poisoned

only god can judge me

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ jaehyun‌:

⎿ message sent to eunji 💞⏋: ⏤ i do like history! but lately i’ve been into crime. i also watched blackfish the other day, which isn’t crime but it was really good. ⏤ oh i’m sure of that as well, it’s more if i’d want to be their friend. gosh that sounds horrible!  ⏤ if only others could see that as well, and not treat us as objects but that’s a conversation for a different day. ⏤ please do! i enjoy listening and give really good advice from what i’ve been told.

⎿ message sent to hoobae jae⏋: ⏤  what’s blackfish? is it on netflix?  ⏤ that doesn’t sound horrible at all, you don’t have to be everyone’s friend. you don’t owe anyone your friendship, you know that right?  ⏤ especially because we’re idols. people seem to think that this job title comes with an endless amount of energy. ⏤ honestly i wouldn’t know where to begin.

[dimensionsunited]

[MV] Gal.actic _ Be Ambitious

Uploaded by the Dimensions Entertainment Youtube account on January 31.

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ hanbyul‌:

( to: do eunji ) — i just realized i never replied to your last text ( to: do eunji ) — very sorry about that! i’d love to hear more about your thoughts on that drama though. ( to: do eunji ) — haven’t really had the time to look into it yet but i’ve heard good things?

for @fmdeunji​

( to: kim hanbyul ) — it’s alright! i know you’re a very busy guy with charm and all that ( to: kim hanbyul ) — i mean.. it’s alright i guess. the storyline is decent, it’s the acting that really saves it. the actors do a great job with what they’ve been given. ( to: kim hanbyul ) — i probably would’ve been a better fit for the lead, but you know.. it is what it is, i guess. 

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ candy·:

To be honest, Candy was unsure when and how Eunji became her best friend. It felt like something snapped in her and told her that Eunji was her destiny. Platonic soulmate, if you will. One thing she knows is that she’d bury the body of the person that Eunji murdered if there were any and she’d keep all of the other female’s secrets even after she returns to hell to reunite with Satan. She’s not the greatest person so she was still in disbelief on how she was blessed with an angel like Eunji, though there are more than a lot of times that Eunji had proven herself to be more of a devil like Candy than a saint or an angel that people love and admire. 

“Honey, you’re fuller in some areas. We know this.” Complimenting her best friend for having a figure to die for. They may be almost similar in body type but Candy is aware that she’s skinny and Eunji is slim but both of them were sexy in their own ways and so were their groups. Even though it was evident that their groups were different in many ways, it didn’t hinder them from being supportive of each other. Sometimes she wonders how much better it would have been if they both debuted in the same group but fate has something different in store for them and the best they could do is support each other. 

“I wouldn’t give your clothes justice, I tell you.” Candy says out loud. “You’ve got a nice pair of boobs, you’ve got a cute ass and those killer thighs. I’d look weird. That’s unfair.” She came to Eunji’s place wearing something normal. Just her shorts and her hoodie. Obviously here for a sleepover, not for a night out. Eunji knows how much Candy loves attention and she won’t go out looking like a mess. For a former beauty queen like her was used to being popular anywhere she went. It was exhausting for her at times, knowing they only cared about Candy and not Hwayoung, who clearly didn’t want any of what Candy’s life is but she had no choice for they were the same people, just different personalities. 

“Let’s not go to the one we recently went to. I still got trauma of that place.” The younger playfully shudders, making a face at the incident back then. Being two utterly beautiful ladies with nice bodies and are very much single, it wasn’t hard to attract attention but there were people who were just too persuasive and didn’t understand what personal space was so she had asked Eunji to leave early then. “The place was nice, I know. Even the bartender was cute and he made great Blue Hawaii but there’s like weirdos there. They think they cute. They ain’t cute.”

“Oh, stop it.” Eunji rolled her eyes at her best friend, unable to repress the snort that escaped her as she finished off the last french braid in Candy’s hair. She tied it off with one of the rubber bands on her wrist, before patting her shoulder. “You’re not that much slimmer than I am, besides I’ve gained some weight lately. I’m sure some of my clothes are going to fit you, especially the clothes I bought around our comeback for Angels of the Sephiroth.” That was one of their comebacks where she had to lose the most weight, something that was difficult for her already slimmer frame. Luckily she hadn’t had to drop weight like that since then, their more current comebacks requiring a more fuller frame. 

