30-day tarot spread challenge
today's spread is gonna be shadow work based since yesterday's reading suggested I needed to do more of this + dream work.
card decks used: les vampires, tarot de la nuit
card one: anti hero | I chose my les vampires oracle deck to do this portion of the spread because I think decks like this are perfect for interpreting personas or archetypes. The card I got was anti-hero, ''maverick, risk taker, and rule breaker.'' I think this is accurate in some instances, to some people I think I do present myself as an antagonist in a comedic/unserious way. I present myself as someone who does not appreciate rules and institutions, and this had gotten me in arguments with family.
card two: ten of cups | ten of cups representing what I conceal or hide is very interesting because its true, i interpret the ten of cups as the family and the sentimental side of life. I've always been someone who doesnt like to be sentimental even in private at the risk of being seen as cheesy, I've always hated movies that are intentionally trying to make the audience cry, Ive always been hyper aware of how people try to invoke emotion, responding emotionally almost feels like im following a script. I cringe when certain people try to be vulnerable or sentimental especially with the intention of forcing a reaction from other people, rather than sharing something without any expectations afterwards. I've been this way since a kid, I do try to conceal being sentimental and emotional because I think I subconsciously want to avoid being someone who uses emotions to manipulate and get a reaction from others.
Card three, the hierophant | the card that represents my feminine self is the hierophant?? at first impressions, the hierophant is about societal norms, tradition, institutions, community, and essentially the archetype of a wise elder or professional. So with this in mind, I think this is possibly saying that the feminine aspect of me is traditional in a sense, shes a woman in the way society defines a woman. The card in the deck im using is depicted using a man, (like most decks) so I think this is saying that this feminine aspect of me is supplied by a male dominated society, shes defined by a very patriarchal view of what a woman should be. I do think this is true as I have written about trying to exile the male gaze from my own self-perception in my own journaling. going back to the first card where I portray myself as disobedient to norms and rules, I think it's important to point out how the actual feminine aspect of me is litterally the oppoiste of that. to some degree, the feminine traits in me are influence by societal norms and expectations, so although I'd like to think of myself as a rule breaker, i conform more than I'd like to admit.
card four: the three of pentacles | the three of pentacles representing the masculine in me makes me want to laugh for some reason. the three of pentacles on surface level is about teamwork, applying skills, planning, strategizing, inspiration, etc. So on first impressions, I wonder if my masculine traits present in a very practical way, perhaps when Im trying to help and work with other people or develop new skills? I think my masculine traits are positive but this makes me sad, because I wish my feminine traits also presented in a way that didn't contradict what I think I present to the world.
card five: death | death representing my whole self is kind of cunt. the culmination of all my traits and complexities is ultimately about transformation and rebirth. Death in this card deck is portrayed as a woman going to a festival to celebrate the dead, so alternately this represents celebration and gratitude, almost as if my whole self honors and celebrates the previous forms of me. my ''whole self'' is a graveyard of who I used to be, and a celebration of all the forms I've had to take to get here-, my whole self is ever evolving and honoring the past. I am a Scorpio rising and Venus so I think this accurately portrays my scorpion traits as well.
