nalu

18 years old gal who likes to be delusional:33

[thatoneurchin]

thinking about how while jackie wasn’t the best player on the team, she was probably the most enthusiastic. like she was probably the first one to learn all of their names. she probably organized team sleepovers. maybe her footwork was not the best, but she could give a great pep talk! ofc she would do your face paint for you! ofc she would help you tie your hair or get out that knot! like this is the girl who stole her mom’s valium because, oh no, what if her best friend is too afraid to fly?? handed off her necklace immediately — here shauna, good luck charm! and like, ofc she didn’t do well in the wilderness. they are wolves, the rabbit is not like them. ofc she flinches at blood, ofc she doesn’t pick up the knife, ofc she can’t hold a gun. ofc, ofc, ofc! this is the girl calming allie’s nerves before a pep rally, helping misty feel pretty for the first time, offering shauna her last bit of food. this is the girl who had so little hate in her heart that she had to steal an insult from beaches, the girl who cried over shauna not being her friend anymore, the girl who would’ve come back inside if she heard an i love you.

jackie “at least we still have each other” taylor

[a-simple-imagine]

Tenderness and Rot

synopsis: when you get sick lottie suggests you spend more time outside connecting with the wilderness but shauna isn’t too happy about it

pairing: shauna shipman x fem!reader

Words: 3.4k

A/N - this is written from Shauna's POV, but I did still use 'you' as the main way of referring to the reader; otherwise, it would have felt more like an OC, which isn't the intention. writing for shauna still feels kinda new to me but hopefully someone enjoys the suffering

WARNING - toxic relationships, mean!shauna but it’s mostly in her head, talks of cults and spiritualism, discussion of cannibalism and butchering (specifically eating you), self loathing, mentions of death, sickness, vomiting and fevers.

Shauna Shipman was a selfish person. She knew this about herself. She would never deny it. It was just so evident in her innate desire to preserve her own peace at the cost of others, but didn't she deserve that? To be a little selfish? After months stuck in the wilderness, wasn't she allowed just to want to be okay? To be in control? Why did she always have to deal with the worst of it? To lose everything out here? It wasn't fair. Everyone was suffering, but she was the only one choosing to live in reality. She didn't allow herself to believe in Van's tales. Nor did she subscribe to the notion of some higher power. No. Shauna Shipman was all too familiar with the harsh reality. Her best friend was dead, and they had all feasted on her flesh. Her baby was dead and buried somewhere only she knew. She had nothing left but you, and even that seemed to be slipping through her fingers. Not that she can blame anyone but herself.

It was still early. The birds shared songs to welcome the rising sun. Still dark outside as she sat staring through the opening of her hut. Shauna was wide awake. Sleep had always been sort of patchy for her, but it was worse when she was left alone. The thoughts in her head are more apparent. The loss more painful. However, Shauna preferred an early morning. The quiet, undisturbed camp a welcome sight. Nobody was expecting anything of her. Nobody to question her as she wanders off into the woods. She doesn't have to walk far to find you. You had set up a makeshift camp in a small clearing per Lottie's advice. You insisted that being out of her would bring you closer to the wilderness. That you needed to be out here to get better. She personally thought it was nonsense. That Lottie was just spewing whatever you wanted to hear. Praying on your vulnerability. You were sick. You had been for a while now. At first, it seemed like a common cold, so nobody worried too much. Everyone figured it would just go away on its own own but it didn't. It still hadn't. Some days were good. Shauna would see you helping out around camp or chatting with Mari and Akilah. Other days, you couldn't even get out of bed. A bucket always close at hand. It was disgusting. Shauna found it rather pathetic. Sad even. She knows it's not your fault, but she can't help it. Nobody knows what's wrong with you or how long you have. Like everything out here, it was merely a matter of time. You're still asleep when Shauna spots you lying on the fur you had taken from the hut. It was yours to do with as you saw fit, but she can't imagine that it alone is providing much comfort. She is cautious in her approach. You look so peaceful, but she can see how the illness has taken its toll on your body. You used to be so full of life. It was incredible how different you were: how different you both were. The way you'd run around that field was always impressive. Every goal you scored was apparently in her honour. It used to really embarrass her. Your eyes used to light up whenever she stepped into a room. You were always so obvious with your emotions. No shame.   She never saw that now. "Hey," said loudly, gently tapping your side with the front of her shoe. "Fun's over, it's time to come back now." It had been three days. She had humoured you long enough. It wasn't cold enough for it to be an issue yet, but she could feel the slight chill on the breeze each morning. The signs of colder times to come, and you were already in terrible shape. Why take such risks? Shauna waits a moment before pushing you a little harder with her foot. "Come on." Your low groan morphs into more of a whine as you adjust your position to look at her. 

"Shauna?" asked groggily. She couldn't tell if you were just tired or if today was one of your bad days. They were more apparent as of late. 

"I'm serious," She declares. "You've been out here long enough; it's not gonna make a difference." 

"Just go back to camp, Shauna." Your voice was quiet but sure as you rolled over to turn away from her. You had no intention of listening. You hadn't when she first explained how ludicrous this venture was. Even if the wilderness was real, surely it would have done something when you first got sick? And if it only worked off devotion, Shauna doubted a few days in the woods would be enough. Camp wasn't ideal either, but at the very least, you had shelter and fire, and she was there. She didn't know how to make you better, but at least she was there in case something happened. You wouldn't die out here on your own. She hardly shows it and wouldn't dare mention it, but she spends a lot of time thinking about your death. Thinking about Jackie's too. Pregnancy. She wouldn't let you die out here. Why wouldn't you listen to her? Why was Lottie's word gospel but her own so easy to ignore? Lottie wasn't exactly of sound mind right now. Was it just because she was nice to you? Is it really that easy to influence you? 

"The wilderness isn't going to help you; it's all bullshit." You lie still and quiet, Shauna wondering if maybe you've gone back to sleep. There is an urge to kick you again, but instead, she kneels beside you, a gentle hand on your back. "Baby, please." She hasn't called you that in a long while. Feels almost wrong coming from her lips. The two of you weren't exactly on the best of terms. Technically, you were still together, but your shared space felt more like an expectation than a want. Couldn't exactly demand the girls make a new one, just for you. Shauna wasn't sure where the two of you stood these days. It was her own fault. She was the one to pull away, but she won't admit that. She doesn't like to give it much thought. She shakes you a little, but you still don't respond. More than likely, you were just ignoring her. 

"How is she?" The voice catches her off guard, jerking her hand away and wobbling on her ankles. It feels like she's been caught doing something wrong. Caught red-handed showing an ounce of compassion. She couldn't have that. Lottie stands tall, with a watchful eye. The mere sight of her makes her blood begin to boil. She had no right to ask about your well-being while being the direct cause of your worsening state. Shauna stands up. Lottie still looked down on her. 

"You need to fix this." Shauna tries to sound assertive. A step closer to the taller woman, eyes sharp. "Now." 

Lottie's stare is vacant, and yet a few seconds staring into them has Shauna looking away. She wonders what thoughts swirl around her head; surely there's more in there than just the wilderness. "Fix?" She had become a woman of few words these days. Shauna found it awfully annoying. 

"You're the reason she's out here," Shauna states. "She really doesn't need you filling her head with nonsense." 

"It's not nonsense," Lottie replies, stepping to the side. Ignoring Shauna to lay her eyes on you. She fights the urge to step in the way; block you from Lottie's fucked up ideas, and instead turns too. Your eyes are closed, your breathing soft and consistent. You have definitely fallen asleep. Shauna sighs loudly, gritting her teeth. Every conversation she had with Lottie felt like it was designed just to piss her off. Shauna was happy to let Lottie dance around with the spirits, but this wasn't about her. It was about you. 

"I'm so sick of this." Shauna proclaims. She was no stranger to voicing her opinions, but it wasn't going to help in this case. "Can you just- say something to her?"

"It's not for us to decide." Lottie places her hand on Shauna's shoulder. Close enough for her to see the hint of a smile that quirks at her lips. She never should have let you get closer to Lottie. Allowed her to fill your head with her delusions. It seemed like it was helping. That you were having more good days than bad. It wasn't like Shauna was in charge of who you hung out with. At this point, it was basically just anyone but her. She had kept an eye on you, though. She knows you like helping Mari and Akilah. That Tai is usually the one to help when it all gets too much. Lottie seemed to be the poison that would ruin everything. A surge of anger bubbling through her veins, Shauna shoves Lottie away. The other girl stumbles but doesn't quite fall. 

"She'll die out here."

"It's not for us to decide," Lottie repeats. A much more apparent smile as she turns and heads back towards the camp. Shauna watches her for a moment. Trying to let her anger follow the other as she leaves, before her attention falls back onto you. She could try dragging you back. It would likely be so easy, but you would end up hating her more than you probably already do. Did she want that? Did it even really matter in the grand scheme of things? The rest of the girls weren't exactly fond of her either. At least you'd be safer. Ultimately, Shauna takes a seat in the dirt right next to you. Staring down the path she took to get here. You'd always be too stubborn for your own good. Too stupid. You move a little closer to her, and she takes it as confirmation of your unconsciousness. The two of you try to stay pretty separate these days.  She doesn't know what else to do, so she just sits there. Letting you sleep. Listening to the sounds of nature existing all around. The day continues without her. Nobody comes looking for her, or you, for that matter. When you finally begin to stir, she rushes away, a little too aware of the proximity. 

"Shauna?" Your voice is quiet. Laced with sleep. 

"Uh... how are you feeling?" What a dumb question. She just doesn't know what else to say. 

"Cold." It wasn't cold out. It was now firmly midday, and the sun was shining warmly from high in the bright blue sky. It was warm enough for her to still be wearing shorts. Shauna watches you struggle to wrap the fur further around yourself as your body prevents its movement. It's ridiculous, but sort of endearing. The crinkle in your brow as you keep trying unsuccessfully. When you give up on the endeavour, she dares to reach out. Your skin is covered in a very noticeable layer of sweat. 

"You have a fever." That much she knew. "I told you being out here would make you worse." 

"I'm fine," you mumble. It makes Shauna groan as she stands up, brushing herself off. She doesn't know why she bothered waiting around so long.

"Whatever." Shauna looks down at you, watching the way you shiver in the heat before starting to head back to camp. 

"Shauna?" 

"What?" She bites back. Tired. Fed up. 

"Can you bring me more fur?" She debates it in her head before turning away. 

"If you're fine, get it yourself." And with that, she leaves you. Nobody says anything when she gets back. A result of the amount of pity they reserved for her because her girlfriend was dying. Shauna doesn't fight it. She'd rather everyone leave her alone than constantly be on her back about things. The rest of the day is painfully normal. She half expects to see you appear in search of the furs. An occasional glance spared your way, but you don't. She goes to bed like you never asked at all.

Checking on you in the early hours of the morning becomes a part of her routine. She tells herself it's just to make sure you're still alive. Ignores the nagging in her gut that gets just a little bit worse each day. You're always asleep when she arrives, and she doesn't wake you. Doesn't even stick around long enough for you to notice. For anyone to notice. And then one day, you're awake before she arrives. She can hear your strained groans. Sounds like you're in a lot of pain. Each step closer is cautious now. You've been sick. A couple of times, in fact. Whatever food spared for you now in the bucket or seeping into the ground. A little soaking into the fur. What a waste. They were also going to have to clean the fur. How annoying. "Ready to come back, now?" It's a sarcastic comment rather than a genuine question. You moan softly. You're much too weak to fight her on this anymore. She knows she's won. You weren't getting better. She was right. But that doesn't make up for the fact that she basically has to hold all your weight as she hauls you back to camp. It's a relief when she lowers you to the floor of the hut. What was she supposed to do now? Stay with you? It gets her out of chores if she plays the role of the compassionate girlfriend. It wasn't entirely untrue either. Shauna stays until she's sure you've gone back to sleep. She doesn't think you got much last night. It's also the only calm she's had since bringing you back here. The incessant groaning was almost enough for her to put you back outside. The sun is high and bright as she steps out from the shade of the hut. Squinting as she looks up to the sky.

Shauna leaves you alone for as long as she can tolerate. On her return, you're lying across the floor. Snuggled into the fur. At least you weren't sick all over it. That's improvement. A bowl of soup sits to your left. Who brought that? Who was coming in here without permission? It's so bothersome that they don't have doors. It doesn't look like you have even touched it. Shauna sighs softly. "You need to eat." She observes you squirm, shaking your head, which she assumes means no. "You're wasting food." She states. She wants to push further, but doesn't. She takes a seat near your head. You are such a hassle. 

You have settled down by the time night begins to fall. You two have hardly spoken, but that's nothing new. Even on a good day, you are mostly silent. An active attempt at avoiding her. Shauna understands. Everyone understands. She wasn't a good girlfriend. A good person. Right now, though, you could barely move, and as much as Shauna loved her alone time in the woods, it was her hut. It was still going to be her hut after it was no longer yours. "What... do you think they'll do with me?"

She doesn't expect the conversation, but who else would you be talking to? "What?"

"I'm sick, so if they eat me, I'll just get everyone else sick." Shauna feels a dip in her stomach. "So what's the point? It's a wasted death," But the logical part of her brain agrees. You are sick, and eating tainted meat might make them all sick. Shauna had stopped worrying about catching something off you long ago. If it happened, so be it, but actively consuming you seemed different. It could be fine. There is a chance that cooking the meat would rid it of the bacteria but was it worth the risk? Especially when they have more resources now? Shauna's not sure she could do it. The idea of everyone getting a piece of you didn't sit right with her. You were her girlfriend. Her person. Did she even have that claim over you anymore? Her person? What did that even mean? Sure, you were still dating, but you hardly spoke. You didn't spend any more time together than necessary. You barely touched each other. Sounded more like enemies than lovers. Maybe that would make sharing you easier if they decide to eat you? She doubted it. 

"I guess," Shauna shrugs a little. It's amazing how mundane a conversation about eating people could be. Just any other day out here. How would you taste? Would the sickness spoil the flavour? Would her complicated sentiments make a difference? How would it feel to have to butcher her girlfriend?

"I don't wanna die," Your faint voice drags Shauna out of her head. You just sound so... tragic. What was one more death to the wilderness? If she believed in Lottie's spirits, maybe she would call this divine retribution. Fate. Even before crashing out here, she wasn't a good person. What kind of person sleeps with her best friend's boyfriend? Have his baby? She was always destined to lose what little she had. Jackie was simply the start of her punishment. She didn't deserve a best friend. Her baby was next. Something so pure didn't deserve a monster for a mother. And now you. She didn't deserve someone like you. But it wasn't fate. It just was. The world was a cruel place, so she was merely following suit. "I'm... scared, Shauna." Hearing her name made her tense up. A cold chill runs down her spine. She didn't want you to die either, and yet, the admission was caught in her throat. "Shauna?" You were searching for comfort in her, why? She hadn't been able to provide that to you for a while. Seeing you just filled her with a deep sorrow. The kind of sadness that hurts her bones. Makes her anger for the world more justified. You sigh softly, or perhaps it's more ofa cry. Followed by a deep cough that sounds heartbreaking. Serious and disgusting. "I miss you." You continue. She can tell there's more you want to say, but for whatever reason, you don't. Maybe you're too tired? Or scared of her reaction? Either way, all you follow it up with is a pitiful. "...please?" You miss the old Shauna. The weaker Shauna, whom everyone walked all over. Didn't look twice at. You wouldn't call her weak; however, it's true. She knows it's true. It's accurate to her. While she still can't bring herself to say anything, Shauna does shuffle closer. Gently holding up your head so she can place it in her lap. You don't protest. You don't say anything. Shauna isn't sure how much longer you have in the wilderness. It is pretty clear that whatever illness has taken over isn't going away any time soon, and with winter fast approaching, your chances of survival are growing ever slimmer. Her hand comes to rest against your side, trembling under her touch. Staring out into the darkness, she can see the flicker of firelight and faintly hear the others chatting. And you both just sit together silently until it becomes too much for her. 

"Do you hate me?" She asks, half expecting you to have fallen asleep already. She doesn't know why she asked. She's pretty sure she already knows the answer but still it's been swirling around her head a lot recently. She was well aware of how much she had changed. How downright wicked she has become. She didn't necessarily feel sorry for it. Felt entitled to her anger. Yet, she could also understand why everyone eyed her suspiciously. The only thing that confused her was you. Why hadn't you simply broken up with her?

"I... don't know," you answer meekly. "I feel like I should, but I- I don't know if I can."  

Shauna feels a pull inside her chest. A crack in her facade and for a moment, in the cover of night, she allows herself to be that girl again. That girl who got into brown. That girl on a winning soccer team. That girl who was allowed to have a girlfriend who cared about her.

[elspinkdoll]

In the woods

knight! ellie williams x princess! reader x witch! abby anderson.

cw: fingering, threesome, top! a & e, bottom! r

notes: no real witchcraft abby just happens to be a witch, only mention of cutting off hair.

-

you were spending the afternoon in the garden, enjoying the spring air, wanting to experience the sunset outside of the palace.

as you were walking further through the garden, wanting to get the best view, you suddenly felt as if something was watching you.

“Princess?” you hear someone say behind you, turning around to be faced with no one, “hello? Who is there?”

Someone jumped out from behind a tree, making you jump back, face dropping from scared to annoyed when you realise who it is.

“Sorry princess, didn’t mean to scare you.” She smiles, bowing her head.

you roll your eyes in annoyance, hitting her arm only for the metal of her armour to end up hurting you more then her, drawing a whine of pain from your lips.“Ellie…”

You notice the emotion in eyes change from playful to concerned in one second.

“Princess? Are you hurt?” She asks, grabbing your hand and checking for any blood.

“I’m okay!” you exclaim, trying to take your hand away but her grip is too strong. “you sure? Your father would kill me if i allowed you to stay injured.” She exclaims, examining over your hand.