“Besides, that’s the beauty of a push up bra, babe.” She tapped her best friend on her hip, before resting her arms around her waist and placing her chin on the other’s shoulder as she spoke. The skinship they shared between the two of them was rather natural, something that Eunji fell into with little to no problem. It felt right for her, especially with how close the two of them were. Growing up she hadn’t experienced much affection or skinship from her adoptive parents, and now that she had someone that she shared a deeper connection with, she was able to get all the physical affection that she needed. And in some ways, platonic physical affection was so much better than romantic. 

“You could never look weird. You’re too beautiful for that and you know it.” She fingered one of her braids for a second. “If you leave these in until right before we leave, you’ll have some nice waves in your hair. Better than what you could get from using a curling or flat iron,” she said absentmindedly, more so to herself than to Candy. It was nice being able to enjoy each other’s company like this. Just two girls hanging out, almost as if they weren’t famous. In Eunij’s case, it was almost like she wasn’t. Gal.actic wasn’t all that well known, so they couldn’t really call themselves famous. Or she wouldn’t call herself famous, that is. Candy however? She was apart of one of the top girl groups in the country. She would have been jealous if she cared about being an idol anymore. 

Eunji laughed at her fake shudder. She understood how she felt, especially because she herself couldn’t stand that club anymore. Especially with what had happened the last time they had gone there. “Don’t worry, I’ve long since cut that place from our list of okay clubs and bars to frequent. There’s weirdos everywhere, but it just seems like that place had the most weirdos.”

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ haneul·:

he takes the seat next to her because time is ticking, and the radio host motions for him to do so — again. safely putting the water bottle far from his reach, haneul scoots the chair closer to the table than to eunji. to breach her personal space, he won’t. it will be vastly uncomfortable for him, anyway, to be too, too close. she might hear every stammer and see every bead of sweat above his brow.

can’t have that. won’t have that.

inhale, exhale; haneul breathes out the butterflies and breathes in an faux sense of confidence. he can do this. maybe. hopefully. oh, god, he must. a hand over his heart, he prays the erratic rhythm to even out. is it too loud? what if eunji hears? that will be too embarrassing. he can’t even tell how red in the face he must be.

her complimenting him doesn’t help. kinda makes things worse — in a good way. “a-ah, thank you, sunbaenim. you are really too kind.” he bows out of two reasons: respect and bashfulness. his face is heatinf up, haneul knows it, feels it and is ashamed of it. do proper idols react like this: unprofessional? he thinks not.

mustering strength, haneul sits straight and tries to embody determination. even just for a few minutes. at least for as long as the radio show will air. he can do that, can’t he? relax and act normal and not further embarass himself in front of someone he watches on television. someone he is a loyal fan of.

“uh, s-sure! i tried to get them on earlier but it seemed rather small.” or his head is just big. catches himself from saying it, fortunately and timidly skids his chair closer to her so she can reach and offer help. shoulders hitched, breath bated, haneul is beyond nervous. clasped on the table, his palms are sweaty. meanwhile, under it his knee is bouncing. hear rushes to his ears, thankfully covered by his hair when eunji places the headphones on him. he even thinks her fingertips graze but refuses to linger on what might not transpired in favour of keeping his cool.

or at least trying to.

but they are on-air before he can thank her. he opts to mouth it instead, bowing his head once more as the radio host begins their segment. script in front of him, he sees the questions ahead of time and knows the answer to some. one he struggles on.

“There’s this funny trick you have to do in order to make them fit a little better. I’ve had to learn it because my head is a little bit on the bigger side. Or at least that’s what all my friends and my group members tell me,” She joked, trying to put him at ease a little bit. She could feel the nerves and tension coming off of him in waves, and she couldn’t help but feel sorry towards him. It was rough being tossed into a radio show without really knowing what to expect. Everyone knew the basics and the mechanics of everything, but not everyone quite understood what it meant to actually put forth the right attitude towards doing it.

"See?” She turned the headphones on their side, pointing at one of the little buttons on the side. “It’s really small so you can’t see it, but if you press this,” she pushed it to show him. “You can extend the headphones.” She gently tugged on them, watching them expand to a more comfortable size to fit the younger idol’s head. She reached up and gently placed it on top of his head, adjusting them so they weren’t uncomfortable. “They aren’t too tight are they?” She asked, before chuckling at his appearance with them. “Aigoo, you look so cute.” She shook her head as she put on her own headphones.

