Flying Jay

[flyingjaysblog]

From homeless to a 3 bedroom house 🤩 nothings perfect but this is something to enjoy.

[flyingjaysblog]

Man life is something else, starting to find the joy in peace. Only being around my close family and ignoring toxic people has become a sanctuary.

[feefal]

Doomed love between late Summer and Autumn (the rot must consume)

[flyingjaysblog]

God I’m so tired. You know the feeling of chasing success whilst still having everything that can possibly go wrong, go wrong? That’s my life. Family fights, homelessness, health problems that scare you half to death

And no parents to even turn to because they never mentally grew up themselves and want to live their own lives.

Is it too late to make things better? every time I run, exercise, my heart and its health screams stop… doc’s rub their noggins and tell me I’m a mystery. Better yet, I’m even autistic so trying to make sense or even organize my life is beyond me when I was given chaos and heart ache instead of love, affection and hugs as a child.

I feel so stuck, just finding a place to live as a tough mama bear is nearly impossible. I wanted more than this, cows, chickens, free ranged eggs. My own car. I’ve never even went on a plane? Terrified now to even try it, middle aged and now I’m scared shitless.

I gave my life up for my partner to have his career, and for me to stay home and raise our kids. But I resent it so much, this entire area I’ve grown up in and now I’m raising my kids in it too now is boring me to the point where I’m self destructing? How does that even happen? Every McDonald’s, curb, school, gas station, is the same thing. I need to leave, but then again health problems and I don’t have any friends that’ll come. Basically stuck with my partner who I do love so much, but this experience is mainly for my soul and not a ‘honey moon’ and if you knew him, he likes to smother, a lot.

Nothing I do or say makes sense sometimes, it’s weird being so different. Little sounds like chewing, tapping, audio from vs from other rooms, loud sounds all can drive me insane. Here’s to hoping, praying, that the little girl who was given a sword and armour then told to go to war, may finally find peace. Easier said then done, life will never calm down entirely! That’s why it’s life… the good always has bad and the bad always has good….its just how it is. I just hope I get to see and feel more harmony than the despair I’ve lived my entire life.

Love - jay

[college-fit-girl]

[flyingjaysblog]

I see all these people who are so busy, caught up in their little worlds. Stressed about their job, their houses, or whether or not they didn’t land the big job… and trust me that’s reasonable stress. I’m just wondering that why don’t we as humans stop and think, hey? I’m alive, and time is fleeting always. Today I had a 92 year old man tell me, there’s two things for certain in life, we are born and we die. He said to make life as positive as you can and enjoy it, and I agree. Make your life almost like magic, find the silver linings, the glimmers, those tiny happy moments. Someone is having their last week, day, hour of life… even taking their last breaths. Don’t let life fly by, live it and be kind.

I hope we all catch freedom by its tail and learn to soar, to be able to swim with the dolphins, the touch of hot sand on your feet, or even the sound of your beloved laughing. magic is everywhere, you just have to wake up and look.