“Ellie.. I’m okay!” You giggle, but she shakes her head, “no i think i’ll have to hold your hand to protect it for the rest of the day.”

“Wow… really smooth,” you laugh again, lifting off her helmet. You stare into her green eyes for a few seconds. Just as you begin to lean in, a sound from behind you makes you jump, and you quickly grab Ellie’s forearm.

“What’s up princess?” Ellie asks, concerned at your change of behaviour. “I heard something.”

Ellie’s arms quickly move to her sword, but you stop her. “Let’s go check it out” you suggest but she shakes her head, “We won’t be checking out anything, you will be going back to your room.” Ellie warns, you pout.

“try and stop me.” You laugh, running off into the bush, in the direction of the sound you heard.

“fucking hell.” Ellie mumbles, quietly following after you.

Suddenly you freeze in your tracks, taking notice with whats in front of you.

“Ellie! It looks like a witch’s hut.” You smile, but Ellie isn’t smiling. “Princess, get back here, now.” Ellie’s voice was serious, but being the girl you are you didn’t listen to her.

you walked up to the hut, going to the front door to the place, knocking on the door, “hello! Any witches in there?” You ask in a jokingly tone.

but the door opens, and suddenly, you’re snatched inside.

“Princess!” Ellie exclaims, running over to the hut, banging on the door, with enough force to open it.

The first thing she saw when she open the door, was you… kissing this mysterious girl.

The only thing ellie was thinking was what spell you were under, and how she was going to save you.

“Princess!” She runs over to you grabbing your waist and pulling you back.

You whine in response, looking back at ellie and pouting.

“She doesn’t listen does she?” The girl dressed in black asks, ellie looks at her confused. “Oh I assume she hasn’t been telling you, every night she sneaks out of her room to get fucked by me, after already getting fucked by you.” The girl with the braid states

Ellie stares at you, but you’re not looking at her, too embarrassed to face her.

The blonde looks you up by your hair to make you look at her, “look at her before i cut your hair off.”

Ellie looks mad, more mad then you have ever seen her before, you were embarrassed to admit that it made you hold your thighs together.

“That sure makes you annoyed doesn’t it ellie? She doesn’t get fucked good enough by you she has to get fucked by some witch in the woods.”

“Maybe she didn’t get fucked good enough by you because she always used to wake me up at 3am for round two.” Ellie argues back.

“You sure seem to be loving the attention.” Abby says, nudging you, turning towards ellie, but she rolls her eye. “No one’s saving you now, no wonder you weren’t listening to me before, you took me in here for a reason didn’t you?” Ellie said, walking closer towards you.

“Probably wanted to get fucked by both of us.” Abby whispers into your ear, “abby..” you whine, looking down at your lap, making abby once again pulling your hair up to make you look at her.

Ellie walks closer towards you, grabbing your hips from behind, “is this why you wanted to wear a mini dress today mhm?” Ellie asks.

Abby walks closer to you, grabbing your neck and pulling you in for a kiss.

As abby kisses your lips, ellies lips move a long your neck, sucking on the skin, leaving multiple dark spots which would be harder to hide later.

But you didn’t care about that right now, “you like being a slut huh? Like sneaking around? Anyone else we should know about?” Ellie asks, you shake your head. “No.. it’s only you two i swear.” You whine out.

“You sure? How can we believe you?” Abby asks, lips moving to your ear.

You feel Ellie’s presence leave, Abby’s hands move down continue to move on your body.

Suddenly you feel a hot breath on your neck making you jump, it was ellie, she had taken her suit off and was only in her boxers and bra.

Ellie’s hands move down to the hem of your dress to lift up, Abby’s hands move down to your panties, taking them off in one motion.

Both of their arms moved along your body

“Arms up” Ellie demands, you lift your arms up in the air, then ellie grabs the dress lifting it up over your head.

“You’re so beautiful baby.” Abby smiles.

Their hands move down between your thighs as their lips suck your neck and jawline.

You suddenly gasp at the feeling, Abby fingers rub your clit and Ellie shoves two fingers inside you.

Her hand is moving at a fast paste, you let out a moan but Ellie’s hand quickly moves over your mouth.

It must be muscle memory, she’s used to making sure you stay quiet but then she remember, she’s not in the castle now.

Her hand moves away from your mouth, allowing you to moan as loud as you want to.

“Fuck Abby..” you moan out, Making her smirk at the auburn girl.

Ellie started back at her blankly, giving your ass a firm spank. “Say my name, slut.” Ellie warns.

“Ellie please! Fuck me harder.” you beg, ellie quickly adjusts her position to be able to fuck you harder, even deciding to add a third finger.

Abby’s fingers move faster along your clit, moving in between your folds, then shoving them in your mouth, gagging you.

You looked at abby and back at ellie, silently telling them that you were about to cum.

“What do you think Ellie? Should we let her cum?” Abby asks teasingly.

You nod your head quickly, but she wasn’t talking to you.

“Mhmm i don’t know.” Ellie says, you whine, “no no no! please let me cum.”

Abby smiles at ellie then back at you, whispering in your ear, “Cum.”

Her words were literal magic, as soon as they left her lips you were cumming all over Ellie’s fingers.

“Holy shit, we need to do that again.”

taglist

@elliesssgf @uniquewombatexpert @angelz-void @pupgirldogboy @usuck @gguksprite @sooodie

[sansafilms]

tgirl nat getting you pregnant in doggy style?

me and my girl we got this relationship — natalie scatorccio x reader

authors note: i need to carry her kids. at LEAST birth six of them.

summary: nat is so stressed and so horny that she breaks her rule of never having kids.

warnings: NSFW, mtf!nat, afab!reader, p in v sex, unprotected sex, s3 wilderness, praise, nipple play, very brief biting, breeding kink

word count: 659 words

song playing: doin’ time by lana del rey

NAT KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA. a really fucking bad idea actually. but at this point in time, no consequence can compare to the way you looked underneath her.

it was late at night, the sound of hooting owls echoing in the relatively quiet camp. and in her (and yours now) personal tent, moans were desperately being muffled. 

the sight was so beautiful. nat watched, on her knees, as her cock thrusted in and out of your pussy. your ass on full display, as each time it met her hips, a lewd sound would echo. your back slightly arched a little, giving her cock better access to going deeper. and even though she couldn’t see your face, she could tell your eyes were hazy with pleasure, and your lips were being bitten bloody in order to stop yourself from becoming too loud in order to not disturb the rest of the camp. not like it mattered anyway, there was no hiding the sound of sex echoing in the wilderness.

nat can feel her tip hit your cervix, and she has to lean forward and bite on your shoulder to not moan out. 

nat knew fucking you without any protection was such a bad idea. but especially in a place like the wilderness. there was a risk of you getting pregnant, and even the thought of it should scare nat. nat who had promised herself she would never become a parent, mainly because she didn't want to be like her own parents. 

but being queen was stressful. having to deal with being a leader to everyone. and dont get her started on having to deal with shauna being shauna. but you were right there, oh so kind and eager to help in relieving any of her stress. you listened. and you helped.

like right now, nat can't help but moan softly into your shoulder, gently kissing the bite she gave to the skin, trying to soothe it. “you feel so fucking good,” she whispers, her hips in a consistent rhythm.

she hears that whine in your throat, and it makes her want to take more. “so good for me,” she says as her hips speed up a little. she sees the way your hands bunch up some of the quilted fabric underneath you, and can vaguely see the bounce of your tits. “f-fuck nat—” you cry out softly when her hands come up from your hips to wrap around your chest, fondling your chest.

her fingers massage over the swell, before tugging at your nipples. she hears another cry escape you, your back arching and cunt clenching against her cock, making it twitch inside of you. “just like that baby, doing so good for me,” she praises.

her cock begins to twitch even more, and she can feel her core tighten. “i’m close baby,” she mutters against your shoulder.

you nod eagerly, “cum in me. please.” 

the logical part of her screams no. she’ll pull out. she has to.

but fuck logic. nothing here was ever logical. she groans as her thrusts turn sloppy, “you’d like that, huh? to be filled up, to be a mommy?” she says, one of her hands moving to circle your clit, bringing you closer to your climax, “cum for me baby. cum and i’ll give it to you.”

she feels your walls clench, and sees how you bring a hand up to your mouth to hide the erotic sound threatening to leave. the moment she feels your walls tighten, it sets off her own release. she’s no longer thinking, not when the delicious feeling of her cum spewing out and painting your insides is happening.

she holds you up by the waist as you two pant heavily, coming down from your highs. her hands subconsciously moving to your stomach, already imagining you carrying her kid. it’s a scary thought, but she notices that it's one that also makes her feel warm and important.

[rhiannonsknife]

FINALY MY GIRL MISTY GETTING THE LOVE SHE DESERVES!!!

She would be absolutely shy about it, 100% also...you mentioned perv!misty?....👀...how...um how would that...go?

—🐦‍⬛

» misty quigley x fem!reader.

— warnings: perv!misty thoughts, as requested by 🐦‍⬛ anon + multiple other anons in my inbox. nsfw content. mdni. voyeurism. masturbation. pillow humping.

misty who “follows you” (read: sneaks after you without you noticing) whenever you go down to the lake for a wash. she knows you prefer to be on your own, probably uncomfortable getting naked in front of all the other girls. you’re always so hesitant to get changed in the village, too, hiding away in your hut to undress. honestly, misty doesn’t get it: you have such a beautiful body. she’s seen it, she knows what you’ve got under all those clothes, and there’s really no reason for you to be insecure at all!!

misty who hides along the tree line, ducking behind a bush to get the best view without you catching her. she doesn’t even know when she started doing this, or why she’s doing it to begin with, but misty figures that somebody has to look after you, if you’re going to keep being silly and wandering off all on your own. what if you slipped on the rocks, hit your head, and drowned? what then? so, by misty’s logic, she has every right to be here, protecting you. she watches more & more skin be revealed with every piece of clothing you discard, her gaze wandering from your thighs, up your stomach, and over your breasts, her jaw dropping gradually, as it does each time she gets to see you like this.

misty who can’t help the hand that slides into her pants at the sight of you wading into the lake & leaning your head back to wash your hair. a little gasp slips out, and she immediately slaps her free hand over her mouth, fingertips still circling her clit as her eyes remain set on you. only when someone calls her name or she hears footsteps in the underbrush, does misty sometimes retreat early, not wanting to risk being caught (because then she’d have to stop!). usually, though, she stays until you come back out of the water, hair slicked back & your skin shimmering wet.

misty who claims she has to ‘check up’ on you way more frequently than any of the others, using every possible excuse to get her hands on you close to you. misty who finds a ‘medical’ reason to get you naked below the waist……?

misty who steals your panties when she’s on laundry duty. actually, scratch that, she’ll also sneak into your hut, or dig through the communal laundry piles when no one’s watching (not that anyone ever pays much attention to her anyway, which really comes in handy), to get her hands on your worn underwear. misty panty-sniffer quigley™. misty who holds your panties to her face while touching herself. misty who wears them, after, and pretends to be clueless when you ask if anyone has seen your underwear.

and speaking of misty sneaking into your hut: she often finds herself in there when you’re either busy feeding the animals with akilah or off on some other duty that requires you to leave the village. misty pokes around, then, checking out all the little things you keep to yourself. aside from the fact that she just likes being in your space, she’ll also go through your stuff, sniff your clothes, hump your pillow etc.

[sapphicswph]

bitter

warnings : fem!reader x shauna . hurt / comfort . poisoning . vomiting . implied self-harm / suicidal ideation (discussed, not acted on) . canon yellowjackets stuff .

you can find the request here

you stumble through the underbrush, your vision blurring at the edges like someone’s smudged the world with their thumb. the berries had looked harmless enough, small and dark purple things clustered on a bush you’d sworn you’d seen nat picking from before. but now your stomach twists like it’s trying to turn itself inside out, and your legs feel like they’re made of rubber. you drop to your knees, clutching at the dirt, trying to breathe through the nausea that’s building like a storm.

“oh shit, oh shit!” van’s voice cuts through the haze first, sharp and panicked as she crashes through the trees with misty right behind her. van skids to a stop beside you, her hands hovering like she doesn’t know whether to touch you or not. “what the hell happened? you look like you’re about to puke your guts out.”

misty’s already kneeling down, her glasses slipping down her nose as she grabs your wrist, feeling for your pulse. “berries? did you eat berries? which ones? describe them, color, size, were they fuzzy?” her words tumble out fast, her face pale under the dirt smudges. she’s trying to sound like she knows what she’s doing, but her hands are shaking.

“i… i don’t know,” you manage to gasp, the world spinning harder now. “purple… small… thought they were okay.”

van swears under her breath, standing up and pacing. “great, just great. misty, what do we do? force charcoal or something? we don’t have charcoal! should we make her drink water? or- or ipecac? do we even have that?”

“ipecac? in the middle of nowhere? are you stupid?” misty snaps back, her voice rising. “we need to induce vomiting, like, now. but if it’s the wrong kind, it could make it worse. wait, no- nightshade? was it nightshade? oh god, if it’s nightshade we’re screwed.”

they’re arguing over you, voices blending into a chaotic buzz, van gesturing wildly and misty rummaging through her little pouch of scavenged supplies like she’s gonna pull out a miracle. you try to focus, but everything’s going fuzzy, your mouth tasting like metal and regret. “guys… i feel- uh… bad.”

“no shit you feel bad!” van yells, then catches herself, dropping back down. “okay… okay, misty, just- do something! you’re the one who reads all those medical books!”

“i’m trying! but if we wait too long-“ misty’s cut off as heavy footsteps pound through the leaves, and suddenly shauna’s there, shoving past them like a force of nature. her eyes lock on you, wide and fierce, and without a word she drops to her knees, grabs your jaw roughly but not hard enough to hurt, and jams two fingers down your throat.

you gag immediately, the intrusion shocking your system, and everything comes up in a heaving rush. berries, bile and whatever else was in your stomach splattering onto the ground in a messy arc. the sour acid burning your throat as you cough and retch. van makes a face, stepping back with a “ew, fuck,” while misty stares, mouth open like she can’t believe shauna just did that.

shauna doesn’t let up until you’re dry-heaving, nothing left to give, then she pulls her hand back, wiping it on her jeans without flinching. her face is set, jaw tight, but her eyes are stormy as she looks you over. “what the fuck were you thinking?” she mutters, voice low and edged with something sharper than anger.

you slump against her, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, the world steadying a little now that the poison’s out. “i… it was an accident. i thought they were the safe ones.”

van exhales, running a hand through her hair. “jesus, that was close. misty, you think she’s okay now?”

misty nods slowly, still looking stunned. “yeah, uh, inducing vomiting was… actually the right call. good job, shauna. we should get her some water, monitor her for a bit.”

shauna doesn’t acknowledge them, just helps you to your feet, her arm around your waist like she’s afraid you’ll collapse again. “come on,” she says, steering you back toward camp, leaving van and misty exchanging glances behind you.

the walk back to your hut feels longer than usual, the camp’s little cluster of makeshift shelters eventually coming into view. shauna guides you inside, the dim light filtering through the cracks, and eases you down onto the pile of blankets and furs that serve as your bed.

you lean back, still shaky, watching as she paces the small space, her hands clenching and unclenching. “shauna, i’m fine now… really. it was just stupid.”

she stops, turning to face you, and the look in her eyes makes your stomach drop but not the poison kind, the emotional kind. “stupid? you could’ve died. and you expect me to believe it was an accident?” her voice cracks a little on the last word, and she crosses her arms, trying to hide it.

“what? of course it was. why would i-“

“because i know you,” she interrupts, stepping closer. “i know how you get sometimes. the way you zone out, like nothing matters. like maybe it’d be easier if… if you just didn’t have to deal with all this shit anymore.” she gestures vaguely at the hut, the wilderness beyond. “you’ve talked about it before, back when things got really bad last winter. the dark days… don’t lie to me.”

you sit up straighter, reaching for her hand, but she pulls back slightly, waiting. “shauna, no. listen to me. i swear, it wasn’t like that. i was just foraging, trying to help out, and i grabbed the wrong bush. i’m not… i’m not trying to check out. not when i have you.”

she searches your face, her brown eyes intense, like she’s trying to read every flicker. finally, she sighs, sinking down beside you, her shoulder brushing yours. “you promise? because if you’re bullshitting me…”

“i promise,” you say softly, leaning into her. “i’m here. with you and that’s what matters.”

she nods, but there’s still that tension in her jaw, the way she wraps an arm around you a little too tight, like she’s anchoring you. “okay. but from now on, you don’t eat anything unless i give it to you. i mean it. i’ll check it myself.”

you chuckle weakly, trying to lighten the mood. “what, you’re gonna feed me like a baby bird?”

“if i have to,” she says, dead serious, but there’s a tiny quirk at the corner of her mouth. “no more risks. we can’t… i can’t lose you out here.”

the rest of the day blurs a bit. shauna sticks close, bringing you sips of water from the stream, bits of dried meat she tears off herself. when night falls, the camp quiets down, the crackle of the central fire dying out. inside the hut, it’s just the two of you, the air thick with the smell of earth and pine. she lies down beside you, pulling you against her chest, her heartbeat steady under your ear.

“you scared me today,” she whispers into the dark, her fingers tracing lazy patterns on your back.

“i know. and i am sorry.”

“don’t be sorry. just… stay with me.”

you nod against her, feeling the warmth of her body chase away the last chills. but even as you drift off, you can sense her vigilance, like she’s already planning how to keep you safe from the world. and maybe from yourself.

the next morning, shauna’s up before you, sorting through the small stash of food in the corner of the hut. you watch her from the bed, the way her movements are precise, methodical while checking each piece like it’s a potential threat. “morning,” you mumble, sitting up.

she glances over, handing you a strip of jerky without a word. “eat this. i got it from tai last night… it’s safe.”

you take it, nibbling slowly. “thanks. you don’t have to babysit me, you know.”

