to be torn

kiana lee. 1994. equinox's main dancer & lead vocal

[fmdkiana]

hiya i’m demi, she/they, pt. this is kiana, also goes by ki and kiki, & if that nickname brings to mind anything But kiki’s delivery service u shall b Wrong. here’s her musing pinterest, fc pin board (if you want to see the diff btwn equinox ki and the real ki), social media, past claims, public profile, private profile, and bio. you can reach me easiest at fmdjoosung or demi#6468 on discord if you’d like to plot!

background

may 28th, 1994 ya girl is a gemini

born to a pediatric surgeon and a software engineer (who specializes in ai bc her mom is Cool) kiana developed a love for science… then tossed it away to be A Star

not immediately though

really it all stems from the desire to be unique in a positive way

with seattle’s large (comparatively) east asian population, she was lumped together with everyone else, and places where she stood out, kids made fun of her for

she felt like an outcast in every sense of the word, which is why when A Boy gave her the genuine time of day, she latched on

they quickly became bad for each other, codependent at its best

kiana’s lil ass rly thought they were romeo and juliet torn apart when her parents made them break up

she kept sneaking out to see him, and eventually it became troublesome enough that her parents decided to move the fam to korea

heartbroken and with the desire to feel desired, she auditioned for gold star

since she was young, she had dance classes, just as her mom did before giving it up for something more stable

dance isn’t what drove her as much as the feeling of a crowd being entertained by her

trained for 3 years, gold star had high hopes for her given her dance background + looks, hence her role in platinum’s it’s okay. og thought she’d b a lil acting star 4 them

but they kinda forget abt her bc ppl cant Get her image. as a person she’s very 4d personality but gs wanted a chic member out of her and they just Didn’t mesh. so she had osts while gs didnt kno what to do w her. n even tho the songs were popular it did basc nothing for her individually

so they go back to actor era n snag her a role, where even tho the show tanked, her role becomes rly popular. then yadda yadda mismanagement they only capitalize on that with modelling til four years later she has another acting gig n she turns out to be not nearly as good as ppl thought she was in her first role

as hyeri put it her image and career thus far are like a ‘you tried’ gold star

it leaves her a little dejected, fearful, worried, but part of her still wants to strive for more attention, and claw her way there, because she aches terribly to feel special and different, and to a degree, idol life will always give that to her

personality

the archetype of the kid in middle school who calls themselves L and only draws in typical anime style and comes to school in cosplay and naruto runs around and randomly speaks japanese…….. yeah, that was kiana as a kid

and really, she’s only let the problematic parts of it go. she’s still a big fat weeb (& has lots of other fandom type interests too)

an internet kid, someone who never got a big following. draws fanart, has written fanfiction, engages on fan forums. stays at home unless she’s dragged out by friends

she’s a very Normal, Everyday type person in most ways, and that bugs her to no end

she’s someone who as a kid thought she had superpowers, like full on believed it, and to this day still thinks well maybe it’s just not kicked in yet

considers herself ~an empath~ because she naturally has very strong emotions, and seeing or “feeling” the emotions of others makes her feel that way too. that includes positive And negative emotions

she can b and is wrong about what she “feels” from others, but the emotional effect on herself is still the same

and because that happens so much, kiana retreats into herself

she has a very small inner circle, and isn’t very interested in more than surface level relationships with most people because it’s exhausting to feel so much all of the time

that means usually, most people meeting her will meet someone who can be doin a little doodle, you’ll say hi, she’ll say hi back, then go right back to her doodle. that, or she’s stumbling over her words bc she’s heavily overthinking smth mildly embarrassing

she’s Nice and polite enough, but doesn’t take those first steps to get closer. some ppl might view her coldly bc of it

