. I can see you at like, a year and a half and your mom says something like ‘aww, look at our perfect little girl’ and you take your sippy cup out and are just like ‘perfect is boring’,” she says, her voice higher in pitch at the end to imitate a small child speaking. She feels badly about her word choice immediately, nodding her head and hoping that Shay doesn’t get upset with her. “Yeah, I get that. Interesting isn’t the right word. It’s just.. I don’t know how to explain it. I’m sure that you know a lot of the medical stuff, but that’s like... I don’t know, talking just about the medical side of it doesn’t give any of it any value, y’know? But you give a lot of value to the stuff that you’ve been through. I don’t know if I’m explaining that right,” she sighs, shaking her head. “You’re definitely allowed to live your life the way that you want to. After fighting this long, you deserve some peace. What’re your plans for living the rest of your life?”

[shaybishop]

Scowling a little, Shay flops herself down in one of the swivel chairs on the set, propping her feet up on the desk, and very pointedly staring at her fingernails. “Figured you’d catch that. Yeah, music. I write songs. I play piano and just started on the uke, but my fingers get sore really easily, so. I considered posting my stuff online but it all comes back to the fake shit, right? People telling me I’m good because I’m sick.” Shay waves a dismissing hand. “So no, music isn’t really a thing.” She has to smile at that. “Yeah, I guess it is. Why pretend like we’re perfect, anyway? I’m definitely not. Perfect is boring. That’s why I like this show so much. Everyone is kind of messy.” She nods in understanding, and really, this is a nice turn of events. Flora seems much more down to earth than she’s been painted out to be, and if her fanbase weren’t so annoying and vicious online, maybe she would’ve grown to like her a little sooner than when she actually met her. “Did you find someone genuine, then?” Shay isn’t sure what makes her ask, but now that she’s talked to her a bit, and now that she’s seen just how much they actually have in common, she actually wants to know Flora isn’t totally alone. Like she is most of the time. “It is awful. I won’t deny that. I’m covered in scars and I’ve been bald multiple times and chemo is a total bitch. But I’m also pretty strong now. I don’t think I could’ve handled a terminal diagnosis if I hadn’t been through all that. God, I have no idea why I’m telling you all this.” Tracing the patterns on the wooden desk, Shay finds herself momentarily longing for a life she never had. A life where she could pursue her dream without it having an expiration date, a life where she would grow old, get married, anything. But she squashes that quickly. It’s not worth it. “The same kind. Which is both good and bad. Good because I knew how to handle it and what to expect. Bad because if the same type of cancer keeps coming for you like that, well. I’m the result.” She laughs a little, shaking her head. “Are you sure you want to listen to this?”

[floramadera]

Flora watches Shay sit down, noticing that the topic hasn’t improved her mood but has somehow made it a little worse. She mentally kicks herself for bringing it up, leaning against the table and crossing her arms while she faces Shay. She raises an eyebrow. “You write songs? Do you sing ‘em, too?” She teases, trying to ease the conversation a little. She shrugs her shoulders. “I’d love to hear you play some time, if that’s alright with you. And I’m pretty snobby about music, so I promise to be critical as can be. If you suck, I won’t be shy about telling you,” she jokes, laughing. She really did want to hear her play and while the chances of that ever happening are slim, she figures she’ll offer anyway. She nods her head. “Perfect is boring. You should make a shirt out of that. I think that’s part of why I was drawn to this show, too. It’s more realistic to have all of the characters have flaws. The characters are so complex. It’s just... Some gigs seem like they can be a waste of time but this show... It feels like there’s a lot of growth that I can do here and I love that,” she tries to explain, her eyes squinting a little as she thinks. The day that she was offered a part on this show was easily the best day of her life. She smiles and nods her head. “I’ve met some honest people, but you take the genuine cake. I don’t think I’ve met a single person as real as you are,” she admits, laughing lightly. It’s the truth. There are people in Flora’s circle of friends that are honest, but they all pale in comparison to Shay. She lets out a breath, her eyes a little wide as she imagines the kind of obstacles that she must have had to overcome. “Well.. I mean, I did ask about it, didn’t I? And I think you’re too honest to sugarcoat any of the details,” she points out. As saddening as it is to hear all of the details, it gives Flora more light onto how Shay became the person that she is. The more she gets to know her, the more she really can’t blame her for coming off as abrasive as she does. “I don’t mind listening. In fact, I like listening to stories, no matter what they’re about. Besides, your stories are a million times more interesting than anything I could come up with.”