“yeah, i do,” she says flatly, sitting down cross-legged in front of you. “until i’m sure you’re not gonna pull another dumbass move.”

“hey, it was one time.”

“one time too many.” she watches you chew, her gaze softening a fraction. “look, out here? everything’s trying to kill us. bears, wolves, starvation, and whatever the fuck lottie’s always going on about. i can’t control that. but this? you eating shit without thinking? that i can.”

you swallow, setting the jerky aside. “shauna, i get it. but i’m not fragile. we’ve all made mistakes.”

“mistakes that almost end you? no.” she leans forward, her hand on your knee. “you think i don’t remember how it felt last winter? watching you stare at nothing for days, barely talking? i thought… i thought i was gonna wake up one morning and you’d be gone.”

her voice wavers, and you pull her into a hug, feeling her bury her face in your shoulder. “i’m not going anywhere. i told you, it was an accident.”

“prove it,” she murmurs, pulling back to look at you. “stick around. help me make this hut less shitty or something.”

you smile faintly. “deal. what’s first? reinforce the walls?”

“no. first, you finish that jerky. from my hand.” she holds it up, half-joking, but when you lean in to take a bite, she doesn’t pull away.

shauna’s protectiveness turning into a routine. she forages with you now, pointing out the safe plants, quizzing you like it’s a game. “this one?” she’ll ask, holding up a berry.

“poison,” you’ll say, and she’ll nod satisfied.

one afternoon, you’re both by the lake, washing up, when van wanders over, smirking. “hey, lovebirds. still on poison watch?”

shauna shoots her a glare. “fuck off, van.”

van laughs, holding up her hands. “just saying, that was some hero shit you pulled. fingers down the throat? classic.”

you groan, splashing water at her. “don’t remind me. it was gross.”

“effective, though,” tai chimes in next to van. “shauna, you ever think about medical training? you got the stomach for it.”

shauna shrugs, but you catch the faint flush on her cheeks. “just did what needed doing.”

later, back in the hut, as the sun dips low, you tease her about it. “my hero, huh?”

“shut up,” she grumbles, but she’s smiling as she pulls you down beside her, her hand finding yours in the dark. “just don’t make me do it again.”

“promise.” and as you curl into her, the wilderness outside feels a little less threatening with her there, watching over you.

[scatorcciosgirl]

dealer!nat x innocent!reader headcanons…

Dealer!Nat x Innocent!Reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+ / MDNI, modern college AU, fem!reader, usage of y/n, slow burn (kinda?), reader is oblivious, mentions of smoking & drug use, profanity, loss of virginity, fingering (r!receiving), oral (r!receiving + implied giving), use of strap-on (r!receiving), mentions of cockwarming, implied semi-public sex, praise kink, slight d/s dynamics, not proofread

Note: i got this stuck in my head and i couldn’t get it out (:

sfw

Dealer!Nat who only started dealing to put herself through school. Could she have just gotten a regular job? Probably. Should she have? Hell no. There was no way she was gonna pay off her student loans on time that way. And, thanks to her dad, she was already in debt enough as is.

Dealer!Nat who gains a reputation fast. Not just because her weed is good (it is, though - best on campus), but because she’s a player. It doesn’t matter who you are - guy or girl - you’re not immune to the Natalie Scatorccio effect. She fucks and leaves and never speaks to you again.

Dealer!Nat whom you meet because your roommate wants to buy weed but doesn’t want to go alone. So, you go with her to meet the dealer in the dark parking lot of the local grocery store in your college town.

Dealer!Nat who notices you because you’re wearing a low-cut shirt that shows your cleavage, a tennis skirt that shows the roundness of your ass, and a too bright smile for someone attending a drug deal.

Dealer!Nat who never gives discounts, but gives your roommate a discount that night.

Dealer!Nat who can’t help but smile when you wave goodbye and wish her a good night when the transaction is over. Then she overhears you talking with your roommate as you leave,

“She was nice. I wanted to tell her I liked her hair but I thought it would be too weird.”

Dealer!Nat who got unreasonably happy when she sells to your roommate again and you show up with her, wearing a matching pajama set this time and bunny slippers.

Dealer!Nat who asks your roommate if you're coming every time she asks about a pickup and conveniently gets busy when she says no

Dealer!Nat who calls you bunny every time you see each other after that.

“You always wear stuff like that, Bunny? Or am I just special?”

“Oh! No! I just bought this shirt the other day. Isn’t it cute?”

Dealer!Nat who, when you don’t respond to her flirting, starts thinking you’re either the most oblivious person on the planet or maybe you’re not into girls. Or, worse… maybe you’re just not into her.

Dealer!Nat who starts flirting harder with you to see what you do.

Dealer!Nat who is pleasantly surprised when you show up alone to a transaction. You tell her that your roommate couldn’t make it so she sent you to pick up her stuff.

Dealer!Nat who exchanges numbers with you “just in case” and immediately puts your contact as bunny🐇

Dealer!Nat who adds in a free edible once for you and your roommate informs her that you don't do weed.

Dealer!Nat who texts you that night to tease you for not being a stoner. And then starts texting you even more, learning about you. Your major, your hobbies, your favorites. Dealer!Nat who starts ‘randomly’ showing up at places you told her you were going to be at so she has an excuse to talk to you.

Dealer!Nat who insists you call her Nat every time you call her Natalie.

Dealer!Nat who starts spending more time with you. Walking you to class. Driving or walking you back to your dorm when it's late. A study session at your dorm room. A horror movie marathon at her apartment.

Dealer!Nat who memorizes your coffee order, favorite snacks, and your class schedule.

Dealer!Nat who lends you her leather jacket once, then a hoodie. Then more hoodies because that one came back smelling like you.

Dealer!Nat who teases you for your music taste but exchanges playlists with you.

Dealer!Nat who tries not to smoke around you. But makes sure to blow the smoke away from you if she does.

Dealer!Nat who doesn't realize how much she's fallen for you she is until it's too late because now you're falling asleep on her shoulder and spending the night at her place and handing her things with small smiles, saying, "It made me think of you!"

Dealer!Nat who tries to pull away once she realizes and stops texting you as much. But that only lasts a couple of days because then you're asking her how her day went and telling her you made cookies.

Dealer!Nat who tries to figure out if you even like girls but gets nowhere.

"You talking to anyone lately, Bunny?"

"Um... you?"

Dealer!Nat who gets surprised one day when you shyly ask if you can have a hit off the joint she's smoking out her bedroom window. She talks you through your first hit and can't help but laugh when you cough.

Dealer!Nat who lets you smoke more the next few times you hang out and listens to you ramble about anything and everything when you get high after a few hits.

Dealer!Nat who nearly chokes on the hit she just took when you ask her one day what shotgunning is because you heard about it on TikTok.

"They said it's blowing smoke into someone's mouth... through a kiss? I didn't know you could do that."

"Uh, yeah. That's one way to do it. Usually it's just... mouth to mouth. Gets the smoke in deeper."

"Oh... Have you ever done it?"

Dealer!Nat who shotguns the joint for you. She thinks fuck it when your lips brush and kisses you, soft and hesitant at first. It quickly turns into a full-blown makeout session when you don't pull away from her.

Dealer!Nat who doesn't fuck you that night - even though she really really wants to - because you've told her once that you're a virgin. You end up staying at her place, though. Falling asleep to Finding Nemo after exchanging kisses with her for a while.

Dealer!Nat who toes the line for a while after that. Nothing really changes between the two of you, except for you kiss now. Often. You've exchanged study sessions for makeout sessions.

Dealer!Nat who wants to ask you out. She wants to do it the right way. But she's never done this before. So she goes back and forth for a while before she texts you one day when you're not with her.

nat🫶

what are u doing friday?

bunny🐇

nothing

why? 🙃

nat🫶

wanna go out with me?

like on a actual date

not just smoking n horror movies n shit

bunny🐇

i’d love that (:

Dealer!Nat who shows up at 6 PM sharp to your dorm room Friday night with a bouquet of your favorite flowers, wearing her signature leather jacket. She takes you to a cozy hole-in-the-wall pizza place with a mini arcade and wins you a stuffed bunny.

Dealer!Nat who never asks you to be her girlfriend because she figured the date was enough to make it official until you quietly ask her one night if you're together-together.

Dealer!Nat who proudly puts a bunny in the bio of all of her abandoned socials.

Dealer!Nat who solely refers to you as her girl.

"Fuck off, my girl made these for me."

"Oh, yeah, my girl likes that book."

Dealer!Nat who, despite mostly selling to preppy rich kids, makes you stay in the car when you go with her to deals just to be safe.

Dealer!Nat who got incredibly flustered the first time you told her you loved her. The two of you were supposed to be studying in her room but you'd ended up making out. Then, all of a sudden, you pulled back and just stared at her.

"What?"

"Nothing... I just really love you, Nat."

nsfw

Dealer!Nat who is so soft with you your first time (which you initiated, by the way). The two of you were making out - as usual - when you pulled back to catch your breath.

"I want you, Nat."

Dealer!Nat who, after making sure you're sure, slowly undresses you, kissing every inch of skin that gets revealed to her. She tells you how pretty you are the entire time.

Dealer!Nat who groans when she finally slides your panties down and sees how wet you are for her. She slides her fingers through your folds, gathering your slick. Then, finally, she inserts a finger. Then two.

Dealer!Nat who talks you through it every time.

"You're doing so good for me, Bunny."

Dealer!Nat who encourages you to be noisy.

"Don't hide those pretty sounds from me, baby."

Dealer!Nat who could live between your legs. She can't get enough of how you taste, or the way your thighs clench around her head, or how your fingers feel tangled in her hair.

Dealer!Nat who loves how sensitive you are and starts using it against you.

"It's too much, Nat. I can't-"

"Shh. Yes, you can, Bunny. Be a good girl and give me one more."

Dealer!Nat who slowly starts lying when she says she's only gonna make you cum one more time. You’re just too pretty when you finish, she can’t stop.

Dealer!Nat who can't get enough of how you sound when you beg. And she always gives in. She'll try to make you wait but the second you whine her name, she's folding.

Dealer!Nat who buys a pink strap for you but is so hesitant to use it for a while. And when she finally decides it's time, she spends so long prepping you with her fingers and lots of lube.

Dealer!Nat who becomes obsessed with making you sit on the strap. She loves hearing your whines as she helps you ride it, loves watching you struggle to take it all. Sometimes, she just makes you stay still on it.

Dealer!Nat who nearly loses her mind when you ask her to teach you how to go down on her. She's so patient with you, though, and praises you the entire time.

“That’s it. Good job, Bunny.”

Dealer!Nat who sometimes makes you late to events because you look so pretty she just has to have you moaning her name.

Dealer!Nat who starts getting risky in public. In her pick-up between deals. Her hand under your skirt at a party. Sitting on her lap during a movie night with her friends. She can't get enough of the way you try not to squirm as her fingers press against you through your panties.

Dealer!Nat who didn’t even know just how kinky she was before you because she only ever had one-night stands.

[flordemaracaju]

hey so can someone help me with finding this fic? it was an ellie x reader, but the reader was a stalker. literally. infected.

at the start ellie was kind of stuck, but the reader helps her and at the end ellie kills reader.

i've already searched but i can't find it, i don't remember the title or the author so it's making it harder. i would appreciate if someone could give me any information, thank you!!

[les4elliewilliams]

❝SAVE YOUR TEARS.❞ ― 𝐕𝐎𝐋𝐔𝐌𝐄 𝚰𝚰, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞.

PLAYER!ELLIE ﾒ MEAN!READER ─ ALWAYS PLAY THE PLAYER.

❝YEAH, I BROKE YOUR HEART LIKE SOMEONE DID TO MINE, AND NOW YOU WON’T LOVE ME FOR A SECOND TIME❞

ᝰ.ᐟ⌞SUMMARY⌝ ﹕ A year after that devastating summer, Ellie is stunned to see you again—this time at a summer camp where you’re both working. The girl who once led her on and then disappeared without a trace is back, but Ellie’s no longer the naive girl you once played. Still aching from the way you broke her heart, Ellie is filled with a desire for revenge. She wants to make you feel the same confusion and hurt she felt. She’s ready to pull you into the same emotional game she was trapped in, to finally get her payback. But as she carefully lays her plans, Ellie finds herself in uncharted territory. She’s never been one for revenge, and now that the opportunity is in front of her, she begins to question if it will really give her the closure she craves—or if it will leave her with something far worse. Is revenge really worth it, or will Ellie learn the hard way that some wounds can’t be healed by hurting the person who caused them?

✶.ᐟ⌞THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS⌝﹕12.5k words⨾ no use of y/n⨾ pussy wrecking angst yuri shit⨾ headcounselor!abby⨾ exsituationship!abby⨾ exsituationship!ellie⨾ counselor!ellie⨾ ellie’s mean as fuck but still down bad⨾ counselor!reader⨾ lootttsss of tension⨾ bullying/slut shaming(?)⨾ ISSUES⨾ yearning⨾ cussing ⨾ ellie and reader arguing again😣 ⨾ use of drugs and alcohol ⨾ mention of cheating ⨾ reader wanting to bite abby's biceps ⨾ slowburn (exgf ellie/enemies to lovers or wtv).

.ᐟ.ᐟ⌞AUTHOR’S NOTE⌝ ﹕y'all are gonna love the 4th of july. lol. anygays! reblogs, comments and feedback of any kind highly appreciated<3 i might not be able to add anyone else to the taglist unfortunately. blame tumblr for that. ── a special thank you to these freaks who helped me proofread this (ily so much) @sapphichotmess, @zzelysian, @liztreez.

#.ᐟ ⌞CHAPTERS⌝ ↯

˗ˏˋ catch up, will ya? •｡𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 ⋆ 𝐨𝐧𝐞 ⋆ 𝐭𝐰𝐨 ⋆ 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 ⋆ 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫 ⋆ 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 ⋆ 𝐬𝐢𝐱 ⋆ 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 ⋆ 𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ⋆ 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞ˎˊ˗

𝟏𝟒𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞.

Somewhere between mock scenarios and the bickering, it stopped feeling like counselor training.

Endure and survive, they said. The only time it even remotely resembled something normal was when Ellie or Savannah weren’t up your ass, making everything miserable just because they remembered free will was a thing. 

Abby, ever the responsible camp counselor, insisted you all participate in these stupid kiddie activities. Storytelling around a fake campfire, organizing craft sessions and leading sing-alongs—like you needed to be trained on babysitting. But you knew why she was really doing it—she desperately wanted you all to work together like some dysfunctional high school clique stuck in a group project. Realistically, it was never going to work out, given the lack of teamwork and collaboration between you and Savannah, as well as between you and Ellie.

A few days had passed since the training started. Still, each one felt like a never-ending stretch of agony put up by Kronos himself that had seemed to put the world on a momentary pause just to watch you suffer, every single minute pulling you deeper into this sickening routine of being surrounded by people you couldn’t stand. 

They were always there, circling like vultures around a dying animal, waiting for the perfect moment to swoop in and tear flesh from the bone of a dying creature that bit back at every peck they took. Because even if deep down a part of you thought maybe you deserved some of it, you’d be damned if you let them treat you like a doormat. You weren’t here to take their shit.

Ellie might have had her reasons, but after what she did, she had no right to act like this was all your fault. She wasn’t some saint in all of this either.

Savannah, on the other hand, would find joy in knocking into you like a middle-school bully every chance she got, always messing with you during every task just to see how far she could push before you lost it. Ellie sat there like it was some sort of romcom for her eyes only, snickering and throwing out snarky remarks whenever Savannah ran out of creative material of her own, mostly to see who made it under your skin first. As soon as you made even the slightest mistake, you’d hear Savannah whisper and snicker to herself, always loud enough for you to catch it, as if she wanted you to know she was laughing at you.

Then came the worst part: Ellie’s laugh. It pissed you off to no end the way she laughed directly at your failure, with that smug little smirk that followed like she was so proud of herself. It made you want to scream, to tear something apart with your bare hands—perhaps even her face, no matter how much you loved it. But enough was enough.

Something in you refused to let it slide, even though you knew Abby would give you the same stupid advice: “Ignore them,” or “Let it go.” She wasn’t mad, but rather weary of the constant back-and-forth, or perhaps it was the constant complaints from Alexis about Ellie’s nonstop rants about how annoying you supposedly were.

Abby had tried her best to mend the rifts whenever you threatened to tear each other apart, determined to make you work together. You could almost taste the naive optimism radiating from her, the delusion that a simple “heart-to-heart” would magically do the trick. You nearly scoffed at the thought, as if. Abby, bless her oblivious soul, was wholly unaware of the ugly wounds that had been decaying for nearly twelve months. She didn’t get it, didn’t get that you weren’t just fighting over futile things like children, as she put it. It was a messier situation than that, far too intricate to brush under the rug and ‘get over with.’

You, though, were almost as confused as she was—you couldn’t understand why Ellie still had this vendetta against you. She’d gotten her payback, hadn’t she? She had turned your days to ash and your nights to haunted cries. What more did she want from you? Was it the fact that she hadn’t been there to see your downfall firsthand? Or had you, with careless hands, turned her to this? Into a sadistic bitch who seemed to enjoy watching you suffer and of the sweet girl whose eyes once held entire starlights, no trace.

Where did she go?

The realization that you’d played a part in turning her into this vindictive version of herself left a nasty taste on your tongue. You had drained her of any light, and she, just like the moon, had only ever been luminous because of you. You hadn’t known you were her sun, however brief the relationship had been. But the sun had always burned too bright to need anyone, too scorching to touch and she had willingly burned for you. The auburnette had set herself on fire and naively believed that dying in your light would somehow make you hers—it didn’t. 

You promised her warmth and left her to deal with the cold instead.

And for that, she will never forgive you.