HOWEVA if someone were to bring up one of her ~special interests, she would come off like a completely different person

animated kinda loud, won’t shut up. very entrapta. that’s more often the type of person her inner circle gets to see. this

she’s pretty expressive no matter who she’s talking to, like her face does a Lot of talking even when her mouth doesn’t, but that dial turns up to 100 when she’s comfortable and/or interested. if she’s not feeling anything she’s just like Blank face lol

she’s also a reversal of the hard shell soft inside trope, as a lot of her outward self and personality can seem soft, gentle, maybe even naive depending on someone’s view, but there is a core to her affection thats…

ki feels a Lot, and part of that is in the way she loves, platonic or not. she can be super clingy and obsessive and sorta possessive over the people she’s Chosen. and those who hurt the ppl she’s chosen, or get in the way of their relationship, have like,, azula levels of anger coming their way

ki is like a mushroom. most common mushrooms r pretty basic n plain, but there are so many copycats. and the same looking mushrooms, one can be perfectly fine to eat, and the other will poison you. and i think that really strikes the ki chord. u shouldn’t assume safety from a plain exterior

fun fax

claims her style inspiration is the 70s but really mixes in influences from ~the 40s to 80s

if she’s dressing herself, heavily prefers skirts and dresses over pants. naturally likes showing midriff but not having the choice to do so on her own terms as an idol means she’s usually covering up as much as possible

doesn’t like being touched unless she’s really close with someone, then she likes a lot of it

plant mom. apartment basc a greenhouse

insists one day she will make her own jam but has yet to get around to it so she just has a bunch of jars in her apartment and uses them for plants and paper clip holders and the like

her fictional character romantic Type is the tsundere. is convinced fictional characters are the best dating partners

i think she’s still not dated a wamen but bc she’s sooo all or nothing in love, she’d think she was a lesbian when she dated women and straight when dating men. being bi wouldn’t even occur to her

always wears glasses when at home, and a good amount of the time when not working in general

her mario kart main is link bc nostalgia and valuing a strong stat set that favors zoom zoom

the furthest she goes for environmental impact is always using a hydroflask

prefers having bangs and hair with a wave

always carries bandaids and bandages in her bag because she gets eczema patches when she’s stressed and it’s Embarrassing to her so she covers em up

[famedfeed]

OCTOBER 19, 2022

tvN <#TaleOfTheNineTaled> Premieres Tonight Every Wed & Thurs 22:30

Starring #EQUINOX #KIANA

[fmdkiana]

fmdjake​:

“I don’t know, to be honest…” Jake muses, then pauses; gazing towards the sky in thought. “I mean, I starred in somethin’ dystopian, but for the most part, I’ve been cast in romances. Guess somethin’ about me screams ‘male romantic lead’ and I… genuinely have no idea why?” A laugh falls from between his lips, his not-so-smooth comment made earlier a testament as to why being cast as everyone’s dream guy may be somewhat questionable. Above all though, he’s just happy to be landing jobs in the first place. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, especially when an idol tries to enter the acting industry. “Sure, there’s like, fantasy-romances ‘n all that, but maybe the fact that I’m kind of a meathead keeps me from being a believable mage, or a wizard, or whatever-other-kinda-creature-they-have-in-those-shows.”

Self-deprecating humor isn’t something he falls back on all of the time, but now that he’s putting up an effort to be more self-aware, he figures that making fun of himself is a decent approach. “The company also keeps tellin’ me that, ideally, they’ll land me another part like the one I played in ‘Encounter.’ That goes to tell me that, until the foreseeable future, I’ll only be considered for projects like that. Maybe someday I’ll be able to try new things.” Not wanting to make this conversation entirely about himself or force her to listen to him if she’s not interested, he offers another smile and gestures towards the trail. “I’m sorry if I’m keepin’ you… I didn’t mean to get in the way of your hike. If you wanted to hike together, that’d be cool, but if you’d rather be alone, I understand. I know that’s honestly kind of a rarity for people like us.”

If there’s one thing they can relate on, it’s their careers. Only an idol can truly understand what it’s like for another one, at least to some capacity. “I really am stoked for you, though. About your new project, I mean. You’re gonna be great!”

kiana wasn’t exactly about to disagree. he seemed very much... man, and not in the best of ways, down to the desire to be in a fantasy while all the while having no respect for the genre. if he was a mage, kiana would bet he would blow spells up in his face. the visual was pleasing enough to get her out of her negative thought processes. what she could offer was part of her truth, even if not the full story, “looks have a lot to do with casting.” romantic comedies suited his natural looks, but, “if you presented yourself as something more rugged, you might end up being sent scripts that suit it.”