[shaybishop]

“Of course I do,” she says with a bit of a dismissive wave. “I care about the important stuff. Family, friends, music-” she cuts off, clearing her throat. Discussing dreams she’ll never get to achieve won’t do her any good. “But what people think of me isn’t important.” Shay isn’t sure that she feels bad so much as she thinks maybe she should’ve just kept her mouth shut. But she’s always been so candid about how she feels that it’s incredibly hard to mask her emotions sometimes. Her poker face sucks. “I make snap judgements a lot. Seriously. It’s a flaw and I’m aware of it. And I get that. I would’ve asked too. It was cool of you not to throw a hissy fit over it. I’m one of those people who reacts totally poorly to situations, I would’ve just laughed. Sometimes it’s good.” Speaking of people being nice reminded Shay of her phone in her back pocket. It had been going off all day with notifications of new followers and requests from news stations to interview her about this. It’s all so fake, and part of her wonders if her life would be a bit more genuine if she’d just kept her mouth shut about being sick online. But at the same time, as much as she hates it, cancer is part of her. Not acknowledging it would be a disservice to all the experiences she’s had. “I’m just… selective, I suppose. Which I’m sure you can understand. You probably get that a lot too, right? Fake people. Because you’re famous.” Shay shrugs, fiddling absently with a cord on a prop phone. “You don’t really know unless you’re in that situation, but to answer your next question, I’ve accepted it because I’ve been sick for as long as I can remember.” Chewing on her lip in thought for a moment, she wonders if she should answer, but since Flora seems different than she expected, she doesn’t see the harm in it. “I was diagnosed when I was three. Remission until age nine. Remission again at ten. I was cancer free for three years, then I was diagnosed at thirteen. That was a long one, I didn’t go into remission until fifteen, God, my hair took forever to grow back. I was diagnosed again at eighteen, and then I got my terminal diagnosis at nineteen.” Pausing, she laughs. “It sounds awful laid out like that, doesn’t it?”

[floramadera]

Flora perks up a little when Shay starts listing off things she likes, interested to figure out what Shay does like, since she has a pretty clear idea of what she doesn’t like right now. “Music, huh?” She asks, raising an eyebrow. “Do you play anything?” Maybe talking about something that Shay likes will open her up a little and honestly, she wants to know whether she plays or not. She’s never been able to master an instrument herself, unable to keep any form of rhythm at all. She smiles and nods her head, scrunching her nose. “That does seem to be your catchphrase,” she jokes, letting out a short laugh. “Everyone has flaws, I get that. At least you own up to it. Like, if you’d made a snap judgement and then said you didn’t, maybe that would’ve gotten a little bit of a hissy fit,” she says, before shaking her head. “I’m just kidding. But I understand having a hard time holding in emotions. If I’m really passionate about something, it’s really hard to hold myself back.” She keeps her eyes on Shay as she talks, thinking about what it must be like to have to deal with fake niceness. It’s something she understands and equally hates. There’s a lot of people who don’t show their true colors in this industry and she can imagine that it gets just as trying when everyone pretends to be nice just because you’re sick. Dealing with fake people is one thing, and Flora can only imagine it gets a million times worse when you’re battling cancer while doing so. Honestly, she can’t blame her for being sick of it. “Fake people really suck. I can’t really blame you. My first few months here... It was kinda hard to find somebody genuine who wasn’t just trying to hang around me because I was getting more noticed.” She can feel a lump starting to build in her throat as she imagines a younger version of Shay, dealing with the various illnesses and hospital trips. Just thinking about it makes her heart ache. Fighting and beating her sickness, just to have it come back.. There isn’t anything that Flora can think of that’s more heartbreaking than that. She lets out a short laugh when Shay does, clearing her throat. “I don’t really think there’s any way you could lay it out where it wouldn’t sound awful,” she says, taking a deep breath. She looks out to the set and then back at the girl next to her. “Was it just the same illness that kept coming back? Or was it different ones every time?”