There was a small countdown of sorts, allowing not only the idols but the radio show host to ready themselves for the show that was about to take place. She glanced over the list of topics and questions they were going to try to get through during the course of the show, a small sigh leaving her lips as she tried to gather her thoughts and bearings in order to make it through the show. Suddenly music started playing, causing her to jump, before she relaxed. “Ah, Eunji ssi! A little scared?” The radio host asked, and she forced a laugh, her smile almost coming across as completely genuine. “Yes, I was just a little caught off guard. Give a girl a little warning next time, will you?” She tried to turn it into a joke, before introductions were made. “Hello, I’m the lead rapper and lead dancer of Gal.actic, Eunji.”

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ candy·:

The pressure on Lipstick to prove themselves has always been there. Constantly having to put their names out there that they’re not replacing BEE, if anything, they’re a separate entity from their seniors. But when Goeun left, the pressure to not fail as a 6-member group was the new worry they had to face. They had to prove that they could still stand as a group even after losing one member. It’s just one girl and there were still six of them, but with Candy’s mindset of wanting to make a name for herself, it wasn’t helping. 

Luckily for her, there was someone willing to hear her out and just let her be herself. As Candy and as Hwayoung. Eunji was very accepting, unlike the people who had dealt with Hwayoung personally, only seeing Candy and not the real person behind the mask. Eunji had welcomed her with open arms, flaws and all, which only made her feel as if she’s found her soulmate in Eunji. 

And so there they were, always dragging the other in each other’s apartment when their schedule permits. She lets Eunji do her hair while she goes through her SNS. With Gal.actic and Lipstick’s comebacks so close with each other, it was good to know they’d be able to see each other off stage during promotion. The only bad part was that their groups have to compete on the charts. 

“Go out?” Candy raises an eyebrow. It was good to let loose but what she’s not so fond about is getting batshit drunk and having to attend practices with a hangover. “Where to, though?” She asks. “You know our kind of fun isn’t the standard kind of fun that other people has, right?” They don’t always end up coming home sober or together. “Plus, I don’t have anything to wear. If we’re going out, you can’t be the only one that’s cute! That ain’t fair, honey.”

The confusion as to why Dimensions kept Gal.actic around festered in the back of Eunji’s mind. It didn’t make many appearances, only when she was in the midst of doing something explicitly for Gal.actic, or when she allowed herself enough time to let her mind wander until that subject popped up again. Seeing as how Gal.actic didn’t have many promotional periods and they were one of the least grossing groups under the label, she thought for sure they would have been tossed out already. They were the only group under their label who had failed to gain their first win. With the exception of Lucid of course, seeing as how they hadn’t even hit their first year anniversary mark yet. Even 7rophy who had struggled like Gal.actic was seemingly having a turn around with their success rate. What did they need Eunji and her group members for anymore? 

Those kinds of thoughts tried to plague her, but she wouldn’t let them. She tried not to let them, but sometimes they were too strong and overpowering and she was left weak and defenseless against them. Those were the moments where she turned to who she considered to be her best friend. Candy was someone who, even though they weren’t going through the exact same things, could always relate to her and would always extend a listening ear to her. 

Their friendship, albeit unexpected, was extremely important to Eunji. She wasn’t sure what she would do without the younger girl. She was there for her when other people weren’t, she knew things about her that other people didn’t, and she would take Eunji’s secrets to the grave. Eunji would do the same for her best friend too. 

“You act as if we’re not the same size.” They were both slim and petite, they could easily fit into each other’s clothes. “I have plenty of clothes that you can borrow. And we can go to one of our usual spots.” The clubs and lounges they frequented had to be switched up every once in a while. Candy’s status as a Lipstick member sometimes made it difficult for them to go places undetected, but more often than not it was beneficial to them. “Of course I know that. Besides, why would we want to have the standard kind of fun? That’s boring.”

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ jaehyun‌:

⎿ message sent to eunji 💞⏋: ⏤ not yet, i’m just watching random documentaries right now. i’m sure i’ll get to the conspiracy videos soon given how much i watch after practice.  ⏤ no. haha i’m kidding, i do. i don’t know how but i do. ⏤ i suppose you’re right, after practicing for so long it’s a given. ⏤ i mean you can, if you want that is.