“i hate hiking.” poor decision between mouth and brain, it slipped out at the speed of light. if given the opportunity, she’d have rather figured out how to reword the phrase before it came out, or stopped herself from saying it at all. now that she’d said as much, not only had she exposed her discomfort in this situation, but also left the door open for their conversation to continue. her words couldn’t be sucked back into her mouth, so the only thing she could think to do is continue along with it. “i came up here to see a plant.”

[fmdkiana]

gyujeongfmd​:

he rolls his eyes, no bite in the gestures. instead, it’s smooth, sarcastic, lightly touched when his mouth cracks into a hint of a grin. “i am sixty — pretty much.” gyujeong shrugs, yawn caught with the palm of his hand. “i went into the shop a few days ago, some group said hi to me. then, my stylist proceeded to tell me they were all born before 2002 — that’s a decade younger than me, and i’m still doing this shit.”

but of course, the complaints feel heady the way he rambles on and on about the annoyances tacked onto the job — the receiving end? ki, the last person he’d want to burden with instictive noise falling from his mouth.

and so, he looks over at the soaps, ingredients listed off one by one. “then, i could use mint or lemon — it’d go well with the new kitchen cleaner i bought the other day.” lips pursed, head nodded. he’s fully aware it sounds like a contradiction with how the mess scrawls itself across the living room with samples strewn everywhere. but he knows — now, here. it’s a no judgement zone, comforting more than anything else in thought. 

“you didn’t interrupt — i was just looking at pieces for otakgyu, but i don’t really have a timeline. probably gonna finish it another day anyway because i didn’t find any of the fabric samples to my liking.”

her blink registered like a deer in the headlights, fitting for her mind suddenly wiped into a blank slate. “how are people born that late?” rhetorical, and fantastical, really. of course there were children in the world, and babies born every day, but rarely was kiana faced with the distinction of a year combined with the knowledge that those kids were technically adults. a shudder ran down her spine.

then, following up was the question of why his stylist would mention something like that in the first place? were they thinking he was trying to hit on them just by saying hi? who did they think he was? gyu would never. ki had half a mind to demand to know which staff member this was. “maybe that stylist isn’t good to hang out with,” she gave a couple hits of chuckling, but stopped herself from saying more about her true thoughts before she worked herself up into slashing the stylist’s tires. nothing good would come of it. as a public figure, she couldn’t give into her impulses like the average person. if gyu wasn’t feeling slighted, she didn’t need to feel slighted for him.

she lifted herself up with the bar, “you’ll figure it out. you’re good with styling.” then, she took a sniff of the lemon bar, then the mint, lemon once more, and stretched the lemon over to gyujeong. “try this one. it’s a subtle kind of scent. i’ve read from the reviews that these need a lot of lathering to get started since they’re handmade, but they work really well.”

[fmdxsuji]

the past few months had been hectic. from crowned and then preparing for queendom, having to promote and then getting ready for her own solo comeback, and so on. there was just so much going on that it didn’t completely sink in that they had won. 

equinox had won crowned.

suji walked into the competition without much expectations with winning, especially considering the large fandoms that some of the other groups had. all she wanted was the opportunity to perform grand stages but winning did feel pretty nice. 

with a hum sneaking from her lips, she looked at her reflection in the mirror as she awaits for the return of her makeup artist. they were in their last week of queendom promotions, and everything seemed swell in the world. like nothing could go wrong for a while. 

“it feels kind of weird, doesn’t it? to be sitting here two weeks later and having both a crowned win and a music show win for queendom?” 