[shaybishop]

“They’re always going to do it. I don’t particularly care. I’ve watched this show for a million years and people love a sob story so I have a lot of followers. Hate is just… part of it.” Shay shrugs. She means it when she says she doesn’t care. Hate doesn’t get to her, not the people who say she’s making it up for attention, none of it. She knows the truth and she knows who she is. In that way, she realizes she can actually relate to Flora a little bit. “Oh sure, a little bit yeah. A lot, actually. But it’s like… I don’t know how to explain it.” She’s a little frustrated now. Why does this actress even care so much? It’s not like they’re ever going to speak again. “I’m not saying it’s rational. Or whatever. But you know those people who are just everywhere and it starts to bug you? It’s like that. God, I don’t even know you, it’s not like I sit around thinking about how awful you are.” She laughs a little, shaking her head. “I appreciate that your image matters to you. And I’m genuinely sorry if I offended you. Mom says I do that a lot, offend people. I have to watch what I say or whatever. Something like that.” Shay isn’t so sure about that. She doesn’t trust the motivation behind a lot of people being nice to her. Some nurses were just there because they got paid to be, doctors are hit or miss, and a lot of people only reached out to her when they learned she’d be meeting the cast. She kind of couldn’t wait to see their reactions when they found out the cast started following her, though the amount of times her Instagram and Twitter have alerted her to new followers tells her they may already know. “Some people are paid to be nice, some people are nice because I have cancer. It’s all the same. I don’t trust niceness easily.” Shay shrugs again, no shame in her words at all. “I don’t like that it’s a taboo. People would be less focused on me being sick if they actually acknowledged I’m sick. Like… I’m gonna die. That’s how it is. I like to get that out of the way. Those who are actually cool will stick around.”

[floramadera]

“You don’t seem to care about much. Is there anything you do care about? Y’know, besides this show?” Flora asks. She’s genuinely curious if there is anything in Shay’s life that elicits any kind of interest out of her. Just from the short amount of time she’s known her, it’s clear that the other girl has adopted an ‘I don’t care’ attitude about most things in life. It saddens Flora a little bit, thinking about the kind of life she must’ve had up until now to make her act this way. “I guess I get it. I just... I don’t know..” She says, looking down at the ground. She doesn’t know how to explain why it bugs her so much that Shay doesn’t like her. It doesn’t even really make sense to her. “It’s fine, I don’t care. I’ve just never really been able to ask somebody why they don’t like me. It’s not like I can just randomly ask people, y’know? At least you’re being honest with me. I guess it’s good that you’re as blunt as you are,” she sighs, shrugging her shoulders. She wants to argue and say that her image doesn’t matter to her, because it really isn’t that that she has a problem with, but there’s no point. One day together isn’t going to change this person’s mind and that’s something that Flora has to accept. Not everyone’s going to love her and there isn’t much that she can do about that. “I’m sorry that you think about niceness like that. There are still people in the world who are nice, though. Just because you’ve met some terrible people doesn’t mean that they’re all terrible.” She nods her head slowly at Shay’s words, letting them sink in. She honestly doesn’t know what to say. “It’s kinda hard to accept, y’know? I mean, we’re all gonna die, but it’s... It’s not easy to think about how soon it’s gonna happen for somebody. I don’t know how you accepted it. I don’t think I could’ve,” she admits, taking a deep breath. “How long have you been sick?”