Last but not least, the art of conflict resolution—handling two bratty kids going toe-to-toe, hurling insults at each other for fun? That was the real blast. A soft but loud scoff broke through the silence as Abby called you up to give everyone a demonstration. Ellie thought it was hilarious. You? Handling conflict? Laughable. You were known for everything except conflict resolution. Hell, confrontations had never been your forte. When things got rough, you did the only thing that made sense to you—ghost. Left the mess rot on someone else’s doorstep while you took off in the opposite direction. It was easier that way.

Your legs were stiff as trunks as you walked toward Abby, who already looked like she was anticipating Ellie’s usual brand of sarcasm. Surprisingly, Ellie kept quiet that day. Like, eerily quiet. No jokes. No backhanded comments. No mocking looks or bratty eye rolls, almost as if she didn’t have the energy to push your buttons for once.

You weren’t sure what it was, but part of you couldn’t help but hope that she’d back off for the rest of camp. Hopefully, you’ll stop feeling the blinding urge to shove her into the lake with a rock tied to her ankle. While it remained a tempting thought, who knew? Perhaps miracles do happen sometimes.

“C’mon, let’s show everyone how it’s done.” Abby announced with a confident clap, motioning for you to claim the spotlight.

Just when you thought Ellie had finally decided to keep as quiet as a mummy, her voice stood out among the hushed chattering: “Oh, this’ll be fun.” She stayed slouched on the bench, manspreading like she owned the space, words mostly tossed out casually, meant for no one’s ears but her own. Lucky for her, though, Abby’s ever-perceptive ears never missed anything. In fact, she’d been waiting for this. Maybe you just needed a little push.

“Williams, get up here.” A motion of her fingers beckoned Ellie to step forward without hesitation, her strong shoulders immovable mountains.

Ellie’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second, just enough for you to notice, before she reined herself in, too proud to give you the satisfaction of thinking this wasn’t all part of some plan she’d already puzzled together in her head. Fucking insane. 

Her greens hardened as soon as they locked with yours, sending a jolt through your chest. Jagged rocks had long taken up residence in your stomach while moths came back from the dead, fluttering inside the restricted space. You couldn’t tell whether it was fear of confrontation or something else, but whatever it was, it was impossible to toss aside now. You were stuck with it, with her.

Still, she forced herself to her feet. She moved slowly, measuring each step as if daring someone to comment, her head swinging from left to right in the process. But the counselors kept remarkably quiet, waiting.

The freckled girl stood at an impossibly vast distance, yet somehow suffocatingly close. Abby stood just in the middle, her arms crossed over her dark tank top, sharp eyes fleeing between the two of you as though she were waiting for the inevitable implosion.

The implosion didn’t take long.

You tried to start the argument with something childish—taking toys without permission, for example. But Ellie refused to play along. Instead, she seized the opportunity like a bloodsucker sensing plasma, turning it into something deeper than stolen toys.

Her words weren’t just part of the exercise; they were premeditated, meaner than you anticipated. She wasn’t arguing. She was dissecting you, piece by piece, exposing you to everyone else.

The worst part wasn’t even her words, but rather the way she peeled you for every guest to see, leaving you speechless. You wanted to scream at her for dragging you through the mud of shame, but you couldn’t deny the truth in her words. There was nothing you could say to make yourself look better, because let’s be honest, you’d never been a saint.

The rest of the counselors just watched with judgmental eyes, making you want to disappear.

You tried to change the subject, but Ellie wouldn’t let you escape. She cut you off, pouring out all the heartbreak she’d bottled up since last summer. 

By the end of it, something dawned on her. Ellie was never one to open up; she’d always been the type to keep her feelings buried so deep it would take dynamite to unearth them. Even her friends—people she’d known for over a decade—hadn’t seen much more of her. Not this Ellie, not the broken one. 

Ellie never cried where people could see.

Her own lungs failed her for a never-ending second, stunned she’d let her feelings spill out in front of foreign eyes. All she wanted was to show everyone the real you.

But in the end, all they saw was how close she was to breaking down, and it was her, not you, left drowning in self-loathing. Ironic, wasn’t it?

When sweet Abby stepped in, Ellie’s green magnets were refusing to connect with anyone else’s, yours in particular. The heels of her Converses were already spinning, dragging her somewhere safer. 

Retreat, retreat, too much, her heart screamed at her.

A stream of quiet curses escaped from her mouth, the only language her body still had the energy for. But there was more than just anger sitting heavily on her shoulders; a spectral second skin sewn on too tightly, wrinkly hands gripping her throat firmly—shame. 

She hated herself for exploding in front of everyone, hated that she’d let you drag a reaction out of her like you constantly fucking did. It was like you had this invisible string wrapped around her throat, pulling shit out of her that she didn’t even know was there until it was too late. 

Maybe this whole camp idea was bullshit. Maybe she should just pack her shit and leave. 

Fuck that extra money she so desperately needed.

But giving you the satisfaction of quitting? Of walking away again? That wasn’t going to fucking happen. She’d promised Dina, back then, sobbing into her arms, swearing up and down that she wouldn’t let you get to her again.

You were left all shaken, your mind recalling the moment her emotions had turned to acid in her eyes, like a green apple left to rot. The subtle voice inside your head whispered just how much you deserved every ounce of that treatment, if not more. Cruel but deserved, your mind stated.

Oh, if only the cinnamon-haired girl knew how much you hated what you’d turned into, the very person you once swore you’d never become. Someone who easily discarded people like worn-out toys the moment their sparkle faded in your hands and they no longer held that novelty shine. You assured yourself you were different, but your actions spoke volumes, and standing before her grief, they echoed even louder in the back of your mind.

A pain you’d once upon a time experienced firsthand, and were now forcing someone else to go through, someone with a heart so pure it felt like heresy, someone who’d trusted you with the type of blindness only kids could offer, and that said a lot about her naivety—a refreshing kind, globally heartwarming. 

I’ll never hurt someone like that, never make anyone feel that kind of pain. Promises you once made between shaky sobs and a broken heart, promises you broke the moment it started to heal.

Welcome back to a never-ending cycle, serving up the same bullshit, the same pain—shapeshifting into the girl you’d come to despise, the one who shaped you into this.

The worst part was that Ellie despised herself almost as much as you despised yourself, ‘cause you hadn’t just hurt her, you’d made her question her fucking sanity.

On some days, she wondered if it was all just a product of her delusional imagination, questioning whether the memories and emotions she held in her heart were genuine or mere illusions concocted in her mind.

Most days, she blamed herself for falling for you and ignoring all the flashing neon red flags, because the signs were there; she simply refused to accept that her perception didn’t align with reality, that she could be the exception. 

And that was on her. That’s what she told herself on the bad days, the ones where she couldn’t stand the reflection staring back at her in the mirror.

Was it even your fault anymore? Or was it hers for being so fucking stupid for believing in you when she should’ve known better? 

The freckled girl wasn’t sure. Honestly, neither were you.  

The uncertainty stiffened your spine. Abby’s voice barely cut through the fog in your head, mostly addressing the lingering crowd, a muffled thing of a sound, even as her lips moved around each syllable. When you dared to glance back at her, she nodded toward Ellie’s distant figure, face contorted with regret. She knew she only made things worse. 

Hesitant steps followed the redhead, every pair of eyes on you while Abby carried on, stating something about conflict resolution, using you two as an example, as if this wasn’t the most fucked-up lesson anyone had ever witnessed. You nearly laughed at the absurdity of it, but there was no humor in it. Not when you knew you were about to face the storm waiting for you outside the cabin just ahead of you, where the same Ellie was leaning against. 

Your feet felt heavier, almost like they were sinking into the earth beneath you, though the sound of your sneakers crunching through the fallen leaves still managed to give you away before you even got close. You were screwed.

Chapped lips drew in hisses of smoke with each inhale, the grayish cloud settling around her coffee-sputtered face, dancing in the air before disappearing in ghostly wisps, her jades fixed on some foggy oblivion only she could see. 

Like a mere passenger in her own body, she watched the world with an unsettling aloofness, and you were the intruder once again, invading her personal space even by standing at a distance. 

She had become more guarded, less open to the world since you walked away. She had always been somewhat wary of others. Still, you were the type of experience that reinforced the walls she had built around herself, teaching her to keep people at three arms’ length, to lock herself away in the safety of her protective shell, making it harder for anyone to truly reach her.

“...Since when do you smoke?” The sentence escaped your mouth before it even made sense on your tongue, contaminating the air.

You took a few steps closer, but the cinnamon-haired girl’s reaction was immediate—eyes rolling back, a sharp huff following next, your sweet scent reaching her before your words could. It was only then that you realized that maybe following her in this state had been a bad idea.

She looked ready to bite at the slightest provocation, and you were prepared to bite Abby’s biceps for ever suggesting you try to make amends. Then again, in every case scenario, a bite didn’t sound so terrible.

A thin stream of smoke brushed her heart-shaped cupid bow, barely sparing you a glance, like she couldn’t even bring herself to look at you. “What do you want?” 

“I just wanna talk.” The glare she gave you froze your ankles mid-step, heart stopping with your movements. Those sage-hued eyes that once softened at the sight of you now turned to stone, and you stood there, staring into Medusa’s gaze, except this wasn’t some myth. 

Ellie shook her head, “‘m not in the mood for your bullshit.”

You noticed it then, the subtle quivering of her hand as she held the cigarette between her fingers, the pad of her thumb rubbed over the filter, almost as if it were a soothing mechanism. Maybe it was anger, or perhaps it was everything else she’d tried so hard to shove down. Either way, you were the last person she wanted to see. 

“I don’t wanna fight.” Little scratchy words that barely made it past your throat, it even surprised you how drained you sounded.

Hell, Ellie was probably caught off guard, too. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that pleading wasn’t like you. Not even in its most subtle form.

It was insane how, despite everything that had happened between you, you still found comfort in her presence. Absurd. What a contradictory feeling, confusing in its being. It didn’t make sense, and you couldn’t quite explain it in words. After all, you assumed, getting so close to someone and forging that kind of bond was never simple, ‘cause once you saw them in such an intimate way, there was no going back. Even if it ended in disaster. A piece of them always stuck with you, mockingly embedded in your system, and no matter how hard you tried, it was impossible to rip it out. 

Universal scientific knowledge—you liked to call it that. The easiest way to explain how everyone’s just a product of their surroundings. Of the people they talk to, of the ones who bump into their life and claim a spot in it, whether special or not. Every interaction becomes a life contract, because once they touch you, you’re never really scrubbing their prints off your skin.

The wrinkles at the corners of her eyes weren’t the same you remembered, because this time, she wasn’t squinting to study you. She was taken aback. And that meant something, coming from someone who thought she knew you better than you knew yourself. But how could she, realistically? You never truly know a person after years, let alone a few months spent fucking. 

Cat was the most obvious example for the Williams girl. Changed overnight. Stopped trying. Let Ellie down in the quietest way possible, right when she was dead convinced Cat was the one person who wouldn’t.

Something flickered behind those wall-guarded eyes, but it was snuffed out like the cigarette she was about to finish. She kept her lips busy around the filter, but the twitch at the corners gave her away—seconds from letting something mean slip. A gag reflex, trained to keep you at a distance. 

Oh, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

What remained of her cigarette was tossed aside like it never mattered and crushed into the dirt with the heel of her dark-blue sneakers that she refused to throw away despite the little holes adorning them. “The fucking guts you have after what you did.” She truly wanted to sound unbothered, but you knew better. It blazed in those impossibly expressive eyes she never realized gave her away. 

“After what I did?” You snapped back. Anger welled up, sour bile threatening to consume your senses. Yet, letting it erupt would only be counterproductive, so you forced it down, swallowing it whole. It hurt. “Ellie, for fuck sake.” The words escaped with a sigh, the syllables themselves tired of all the shit you’d put each other through.

How long until you both made peace with what happened and actually moved on? The answer to that remained unknown. Unestimated.

She had every right to be pissed, but so did you.

Muscles strained beneath the delicate, freckled skin, blood rushing to the soft apples of her cheeks. Unlike you, she wasn’t trying to maintain her composure. Instead, she was purposefully taking it out on you, and she sure as hell was going to make sure to remind you how much of a piece of shit you were, just in case no one had told you before—not that you needed her to realize it. 

“Yeah, after what you did,” She reiterated her previous statement, “Or are you really that fucking stupid?”

Firmly planted steps shrunk the gap between you before coming to a full stop—close enough to make the tireless muscle lodged behind your ribs work overtime and your brain go white, the irregular drumming deafening your ears. Your body was on high alert as it braced itself for whatever was to come next, sweat collecting in the lines of your palms. You were prepared for anything at this point, even the possibility of her lashing out physically at you. Even if, deep down, you knew the girl before you didn’t have it in her; God, if she did, she would have the moment she saw you, but let’s be honest—she hadn’t. Still, the situation was so emotionally charged that everything seemed possible.

She despised you, no doubt about that, but what she really despised was that she couldn’t bring herself to truly hate you.

“You gonna act like this is all my fault?” You refused to retreat as you had been, because no matter how deep you’d sunk into the sands of guilt, you had your reasons and you weren’t going to let her invalidate them like this. “Like you didn’t—”

“Didn’t what?” It was swift the way Ellie silenced you, like she had been waiting for this exact conversation to let her anger shine. And there was something almost comforting in its flow; no holding back, no passive-aggressive bullshit, just pure resentment sniping you in the chest.

Her torso pushed forward, her body language boldly daring you to react, but there you stayed, suspended in time. So close, too close, she could see it all—every pore, every perfect imperfection, the ones she used to trace with loving eyes and sketch into her notebook late at night when you weren’t around, when your absence became too hard to handle.

A notebook she hadn’t touched since you’d ripped her world apart.

Not only had you left her, but you’d taken the one thing she ever loved with you—drawing. She hadn’t drawn shit since you left, just wasn’t able to. Everything reminded her of you, even things that once belonged to her, and now, staring at you from a narrowed distance, she realized how much she hated it—hated you—hated the way your brows knitted just so, hated that tiny line forming between them. Hated the faint creases around your eyes when you squinted, the beauty marks the universe itself had handpicked to make you even more irresistible. Hated how perfect you still were in her eyes. It pissed her off that someone capable of stomping on her heart and walking away like it meant nothing, could look like that.

You didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve that face, that allure. You were nothing but a siren calling to anyone dumb enough to fall for your shit, drawing them in, making them feel special, only to suck the life out of them and leave them drowning in dark, unknown abysses while you sailed off like it never happened. Fucking cruel.

“Go on, say it. Let’s hear it. What the fuck did I do, huh? Tell me.” She dared; the vivid green of her irises blended seamlessly with the dark emotions churning inside as if the pain and anger had become an integral part of her. That look cut deeper than anything she’d done. The cruel curve of her lips, the revulsion on her face; it was clear now. You were nothing more than filth clinging to the sole of her existence, an old chewing gum meant to be scraped away and forgotten.

“You outed me. I had to transfer to another college, and on top of that—” The snort Ellie let out stopped your words from going any further, making them wither in your throat.

What kind of monster had you shaped her into?

“Damn, must’ve sucked, huh? Being the victim for once.”

Warmth flowed unevenly beneath your epidermis, blood bubbling as it boiled in your veins. Tiny needles pricked at your waterline, and unshed tears began to gather in helpless globs at the corners of your eyes. They clung stubbornly there, while fluttering lashes fought to hold them back.

Ellie stood there with her arms crossed, restricting the rise and fall of her own chest, her eyes narrowed into slits, expertly twisting her switchblade deeper into wounded flesh, with the only intent of watching you bleed right before her eyes. She had the right to be pissed, but that didn’t mean she had to rub salt into the wound like your pain was a mere joke to her, absolutely incomparable to what she had been through.

A bitter laugh slipped out before you could stop it, “Oh, yeah, right,” you spat, honed sarcasm dripping from every word, “because having half the school whispering behind my back? That was a real fucking blast, Ellie. Best time of my life.”

But the red-brunette didn’t flinch as she should’ve. You watched your words bounce off her slick-coated shoulders—an impenetrable layer of oil, indifferent to your distress. She sized you up with a mocking tilt of her head, “Not so funny when you’re not the one pulling the strings, is it?” She hollowly chuckled, “All those promises you made—fucking bullshit.”

“I know I fucked up!” The strangled apology emerged from your throat, swallowing down a mouthful of thorns.

Though caught in the middle of an internal dispute, disappointment and disbelief took over; she couldn’t believe you dared to reduce her pain to nothing more than a mere apology. Pads of her fingers worked to worry the inside of her bicep. You trying to take accountability should’ve given her the closure she’d been yearning for, but instead, crimson blood leaked from the infected cuts, more alive than ever, no matter how many stitches she’d tried to put on the old gash.

You occupied the recesses of her thoughts as an ever-present guest, rented the area in her head and claimed it fully as your own, and no amount of apologies or explanations could ever undo the damage that had been done. It was too late for that now—the pain had long shaped her into someone defined by the hurt you caused, someone whose entire perception of love was in pieces.

What did love really feel like? She wondered on most nights.

“You fucked up?” Your own words shot out of her mouth louder, unplucked brows shooting up in surprise. “You didn’t just fuck up. You led me on, made me think we had something real, and then you tossed me aside like I was nothing.” She nearly broke down on that last word, bottom lip wobbling before she tucked it completely beneath her teeth, hiding herself from you. You didn’t get to see this side of her, not anymore. 

She had shown you enough.

“I didn’t mean-” your sentence was cut off by a sharp motion of her hand.

“Don’t,” she warned, “Don’t give me that ‘I didn’t mean to’ bullshit. You knew exactly what the fuck you were doing, and you still did it. And now you’re standing here, acting like you’re the victim because your life got fucked up too?” She let out a half-snorted laugh, the derisive kind, “It’s always about you, isn’t it?”

“You think it was easy for me?” Emotions chaotically spilled over in a way you’d never let anyone see before, especially not her. Woodland eyes shadowed by astonishment pierced through this cracked version of you, fidgeting with it for a moment, unsure what to do with it. 