@fmdkiana

[fmdkiana]

when it came to work, kiana most often drifted by in a neutral state. the act of work was just that, work, and the result was what often gave her the highest of highs and lowest of lows, with little in between. however, those results were also rarely strong enough to affect her mood in further work.

the past few weeks, ki had felt like she’d been floating along on a marshmallow cloud. there was no need to bring up recent events to have her feeling this way, but when it was... she could feel the smile sliding up the corners of her lips, straight away. “i don’t think it’s weird as much as what we deserve. we’ve worked very hard for years.” despite never being considered a ‘performance group’ by the public, kiana always viewed them that way. to her, crowned and queendom in tandem were like slotting the final piece of the puzzle in.

“i would say it is impressive, instead. by girl group standards, we’re old, but we continue to win.” if anyone was recording this, kiana would dare to speak her mind so freely for fear of being regarded as arrogant. between just the two of them, though, she’d trust suji to understand her pride came not from arrogance.

[fmdkiana]

fmdduri​:

he just had to go inside rather quickly, to take care of a few things. he thought it would be okay to leave the roller skates out there, hidden just off to the side, but not fully. truth be told, he didn’t think anyone would see them and hopefully wouldn’t touch them. 

it had been a while since he had started roller skating; but, that’s something that could be blamed on scrolling tik tok. he saw all of the videos and he really wanted to do things just like that, so he thought he’d try it out; with it now seemingly becoming a hobby when his leg wasn’t aching from an unknown pain. 

nonetheless, he finally comes out, making his way over to where he had left the skates, before seeming a familiar equinox member. he nodded his head, a soft giggle leaving his lips. “yes! those are mine!” he confirms the fact, before coming closer. he picks up the classic quad skates from their hiding spot, the pair being in a light purple color; one of his favorites. 

“i just got into rollerskating because of tik tok, i thought those videos to music were so much fun,” he said, a chuckle leaving his lips. “plus, in the winter, i already ice skate, but nothing crazy, i’m not a professional!” he explains. “so, i thought, how hard could it be, right?”

“oh.” the word would be more neutral if it wasn’t for the lace of confusion amongst it. she knew that tiktok was a large platform, and adding on that it was based on an algorithm, what tiktok was to one person would be wildly different from what it was to another. still, she found herself surprised when she found out about something that wasn’t in her radar. she let herself speak part of her thoughts to explain away her reaction, “i have not seen content such as that on the site.” when kiana did see dance related content, it was always in cosplay.

well, ki already knew that herself and this man were very opposite people.

she found herself regretting having started a conversation when she realized how little she had to say. trying was more valiant, though. “i would think that ice skating is much harder than roller skating.”

[fmdkiana]

gyujeongfmd​:

it’s all instinctive at this point. where the collection of halphazdardzly strewn clothing samples lie across his living room to the beeping sounds of the door chiming unlocked — only two people it could be: his own manager, or ki. context clues trail him to the latter assumption, the past phone call he had an hour ago locking up his manager into his own private matters for the night. turns out, friendships the only thing that chimes loud at this time. 

his eyes widen in tandem with the smile pulled from one cheek to the next, nodding his head with an eyebrow quirked to the box in the hand. delivery food, and the box doesn’t render the typical run-of-the-mill plastic packaging he’s used to, and the noise only bolsters his skepticism. 

“what is that?” tossing himself onto the sofa, wrinkling the clothes laid out in the process. (he’ll get back to that tomorrow, duties call now). “they have surprise boxes for soaps now? i remember when coupang was a new thing — now, we can get random surprises sent to us?” gyujeong’s in the seat of the observer, his eyes honed in on the box. life moves fast, figures he can’t keep up well enough.

“i hope they have eucalyptus soap. that’s my favorite scent lately.”

paused, her hands stop their movement over each flap of the box, flattening ever so as if a fallen leaf coming to hug the ground for the first time. to gyujeong, she turned a low smile, “you talk like you’re sixty.” teasing, gentle, gentle. between them, teasing wasn’t intense, nor common, yet kiana couldn’t avoid it once thoughts.

resuming their path, ki’s palms flattened the box flaps and her fingers sifted through the box -four mini size soap bars, and one pump style container. “there’s... grapefruit, mint and lemon... i don’t see eucalyptus in any of the ingredients.” her fingertip tapped on the back of the bar in her hand. was it worth saying? she didn’t want to come off rude. “eucalyptus can be so drying on the skin if you use it as every day soap. it’s probably better for candles.” not paying enough attention, the bar in her hand slipped out, thunking on the floor. ki bent to pick it back up, and came face to face with... clothing? as she lifted, her eyes followed around the room. realisation sank in and so did her face, widening into embarrassed surprise. “i’m- did i interrupt you? with your work? i’m sorry, gyu.”