⎿ message sent to hoobae jae⏋: ⏤  what kind of documentaries are you watching? i hope they’re good. are you a crime documentaries type of guy or nature documentaries? i’m getting history documentary vibes from you for some reason. ⏤ it’s not like you’re a horrible person, i’m sure it’s quite easy for people to want to be your friend. ⏤ i am. and everyone’s entitled to getting tired every once in a while, right? we’re all only human. ⏤ i wouldn’t want to bore you with my complaints.

[hyunasgf]

girlfriends♥

[fmdcandy-archive-blog]

@fmdeunji

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ duri‌:

           he nodded his head, “okay! sounds good to me!” duri said, giggling a tad bit. truly, it was always something that duri would always do. even when someone would tell him that it was okay and he didn’t need to use formalities; but, he sometimes would end up spilling and still using it. he was always used to it, so it was kind of just a natural reflex to do. but, of course, he always tried his best not to use them when someone told him that it was okay not to. though, it made sense considering the two had seemingly become close in some way with how many times they’d run into each other. “ah no, it’s all good! i like making other’s feel comfortable and it doesn’t matter to me!” the male said. “shall we sit? i don’t have any schedules for a little bit!”

“Great.” Eunji smiled at the other idol, her hands gesturing towards the nearest open table. “I’m free for the day, let’s take a seat and talk for a little bit. I don’t think we’ve had the chance to sit down and talk for a while.” Knight had been promoting Tempo for the past month or so, and with their busy schedules surrounding the year end awards shows, she couldn’t have expected her friend to have a lot of free time. “How have you been the past few weeks?” She asked conversationally as they sat down. She unzipped her coat and shrugged out of it to get a little bit more comfortable, the warm air in the cafe protecting them from the chill of outside. “Did Tempo promotions go well?”

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ eunho·:

He was unsure what to do. Should he call Candy to pick her friend up at his place? No. That would be weird. She’d probably think that he did this to Eunji. He’d rather not mess up with his labelmates. How awkward would it be to bump into them at the company and interact with them during the company concerts. “Of course, I do.” He answers her question as he stood up, watching her lean against the couch, wasted. “You’re Candy’s friend, right?” Uno then quickly heads to the kitchen, grabbing her a glass of cold water. Should he make her coffee? No. That would be better in the morning. There’s no way he’d sober her up and let her go home like that. What is he? Some kind of lunatic? No way. 

He returns with the glass of water but he decided to help her get comfortable first and the first way to get comfortable is to get rid of the shoes. He places down the water on the coffee table first and kneels in front of her. “I’ll get rid of these for you. I bet your feet hurts.” Uno carefully undoes the strap and puts away her shoes. He looks up to her, feeling worried. What if some other guy found her? Something could’ve happened to her and she won’t know it. She won’t be able to fight. At times like these, he thinks about his sister. He shakes off the thought and grabs the glass of water. 

Sitting next to her, he tries not to get too close. Hoping he won’t make her uncomfortable by helping her with the drink. “Drink some water.” He carefully takes her hands and places the glass in them. He was worried about her so he carefully guides her to take a sip of the drink. “Eunji.” Uno calls her name. “Do you even know exactly where you are right now?”

Her drunkenness had started to shift from being giggly and happy to the room tipping on it’s side and spinning. She groaned softly and pressed her face down into her hands. She had to get ahold of herself so she could go home. The right home. At the mentioning of an extremely familiar name, Eunji pick her head up, and she was intrigued for a few moments by his question. “Candy?” She asked, the face of her best friend appearing in her mind. “How do you know Candy?” Eunji asked, feeling just a little bit protective of her friend. Why was this stranger bringing up the younger girl and how does he know her? Those were the two questions that were hounding at her. Though in retrospect, she should have been more so concerned over the fact that she was in a stranger’s apartment, but that wasn’t really settling in her brain, what with her being in such an intoxicated state.

She stayed slumped against the couch, but her eyes were alert as she watched him kneel in front of her to start taking off her heels. She had to admit that her feet almost immediately felt better as soon as her shoes were discarded, and she wriggled her toes a few times to get the blood flowing back into them. “Thanks,” she mumbled, before pulling her feet closer to herself and away from him. On some underlying level, a part of her that wasn’t shit faced drunk, was worried for her own safety. She didn’t know this man, or at least she didn’t think she did. But he was being really kind to her, and he hadn’t done anything that made her worries well deserved, so she relaxed. Only just a little bit.