[shaybishop]

Shay doesn’t answer at first, still talking to the cast member, and taking a couple selfies. Once the cast announced she would be on set, an intense spike in followers happened on her Twitter and Instagram, and Shay knows this will probably make it worse. She never wanted any sort of attention, but there’s not much she can do about it now. The cast member gives her a hug before dashing off to hair and makeup, and that leaves Shay with Flora again. “You don’t have to apologize for them. That’s part of being in a fandom. Everyone just argues with everyone. It’s not like I post angry things about you or whatever, so.” Shay sighs, not sure how to explain what she means. It’s not like she hates Flora and spends her days tearing her down, but she doesn’t think she’s particularly obligated to like her either, especially when she hasn’t been part of the cast all that long. “You haven’t always been famous, so you were fans of people, right? You either liked people or you didn’t. You got your impressions from the media and their work and stuff like that. It’s just part of being in the public eye, I guess.” Shay isn’t sure why she even feels compelled to explain so much. But she has to admit, Flora is different than she expected, which she’s okay with. Shay generally tends to like most people, and if someone proves her wrong about her first impression, she’s more than okay with that. “But you’re like, way nicer than I thought. Even though you all probably are getting paid to be nice to me, but you volunteered to stay with me, and I appreciate that a lot.” Something shifted in Shay a long time ago and made her this blunt person, unafraid of letting her mind change constantly, and though she doubts she’ll start running a Flora fan blog, she’s at least appreciative the actress has been so nice to her. “I’m sorry if I come across as ungrateful. I’m just the type to say whatever’s on my mind. Life’s a little short.”

[floramadera]

“I know how fandoms work. Doesn’t excuse them sending hate to anybody,” Flora explains, shrugging her shoulders. She’s never had tolerance for people who did that, not even when she was on the other side, just a fan of a show she never thought she’d actually have the chance to be on in a million years. She nods her head, still a little miffed that Shay built her impression based off of what the media says. It’s no secret that Flora’s gotten more bad press than good recently, no doubt because of her ex’s PR team, but that doesn’t mean people should just blindly dislike her. It’s hard to disprove rumors and stories that seem to be popping up out of everywhere and it doesn’t help that people believe everything they read. “Yeah, I remember liking actors before I got cast here. Still, don’t you just have, like, a little distrust of what tabloids say? Like, any at all?” She asks. She doesn’t know why it bothers her as much as it does that Shay doesn’t seem to like her much. She hasn’t really had the chance to experience this up close and personal. It’s not like she can stop every person on the street who’s ever given her a dirty look and ask them what their problem is. Usually, she just takes whatever treatment people give her, but Shay’s being frank with her, and honestly, she’s hoping to learn how to change the way that people view her. In the end, she knows it doesn’t matter what other people think of her, but it’s hard to keep that in mind when everyone seems to be thinking the same awful things about her. “Thanks? Believe it or not, people can be nice without getting paid to do so,” she says, pursing her lips and crossing her arms. Her eyebrows shoot up, her jaw dropping a little at Shay’s words. “Jeez, you really aren’t kidding.”

[shaybishop]