[fmdkiana]

fmdjake​:

Jake watches as the expressions on Kiana’s face change like a kaleidoscope, and when she responds to him and seemingly expresses discomfort, he immediately feels bad. While he may have thought of his “joke” as something genuinely innocuous, he realizes that not everyone would feel that way. He and Kiana are not super casual with one another yet, so maybe it was out of line for him to even express something like that; lighthearted or not. He’s trying to be more self-aware lately, and though it’s difficult sometimes, he prides himself on at least putting in effort into changing his bad habit of blatant insensitivity. “I’m sorry if what I said was off-color,” he begins, shaking his head back and forth. “It definitely wasn’t my intention to make you feel uncomfortable, and we don’t gotta talk about that kinda thing anymore—that’s cool.”

He has no idea if there’s any chance he can save himself from what she may think about him now, and while it still makes him feel foolish, he’s also at peace with it. So, he nods and offers a smile when she informs him that she’s been contracted for another drama. At least one of them is able to land jobs. There’s a part of him that slightly envious of her, but deep down, he knows that he’ll find his way back on-set once his schedule allows for it. “That’s awesome!” Jake exclaims, then laughs at her add-on; taking the subtle jab in stride. “That’s dope, though. I’ve always kinda wanted to do stuff like that, but who knows if that’s in the cards for me.”

Briefly, he looks down at the ground, then back over to her. “Really though, congrats! I’ll try to look out for it when it drops. I’m sure it’ll be a good watch.”

her next breath was short, but heavy and expressed. “i would appreciate that, thank you.” at least he seemed genuinely apologetic, for whatever it was he had meant. though letting her guard down to where the it was when they had first spotted each other still seemed like a poor choice -as it would with any stranger- kiana was able to release some of the tension holding her upright.

she’d be glad to stop trying to think about what it was he’d tried to express to her with that comment, so ki would throw herself into whatever conversation she must for however much time must be allotted before it would no longer be rude to leave. “why are you unsure? the fantasy genre is a common one.” even if he was a poor actor, talent didn’t seem to hold much weight in casting. kiana wouldn’t consider herself a good actor by a long shot, but scripts and auditions came through the company regardless. the man’s looks should have been able to catapult his career to at least a decent level.

[fmdkiana]

though she wouldn’t call giddiness an uncommon emotion in her life, it was most often reserved for a few situations, and more than that, a very tiny and select group of people. between the crossroad of both sat within the box in her hands. it left a slight shake in her hand as she entered gyujeong’s apartment, and a wide smile on her face to greet him with.

“look what i have!” she shook the box in her hand, and as it clunked around, the realization hit of how that sentence would recall nothing to him. after all, ki hadn’t told him she was sending anything to his home in the first place. that might have been the better plan, in hindsight, in the event he came home, saw a package that he hadn’t ordered, and threw it out, but the stars had aligned.

like it was her own home, kiana put little thought into her actions as she stripped off the pieces of the day that didn’t suit lounging around the house for the rest of the night. she spoke as she moved, “i found this service that sends sample sizes of different soaps. i thought it might be nice to go through them together.” and as the final piece of her dissent into comfort, she sat herself on the sofa to open up the box.

@gyujeongfmd

[fmdkiana]

why were roller skates here of all places? off in the corner, partially hidden as they were, it didn’t look much like someone was coming back for them in a minute. moreover, they looked lost.

kiana squatted down in front of the skates, arms crossed atop her knees, and head tilted. she wondered how long they had been sat here all alone and how much their owner might have missed them since.

she couldn’t say she knew much about the hobby. when she was particularly into fashion inspired by the seventies, many people brought up that she must be good at roller skating. it never made much sense to her. her hobbies growing up were focused behind a screen or in a lab. still, kiana felt a pull towards these skates, something compelling her to attempt to find the owner.

when a sound pricked her ears, she turned her head back to see that titan member. “are these yours?” she asked with a finger pointed towards the skates, before standing up to properly greet him.