Eunji watched him carefully as he brought the water closer to her, sipping from the glass hesitantly. It didn’t taste or smell weird or unusual, so after her first few sips, she drank without hesitation until nearly the whole glass was empty. She cleared her throat and wiped her mouth with her hand, her eyes widening slightly when he called her name. “You know me?” She asked, then shook her head. “Uh,” she blinked. She knew that her apartment was in Gangnam, she just hoped that she hadn’t strayed too far away from home. “Gangnam?” 

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ @fmdcandy

The days leading up to Gal.actic’s comeback weren’t as challenging as they once were when Eunji was younger and had just started her career as an idol. The aching joints and stiff muscles that came with endless hours of practicing had morphed into a dull, buzzing tingle that was easy for her to ignore. As one of the best dancers in the group, the second best, choreography was quite easy for her to pick up, and had grown even easier over the years. Yet and still, Dimensions insisted on the entire group spending hours in the practice rooms together. 

When she was finally released from her company’s clutches for the day, she went back to her apartment, showered and changed into her most comfortable clothing. After that, she made a quick call to her best friend: Candy. The two of them had grown extremely close over the years, the both of them having developed similar mindsets. Eunji found it easier to talk to Candy about things, knowing that the younger girl would understand all, if not most of, her frustrations and worries. She was glad that she could convince the other to stop by and spend the evening with her. 

Her fingers raked through Candy’s dark hair as they sat on the couch, Eunji’s back pressed against the arm of it while Candy was settled between her legs; the go to, standard position that took place when one was braiding the other’s hair. “You know,” Eunji started as she finished one french braid and moved on to the next one. “I think we should go out tonight. Our promotions are about to start, we should have a little bit of fun before we’re thrown back into work.”

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ haneul·:

he’ll never get used to this—to meeting sunbaes, working with idols who he watched on youtube or naver and emulated to be one day, some day. the hiccup in his pulse, the cold sweat, the profuse redness in his cheeks, haneul doesn’t think those’ll wear off. for someone who was raised to be nothing but prim and proper, he isn’t doing a good job at keeping his cool.

eunji’s different like that. 

special.

since her debut, haneul has been a fan. a big one. he never missed a comeback, a song, an album. and eunji is far more than just his favourite member; she’s his ideal type. the perfect blend of pretty, cute, talented. (sexy, too, but just thinking that word makes him more nervous than he ought to be.) after years of admiring from afar, he’s face to face with her. without his members to back him up. alone. (except, hello, radio host.) it should be an opportunity to snatch, to voice he’s fan and thinks highly of her. but haneul awkwardly stands there, hyper aware of everything. like he’s too bulky, all shoulders and legs (he’s nit-picking as a distraction). 

because—he can’t just stare at her face. that’d be creepy. so he kinda half pulls out the chair for her to sit, half toddles backwards because he might be getting too close. he rubs his nape; no, he isn’t good a this.

“i… wouldn’t think any less of you if you didn’t take care of me…” hopefully, that sounds as much as a compliment as he intended, but haneul is wary of himself. “i mean, you’re an amazing sunbae.” and he flushes scarlet, breath catching in his throat when she touches him—don’t freak out, don’t freak out, don’t freak out. 

keep cool.

“mhm, i am. it’s one of my first solo endeavors, so i’m not used to going at it alone. i’m afraid am a bit…” disclaimer: warning, haneul shifts his gaze to the water bottle, seeing a distorted self-reflection. “new to this. ‘m sorry if this will burden you!” 

She wasn’t used to having people like her based solely on her group. When it comes to their group activities, Eunji didn’t think that they made much of a splash with the public, at least not on as grand of a scale as other groups had. She knew that when it came to popularity and brand ranking amongst the groups and artists that were signed under Dimensions, Gal.actic fell short. 

They were the group who made the least out of all of the Dimensions artists. They had been around for nearly a decade and hadn’t had the fortunate experience of getting their first win yet. They didn’t have much of a fan base, the majority of it consisting of creepy, older men and young, adolescent boys. Personally, she would have thought that she gained more attention through her acting roles than through her work with Gal.actic, which was why she wasn’t aware of the people who were in fact fans of hers through the music that she released with her group.