Shay hears Flora stay with her, wishing she didn’t need a babysitter, but understanding why the showrunners wouldn’t want to leave her unsupervised. “Well… no.” Shay stops at the desk that Flora’s character occupies, debating in her head. She doesn’t want to lie but she doesn’t want to risk ruining this for herself. She isn’t sure what Flora’s relationship with the rest of the cast is, though judging by her relative rookie status, she can’t imagine that they’re incredible close yet. “Look, does it really matter? You have tons of fans, trust me. They send me hate online all the time. And I’m gonna be… anyway, it doesn’t matter.” She ran her fingers over the phone on the desk, before finally turning to face Flora, offering her a shrug. At first glance, Shay doesn’t look sick, but if you looked close enough, you could see the wariness in her eyes and the slight misshapen quality to her legs, and the scars on her neck, arms, and legs. “I’m not… trying to be ungrateful, it’s just you’re not the type of person I’m normally a fan of.” Shay isn’t sure how to put this lightly, and she really doesn’t want to be having this conversation. Luckily, she’s spared by one of the other cast members appearing on set, greeting Shay warmly, and who could obviously tell the situation was getting tense. Shay happily engages the star in conversation, though she has a feeling Flora isn’t going to let this drop quite yet.

[floramadera]

Flora crosses her arms as she waits for an explanation from Shay, watching her as she explores different parts of the set as workers around them continue to try and make it look perfect for filming. She doesn’t know why she needs to know why she doesn’t like her, she just knows that she does. She’s starting to encounter this more often, recently, people simply disliking her for no solid reason. She doesn’t understand it and she’s not going to pretend that she’s alright with it. Unless she’s done something to personally offend Shay, she doesn’t understand why she dislikes her so. “Yeah, it does matter to me. I know that I have fans, and I’m sorry that they send you hate, but I just don’t understand what you don’t like about me,” she tells her, shrugging her shoulders. She doesn’t take her eyes off of her as she waits for some sort of reasoning, just now noticing the different markings on Shay’s skin. They’re not really noticeable at first, but the longer that she looks at her, the more she finds on her. Her eyebrows furrow further, not quite understanding what she meant. What “type of person” does Shay assume her to be? She can’t really make that kind of judgement call on her; she doesn’t even know her. She’s about to tell her as much when someone comes up to them, trying to diffuse the quickly downturning conversation. She rolls her eyes, deciding to give up for the moment, a frown on her face as she watches them interact.

[shaybishop]

Shay always loved acting, but she doesn’t try to hide the irritation when Flora starts up a conversation with her. Though she has to admit, it does seem like she’s genuinely being nice, she really just wants to watch the actors she loves. She knows a generous gift like this shouldn’t make her picky, but she also knows the only reason she’s here is because she’s sick, so she wants it to be perfect. “Yeah, since I was nine. That was the first time I got cancer. So, I’ve been watching for ten years. My favorite season is probably the sixth, if I had to pick.” Shay figures at that point it’s better to be honest so they don’t have to fake their way through a conversation. Dying does a lot to your confidence, and she’s not afraid to say things anymore. “I hate to be rude but I… don’t really want to talk. I’m not really a fan of yours.” Figuring that’s a bit harsh, she backtracks a little. “Probably because you’re new to the show I guess. And I know this makes me sound like a huge asshole, but I’d rather hang out with people that I’m like, a crazy big fan of since this is pretty much going to be my only chance to do this… ever.” Stopping at that, Shay can tell that filming isn’t going to start for a good bit, and she stands, wanting to step onto the set just to see it, and she starts toward it, though she adds to Flora, “I love your character though. She’s a great addition to the ensemble.” And that’s the truth, though she wishes she didn’t feel that way. Stepping onto the set now, Shay feels a surge of warmth as she runs her fingers over one of the desks in the precinct, a precinct that she watched from hospital TV’s the first time she had to sit around while her hair fell out.

[floramadera]

Flora nods her head, letting out a breath. Their conversation is more than a little uncomfortable and before she can say anything in response, Shay’s talking again. Her jaw drops a little at her confession. eyebrows furrowing while she considers for a brief moment how bad the press would be if she started yelling at a cancer patient visiting the set for a day. Deciding that this isn’t the best plan of action, she keeps her mouth shut, not wanting to cause any more problems between them. She knew something was up, but she can’t believe that she’s being so... Open about her dislike for her. She wouldn’t have expected her to tell her exactly how she feels, but maybe that’s just the type of person Shay is. As much as she doesn’t like knowing that she’s not liked, she can respect someone who doesn’t waste time on pleasantries. She watches her stand up from the chair and walk onto the set, following behind her because as much as she wishes she could leave right now, she can’t. She’s her responsibility for the moment and frankly, she kind of wants to know more about why she isn’t liked. “So... Because I haven’t been on this show for a long time, you don’t like me?” She asks, trying to clarify the situation. That doesn’t make much sense in her mind as far as reasoning goes, but there have been worse reasons for people to dislike her. At least Shay likes the character she portrays. She has that going for her.