You were always so put together, so calculated in every word, every move, every fucking smile, except for those rare moments when you’d let the mask slip, when it was just you and her, and you’d look at her like you actually cared, like you adored her. Standing in front of each other after all this time felt like facing your opposites, neither of you able to believe what you were seeing, tiptoeing around each other not to break the fragile shells of what was left.

“You think I wanted to leave you?” The confession you’d been choking on was ripped out of you, painfully so, and you realized how easy it would be to run and leave the conversation hanging in pieces. But it already hurt like hell to think about what you’d lost, what could’ve been, if only you’d done things differently. Ellie’s jaw locked, her plump lips pulling into a pale, downward line.

She wasn’t going to let you get inside her head again. 

You could see doubt dancing in her expression, like a lone dust particle caught in the beam of light from your eyes. It was the part of her that wanted to naively believe you, to forget all of this, the stupid voice in her head whispering that maybe this time would be different. It was back, the voice that led her to this, but she shut it down so fast, slamming a door in her own face.

She wasn’t that naive anymore. People don’t change, they just get better at hiding the same old shit—or in your case—get better at lying straight through their teeth. It hurt even her to be this harsh, but she needed to be, because the what-ifs and maybes were unbearable. She was done. Done wondering if you ever felt the same, done with letting herself believe you might’ve given a shit but were just too scared to commit.

“Bullshit.” The freckled girl croaked. 

Even in her brokenness, there lay a striking and painful beauty, like a crystal cracked open for your eyes only. You watched her brows draw together at the center, the soft crease between them long dulled by grief. The corners of her lips formed a symphony of a frown, and her glossy eyes caught the warm light of the sun that revealed the depth of a feeling that spoke volumes without a single word—a page of a book you’d learned to read all too well.

You fucking wished you could undo it all. 

Wished you could suffocate her in a tight hug, let her scent blend into yours, and press your lips against the hairline of her temple. This time, you’d promise her that you’d never abandon her again, even though promises were a foreign concept to you. You wished it were that easy, but it wasn’t. You had turned the privilege of making her yours to ash the minute you walked away. 

“You made me believe it was real. And then you just walked away.”

All the justifications you’d rehearsed over and over in your head, died in your throat. She wasn’t wrong, wasn’t exaggerating it. You had lied to her sweet into the shell of her ear, let her think there was something between you that mattered, and when it got too fucking terrifying to handle, you bolted. Left her standing there, waiting for an explanation that never came.

“I know what I did.” You taking accountability, what an odd sight. Offkey. “I know I hurt you. And I’m not asking for forgiveness or for you to forget any of it,” you paused—maybe this was enough, maybe you could leave the conversation as it was. But the ache struck your heart like lightning the moment your eyes landed on what you couldn’t have, remorse guiding them back to her face. “I just want you to know I cared. I do care.”

“You cared? You care?” She nearly laughed at that. “You’ve got a funny fucking way of showing it.”

You scrambled to explain, to make her see the fractured pieces of your truth. “I... I didn’t know,” you stammered, “how to handle it. How to handle us. I was scared, Ellie. Scared of what we were, of what it meant.” Panic seized you, cuticles bleeding, restless fingers to blame. “I freaked out, and I ran. I fucking ran. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t lo-” The confession hovered on your tongue like an unwanted guest, but it was “—care,” you kicked out instead.

The lines carved by the sleepless nights’ touch smothered for an instant and when her eyes hardened once again, they were haunted; her cruel mind convincing her you were doing exactly what you did a year ago. Manipulating her.

“Scared?” She regurgitated, “Scared of what? Of being with me? Scared of what other people would’ve thought? Or scared you couldn’t keep up your little fucking game forever?” 

If there was one thing you never realized, it was that part of the green-eyed girl still naively believed you had left because you were ashamed of being seen with her. She still couldn’t comprehend how she had even gotten close to a person so effortlessly captivating in the first place. It genuinely felt as if she belonged to a different realm sometimes.

You were popular, untouchable in a way that made you seem less like a person and more like something that belonged in a mythological compendium, one people were drawn to but could never quite hold. Not her and certainly not anyone else. You weren’t just out of her league; you were leagues above everyone. It was no surprise you left. Understandable that no one has ever been enough to keep you, especially not someone like her. She was simply the one who had the courage to think she could be unique enough to have you all to herself. Hard to tell where bravery ended and selfishness began.

Although you longed to fix her perception of you, you knew nothing would plant a seed of trust back in her. You’d been running for a while now, pushing people away before they could get too close, before you got too attached. It was only recently that you realized how exhausted you were of running, of deflecting and letting the fear win. You didn’t want to run anymore. Not from her.

“I wasn’t playing games with you.” 

“Yeah?” Ellie’s voice rose, and you flinched. “Then what the fuck was it? Because from where I’m standing, it sure as hell looks like you didn’t give a shit.” 

“I just thought that maybe we could-” 

“Could what? What the fuck could we do now, huh?” She hissed, stepping closer. 

You felt insignificant under those unflinching slits, crushing you with a single look, and it had nothing to do with height. It wasn’t just her tone, either, or how she portrayed herself—though that alone was enough to make your chest tighten—it was everything. Her scent, the faintest trace of her favorite body wash, intruded on your lungs, dragging you back to past realities you wished you could bury. It was her presence, so familiar yet overwhelming, that hit you the hardest, like she was still yours. Like she’d always be your girl, even though you knew that was a delusion you’ve barricaded yourself in. 

“You think we’re just gonna have some heart-to-heart, and it’s all gonna be good? Like this is some cheesy fucking movie?” Her eyes bounced up and down on your form, looking straight at the mistake she seemed destined to spend a lifetime regretting. She didn’t recognize you and wished she had never had. 

Restless, she silenced you before your lips could even part to get a single syllable out. She was hurt and that meant you didn’t get to defend yourself; you didn’t have that right. No matter how much you had lost because of her. 

Because let’s face it—you brought this on yourself. If you hadn’t fucked her over so badly, she wouldn’t have gone out of her way to ruin your life in return. You were always so fucking good at messing with people, so caught up in your games, that you never stopped to think about what would happen if you crossed the wrong one. 

Well, now you knew.

“You think a ‘sorry’ fixes this?” She started, then her words hit a wall. Useless speaking to someone like you, she thought. 

Her voice went tight, like it was rattling out of one of those vintage doll voice boxes. Thin. Shaky. And it felt like someone had shot you in the chest.

Look at what you’ve done.

Her hand squeezed her shirt like she couldn’t breathe. You could see it—the breakup hitting her all over again, unexpectedly.

Ellie was certain of one truth: her thoughts could be ruthless at times. 

There was so much she wasn’t saying, so much she longed to scream, mentally recounting the endless waits, the obsessive phone-staring, the fervent wish for a text, a call, anything. Just a hint of your regret, a sign you regretted how it all ended. But it never came. And eventually, that naive hope faded like cigarette smoke in the summer rain. 

You never called.

As much as she wanted to unload it all, she held it in. You didn’t deserve to know, didn’t deserve the satisfaction of hearing how much she was still hurting, how long she had truly waited for you.

Sure, it was evident she was in pain—everyone could see it—but she had no intention of exposing everything for you to analyze, because Ellie wasn’t some tool to boost your shitty self-esteem. She was a person. And she wanted to be seen, really fucking seen. Not by you, though. Not anymore.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me,” The lump in your throat choked you. You had to force yourself to look away, your hands gripping the back of the waistband of your shorts as if it was the only thing helping you stand. “I just don’t want you to hate me anymore,” you cracked past wobbly lips, unwillingly meeting her eyes.

The rough lines of her palm dragged down her face, a frustrated descent meant to rub you out of her sight. But she couldn’t. She looked utterly drained, like the rage she’d carried for a year had scorched her from the inside out. “Good news, I do fucking hate you,” she uttered words she knew she didn’t really mean, just to keep you at bay. “And I hope it eats you alive every fucking day, because it sure as hell has eaten me.”

Silence pooled between you, still and deceptive. “You’re just trying to clear your conscience.” Maintaining eye contact with her became harder, as if you were staring directly into a blinding sun. Instead of being dazzled by its brightness, you were burned by her pain. “Trying to make yourself feel better about fucking me over.”

“It’s not like that,” your head jerked in denial, though the crack in your voice made it sound like a lie.

“Of course, it’s not. It’s never like that, is it? It’s always complicated with you.”

Taking it out on the inside of your cheek, you tasted the coppery rush of blood. Everything in you urged you to break away, to vanish, but you were anchored to earth like a helpless, petrified tree that had no choice but to coexist. “I never stopped thinking about you,” numb lips blurted out, “Every day, I thought about what I did. And I hated myself for it.”

And you did think about her every day, unable to focus on anything that wasn’t the looped melody of her laugh, stuck in your head like an obnoxious chorus you couldn’t escape from, one of your favorite tortures—her pupils dilating just a little when they’d fall to your lips, heart-shaped irises silently pleading for a kiss. Every night, you’d lie awake in that torturous chamber of memories, one you had no real desire to escape. It was all you had left of her, a sweet, private sin of yours.

You retraced the ugly parts too. The fights, the look on her face when she realized you were going to break her heart. 

You’d thought about that last time together more times than you wanted to admit, the last time your lips had met, the last time you felt her warmth seep into you. 

You replayed it all in your head, over and over, wondering if you’d be happy now, if you hadn’t fucked it up. If you hadn’t chickened out and stayed. If you hadn’t ruined it like you ruin everything else. 

But somewhere along the way, you figured that maybe it was for the better that you weren’t in her life anymore, away from someone who destroyed everything with a single brush of her fingers. And that thought, as much as it gutted you, was easier to accept than believing you’d be happily dating right now if it wasn’t for you.

“Yeah? Well, good. You should hate yourself.”

You both drowned in the painful silence that followed, unsure if there was anything left to say.

You shifted your weight from foot to foot restlessly, gravel crunching beneath your worn shoes. Too guilty to meet her gaze, your attention zeroed in on a loose thread dangling from the hem of your shirt instead, tugging at it with useful hands. “Probably will for the rest of my life,” you muttered. You forced a crooked half-smile, but there was nothing funny about the painful knot sitting in your throat. When you finally looked up, your eyes stung at the pain on her face. “But I never wanted you to think it was because of you.” You turned your face away again, the muscles in your bottom lip twitching. “You deserved better than that.”  

You truly wished you could be the one who painted her world in vibrant hues, smothering the mismatched tints of her being. But your essence was already marred, and that ability long dead, your soul crushed by another’s careless hands. And Ellie was nothing more than a clueless little thing, unaware that you’d walked over her same torturous steps before, felt the same pieces of glass stab the soles of your feet, an avenue where the putrid wounds yawned wider, leaving behind thick scars that were still infected to this day.  

“You’re right.” Her words were swallowed by the void separating you, yet they still echoed louder in the bleak emptiness. It hurt to hear the truth from her. “I deserved better then and I sure as hell deserve better now.”  

“I just wanted—” your voice shook. “I wanted to make things right for once... give us closure.”  

Preventing the crystal rivulets from escaping your eyes became harder, but so was staring back into your watery pools of regret. Good thing she had already departed, distancing herself without moving an inch, focused on some faraway place, anything except your face.  

“You broke my heart, and I don’t think I could ever forgive you for that.” Rough fingers searched for the pack of her cherished cigarettes, safely stored in her pocket. The conversation had leached the color from her cheeks, leaving her skin ashen, her lips tightening around the filter as if it were the only thing preventing her from instinctively seeking comfort in the arms she once lost herself in.

She hated that about herself, you realized. Hated how much she still wanted you, even with a broken heart. But with you, anger never lasted for Ellie.  

“I’m sorry...” you began, but the inadequacy of the words struck you. It wasn’t enough, it could never be.  

Ellie’s lashes fluttered, fighting back tears, yet her “just go” was nothing more than a plea.  

You’d finally taken the last piece of her and stomped it into the dirt.  

“Ellie—” you tried, but it was futile; she was retreating from you. 

“Just fucking go,” she muttered, her back a rigid rampart facing you, blocking any glimpse of what lay behind it.  

For once, you did as she asked. You turned and walked away.  

What had you expected? For her to run back into your arms like it was nothing? ...Fucking pathetic.

𝟏𝟔𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠.

The moon lit the ring of advisors assembled around the campfire, their features splashed with bluish shadows and a warm glow. Conversations blended together, soft laughs and lazy banter drenched in beer floating into the fresh, pine air. Someone lit a joint, which somehow got passed around, and Abby, who could be strict but also surprisingly chill, had let it go. “You’ll need it.” She’d stated. 

It was the last night you could pretend you were just a bunch of people without any real responsibilities. The following morning, the kids would come and everything would change. You attempted to let the night cast its calming spell on you, yet tonight it seemed to chant, not tonight. 

The thought of not measuring up nibbled at your insides like a relentless parasite that refused to be sedated. A lazy pair of eyes wandered to the fire, hypnotized by the flames’ sway, oblivious to its witnesses.

Kim was talking. Rambling, actually. You weren’t sure about what, and honestly, you couldn’t care less. You guessed she was alright, but calling her a friend might’ve been pushing it. You hummed vaguely, feigning interest, your mind adrift in a limbo of its own making.

Celia’s voice cut through Kim’s endless monologue. “Yo, you good?” Her hand grounding on your shoulder, earth-toned eyes squinting through the smoke curling out of her mouth while offering you what remained of her joint.

“Just nervous.” You took it, the warmth of her fingers still there, absorbed by the paper. But even as the smoke danced its way down your throat and expanded in your chest, it didn’t settle anything, just made the dread louder, thoughts impossible to chase. A slow puff, trying to gather yourself. Next thing you knew, your eyes were moving across the fire. 

To her.

Ellie was just across the fire, with her head tilted back, mindlessly laughing at something Alexis had cracked, fingers curled at the edge of the trunk bench. You could barely make out the sound over the thump thump in your chest, but you didn’t need to hear it to know. Your eyes just stuck on her. No other sound reached you.

Time slowed, a beauty frozen in time, the firelight making her stand out from the dark, showing off the sharp cheekbones kissed by little star maps you used to trace with your fingertips, gifting her this dreamy look. Then the moon took over the other side of her face, showering her in silver luminescence, a creature that belonged to both the earth and the sky. There was no denying her beauty. She was still breathtaking, still so fucking beautiful. The kind of beauty that disarmed you and made your head fuzzy, it was terrifying. You hated her for it and hated yourself, too, in the process. 

How could you be so fucking stupid? 

Leaving her was akin to snatching a million-dollar winning lottery ticket, only to tear it up without an ounce of concern. What kinda fool would willingly discard such a coveted prize? Perhaps only the ones who didn’t know how to win. The ones unworthy of such a prize.

The question looped in your head like a bad chorus, and Heaven knew you were miserable now. 

Over time, you’d learned something far worse. Time didn’t heal shit. It didn’t smooth out regret like wrinkles on a shirt like many people claimed it did. Beating yourself up about it didn’t rewind time either; no amount of self-loathing was going to rewrite history. You had your chance, and you blew it. End of story. 

“Nervous?” Celia drew your attention back to the present, “Is it because of that cu—”  

She didn’t get to finish. 

Abby’s voice prevented her from continuing. “Hey.”  

You hadn’t even noticed her there, which was rare. Abby was hard to miss, but you’d been too deep in your bullshit to clock her approach. Little did you know, her sapphires had been glued to you, dissecting you like a well-worn novel she’d already memorized.

You missed it, but Savannah didn’t. Savannah’s voice had been going a mile a minute, filling Abby’s poor ears with some pointless story, but Abby wasn’t even listening. She was looking at you, too mentally absent to spare her so much as a crumble of attention. And Savannah caught every single ignored syllable, tracking the taller girl’s eyes to you.

You missed the way her face twisted in real time, from smug confidence to something close to a punched peach. Missed the strict arrow her eyes had morphed into, lips drawn tight to a bitter rest after being left to yap at empty air. Abby rose mid-conversation, left her there and began to walk toward you without even excusing herself. A real gentlewoman. Truth was, even she had grown tired of her.

You turned at the interruption, your irises meeting Abby’s. Celia didn’t even dare to get involved, her curiosity spiking almost as much as Ellie’s, looking sideways at you. 

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Abby asked with the softest voice you’ve ever heard from her, meant just for you and no one else.

Savannah heard it, though. She heard the softness in Abby’s voice, the familiarity of it; it poked at the muscles in her face, jealousy making its way into her poisoned bloodstream.

As you and Abby slipped away from the unwanted attention, her broad frame blocked out the glow of the campfire behind you—but not your figure from Ellie’s eyes, which tracked your every step. A roller coaster of emotion hid in the void of her enlarged pupils: sweet resentment, bitter curiosity, and something else she wouldn’t dare name. Jealousy, perhaps.

But then again, she had no reason to be. ‘I couldn’t care any fucking less,’ she tried to convince herself.

Savannah wasted no time. The moment you were out of earshot, she slithered into the empty spot beside Ellie, words ready like toxin pooling behind a viper’s fangs, prepared to spit whatever shit she could about you. She could’ve gotten a life, but Alexis knew it would’ve required effort and the ability to mind her business, qualities Savannah did not seem to own.

Alexis caught the motion out of the corner of her eye, and the side-eye she gave her was so nasty it might’ve drawn blood if looks could harm. She was so sick of her nonsense—this perpetual loop of anger-driven speeches. Savannah’s fixation on you wasn’t just exhausting; it was pitiful. The girl stayed quiet; nevertheless, her irritation wasn’t subtle. She hated how Savannah’s words always seemed to fan the flames inside her best friend, encouraging the bitterness she was clearly trying to get rid of.

Savannah’s creeping blight tainted everything it brushed, seeping into Ellie’s very being. And Alexis couldn’t fucking stand it. Alexis wasn’t jealous. She didn’t give a shit if Ellie made other friends—even better friends than her. She’d be the first to admit she wasn’t the greatest friend in the world, she had her moments. What she hated, what really clawed at her insides, was how Savannah latched onto Ellie like a leech draining her dry, day in and day out.

