J1NJ0S (brains alittle unscrewed)

vents. i’m a minor. main @jinjofitzo

[fluffyzuffy]

this is the onl y way i know how to make friends, this is the only place i can speak . i feel dirty but ive tried, ive tried to make friends in real life ive tried so hard but it never sticks, i feel like everyone was granted a life that makes them functional and im missing that final piece where i can hang iut with friends outside of school and Do things. im not digital and chronically online by choice, i was outcasted and pushed here. i just want freinds, am i so ugly for relying on fleeting love from people i may never meet? i just want somethjng and even that isnt working .

[fluffyzuffy]

what outlets are rhere anyway. i feel pathetic but this is all i have. i keep trying to build new friendships but it feels like none of them stick. im jelous of those who have others to go to. they dont need me cuz they have their otjer people, meanwhile im stuck to relying on them, people who would drop me in a cojnflip

[fluffyzuffy]

i know i’ve said this before but why do they all deserve to be happy and to have community, yet im stuck here all alone. they have eachother, they both have eachother, they have other friends to go to and don’t need me. they hurt me so i cut them off, they’re hurting me so im distancing, and yet im replaceable, they’re happier either way, but im the one affected and stuck broken

[fluffyzuffy]

i guess i overreacted. they all act like nothing happend. i can tell the friendship is broken now, unfortunately that leaves me no where to go. i feel relieved to know the truth at least.

[fluffyzuffy]

it feels like ever since i stood up for myself it’s been downhill. like even if i was hurt it better than being alone. now im still hurt and more isolated than ive ever been. if i kept my mouth shut id still have friends who at least cared a little.

(this is eggagerated, i do have friends who care about me . i jsut don’t have a solid friendgroup anymore)

[fluffyzuffy]

it’s so hard not to be depressed i’m trying but it feels so hopeless . why do i always get hurt, i don’t want thus to happen. what did i do wrong?

[fluffyzuffy]

i wish we hsd the money to do that . my mom would tather soend 200 on herself than the family.

i wish they didnt think so much about themselves .i feel ssssoo alone im back where i started . I have nightmares about the people ive lost who dont give a sliver about me and i bet im gonna lose more soon.

on yhe bright side i thjnk i made some new friends, im just really svared anout opening up. they told me they accept me so im going to try

at the end of the day i can lay in my bed and sleep . and my girlfriend will be there and i wont be alone again

[fluffyzuffy]

i want to apologize to them because i’m desperate again. i feel like it’ll just restart the cycle, but . yknow.. hghhhh everilbe wil be mad if i did. i have to remember i was manipulated. it’s hard to when it worked

[fluffyzuffy]

dont pay attention when its needed

[fluffyzuffy]

i wish the worst.

No i don’t. i wish they’d have a heart, feel guilty, none of them do, it feels like everyone who’s hurt me are never truly sorry, here they go doing it again. maybe i need to be rude. i have an urge to do a major purge, ill cut everyone off, (eggageration,) then id be even more alone.

Does quantity matter, or the quality? why surround myself with these people who don’t care anything about me.

[fluffyzuffy]

i’m never rude, i try not to be. but i really feel like it. irs immature and i’ll lose everything, but i want to, so , so bad. why can everyone else lash out on me and hurt me, but im supposed to get”understandable, considerate, kind, mature.” It’s not fair.

You sicken me. how could you? after all you said to me. i’m nothing but a second option. /dir

[fluffyzuffy]

ii feel the need to do something for someone. i’m becoming desperate for attention, and how i was raised was performance = attention. so i feel the need to draw for someone to make them happy, to get them to pay attention to me. this post isn’t directed to anyone, i just want attention . really bad, i want to be cared about just for a second.

[fluffyzuffy]

Iiii have to hurt myself but i’m also really cuteeee i have to be cute and so cute

i’m a cutie guys

[fluffyzuffy]

i don’t understand what’s wrong with me. being undiagnosed has made it so hard for me. i don’t know how to help myself because i don’t know what i am or what i have. I mentally cannot process that my friends even like me or care about me unless they explicitly tell me, and they have to remind me day after day after day. even friends i’ve been with for years. It feels like no one cares about me, wether that’s through actions or sick delusions in my head. I feel like i’m only useful or cared about if i bring somthing to the table, if i text first, if i therpize, if im funny, if i help them. It feels like somthings wrong with me. i care about every single one of my friends but i believe none of them even think about me unless absolutely nessasary. I barely have any friends right now that actually care to reach out to me. and the ones that do i bet they only do when i scream and cry

I haven’t been suicidal for awhile and i’m trying my best not to be. I know it’s going to be okay one day. but i’m also starting to get desperate and i know i shouldn’t turn to attention seeking, but it genuinely feels like no one will help me unless i do something drastic. i feel liek i need to cvt or somthing just for somebody to give me a hug or even Look at me anymore.

[dy1ngang3l]

[fluffyzuffy]

i need to trust myself but i feel like i cant anymore. I should just move on. Maybe it didn’t even matter that much. Maybe it doesn’t fucking matter and i should move on, it never ever ever fucking happend ever. I feel like i’m being sensitive about it . Ohhhhhhhhhhhhmygahd

it feels like this. i’ve been so confused. i don’t know who to trust anymore . i’m afraid im going to do the wrong thing and it’ll happen all over again. like it isn’t already happening ,,, agaaaain. but this time it’ll be worse. i’ll feel horrible. Please i don’t want to feel this way anymore i don’t want to be scared . i’m supposed to forget about it

[fluffyzuffy]

i don’t blame people for not reaching out, i mask and i say im okay. but there are times where ive POURED MY HEART OUT and clearly signal that im NOT OKAY BUT THEY ONLY WORRY WHEN ITS DIRE!!! I HAVE TO FUCKING ATTEMPT FOR ANYONE TO CARE! I HAVE TO CT OR SOME SHIT OR ELSE THEY DONT EVEN LISTEN, THEY DONT SEE IM THERE! please! please, im so upset. please, i just want people to care about me. i’m tired of being ignored bro.