[shaybishop]

Shay spots the chair that they had made for her and smiles, excited to sit in it and watch the show be filmed, hoping it’s as amazing as when she watches behind the scenes features and bloopers on her DVD collections. She’s interrupted when she plans to walk to sit in her chair when Flora offers to hang out with her. Cringing inwardly, she considers refusing, but afraid of what everyone might think, she simply shrugs, not quite making eye contact. “I don’t see why it wouldn’t be.” Her voice is a little hard as she adds, “But we can still watch them film, right?” Shay is relieved when the producer confirms this, and figures she can tolerate hanging out with Flora since they won’t be able to talk much. She’s a little afraid she’ll end up stuck with going with her to hair and makeup later, but she’ll deal with that when it comes. For now, she can pretend like she adores Flora the way she does the rest of the cast. Shay’s had always been very comfortable with herself, and when writing to the cast about how excited she was to be there, she’d even included a link to her blog, which is widely dominated by this show. She hadn’t written to Flora, nor was she featured much on her blog, though Shay has to admit she does like her character, and does think the girl is a good actress. If only she didn’t waste it. Once she’s settled into her seat at the edge of set, a little behind directors and producers, Shay manages a half-assed nod in Flora’s direction before focusing her eyes on the scene in front of her, demeanor changing almost immediately.

[floramadera]

Flora notices that shift again in Shay’s behavior and she’s sure that she isn’t making it up now. She doesn’t say anything for a few moments, watching as she avoids any attempts at eye contact between the two of them. There’s something weird going on and this only drives the growing curiosity within her. She needs to know what’s causing this change and what’s making her act this way. If there’s only one thing she successfully does today, she’s going to make sure it’s that. She smiles as the producer walks away, following after Shay and pulling a chair up next to her. She can’t quite put her finger on the way that she’s acting right now, but she knows that she doesn’t like it. She seems so nice to everyone else on set, why does Flora have to be the one to receive all of this weird behavior? Is she upset with her for being late? Does she not like her character on the show? Whatever the reason, she needs to figure it out and right the situation as soon as she can. She looks around the set, noticing that they still have a little while before any filming can start. “So,” she starts, breaking the silence between them and shifting her body so that she can look at her. “You said you’ve been watching the show for a while. What’s your favorite season?” She asks, trying to get a conversation going between them. She really just wants to ask her what her problem is, but she figures that it’s best to not antagonize a guest to the set. This is the only thing she knows she has in common with Shay, so she hopes that this settles whatever tension there is between them, assuming there is tension and she isn’t just blowing things out of proportion.

[shaybishop]