“Ah, you’re so cute!” Eunji couldn’t help but gush over his sweet words, her hands coming together in front of her as she smiled brightly at him, obviously overjoyed by what he was saying. “I would think less of myself if I didn’t take good care of you, so I’ll be sure to make you feel as at home and comfortable as possible.” There was a need for her to look at him and take him in, to protect him from the world and to make sure that no harm would come this way. She knew how horrible the world could be, especially to idols, and she didn’t think he deserved to see that, let alone experience it. Like a good sunbae, she would try to be a helpful and effective guide for him.

“It’s not a burden at all.” She could understand what it felt like being in his shoes, and she didn’t want him to feel as though he was a problem for her. “We’re going to have a lot of fun today, don’t worry!” She picked up the headphones that were designated for Haneul, holding them out towards his head. “Here, let me help you put these on. They can be a little complicated to work out.” 

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ eunho·:

✮ Drunken Encounter // @fmdeunji

The noise coming from his door startled Eunho. Having just watched some horror movie, it surely didn’t sit right with him that someone was actually trying to get inside his apartment. He carefully checked the receiver and noticed someone outside. A female. He’s sure he fucked up in some of his relationships, well, maybe most of them. But he did break up with them Uno style. Text them it’s over and avoid them. Avoiding confrontations is the best, but now? Looks like he’s got some stuff to fix. 

He takes a deep breath, brushes his hair up with his fingers and went straight to open the door, ready with his dialogue. One deep breath before he opens it. The moment he did, he shoots out his practiced speech for moments like these. 

“Hey, babe. I, I know we’re-” He stops to look at the female, realizing that she isn’t someone he was romantically affiliated with before, but instead, she was a friend of his labelmate. 

“Eunji?” He frowns, grabbing the female to help her. Shit, she’s drunk. She reeks of alcohol and she seems to be totally out of it. “What are you doing here? Are you okay?” He looks around first and brings her inside. He can’t just leave her outside and ignore the fact that something could happen to her if he did. “Come on.” Eunho guides Eunji to sit on the couch, keeping his hands on the safe points. “Sit down. I’ll get you some water.”

“What? Why isn’t this working?” Eunji’s words slurred as she leaned against the door to what she thought was her own apartment. She glanced up at the numbers on the door, seeing that they were in fact the same numbers of her own apartment. What she failed to realize was that she was in a different apartment complex. After giving her cab driver the wrong directions and pulling up to an area that looked slightly similar to her own, she had stumbled her way up the stairs and to that apartment. 

She continued to try to tap in her passcode and use her key, her brow furrowing deeper each time it didn’t work. “YAH! C’mon you.. Stupid fucking -” her angry grumbles were interrupted by the door being opened, causing her to stumble forward and just barely catch herself on the door frame. 

“Thanks,” she murmured, smoothing out her dress, before she realized something. “Yah, what are you doing in my house?” She slurred, taking a step forward, but tripping over the strap of her heel and falling against him. “You know my name?” She asked, her eyes squinting as she looked at him. He was shockingly familiar, but she couldn’t place a name to his face. It was driving her crazy because she was sure that she knew who he was.

She felt herself being led towards something, but she was too drunk to protest. She just sighed as she plopped down on the couch, her eyes blinking slowly as she looked at him. “Okay, pretty boy,” she mumbled, slouching over so that her head was propped up on the arm of the couch. 

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ taeyong‌:

[ ✉️ → eunji sunbaenim ] i know. but not everyone who’s being punished did anything to deserve it. and the fact that i got in trouble two months before we were supposed to move out the first time… i feel guilty. [ ✉️ → eunji sunbaenim ] i guess i had to grow up really fast in some ways, but was really sheltered in other ways? if i hadn’t become an idol, i don’t think i’d even be thinking about buying a house at twenty-three. that’s the case for a lot of us, though. it’s a weird path. [ ✉️ → eunji sunbaenim ] but on the other hand, but my parents were married and had had me when they were the age i am now, so i feel behind at the same time. [ ✉️ → eunji sunbaenim ] …i don’t remember. i just know some words were used i didn’t completely understand and i meant to ask someone to explain later, but i forgot what they were. i’ll ask next time. [ ✉️ → eunji sunbaenim ] hannam feels safest. i’m not too worried about the price range because i have financial flexibility if i need it, but i want someplace that can keep sasaengs away. [ ✉️ → eunji sunbaenim ] it scares me a little that someone could follow me back home or get into where i live and i wouldn’t have groupmates or a manager to keep them at bay. [ ✉️ → eunji sunbaenim ] does gal.actic have a lot of sasaengs? [ ✉️ → eunji sunbaenim ] were you worried when you moved out? if not about sasaengs, then just… living on your own? [ ✉️ → eunji sunbaenim ] did you worry that if people weren’t forced to live with you and see you every day then no one would want to see you? or, worse, you’d let yourself not want to see anyone? [ ✉️ → eunji sunbaenim ] that might work. i’ve always wanted a grand piano in my dream house. i don’t think a second bedroom would accommodate that, but maybe i could get an upright one? i miss owning a piano.