Ellie didn’t need someone dragging her down, feeding that black hole of heartbreak she’d been trying so hard to climb out of for the past months. Alexis could see how hard she was trying. She hated giving you credit for anything, but you’d done a number on her friend. Ellie had spent nearly a year trying to forget you, scrubbing away the stain your name out of her mind with the harshest of scrubbing pads, desperately trying to purge your face from the chamber of her memories. She’d done everything short of setting her brain on fire to move on, and still, there you were, haunting her. Always fucking there.

Alexis didn’t like you, not even a little bit. Not after how she got treated when she worked for you and after you managed to hurt someone like her friend, a naive little thing you had no problem stomping over. It made her angry. But the change in you was genuinely unsettling; thrown into this messy new environment, you looked more like a polar bear stumbling through the jungle, strangely fascinating and clearly displaced.

You weren’t the same person she remembered and she couldn’t decide if that made her hate you more or less.

What she really hated, though, was Savannah’s obsession, how she just couldn’t fucking let it go. Ellie already had to deal with you every day, had to see your face, hear your voice, feel the weight of the shit still ongoing between you. But Savannah didn’t care about that. She didn’t care about Ellie’s attempts to heal or Alexis’s growing frustration. No, Savannah exclusively cared about one thing and one thing: tearing you down so she could feel a little taller.

The door clicked shut behind you as Abby ushered you into the director’s office. A solitary, barely alive bulb blinked above, projecting warped shadows across the small room. The space felt more cramped with her presence, looming even as she reclined against the door, bitten nails tapping her crossed biceps, and her eyes searching for truths hidden beneath layers of thick skin.

You spun around, frowning at the unexpected solitude. “Something I can help you with?” You broke the silence that had begun to itch at you.

“Yeah,” The blonde answered, eyes refusing to abandon the question marks on your face. “...jus’ wanna make sure you’re alright.” 

Perplexity melted into reluctant understanding. Abby wasn’t one to hover, to get all sentimental, yet, here she was giving a shit, again. “Yeah, ‘m good.” 

“You’re off, like you’re barely here.”

You shifted on your feet, trying to shy away from those impenetrable lasers that saw right through the mask that no longer fit your features. “‘m fine,” you repeated a little firmer this time, like saying it again would somehow manifest it.

She didn’t push. Just nodded once and let a small okay hang there, not giving you the satisfaction of full belief, but dropping it at the same time, or letting you believe so.

The sharp crack of her knuckles echoed in the small room, a familiar nervous tic you’d cataloged over time, a habit that, years later, still clung to her, apparently. She was so awkward that you would’ve laughed if you could. “They giving you a hard time?” 

Hers wasn’t even a question, but rather her way of acknowledging what was already obvious. You didn’t exactly blend in with the rest of the counselors, mostly because Ellie and Savannah made sure you wouldn’t.

“They always do,” you muttered, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. Your fingers, hesitant, traced the line of your brow, picking at the weak hairs, eyes silently pleading with Abby to drop the subject.

A thoughtful line creased the blonde’s forehead before she spoke, “When the campers arrive,” she began, “keep it together. No scenes.”

“Oh, I cause a scene?” The sting of offense in your voice flickered across her face with instant regret. You’d been the one sidestepping the drama, not instigating it; yet, trouble never let up on you. 

“No, I mean…” she tried again, then a sigh came, “come to me. I’ll deal with it. Don’t let ‘em bait you into doing something stupid.” 

You let out a long exhale, a clammy hand combing through your hair, then sank into the chair facing the director’s desk. Papers were scattered all over the surface, though this time, you were sure Abby had something to do with the mess. The exhaustion pulled your head down, eyes scrutinizing the scars on the pine floorboards. “Yeah, alright.”

Abby perched on the edge of the desk, half sitting on it, her posture relaxed, yet her eyes remained as attentive as ever, dissecting the unspoken gaps between your defeated words. A drawn-out silence filled the room before she gathered the courage to ask, “Is what they’re saying about you… true?” One strong hand settled on the desk’s top, fingertips memorizing the uneven patterns, afraid she was venturing into risky territory.

Your head snapped up so fast you swore you pulled something in the nape of your neck—a deer caught in blinding headlights, slowly morphing into a beaten puppy, guilt warping the slopes of your face. “Yeah,” a spectral whisper left you, ashamed, “I’m not proud of what I did.”

“All of it?” Abby pressed, bushy brows lifting. The sharp scent of bug spray invaded your nostrils when she suddenly leaned in, interest wholly piqued.

You didn’t say anything. You let out a short, tired hum, too worn out to defend yourself or dive into the details; you couldn’t undo it all anyway, might as well commit to it. She was prying with her eyes, more concerned with gauging how you were handling it than casting judgmental stones. Partly because the version of you she remembered was the stark opposite of what she had heard. 

Shame made a coward of your eyes. The last thing you wanted was to be judged by her.

“Even the part where you got an STD?” 

Your head jerked up, jaw slack, a shocked squeal escaping your lips. “What—?!” Your hands slamming onto the desk’s surface, “No! What the hell—who’s spreading that shit?” You sputtered, completely flabbergasted.

A soft chuckle rumbled out of her as she watched you freak out. 

“Fuckin’ assholes,” you grunted, shaking your head as the corners of her eyes crinkled, her shoulders shaking with mirth as if she found the entire thing utterly hilarious. You couldn’t help but feel a small curve of a laugh yourself, despite the rasp of palms scraping over your frustrated face. “I swear I’ll burn this place to the ground.”

“Just don’t do it while the kids are here,” Abby pushed herself off the desk with a playful grin, patting your shoulder. “Don’t need that on my watch.” She joked with a wink.

While your conversation flowed easily from one meaningless topic to the next, somewhere outside, things were far from carefree. Savannah, perched nearby, disrupted the peace by spreading ugly little rumors, stoking the fire that she’d set within Ellie’s ribcage. 

The cinnamon-haired girl, God bless her pure heart, simply nodded along like a brainless puppy, bushy arches pulled together in concentration as she swallowed everything Savannah spoon-fed her without even questioning it. All those layers of resentment Ellie had wrapped herself in were as thin as wrapping paper. Beneath it all, still lay a wide-eyed girl, too naive for her own good.

“I actually feel bad for Abby.” Except she didn’t. It wasn’t subtle either, not to Alexis at least. 

“Watch her get played.” Her eyes rolled so hard that Alexis wondered how they didn’t fall out of her head—something she would’ve loved to see if she had to be honest. The viper’s eyes stayed glued on the camp director’s office door, where you and Abby had disappeared behind. She was waiting for it to open, for Abby to walk out, but the two of you didn’t. 

The longer you stayed in there, hidden from watchful eyes, the longer she raged.

Ellie barely reacted to Savannah’s comments, unable to sit still, fingers just as restless as her spine, tip-tapping against her thigh. Alexis took another lazy drag from her half-consumed joint, following the conversation with mild interest. She hated how her friend was so blind to the green envy that hovered every time your name was brought up, a deep-seated jealousy that rotted within Savannah’s soul like a malignant entity and a blinding desire to be in your shoes.

She longed to be you, to have the same captivating life and spellbinding nature as you, and knowing it was impossible, she decided that hating you was easier than acknowledging that she would never measure up to you, not even remotely. 

Fucking get a grip, Alexis urged to utter but settled for a “Y’all are way too pressed over it,” instead. Her eyes were red from the weed she’d smoked, tired, barely staying open, pupils out of it, yet the chatter surrounding her cut through that dreamy haze of hers. Ellie perpetually lived in the echo chamber of her own skull, too stitched shut by her own resentment to notice what was happening right in front of her. Nothing new. For a moment, Alexis wished she could’ve slapped her. Maybe she should’ve.

Ellie and Savannah turned toward Alexis with expressions that screamed disbelief, as if she were the crazy one for being rational. A loud, shrill laugh, the sound of nails on a chalkboard given lungs, made poor Alexis’ ears bleed. “I’m sorry, did I ask?” 

Alexis blinked, unimpressed, her expression flat like Savannah’s little performance wasn’t even worth the energy. She was just asking for a reality check at this point. But first, her eyes shifted to Ellie, waiting—expecting—for her best friend to chime in and tell Savannah to curb her tongue. Ellie just stared, silent and stone-faced, staring through Alexis’ bewildered expression like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. What a good fucking friend.

“You’re acting like she’s about to fuck your girlfriend,” Alexis then fired back. Ellie’s judgment made her skin crawl, but it didn’t make her back down. If anything, she was fueled by her stubbornness, ready to spare her no mercy. Ellie couldn’t believe that her best friend was defending the one girl who’d hurt her. 

Brutal truth be told, Alexis didn’t give a shit whose feelings got hurt. Someone had to say it. Someone had to recognize that, despite being far from a saint, you kept your head down and did everything in your power to stay out of the red-brunette’s way while Ellie and Savannah held onto their grudges as if they were essential for survival.

And let’s be fucking real—you don’t get obsessed with someone you claim to hate.

“Abby’s in there with her. So what, Savannah?” Alexis bellowed, disgust staining Savannah’s name shamelessly. Too exhausted to play nice as she had been. “Can’t handle a little competition? Or is it because you know Abby doesn’t want you?” Alexis didn’t stutter nor look away, hitting Savannah right where it hurt. The stunned silence that followed was a heavy cloak, far too warm for the weather. She could tell neither of them had expected her to state the facts without thinking twice.

Alexis had a problem—she was too blunt for her own good, especially when she was high. She had always been too mature, too perceptive, seeing the mess and analyzing it in ways no one else could; her therapist had said as much. She has always had a keen eye for the petty games, the jealousy, the insecurities and when she got stoned, she couldn’t grasp onto that control she had when sober.

“Excuse me?” The viper snarled, “You don’t know shit.”

Alexis just blew out a puff of smoke straight into her face, “I know enough,” too confident to argue with, “You’re so jealous and it’s fucking embarrassing.”

Savannah flinched back, eyes stung by the murky grey smoke, swallowing a ticklish cough and forcing out, “The hell s’that supposed to mean?” between sputtered fits.

“Means you’re pathetic,” Mean and ruthless, she tapped the ashes at the girl’s feet, which had Savannah squeaking complaints like a rat.

Disrespectful, she muttered, but Alexis’s mind translated it as deserved.

“...and for the record—I’ve known Abby for years. She’s not the type to fuck around with anyone like that.”

Unbeknownst to anyone, Alexis and Abby shared both history and teddy bears, once stitched together by childhood, until time and distance slowly unpicked the seams. Not a bitter end, nor a fading of affection, but life reshaping connections. This shared past, however, made Alexis’s disdain for Savannah’s possessive claims about Abby worse. She knew firsthand that no girl could resist Abby; she had everything a girl could ever want and she carried herself like a true gentlewoman. It was easy to see the appeal, whether rooted in something physical or in something deeper. But Savannah’s behavior, in Alexis’s eyes, was nothing short of repulsive—as bad as a man, if not worse. 

A polite smile from Abby, a casual brush of arms, and Savannah had already envisioned their honeymoon and their four kids together. Utterly delusional. Nothing was going on between them; if there was, it was all in Savannah’s fervid imagination.

Yet, even that wasn’t the core of Alexis’s irritation; the incessant gossiping about you was. She couldn’t fucking stomach hearing your name every five minutes and while Savannah and Ellie seemed determined to drag you into every conversation—an unhealthy hobby of theirs—Alexis only ever craved a beacon of peace, a second free from their petty vendetta.

Was five minutes of blessed silence too much to ask for? 

Apparently, with Savannah and Ellie around, it was an impossible luxury even the wealthy could not afford.

“Wait, you knew Abby?” Ellie demanded, the muscles in her brows making the scars lying beneath them stand out. Betrayal stretched her pupils, a silent accusation staring back at Alexis for withholding vital information. The irony was that Alexis had dropped Abby’s name countless times, which Ellie would have caught if she only fucking listened. But she hadn’t been, not since they arrived at the camp, not when it came to anything beyond the fog of her emotional pain, tuning her out completely.

“Yeah, dude. I fucking told you,” Alexis grumbled, words slower, tongue languid from the weed. “You never listen to me.” She leveled a look at Ellie, but Ellie looked more lost than ever.

Savannah’s chipped nails dug into the edge of the wooden bench before she flailed her hands, looking every bit like someone who had just escaped a psych ward. “So all of a sudden you’re close with Abby. Funny, isn’t it?” She doubted the saint beside her—may some God above hand Alexis some sort of medal in the afterlife, ‘cause no one’s patience would’ve lasted as long as hers around a creature like Savannah. “Explain then why she’s always making time for her.” She jerked her chin toward the camp director’s office.

Alexis sighed heavily, her eyes pleading with the sky with an insolent roll as ash flicked in the summery wind that captured the embers like orangey fireflies in the night. “That’s the point—it’s none of my business and most certainly not yours,” Her free hand traced the side of her face, two fingers circling her temple as if the conversation itself had turned into a migraine. When she let it drop to the trunk under her, she turned toward Ellie with a scolding look. “And why do you even care? Didn’t you move the fuck on? Why are you so fucking obsessed?”

Ellie squirmed in her seat, seafoam eyes wincing as she shot Alexis a cutting glance, but it didn’t do shit, didn’t offer any salvation to her cause. Her molars ground together, biting down the urge to tell her best friend to shut the fuck up. Sometimes, Alexis was insufferable, not for being wrong, but for her infuriating accuracy and her ability to deliver it with the delicacy of a butcher, especially when Ellie was most vulnerable. That, in Dina’s twisted logic, was what made the blonde a good friend.

“I’m not obsessed,” Ellie argued defensively, but Alexis remained unperturbed, merely raising an eyebrow in response.

“Yeah? Could’ve fooled me,” Alexis drawled, eyes snapping back to Savannah, a finger jabbing accusingly in her direction. “And you. Didn’t you sleep with a married man while his wife was pregnant?”

There it was. 

The truth, served bare and fuming hot, except that it made no one’s mouth water. Well, dinner was served anyway.

The real reason Savannah despised you wasn’t because of some petty grudge or a clash of egos as some might assume, but because of some sordid secret dragged into the light. She knew exactly who was the one to blame.

You.

In your defense, you hadn’t meant for it to come out as catastrophically as it did. A single, accidental glimpse was what led to it—Savannah and your professor, intertwined in something that looked nothing like extracurricular lessons. You had confided in your friends the same day, wholly speechless and expecting discretion, but secrets, just like a field catching fire in a windstorm, have a way of spreading. Within days, the school buzzed with the scandal, their names in everyone’s mouths. The professor was dismissed. His wife spent the following weeks hiding from the media’s radars. Poor woman. Too much stress for someone bringing a whole human into the world. Savannah was branded and shamed, her life reduced to ash. 

Alexis’ words landed. Where? She didn’t know, but seeing Savannah’s eyes ballooning with tears was more than satisfying. She nearly choked over her own overblown gasp, as if she couldn’t believe someone had dared to call her out. “Mind your own fucking bus—”

“I will not mind my own fucking business.” Her words could be the result of a blabbering mouth running free under substances, or maybe Alexis had had enough. “Not when all you do is brag about it, like it’s something to be proud of. Honestly, you should just hide and feel ashamed, ‘cause it’s fucking disgusting.” 

Savannah’s jaw worked silently, her face exploding with different crimson shades, looking on the verge of spontaneous combustion. But Alexis twisted the knife, “And let me tell you something... you’re actually delusional if you think you stand a chance. Abby cannot fucking stand you. She’s only being polite.” Even she seemed taken aback by her own cruelty; usually, the normally sweet-natured blonde was not one to be such a bitch, but the exasperation had been building to a point of no return, eventually reaching a breaking point.

Savannah’s fists trembled, knuckles bleached white, crimson nails biting into the soft flesh of her palms, imitating a real-life version of the color itself, “Like you know her better than I—”

With a glare that was impossible to look away from, Alexis pinned Savannah’s eyes in place. “I do.” Whispers of wind stole the smoke from the joint she wasn’t even smoking anymore, focused on annihilating the rat that was sitting next to her friend. “Trust me, I know for a fact she’d rather fuck her again than touch you.”

She barely had time to regret it before she realized the gravity of what she’d just said. Her stomach dropped along with her mouth, betrayed by a body she was born in, her brain refusing to process a single thing. It wasn’t the first time her loose tongue had gotten her into trouble; her mom had always told her that silence was golden, but Alexis never got the hang of it, and weed wasn’t on her side, either.

Ellie, who had been unconsciously picking at her cuticles, mentally preoccupied, was forcefully pulled back to reality by her friend’s words, her full body going rigid like she’d just taken a punch to the stomach, something that looked more like pain crossing her starred features. “What?” A pleading inquiry disguised as a question, tinged with a desperate hope that she’d misheard, that Alexis hadn’t just gutted her with that revelation.

Questions swarmed her mind, each one stinging her heart worse than the last. 

Were you dating Abby? Were you hooking up? Had you been together this whole time? 

Ellie’s chest burned like she had died a hundred times altogether, thoughts tripping over themselves in a frantic attempt to make sense of what Alexis had said. The moments when she caught you smiling sweetly at the head counselor, or when Abby’s hand lingered far too long on your shoulder or arm, played in her mind like some kind of evidence she had against you. 

It was in times like this that the auburnette found herself wishing for something that could make her forget you entirely—dementia, amnesia—whatever condition would strip her of the pain your existence brought. Even a car crash or a coma would do; she’d rather feel her skull crack and her blood stain the asphalt than carry the ghost of you another day.

What the fuck did she mean by again? 

Was it recent? Was it happening right now, while she sat here still hurting? 

She hated herself for wanting answers to questions she wasn’t even sure she was ready to hear. The thought of you, your hands on Abby, Abby’s hands on you, sent this ugly shock straight to her traitorous heart, each beat a reminder it hadn’t yet learned how to go numb for you, no matter how many times she swore she didn’t give two shits. Ellie’s eyes were desperate for the tell that this was just some sort of weed-induced slip-up with no meaning behind it. But Alexis looked just as caught off guard.