It took a lot for Shay to finally decide to approach Make-A-Wish, and there had been a lot of arguing from her parents who just wanted her to go another round of chemo, or get another surgery. But now she’s here, on set of her favorite TV show, kicking off her new life of embracing having hair, being able to leave the house, all that. Shay is nervous, that much is obvious as she’s led to where she’ll be meeting the cast, watching an episode be filmed, and leaving set with some memorabilia that’ll be worthless when she… well, she can’t quite think the word yet. But she’s also excited. She’s spent most of her life in and out of the hospital or recovering from surgeries. She has scars on her legs, arms, and neck from tumors being removed, and her hair has only just grown back. This time, things are serious. The survival rates are low, and frankly, she’s tired. All she wants now is to be able to use her body until it gives out on her, and if that means admitting she’s dying? Then fine. She’ll see the show that’s gotten her through countless surgeries be brought to life in front of her. Meeting the cast is incredible, and she’s grateful that they don’t fill their eyes with sympathy for her. She’s fought cancer since she was three, she’s bored of that expression. Noticeably missing is Flora Madera, and Shay isn’t very upset about it. She has a bad reputation in the press, and she’s a new addition to the show. Flora’s life, well, that’s something Shay dreamed of for years from her hospital bed, and to see story after story of her wasting that dream had created this strange, bitter jealousy in her. So maybe she could still feel anger over her situation. But Flora does arrive, and Shay’s warm, happy smile tightens a little as she shakes her hand briefly, saying a strained, “I’m Shay,” before addressing the rest of the cast. “Thank you all for having me. I started watching this show the first time I got sick, and it means a lot to me.”

[floramadera]

There’s something off about Shay’s smile, but Flora doesn’t say anything. She just watches her as she addresses the rest of the cast, her smile becoming more genuine as she looks at everyone else there with them. She doesn’t want to make any assumptions based off of a three second long interaction, but that must’ve looked weird to everyone else, right? She stays toward the back of the group while everyone else talks with her, watching carefully for any change in demeanor. She looks genuinely happy to be here on set and she can imagine how exciting it is to be able to come and meet the people you’ve watched through a screen for a while. She remembers her first day on set and how surreal it all seemed that these were actually, real people as opposed to just characters on a show. It isn’t long until Peter appears back in the room and tells people to get to costumes to prepare for shooting for the day. Everyone rushes into action, except Flora, who doesn’t have any scenes to film until later in the afternoon. She walks over to Peter, where he’s talking to their guest and trying to find someone to keep an eye on her during filming. “I can hang out with her for a bit. I don’t have to go into makeup and wardrobe for a little while,” she offers, hands behind her back as she smiles at Shay again. She can’t help the curiosity that’s growing within her. She has to know whether she’s just imagining things or not. “If that’s alright with you, of course.”

[floramadera]

Flora scrolls through her phone in her trailer, music from her speaker on full blast to drown out any outside noises. It’s always loud on set and rather than listen to crashing and banging from whatever is being built at the moment, she sets her music on shuffle and waits for someone to come and get her to start the day. Usually, filming doesn’t start for a while after she arrives on set, allowing her to wake up fully and get ready for a full day of work. However, halfway through her normal routine, she hears loud banging on her door before it swings open, Peter rushing inside, his eyes wide. “What are you doing? That girl gets here soon, you have to get ready.” Flora’s eyebrows furrow and she turns off her music, slipping her phone in her pocket as she stands up. “What girl’s coming? What are we getting ready for?” She asks, following after him when he scoffs and walks out of her trailer. “Shay Bishop. The girl from Make-A-Wish. Do you even read the emails you’re sent, or are they all just immediately marked as read?” She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, dodging a few miscellaneous workers as she continues to follow him. She wracks her brain trying to think of the emails she’s read over the past few days before a light goes off and her eyes widen in recognition. “Right, I remember now. I thought that wasn’t until next week, though,” she defends herself, walking ahead of him when he opens the door to the private set for the show. He gives her a look before shaking his head. “Just go join the cast and pray to God she isn’t here already.” With that, he runs off in another direction, leaving her with the only option of finding everyone else and waiting for whoever this girl is to show up. She walks through a few rooms, finally finding everyone gathered together in one of the smaller areas all surrounding a girl she’s never seen before. Shit. She tries to walk as quietly as she can to join them, accidentally knocking over a prop which earns her the attention of everyone in the room. “Look who finally decided to show up.” She smiles sheepishly, waving at the group in front of her and closing the distance between them. She reaches a hand out in front of her towards the girl she doesn’t know, smiling as genuinely as she can. “Hey, sorry about being late. I’m Flora.”