[ ✉️ → knight’s taeyong ] you can’t keep holding onto that guilt. if you haven’t forgiven yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? [ ✉️ → knight’s taeyong ] what would you be thinking about at twenty-three if you never became an idol? i don’t think i’d even want to think about what i would be thinking right now if i never became an idol.. personally, i think i’m better off this way. [ ✉️ → knight’s taeyong ] if you ever need a hand, you can always ask me. it’s not like i actually have anything to do these days. [ ✉️ → knight’s taeyong ] saesangs are always a big source of worry. you’re right, you should get a place with your safety in mind first. saesangs will stop at nothing to get what they want, so the more security the better.  [ ✉️ → knight’s taeyong ] why don’t you hire a body guard? or you can always have one roommate. one is better than eight.  [ ✉️ → knight’s taeyong ] we don’t have many fans, but of the ones we do have, there are a few saesangs. though that’s to be expected considering our group’s reputation and all. [ ✉️ → knight’s taeyong ] yes and no? it’s something that i knew was going to come inevitably, so i just tried to prepare myself as much as possible. i’m not going to lie to you, it is scary for the first few days, maybe a week or two. but then you’ll start getting used to it and it’s nice. really nice. trust me. [ ✉️ → knight’s taeyong ] in the beginning, i did feel that way. living alone makes it really easy to become isolated from the world, but you just can’t let that happen to yourself. you have to make yourself reach out to other people. sometimes people will be trying to reach out to you and you’re too busy wrapped up in your own loneliness and panicking about people not wanting you that you won’t even realize that people are trying to reach out to you. [ ✉️ → knight’s taeyong ] an upright one would work. save the grand piano for your future mansion.

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ duri:

          duri had always needed to get in his coffee; that enough was known. it was something that really kept him going … or as he had thought, it was just better pretending that the caffeine was keeping him awake. he had walked into the coffee shop, finally getting out from the cold of walking. his eyes looked upon the menu, even though he had already known the usual that he would be getting. but, apparently, he didn’t even have to order when eunji-sunbaenim had nudged him with her hip. he kind of jumped a little bit from being startled, before a giggle would leave his lips upon realizing who had done it. somehow, he wasn’t even surprised to see her here, it seemed it was often that the two would find each other in the same place a lot. it was quite odd, to say the least. but, maybe this was just simply how they’d become friends. he giggled a tad bit, nodding his head, “ah, yeah! how does it keep happening?” he asked. “thank you, sunbaenim,” he said, gently taking the coffee.

“Oh, stop it with the whole sunbaenim thing. You can speak comfortably around me.” Formalities weren’t all that big to her, aside from the usual “oppa and unnie” honorifics she used towards the people who were older than she was. And of course, if they were just meeting, the usual ‘ssi’ added to the end of the other person’s name. After meeting Duri in the shop almost every morning, with the exception of when he was either touring or was busy with Knight’s schedules, they were on too much of a good basis for them to keep referring to each other so formally. “Only if you’d like to, of course. If you prefer to keep speaking formally, I understand.”

[fmdeunji-blog]

✰ ━ jaehyun‌:

⎿ message sent to eunji 💞⏋: ⏤  i’ve fallen into the blackhole of youtube, is this my life now? ⏤ i should make more friends that aren’t my members, that’s a thing right? ⏤ this comeback and all the practice, i’m tired. i should be used to this by now. ⏤ anyways enough about me, how are you?

@fmdeunji

⎿ message sent to hoobae jae⏋: ⏤  what’s wrong with that? youtube is a great thing. so many great things on there. have you made it to the conspiracy theory videos yet?  ⏤ you don’t have any friends that aren’t your members? none at all? ⏤ everyone gets tired sometimes, no one’s going to blame you for that. ⏤ i’m good. i’m alive, so i can’t really complain, you know?

[eunromiseoul]