@fmdduri

[famedexclusive]

7 SEPTEMBER — In August, new releases from Lily, Ultraviolet, Equinox, Calypso, Polaris, and Kami entered the Circle Chart.

Kami’s solo debut “Solo” debuted at #1 in its first week.

Lily’s comeback title track “I Feel You” peaked at #3 in Week 33 and b-sides “Baby Don’t Play” (#48), “Candle” (#62), “Rewind” (#86), “John Doe” (#92), “One Black Night” (#94), and “Faded Love” (#96) also entered the chart. The same week, Ultraviolet’s “Adios” debuted at #19 before rising to #2 the following week.

Equinox’s “Queendom” debuted at #6 in Week 35.

Several songs from the third round of Crowned also appeared on the chart: Titan’s “Checkmate” (#134), Lily’s “You Think” (#30), Cloud’s “HIT” (#64), Candy’s “So Bad” (#159), Selene’s “Destiny” (#68), Platinum’s “Finale (Show and Prove)” (#134), and Catalyst’s “Wolfgang” (#138).

Calypso’s comeback song “After ‘We Ride’” entered the chart at #51 in its debut week.

Polaris’s new single “Dynamite” debuted at #6 with a late-week release.

Weekly Top 20 for August:

Keep reading

[fmdkiana]

reply with an emoji if you’d like a starter that may or may not b inspired by it

[fmdkiana]

fmdjake​:

He can’t help but find it strange that, of all people in South Korea that decided to take a hike today, he’d run into another idol; someone who understands his career path like no one else ever could. It’s refreshing to him that he doesn’t have to put on a customer service level tone with her and that he can remain “maskless” before her to some degree. That, and who knows? Maybe he’ll walk away from this with a new friend. He’s feeling strangely optimistic; remaining oblivious to her body language around him. Jake’s always been more “simpleminded” that way. He thinks of it as a good thing. Living in a constant state of empty-headed bliss really works for him.

“Honestly, I feel that.” He agrees, reaching one of his hands up to rest on his nape. “I thought it’d be pretty fun, but that’s just me. Then again, I’m easy to please; a woman with a whip seems pretty dope to me.” With a smile and a laugh, he motions his hands upward to fix the cap sitting atop his head; adjusting it so it falls naturally centered now. His comment was in jest, and he hopes that it was taken as such. He’d feel like a tool if she found it inappropriate. “Yeah, yeah, definitely. Haven’t been able to land anything recently because of tour, but I’m hopin’ that changes soon. Been really wanting to get back into the drama-sphere. What about you, huh? Got anything interested comin’ out soon? Hopefully one that you don’t find too awkward?” 

what... did he mean by that...? here she was with no recollection of this supposed event, and he was saying it was some kind of fantasy for him. of all the places to have run into someone potentially creepy, it had to be one place she couldn’t get anyway.

unless he’d meant it lightheartedly, in some way to make her pathetic self feel better about having disliked those scenes. by that definition, the comment was still in poor taste.

or, his laughter was that of mockery, born through her discomfort being laughable. many other women these days were open with their sexualities, making her the odd one out as someone who wasn’t.

none of those options painted what he’d said in a favorable light within kiana’s mind. she’d felt the confusion on her face contort into something akin to a grimace. though she wished there was one perfect answer that could address every version of what he might have meant, even if it had existed, it likely wouldn’t be the smart choice. after all, they still might need to see each other for work, and if she pissed him off, his connections might find her career falling further. diplomatic, she cut her thoughts off in the middle, “i’d rather not talk about... whips any further.”

too personal, it’d started to feel like. whether he was trying to flirt, take pity on her, or mock her, all of those routes relied on pointing out her as a person. as an idol, a coworker, it was easier to revert back to those frame of thoughts. “i have been contracted for another drama. the script is not in its final draft yet, so i am not sure of the contents entirely, but the overall storyline is nothing like that of my previous release. it is a fantasy release.” she caught herself quickly to tack on, “-magical creatures fantasy.”