“Again?” Savannah squealed, as if she possessed some imagined claim over Abby. “What the fuck do you mean, ‘again’?”

Alexis blinked through wide eyes, her mind frantically rewinding, attempting to erase the slip. “You must have misheard.”

Ellie wasn’t letting it slide. The girl looked paler than usual, pores refusing to let go of the dead constellations standing out against her greyish skin, trying to hold herself together while her insides tore apart and nausea flooded her stomach. “They’re... hooking up?” 

“That fucking bitch.” The patchy-haired firecracker hissed, and Alexis wanted nothing more than to disappear, to crawl into a hole and never come out again. 

She twisted the heel of her shoe into the burnt filter of her joint, grinding the last breath of your peace into the dirt with it.

Back to black.

.⊹⋆.˚ TAGLIST ﹕ @satellitespinner vampcubus @ivying @elliewilliamsbelovedwife @mina-281 @chxrryvalxntine @bookpagecandlescent @fionaapplelover2010 @crushh-existz @macaroni676 @elliesbabygirl @bookpagecandlescent @visupremacysstuff @elssaphica @rxreaqia @fatbootymuncher nenas19 lovelycarmenn @dying-brb @intothespidersweb @d1psht @prettygirlfemme trueellivingx @antobooh @vahnilla @na0koz thunder1375 @letmesleep8 @sta-rcrossed @evaprincessx @abbysunderwear @liasxeatt @hitmehardmommy @pray4carsss @bambiaches @piscesthepoet @iadorefineshyt 1800-i-eat-pussy @morticeras @ellesrad @l0veylace @juiceboxfullofslime ellieslob @luvherguts @moonfloweredprincess prettybabyloleriiwaiii2 @thinkingabtellie midnights-with-him @andieprincessofpower @my-fabulousness-has-arrived @vi-sinner @eriiwaiii2 @mastermasterlist1p1 @modernvenuss @prettybabylol @sexlus @d1psht @midnights-with-him @bready101 @berrybunssever @munequitaas @xoxo-macie994 @piercedome @honeyylovee @sawaagyapong @ruevu @marleeeen111 @valwrd @kingofeyeliner @bellsapatilha @st0nerlesb0 @driftwoodambers @lighthousewindow @ruevu @kittywowwow @mwahbabe [TUMBLR WON'T LET ME ADD ANY MORE. SORRY ;(]

[spookilyspooking]

Can you do a Shauna x Reader girlfriend pairing. Where Shauna is being…Shauna…out in the wilderness. And she’s getting out of hand so Reader tries to calm her down. But then Shauna yells at her and Reader flinches when Shauna moves her hand, and Shauna like loses it when she realizes what just happened (she would never hit her baby).

~ Shauna Shipman x Fem!Reader: Hard Times ~

Words: 1426

Note: A lil angst for your Monday amiright 🤘🏻thank you anon for sending in a req! I hope you enjoy!

Shauna was being… well… Shauna, again. And you get it… kind of. If you had a dream that your friends were eating your baby right in front of you after you lost that same baby in childbirth, you’d probably be paranoid and untrusting too. But, it also gets to a point where you can’t tell if the Shauna you knew before even lives inside of her hard shell anymore.

Shauna’s personality resembles a Dead Man Walking tornado, silently treading through the area until it gets too close and then the skin is ripped from muscle without so much as a hesitancy. And in comparison, you and everyone else are just the lowly townspeople trying to avoid the storm at all costs. But it still makes its mark directly through town, destroying houses, hurting people, and just making life miserable for everyone.

Everyone avoids Shauna now, even you sometimes, which you hate to admit. Shauna was yours from day one, since the crash happened and you two found solace in each other’s arms. You were there for her baby’s birth, and subsequent death. But after that winter, she changed.

You dreamed of a day where the old Shauna would come back to you, where it would all be just a nightmare and you’d wake up to her dark brown curls and an innocent smile, but… those days seemed farther and farther away from hope as the days came and went into another autumn.

You seemed to be the only one who hadn’t completely given up on her. Your heart was a dangerous counselor in the wilderness. This was a place for evil to seep from wounds and infect until rotten, not to dream and wish and hope. But you couldn’t help it - you weren’t going to give up on Shauna when everyone else did so easily.

You were seated by the fire, alone as you rested weary legs from setting up traps in the forest all day. The chill in the air was creeping deadlier every moment. You held your thin, ragged sweatshirt closer to your chest. You bit down the shivers.

And then you heard it. Shauna’s angry voice, tearing into yet another teammate. You sighed, shoulders weary. How you’d become Shauna’s mediator was beyond you, but as soon as she started sneering, shoulders hunched and ready to pounce, the Yellowjackets all glanced your way, hoping to alleviate the pressure, like taking a boiling pot off the stove.

You pushed yourself up, making your way to the baby’s gravesite. Shauna had been spending every free moment of her time there. It was an unspoken truth that nobody should go there, that it was Shauna’s space. But the girls pushed anyways. There was no such thing as personal space in survival.

Pushing through the shrubs and dead leaves, coloring the ground in rageful reds and yellows, you caught sight of Shauna’s knife at Melissa’s throat, her white knuckles shoving her into the body of an oak.

You sprinted into action.

“Woah, Shauna, Shauna!” You yelled and ran into the small clearing.

She didn’t look your way. Not even a glance. You thought she hadn’t heard you, until she growled. “Go away. This is none of your business.”

“Yeah, it is,” you pushed back, took a step forward. Melissa’s wide eyes met yours, crying for help. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“You can’t be here,” she sneered in Melissa’s face, baring teeth like a hound.

“Jesus, Shauna, it was probably just a mistake!” You cried out. There had to be some humanity in her left. There *had* to be! She wouldn’t just kill someone out of blue like that.

Melissa nodded in agreement. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“I’m the only one allowed out here,” she bit back, spit flying from her snarled lips.

“Shauna, it’s the fucking wilderness! There’s no personal space. Oh my god, just let her go!”

Shauna didn’t move. Didn’t flinch. Her eyes bore into Melissa’s, an anger so deep and glaring that it took over her entire body, possessed her. The knife pressed slightly harder into Melissa’s neck, a line of red appearing against pale skin. She cried out, reaching out to you for help.

“Shit!” You cried and stomped forward, wrenching Shauna’s arm away from Melissa’s shaking body. Shauna wasn’t ready for it. You never physically stood up to her, never put your hands on her to fight back. You always used your puppy dog eyes and gentle words to coax her back from the edge, and Shauna would stomp angrily back to her hut, and that would be the end of it.

In an instant, Melissa ran towards camp, holding her bloodied neck, dirt and dust kicked up behind her feet. Shauna whirled on you, a grimace etched into her features. She looked wild, rabid, untameable, unsaveable. She pushed into your space, chests almost touching, leaning her red face down into yours.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

“I couldn’t just let you do that!” You argued, although your hands shook at your sides and your eyes denied any strand of confidence. “She made a mistake. She was scared!”

“Who are you to step in? Are you my fucking mom?”

That stung. And with that came your anger, bubbling up in your gut. “I’m your girlfriend. And your friend. And frankly, I’m the only one you have left.”

Her face screwed up like she’d tasted something bitter, probably the toxicity of her own heart. Nobody else would stand up to Shauna. Nobody. Except you. And this was something you couldn’t look away from. The image of Shauna’s knife tip glistening in Melissa’s blood would forever imprint on your nightmares. The Shauna you knew back home would never dream of doing that. But times have changed.

Her words got trapped in her throat. She wanted to bite back, spit at you, call you names, but her mouth snapped shut, throat closing up. The only thing she had left were her fists. So, she raised one, just slightly, knife positioned at her shoulders, pointed at you.

Your mouth went dry. The air in your lungs dissolved. Fear paralyzed your body. Everything went still. It was literally a nightmare - sleep paralysis. It felt like you were an animal being put to sleep, being put down to die. Everything shuts down, but you don’t even feel it happening until your eyes close. And then you’re gone.

You always thought Shauna would protect you. She told you that, late at night when she thought you weren’t listening. Maybe she was dreaming… like you were.

As soon as she raises her hand and sees your face, your terror… for *her*, she freezes too. Eyes widening, she glanced down at her hand, gripping the handle of her knife just to see if it’s real. It drops into the dead leaves by her feet.

A harsh exhale leaves her lips. She shakes her head. “I - I’m sorry. I didn’t… that’s not… I wouldn’t do that to you.”

You don’t respond. Don’t think you can.

“Please, you have to believe me. I don’t know why I did that. I was just… so angry. And I - I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

She’s becoming frantic, sweaty hands rubbing on her pants. Brown eyes dart everywhere but yours, scared to even look at you.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Fuck, that was fucked up.”

You nod at that. Everything’s fucked up.

“You know I’d never hurt you right?” She presses, desperate. “You know that, right?”

“I… shit, Shauna,” you gasp, a humorless laugh threatening to break free. You would never hurt me, but you almost did. What happens if next time you don’t come to your senses fast enough?

“Please,” her hands grasp your biceps. You jolt, fear still crawling under your skin like ants. “You won’t leave me for this, right? It was just a mistake. Like you said Melissa made. Just a mistake. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

She meets your eyes, and behind all the anger and guilt and shame, there’s a very real, very detrimental terror of being alone.

“You scared me,” you reply, voice small.

She gulps and nods. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Her fingers drift from your biceps to hold your trembling hands. “You still believe I’m good, right?”

And no matter what Shauna did, no matter if she took that knife and gutted you like a fish, you’d never lose hope that in her heart, deep down, she’s good.

So you nod, even through the fear, even through the embarrassment. “Yeah, I do.”

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[tobesolnelyx]

— down by the water. part two || shauna shipman - natalie scatorccio - lottie matthews x fem!reader.

a/n: i know, should’ve been yesterday, but author was struggling with period that’s why it’s a little late. as always, special thanks to my dear 🪆anon, who came up with this idea <3

summary: they all got you pregnant. they all claim that they’re father. so now you gained three guard dogs…almost. pregnant!reader g!p characters. part one here.

warnings: mentions of sex. suggestive content. standard yellowjackets warning.

word count: around 2.7k

Water dripped lazily from the soaked piece of cloth pressed to your forehead. It splashed softly against the ground. Barely had it seeped into the packed earth when another drop was already falling.

Nat looked at you like a martyr. With eyes so sad and filled with guilt that you could hardly meet them. Water splashed in the bucket as she soaked another rag. They dried quickly, the water warmed just as fast in the burning heat, and you sweated twice as much as usual.

Your belly had rounded. You had no idea exactly whom to blame for the constant back pain and uncomfortable sleep. Maybe when you looked into the child’s eyes, you would know whose doing it was.

At least each of them would admit to parenthood.

On the other side lay a cup of untouched tea prepared by Lottie. Both Shauna and Natalie had forbidden you from drinking it and would pour the contents out behind your hut whenever they went outside. It seemed your wellbeing mattered more to them than Lottie’s authority.

“Shit,” Nat muttered under her breath, realizing the water had already grown warm. For the last time she wiped the sweat from your forehead. “I’ll go get more water,” she sighed, standing up. With one hand she grabbed the cup, grimacing at the strange mixture inside. With the other, she lifted the water bucket.

“I can go with you,” you said, pushing yourself up from the soft bedding. Lottie, Nat, and Shauna had given you most of the decent blankets so you could be comfortable. “I should get some fresh air, I can still walk, I’m not...”

“There’s no need,” Shauna slipped in so quietly you jumped when she appeared in the doorway. Nat winced briefly at the sight of her. Another bucket of cool water hit the floor. A few drops splashed onto the ground.

Shauna unceremoniously grabbed the cup from Nat’s hands and dumped the entire contents just beyond the threshold of the hut. Her expression didn’t change. Cold, focused. The first wrinkles formed on her forehead. She rinsed the cup in Nat’s warm water, then poured cool water into it. Soon she was kneeling beside you, adjusting the pillows at your back and handing you the cup.

“Pour that out,” she told Nat without even looking at her.

“You’re not here to order me around like a servant, Shauna,” Nat snapped back, her hand tightening on the handle.

Shauna sighed, as if she hadn’t heard her but then straightened and stood directly before her.

“This isn’t about your fucking ego, Natalie,” Shauna hissed. “It’s about her health. The baby’s health. So this isn’t the time for your tantrums about authority.”

“My tantrums…?” Nat began to bite back, but you cut in.

“Not in front of the pregnant one.”

Both turned their eyes on you. It was hard to say Shauna’s gaze softened, but at least the tension seemed to drain from her. Natalie put on the same martyr’s expression and looked at you with something like concern.

“Get moving.” Shauna’s hand landed on Nat’s crotch faster than you could react. She smacked her hard between the legs. Nat doubled over almost instantly, letting out a quiet whimper of pain, nearly dropping the bucket.

She straightened quickly, panting and trying not to give Shauna the satisfaction. With cheeks burning in humiliation, she stormed out of the hut, lugging the bucket.

“Antler Queen,” Shauna muttered, making sure she had a moment alone with you.

“Can I finally go outside?” you asked immediately. It felt strange that you even had to ask. It seemed your opinion stopped mattering once Lottie filled your head with all that faith in the Wilderness. “You can’t keep me like a dog on a leash.”

Neither Shauna nor Nat liked that. And on that, at least, they agreed.

It turned out the respect they both held for Lottie seemed to falter when it came to you.

“You can go outside,” Shauna answered calmly, frowning and sitting beside you. “No one’s forbidding you…”

“With you by my side,” you scoffed, shaking your head. “Like I’m supposed to be the next meal at least…” you began, but Shauna tilted her head toward you so fast, striking you with her gaze that you almost immediately regretted your words.

Her scarred hands quickly grabbed a cloth and plunged it into the cool water with a splash. You winced slightly when the not so gentle compress landed on your forehead.

Shauna grabbed your chin. Her nails dug lightly into your skin. Not painfully, but just enough to make you feel like a chained dog with a collar tightening around its neck.

“Listen to me,” she said softly but firmly. She glanced one last time at the hut’s entrance, making sure neither Nat nor Lottie was nearby. “You spread your legs like the whore you are.”

“Don’t call me that…” you snapped back instantly, your cheeks burning with shame. Shauna roughly tilted your head upward. Unfazed, she continued:

“You let yourself get fucking bred three times in a row,” she hissed at you. Her eyes burned holes into yours. “Only because Lottie fed you all that bullshit about the wilderness and her shitty spirits. Do you really think you’re helping anyone with this, besides cockwarming anyone? Not only are you loose, you’re naive. You’ve had your brain washed.”

She shoved your face away, stood, grabbed the now warm cloth and tossed it back into the bucket. You cursed your damn pregnancy hormones, because hot tears welled in your eyes. You turned away, staring at the opposite wall, listening to the distant voices outside. You rarely saw anyone else, because your three guard dogs had forbidden anyone from entering in their absence.

“Then why are you still here?” you muttered under your breath, picking at the blanket beside you. “Why did you even take part in this at all?”

Shauna rolled her eyes, as if you were too stupid to understand even something so simple. Hard to blame you. Your mind was soaked in Lottie’s teachings, which you desperately wanted to believe in, that’s why you agreed in the first place. And now Shauna, who had also been part of it, was pointing out just how badly you had fucked things up.

In Shauna’s reasoning, the wilderness was just bullshit. The baby was supposedly needed by everyone, and yet…not at all. You had no idea how you would feed it, what you would do if you had to raise it in the middle of nowhere. Especially with Lottie, who already seemed to have some plans for the child, though she never revealed them. It made no sense that she had even agreed to the whole venture because you were sure the last thing Shauna wanted was to care for someone pregnant. It couldn’t have been just about quick sex.

Especially since it was Lottie who had been slipping into your hut after dark during those first weeks, before your belly began to swell.

“Because the baby is mine,” she said with all the calm and certainty of someone talking about the weather. She had no right to know that, and yet she was convinced.

“You don’t know that,” you pointed out. Shauna shrugged. She was about to say something more, but then you noticed Lottie in the doorway, with Nat right behind her.

Lottie, as always, greeted you with a smile that was supposed to be kind, but only seemed manic. Nat watched her with distrust. She gave Shauna a slight nod as if they were passing some unspoken message. Shauna glanced at Lottie, and her hand automatically went to the knife at her hip.

It was strange, seeing the three of them together in one room. Still in conflict, yet bound by the same purpose. Allies, but ready to tear each other apart at any moment.

“May I have some time alone?” Lottie’s voice filled the hut. It wasn’t really a question. The message was clear: Shauna and Nat were to leave, no matter how much they disliked it.

Nat wrinkled her nose. Shauna sighed, but turned toward you and pressed her lips briefly to your forehead. Her hand rested for a moment on your rounded belly.

“Don’t drink anything she gives you,” she muttered, then straightened. With an almost indifferent expression, she brushed past Lottie. At the door, she gave Nat a sharp shove with her shoulder, making Nat clench her jaw tightly.

You kept your eyes on Lottie, who now knelt by your side, folding herself into something like prayer. Nat lingered in the doorway for a moment, debating whether she should stay nearby.

One look from Lottie was enough to send her footsteps retreating into the distance.

*****

“Do you feel it?” Lottie stood in the middle of the clearing. You had no idea what exactly you were supposed to feel, other than the smell of moss, mushrooms, and wet grass beneath your hand. The other rested gently on your belly, impossible to hide now under layers of clothing.

You didn’t complain. At least you had escaped the hut you had come to treat as a prison.

Sitting on the ground, you watched Lottie pace back and forth, listening for something you couldn’t hear. The sun framed her silhouette. You squinted, really trying to sense something, but again, nothing.

