Jade ♡

amidst the fields, her heart smiles

[trillyke]

When people ask me which team am I:

[sicknare]

[daily-spooky]

[cansu-m]

[landsccape]

[bled]

[flowersmixedwithrain]

It's my 5 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[poetry-siir]

[bled]

[flowersmixedwithrain]

Bro, it's time you forget about me.

I'm not the same person you met a year ago. Who you think you are talking to right now isn't going to respond the same way she did before; she won't reply with the same sentence structure with the weird emoticon that you found weird but funny, she won't insist on calling you with the odd nickname she had made you that you somehow liked, and she won't type the laugh expression in all caps because it is time that you face it: she isn't the same girl anymore.

She won't be agreeing to all the schemes and ideas you came up with like what she used to do; she won't tell stories out of the blue after mentioning a certain word that reminded her of a specific memory; and she won't laugh at your silly voice mannerisms, only to tell you that she's kidding and that it put a huge smile on her face. All of that is gone.

You have to move on, and accept what she have become to; what I have become to. It was an end of an era. How you look to me, how you sound to me, how I perceive you, and how I come to be as a person towards you has completely changed. I have repainted the canvas of your painting with a clean, white paint. It is time that you do the same to mine.

[ur-daily-inspiration]

The colors of the sky

[flowersmixedwithrain]

to my dearest angel,

It feels as though it was yesterday when I found out you'll be making your way to your new home after being gone astray. It was the happiest I've ever been. A joyous moment I say. It's surprising how fate chose us to be your new company in life, and for that I will forever be thankful. I've never been so stoked on getting a dog not until seeing that text message that you'll be coming home with us. That time, I thanked God he gave me you.

But today, you decided to finally join the creator who guided you to us. It was never easy asking Him to take you so you can finally be able to rest and release you from the burden you're suffering, but I wish I could have more time with you.

Three years were short compared to the decade, or lifetime I envisioned for the both of us. Yet, in those three years, I felt a love from you that no one could ever give.

You were probably excited seeing the rainbow bridge ahead of you. I'm just sad the time you're able to smile again is when you're already gone from our arms. I will never see how your eyes light up when we bring you to the car, or how your tail waggles at the sight of your food, or your little legs skipping when we're running. I wish I could witness more of your lovely soul.

I love you, my angel. You can rest now. Your little brother Owen is going to be okay. We are going to be okay. My heart's aching at the sight of the memories of you that are left to stay with me but time will mend the broken heart. I know you're already in peace, and that's enough for me to hold onto tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after it. We will meet again when the dusk comes.

Run free to the fields where no pain exists ♥️ I love you.

[mixtured]

[flowersmixedwithrain]

a year ago, on this exact day, i made a compelling undertaking of making 2021 my year. well, new year's resolution? something like that, i guess? where you make promises of doing a certain thing, and most of them are for bridging your present you to that ideal image of yourself you've been holding onto for awhile. that kind of thing. does it ring any bells? well maybe because i'm a 100% sure we're doing them every new year's, and disclaimer alert: not all of them new year's "resolution" made it to the end of 2021. hell, as far as i can remember, out of all those listed on my one-year-old note inside my phone, i only accomplished two? or three? if you ask me, is that a bad thing tho? that i didn't even make it to half, or a good thing because i got to reach a goal rather than nothing at all? it's funny, because no matter what i do it gets the same each. goddamn. year. i make resolutions, i bury them like a saint, get one or two out of them, then never dig them up again for months. it's a little time capsule i bury each year, given that i only open them once. lol kidding.

but to be honest, i'm really looking forward to making this year, my year. I saw on tiktok, "if you want it to happen, then make it happen. this year's for you, so make it yours." Usually i don't give in to this kind of crap but it's starting to, make sense? well tiktok, you've earned yourself a fan.

so this year, i will try (no promises there, okay?) to feel like 2022. damn, i gotta push this ass to do something for myself. after all, it's for my well-being. i'm not doing it for someone else, i'm doing it for myself. sometimes you gotta give your homegirl/homeboy self some reward that you know you totally deserve. i've been pointing fingers to a tomorrow with good mental health, to a body shaped like an hourglass, to unos on my report card, and i'll only be able to get my hands on them if i start to put my mind and heart onto it. and we're going to start that by trying, and better, making everything i want possible!!!!!!!

... i did a one min reflection and now I'm little bit frightened it won't go the way i want it to be. but wait, that's how life is. those little imperfections keep us on trying, and trying, and god knows how many times we tried or we'll be trying, but the fact that i didn't give up? just wow. "what's stronger than the human heart that shatters over and over and still lives?" lang leav does make a point. note to self: keep on trying until you make even the slightest impossible, possible.

my thoughts are going in circles right now, doesn't it? i don't even know what i say anymore lol i'm just waiting for new year's celebration to be done, so i can sleep. (party pooper alert!)

i hope everyone is "feeling 2022"!! (cue taylor swift's 22!) because we all deserve it like the gems we are 💛

from me to you, happy new year!!

[click-fate]

[flowersmixedwithrain]

Screw it, I'm scared for having to deal with the truth I've been trying to divert my attention from for months. Why must it occur now? Am I not trying really hard? Where did I go wrong? What did I miss? Because, last time I checked I was completely on track. I was doing fine, like a child trying to step on the white tiles of a black and white floor, putting so much effort as to not step on to the black tile because black tile means losing, and losing means succumbing to the idea of wasted days and nights on, well ... nothing that makes a complete sense at all. So long as I'm carefully keeping my pace steady and not left unnoticed, I'm not losing anything. Yet, on another thought, how long should I endure this? How long should I pretend that stepping on white tiles would keep me from something I'm afraid to reveal myself to? Am I doing this for nothing? Have I created an illusion for myself that will eventually cost me everything? Everything I've worked so hard for? It sounds tiring, but hear me, it IS indeed tiring.

Maybe, just maybe, the black tile isn't so bad at all. There would come a time that I'll get exhausted, and will be walking on those black and white floors without skipping steps, or minding where I should put my feet on. Because in the end, the thrill's going to wear off. I'll only care about walking. I'm going to think that I'm doing myself a favor for I'll be saving myself a time from being encapsulated in the subtle lies that I told myself for days, or months even. Walking over it, facing the truth that has been dwelling inside my pool of thoughts, might just be the solution to this neverending skipping. Yes, it might hurt, memories might come haunting me once again, but so be it. If it means letting myself take a time out, even if the consequences cause me to be cutting onions in no time.

Screw it once again, I shouldn't really be thinking of you, but I'm letting myself breathe. This is me giving myself a favor. So, kudos to me I guess.

[russian-style]