[fmdkiana]

crowned final interview

talk about your reaction to your final ranking.

“i am not very sure what i looked like up there. i’d been preparing myself for the potential of us getting last place, and was incredibly shocked for that not to be the case.”

why do you think you received the final rank you did?

“though i prepared for the worst, i have believed since the beginning that equinox has the power to win. our group has very talented individuals, and we have tenacity.”

which final performance, other than your own, was your personal favorite? if it’s different than your favorite performance, what was your favorite final song? why?

“andromeda’s and polaris’s performances were the best mix of song and performance for me. they were both grand performances that matched their grand songs. i suppose i match with the public’s perception.”

other than yourself, which group would have received your vote for the win if you’d been able to vote this round?

“while polaris may be a little more my style of performance than andromeda, i feel that as a performance group, andromeda has shown great performances throughout the entire show.”

if you could do the whole show over again, what would you do differently?

“i would have worn different shoes in the second round.” she smiled, but it didn’t quite make it into a laugh. serves her for trying to be funny.

what was the most memorable moment of the show for you?

“it would be disingenuous to say anything but the crowning moment.” even now, the memories of the moment were fuzzy at best, making that, in its own way, a lie, but she wouldn’t change her answer either way. in a decade, the win would be all she’d care about.

is there anything you want to say to any of the other competitors? any congratulations or any heartfelt words for any friends you made?

what a horribly difficult question. she’d keep it simple and easy. “i hope all of the competitors are able to feel proud of what they have accomplished.”

[fmdkiana]

date: aug 28th i think

word count: 438

tldr; no more avoiding spoilers equinox won the damn ting and kiana is Living

each name passes and it isn’t equinox on the host’s lips. the expectation in this moment would be building adrenaline over the chance that just maybe, they were going to be in the top slot. for kiana, it was all fear centered around the equally possible option that equinox had come in dead last.

though it wasn’t the most idol appropriate reaction, she was pretty sure her face could barely be seen, if at all, with her eyes pointed down towards her lap where her hands clasped and gripped hard enough her skin whitened.

every new ranking announced had kiana’s heart pounding harder and harder, up until it was the last, the final moment of truth. in the shuffle alongside her members, she was able to shake out of her inward pose, but even while facing the cameras, her eyes shut in her worries. this might be their biggest failure yet. sixth to seventh, and straight to the bottom; the host was right, maybe they had fallen in the middle too much. immediate, her brain chastised herself for the slip up of the cover round. if she hadn’t ruined their performance, they might have been in a better standing. if equinox was at the bottom of the ranking, she’d only have herself to blame.

her thoughts ran so far that the final announcement took a half second’s delay to process. the shut of her eyes barely loosened to raise a brow, then the second one. she felt a jostle beside her and it snapped kiana out, her eyes opening wide in shock, followed by her mouth that let out a heavy breath. to the host, then catalyst, then her own members, ki drank in the moment to verify its validity. no dream, no practical joke, this was the truth: equinox won.

emotions and chemicals weren’t easy to let go of, but others piled on, leaving a weird mix of an anxious stomach and elated lightheadedness. she tried to catch her breath, though it became harder as her lips slowly pulled back into a smile.

much of the moments in being crowned and the aftermath had muddled together through the pure shock of the situation, meaning unpacking the win was a later, and in kiana’s case, longer process to tackle later. in her bed that night, ki spent sleepless hours running through her memories of crowned. from the first moment their manager brought it up to them to leaving the filming studio, she thought through every piece of the puzzle that ended up landing them at the top. but, really, her one take away was that they deserved it.

[famedfeed]

august 28, 2022: gold star media uploaded a new video to youtube.

Equinox ‘Dazzle Dazzle’ MV

Equinox’s Crowned Finale Single — ‘Dazzle Dazzle’ Listen and download on your favorite platform now!