Your breasts were heavy and swollen. Your belly felt like a balloon, and Shauna and Nat had never been so protective. If they found out that Lottie had dragged you out for some bizarre ritual (that’s what she called it. A ritual.), they would probably never let you out of their sight again. Already they had negotiated with Lottie, who now spent every night in your hut under the pretense of protecting the child spiritually, that they would take turns sleeping beside you.

They hadn’t expected that at dawn, long before they woke, Lottie would whisk you deep into the forest.

She turned to you now with a blissful smile, as though the wilderness itself had whispered a secret into her ear. She came toward you in a few quick strides. Her hair fell across her forehead, and she reached her hands out to help you stand. Her arm slipped easily around your waist, steadying you so you wouldn’t fall. But then, suddenly, she was the one on her knees before you.

You looked down at her, and she was already resting her forehead against your belly, mumbling something you couldn’t quite hear, but could guess.

Then came her lips, brushing softly over the swell. You felt their warmth through Nat’s worn shirt. Her hands rested firmly on your hips, holding you close.

“You will save us,” Lottie murmured, pressing another kiss to you. A trembling breath escaped your lips as you tangled your fingers in her hair, tugging gently.

You weren’t so sure. The closer your due date came, the more terrified you felt. You were going to give birth nearly under the open sky, in conditions far from ideal, with zero medical care.

Your heart pounded against your ribs at the very thought.

Her fingers, hardened from months in the wilderness, slid up your forearms, and she looked you straight in the eyes. For a moment, you thought she might abandon whatever this ritual meant to her. Maybe her concern for you would outweigh it.

You drew in a deep breath, your fingers itching as hers tightened around your arms.

Pulling you downward. Not gently, as before, but quickly, forcefully, until your knees hit the ground. Before you could even open your mouth, Lottie shoved you flat on the earth. Her hands worked frantically at your shirt.

“She belongs to the wilderness. She isn’t anyone’s possession,” she gasped, struggling to tear the layers of clothing from you.

“Excuse me…?” You tried to stop her, but whatever gentleness Lottie had once shown you months ago, the Lottie who convinced you how important your pregnancy was, gone. In her place were insistent hands and ragged breath.

She leaned over you, and your heart leapt into your throat. Her body pressed dangerously close, and in alarm you tried to kick her, but it did little. You couldn’t tell if you were simply weakened or if Lottie had grown strangely stronger.

At last her fingers slipped under your shirt, wandering across your skin, climbing toward your swollen breasts. They had already started to leak this late in pregnancy.

“She must be sacrificed, don’t you understand?” she panted by your face, tugging your shirt higher. From your expression Lottie could tell you didn’t understand at all.

“Sacrificed?” you gasped, frowning. For a moment you were so bewildered you stopped trying to push her away. Blood roared in your ears. “Lottie, we’re not sacrificing anyone...”

You only registered Shauna’s and Nat’s presence when you heard your name shouted and the pounding of footsteps. The bushes rustled, and suddenly Shauna burst from them, Nat close behind.

Shauna’s expression promised she was ready to tear Lottie apart. You had no idea how they knew where to find you, or how long it had taken them, but the tension drained from you instantly.

Shauna yanked Lottie back, dragging her away from you as far as she could.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Shauna snarled, brutally throwing Lottie to the ground and standing over her as she gasped for air. Rage boiled in both of them. Lottie wasn’t exactly thrilled about being interrupted. She scrambled back to her feet, and though she was taller than Shauna, the latter still stood with her chin lifted, meeting her eyes defiantly.

“Hey,” Nat murmured, rushing to your side. Her hand landed where Lottie’s had been only moments ago. “Are you okay?”

She looked you over carefully, checking for injuries. You couldn’t take your eyes off Lottie, who was trying to explain herself to Shauna. Shauna only glanced briefly at you, then signaled to Nat, dragging Lottie off to the side, probably so you wouldn’t hear their argument.

“Nothing hurts?” Nat’s voice reached you as if through fog. She cupped your face in her hands, scanning for signs of pain or stress. You shook your head, and Nat sighed, slipping one arm around your back. With the other she caught your wrist and guided your arm over her shoulders.

“Are you sure you can walk on your own?” she asked, her voice slightly hoarse. Her arm slid down to your waist, supporting you despite your reassurances.

You glanced back just in time to see Shauna shoving Lottie to the ground again, gesturing wildly. Her knuckles, clenched around the hunting knife at her belt, had turned white.

“What was she trying to tell you this time?” Nat asked, her familiar look of concern and pity in her eyes.

“That we should sacrifice the baby for…” you gestured vaguely, staring at a fixed point ahead like it was explaining anything, “…something.”

You felt Nat stiffen. Her whole body tensed beside yours. You shot her a sidelong glance, but she quickly looked away like a scolded dog, as though she knew something. She cleared her throat and hastily changed the subject, to how Shauna had given you an even bigger portion of meat today than usual, how winter was closing in fast, and how you absolutely couldn’t overexert yourself, so she would take over all your chores.

*****

Shauna stormed into your hut with such force you flinched. The evenings had turned cold, and Nat was wrapping another blanket around you, making sure you stayed warm.

She’d been by your side since morning, disappearing only once for a solid hour. When she came back, her lips were swollen, red, and her voice hoarse, insisting she’d just gone to check on Lottie. You figured Shauna had bluntly ordered her to stay and guard you until she returned.

“I’ve had enough of her,” Shauna growled, glaring at Nat. Nat lowered her eyes and, after tucking in the last edge of the blanket, curled up beside you, wrapping her arms around your body. If she hadn’t been so tense it might have felt almost pleasant.

In the corner of the hut sat an empty bowl, evidence that Nat had smuggled you extra food for dinner. Shauna’s gaze fell on it, and she seemed to calm slightly.

“What’s going on?” you asked immediately, suddenly not feeling sleepy at all.

“None of your business,” Shauna snapped back. Nat let out a disgruntled murmur but didn’t say a word, pressing herself against you.

“I think it is my business, considering…” you began, but Shauna shook her head. She shoved her hunting knife under the pillow and lay down beside you.

“It’s not. Focus on other things,” she muttered, wrapping her arms around you much like Nat had. You grew uncomfortably warm, but you didn’t have the heart to break apart their careful arrangement of blankets. “Like the birth.”

You ended up practically crushed between them. Shauna’s arm draped loosely around you and landed on Nat. Nat snorted under her breath and shifted away, but Shauna’s hand clamped onto her wrist, dragging her back.

“Stay,” Shauna murmured shortly, burying her face in your neck, and you could have sworn she kissed you lightly.

“Don’t touch me,” Nat muttered, but she didn’t move again. Shauna exhaled in irritation.

Silence settled. You could only hear the faint crackle of the fire outside as it slowly died down, the familiar sounds of the wilderness, and the steady breathing of Shauna and Nat.

Almost steady.

“We should get rid of her,” Nat sighed, barely conscious, into your neck. You froze. As if sensing it, she began to gently massage your waist. “The sooner the better.”

For a moment, you thought Shauna hadn’t heard, or didn’t want to hear. But then she gave a low hum in response. Her hand tightened on your hip.

And it crossed your mind that it might be better if the baby didn’t open its eyes after birth with the gaze of Lottie Matthews.

[qu1etinquarat1ne]

Breathe me in, Freeze me out.

❄synopsis ; After getting assigned to patrol with Ellie Williams, (who seems to have a strong distaste for you) an accident forces you into an old building for shelter, and you "luck" causes you to get snowed in. With nothing to do but wait, you decide to try and break the barrier between you two. One blunt and a few exchanged words would leave a greater mark on you then any frostbite ever did.

🧊 series contents; one sided enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst, push-pull relationship style, Ellie lowkey a bitch, yearning/pining, eventual fluff, Ellie can't handle her feelings, reader lightly described to be fem, reader is lowkey a people pleaser, fatal attraction, Avoidant!Ellie , eventual smut(?), weed and alcohol use, swearing, Nervous wreck! Reader, Ellie lowkey is an adrenaline junkie

WC; 2.1k

Chapter 1; The cold doesn't comfort.

Boredom. The worst kind of feeling. Maybe there's a certain, problematic feeling of comfort in other things, fear, heartbreak, pain. The way your chest heaves and your skin crawls with emotion, it's addicting, even if it hurts. Because it hurts. Why do you think adrenaline junkies exist?

The need to keep moving, to start and never stop haunts Ellie. It's like she's stuck and time is moving past her. She needs to do something, do anything. Ideally something that gets her heart hammering. Standing still was bad. Still meant boredom. Still meant the only person she was left with, was herself. So she was always up.

Patrols, walking, gardening (the legal, and illegal kind.) missions, more patrols, scavenging for shit she didn't even want. Anything to keep her busy. Because she was Jackson's hard worker, wasn't she? Ellie, who so graciously volunteered for anything, Ellie who was praised for her strength.

Truth is? Ellie can't handle it. Her hands ran through her short, auburn hair as her leg bounced. She was like a bomb, soon her short fuse was gonna end and she was gonna blow. She blew a breath out, looking around the old garage she had transformed into her safe heaven. Her spot.

It had been snowing for days on end, and she hadn't been able to do much of anything. No gardens to tend to, her makeshift shooting range was too snowed in, and too deep in the forest to safely travel to, especially this cold out. So, for the past 3 days, Ellie had been pacing her room. She swore she was going crazy.

 She was reorganizing some of her shelves, which she had done 3 times in the past 2 days when a sharp thud on her door jolted her. 

She paused, looking up. Was that real? When it happened again, firmer this time, she scoffed under her breath and scolded herself for being so paranoid. 

The cold breeze hit her face as she opened the door, and saw..you. 

You were new. Sharp, witty and adventurous, you were growing to be quite popular within Jackson. You were kind, good with kids, and very willing to do whatever…and yet, you made Ellie's blood boil. She didn't know why, but the way you bounced on your toes annoyed her beyond belief, and the way you seemed so willing to help, made you seem like a suck up. Not that Ellie could be talking, she was like a dog. It had only been almost 3 weeks since you moved into Jackson, and already she disliked you. 

 

`` We got signed up for patrol together-...``

You paused, hesitating as you noticed the way Ellie's eyes narrowed and her grip tightened on the door after you delivered what seemed to be the unfortunate news. 

``shouldn't take more than an hour or two…..uhm...I'll be in the stable..` 

You trailed off, toying with the loose string of your coat. Ellie nodded, humming as she shifted her weight, crossing her arms 

``Right.`` 

She said lowly, looking down at her floor. She groaned internally, she would've been thrilled to go out, if it wasn't for the fact that it was you she was assigned to. She watched as you hurried off, your footprints leaving marks in the snow as you walked away. She scoffed, closing her door with a bit too much force, she heard the tumble of a pile of snow fall in front of her door. Just her luck apparently. 

. 

. 

.

You were brushing down your horse, humming softly as you got her ready for the patrol. You were nervous. You took notice to Ellie's demeanor. The way she scoffed when you tried too hard, or how she looked at you with such disgust sometimes. You had tried to be as nice as possible, you were new and obviously people were weary, especially with the world you lived in, so you tried. But she just wouldn't budge. 

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard another stable door slam into the wall, you and both your horse flinched and the animal lifted his ears. Ellie.

Pausing your actions, you looked over as she brought her horse out to a pole. Her pale hands grabbed a brush, wiping her down and preparing her the same way you had. She passed by you a few times, and you got her familiar smell of weed and whatever soap she used.. You didn't notice you were staring until Ellie's gruff voice snapped you out of your head.

``you're staring.`` 

She grumbled, Her voice was thick, almost bored, with a slight rasp. You looked away, cheeks a bit pink from embarrassment.

``sorry.``

You said simply, as you started to put on your horse's saddle. She mumbled out a quiet `` its whatever..`` under her breath as you both got your horses ready in an awkward silence. 

.

.

.

The firm call of your name snaps you out of your mind, Ellie looks back to you as you start to fall behind, her gloved hands gripping the reins tight, and her scowl is impossible to ignore. Though you can't take her too seriously when the tip of her nose and cheeks are almost tomato red. Ellie frowns and steers her horse back and closer to you.

``Focus. We have shit to do.``

She growls out, circling you. You huff in defeat, nudging your horse forward to trot after her. The snow is heavy, and small snowflakes fall on your clothes. 

You take in the scenery, the way the snow falls down onto the leaves of the pine trees, the way the ice coats every surface and makes it shine with a gorgeous hue, you would've gone slower to appreciate it.. if it wasn't for Ellie's death glare every time you slowed down. 

``sh’wound up so tight, you'd think she's got a stick up her ass.``

You mumbled, mostly to yourself but your horse, affectionately named mustang, huffed. You hummed, nodding in agreement as you pet his mane. Ellie looked back at you, furrowing her split brow.

``you say somethin’?``

``huh? no…``

You snicker to yourself. Apparently you weren't quiet enough.

.

.

.

You're riding for a bit longer, when the snow starts to get heavier. It's denser, getting colder by the minute. Your nose is red and running, and your eyes are watering from the cold. You nudge mustang to move faster, and soon you're by Ellie's side. You look over at her as both you and her struggle to see through the falling show. She's looking down at her map with intense concentration.

``Are we gonna be able to keep going in this?``

Your voice trembles slightly, throat dry from the cold air. She huffs, her brows furrowed as she looks between you and their path ahead.

``I don't know.``

She says honestly..

You both continue for a bit longer, maybe about half a mile more, you're looking through your pack, trailing behind Ellie slowly as you both just try and make it through the snow. A crack in the woods next to you doesn't get your attention, but the familiar screech that follows does. You go to grab the reins, but you're too slow, and your horse shrieks and bucks, throwing you off and into the slow. 

You cry out, a sharp sting tears through your leg as you land on something. Mustang is gone before you could even blink, galloping away into the fogged up forest. The commotion gets Ellie's attention and she steers her horse back quickly, drawing her pistol as the clicker, who is slower due to the frost that has eaten away and covered its skin clambers over to you. You hold it away with a stick you quickly grabbed, its decayed jaws snapping at you. 

Its head pops open as Ellie fires a few wounds. You shield your eyes and as soon as the infected stills, you throw it off. The movement reminds you how much your leg hurts. You yelp, gripping your thigh. You look up at Ellie as she quickly ties her horse up, and rushes over. She looked down, jaw clenched as her tense hands hover over your leg.

``why weren't you paying attention?!``

She snaps, slapping your hand from where it covered the wound to get a good look at it. Warm blood trickles down your thigh and into the snow, creating a warm, red puddle. You frowned, scrunching your nose as you tried your best not to cry. You sniffle, leaning back as you spoke

``I was looking for something! Can you not fuckin’ lecture me right now?``

You snarled out, voice defensive and trembling. Ellie scoffs, mumbling something about you being incompetent and an idiot. She stands up, speaking as she looks down at you.

``it looks deep. We can't stay out in the snow but we are too far from Jackson..``

Her voice trails off, but the slight panic in her expression is visible. This wasn't an ideal situation. Ellie groans and tugs off her jacket and tears off the sleeve of her flannel with her switchblade. You look at her, taking shaky breaths as she rolls it out.

Crouching down, she starts to tie it around your thigh. You yelp, gripping a fistful of snow as the sting in your leg gets worse.

``ow! Fuck! Gentle, maybe!?"

You whine and glare at her. Ellie growls at you and narrows her eyes. She tightens it more, mumbling as she hoists an arm under your shoulders and drags you up, she's obviously rushing.

``you'll live.``

She mumbles. You groan as you step slowly towards her horse, leaning on her. Ellie helps you up, being surprisingly gentle as she holds your other thigh to help you get comfortable on the saddle. Her hand is gripping your upper leg as she makes sure you're steady. You'd be lying if you said the touch didn't make your heart thumps bit harder. She climbs up soon after you.

``hold on tight. There's an old store up ahead we can shelter in until the snow gets ligher…``

She informs you. You nod, hesitating before wrapping your arms around her waist. She stiffens slightly, but tries to brush it away as she kicks her horse into a canter. 

.

.

.

``I'm so fucking cold.``

You complain as you lean on a pillar. You rub your arms across each other and blow on your hands. Ellie is panting, using her feet to kick the wooden planks that boarded up the front doors of the building. She sends you a glare, and you shut up pretty quickly, not wanting to irritate her even more. She grunts as she kicks the last one away, raising her pistol as she kicks the door open. Ellie coughs, gaging slightly at the smell of the old air that gushes to her face. She peaks her head in, auburn hair swinging around her face, some spots are damp from where snow has melted into her hair. She raises her gun around before deciding it was clear, 

``cmon. Before I decide to leave you out here.`` 

Ellie says, coming over to help you walk in. You can't tell if the threat is serious. 

You stumble in, gripping the wall as you find a spot to sit down in. Ellie pants as she hunches over, finally getting a chance to catch her breath. Her green eyes flick over to the door, getting ready to go close it. You're sitting on the floor, shivering as you watch, your gaze following her. She leans up, standing straight as she looks at you. She looks like she's going to say something before her eyes flick to the door. 

A strong gust of wind slams them shut, and the all too familiar sound of snow falling tumbles outside the door. Both you and Ellie jolt, and Ellie yells in frustration.

``Fuck! No!``

Her voice is panicked, she halts what she was doing and jogs over. She tugged on the handle, then started to try and push it open. You groan, putting your head in your hands. Ellie didn't think her situation could get any worse, but she keeps getting proven wrong. She steps away, panting and looking at the door. Her gaze moves between a very tired, and bleeding you, and the cold metal doors, blocked in by snow, that trapped them in this building.

She kicks a flipped chair that was by her, yelling as it flew across the floor, creating a noise that made you jump. 

``Goddammit!`` 

You were snowed in.

[livthesleepdeprived]

this shit hit smth in me it shouldn't've

[cyber-sour]

Jesus and Judas:

Some random dude that wrote the bible:

[pumee001]

Lust for a vampyr

[strwbryslut]

NEVER KILL YOURSELF . SOMETHING LESBIAN MIGHT HAPPEN TO YOU SOON .

[trustlife2day]