Equinox ‘Dazzle Dazzle’ MV ℗ Gold Star Media

[fmdjake]

Jake forgets how important it is to spend time outside, especially when all he knows are the interiors of shuttles, airplanes, hotel suites, and stadium dressing rooms. When he was a lot younger, he loved spending time in nature with his friends — breaking free from the bases he was living in to explore whatever country his stepdad was stationed in. It’ll always and forever be a favorite pastime of his, and being that he’s spending a brief period of time in Seoul before he and the rest of Polaris embark on their next leg of their tour, he’s decided to dress himself up in incognito attire and soak up some sun. That, and well, he’s technically killing two birds with one stone since his activity of choice could be considered exercising, as well. It’s important that he’s keeping up with his cardio to ensure that he’s healthy and building stamina for the remainder of the concerts he has to participate in, even if he’s getting incredibly burnt out by them. Either way, he plans on spending most of his afternoon hiking Achasan Mountain. He’s alone as Duri’s busy with other obligations until later in the evening, and even though he’d much rather be spending some quality time with him, or with any of his friends, he’s still enjoying what the peace and quiet has to offer him. If anything, it’s allowed him to decompress in ways he didn’t know he needed.

During his trek, he stops at one of the outlooks of the Han River and takes in the sights. He’s not exactly close to the famous body of water, but he loves catching a glimpse of it from a distance — the trees, the plant life, and the variegated flora that surround him bringing peace upon his mind, body, and spirit. Though, for the first time during his hike, he hears footsteps on the ground, and they’re getting closer and closer to him. A sigh full of dread escapes his lips, and he hopes to God that it’s not a fan, or someone else that’d recognize him. The last thing he needs is for this moment to be ruined by someone taking pictures of him without his permission or asking him for an autograph. When he finally feels their presence near him, he dares to turn his head to see who it is and what’s going on, but when his sights register the features of the individual coming up the same hill, he swears that he recognizes them.

Noticing them pause for a breather, too, he questions whether or not talking to them is a good idea, but after taking a second to consider his options, he decides to go for it; fully turning around to face them. “Kiana?” He asks, hoping that this is actually the person he thinks it is. “It’s Jake. You know… the person you had to pretend to whip during our chemistry reading for ‘Love and Leashes’?” Is that awkward to say? He has no idea, but that’s the first time he officially met her. He didn’t end up getting the role for a variety of reasons, but he’s glad that she did. He recalls being really impressed by her reading. “Please tell me that it’s you… if it’s not, I’m so sorry!”

WRITTEN, WITH LOVE, FOR KIANA LEE—

[fmdkiana]

kiana had convinced herself that she’d be able to handle the hike, and not only that, but that it would be worth it to find the unique plant species she’d recently been invested in. one could convince themselves of many things, especially when the action to be taken had yet to happen. without the consequences in front of her, it was much easier to get herself to agree, but now, with the overwhelming consequence of her tight breaths and already sore muscles, she couldn’t believe she’d ever have agreed to this in the first place. homebodies stayed home -she should have kept it simple.

worse yet, she’d run into someone. at first, embarrassment crawled at the thought of a man seeing her like this, then it walked as she came to consider him a handsome man, then ran when the locks clicked into place. not an actor, this man was an idol. her memory refused to pull out a full name for the life of her, but his group’s faces were plastered enough around seoul that she couldn’t forget them even if she tried.

ki stood silent, unsure what her next move should be. instinct told her to turn around, fix her appearance before facing him once more, but doing so when the conversation had already started would come off rude and vain. at that point, nothing could fix her state of mind, as far as she was concerned. she just needed to say something, before she tumbled herself back down the hill to get away. “i... am, yes, thank you.” trying for a slight smile, it felt pinched behind her cheeks. “i apologize that i don’t recall this audition well. i think i might have blocked a lot of that process out,” she let a breath of laughter out, though it felt humorless to herself, “many of those scenes were difficult to get through.” if embarrassment had a name, she felt it must be kiana lee.

was there any hope to salvage this connection? “i hope you have found success in other projects since then.”