dispirited

[fmdkyungmi]

fmdjaein​:

“i feel that whales would have more natural movements though, no? like a boat barely moves or i guess that’s what i think because i’m on the boat, huh. i seem to have trapped myself in a dilemma.” she’s speaking complete nonsense at this point, but it is a good way to keep herself entertained. “like i only think that because both whales don’t seem as big as boats to me, but to a fish they could very well just all be grouped into large things that come after us or something.” she wonders how long it’ll take before she scares the older female away. looking over, she offers up a slightly forced smile to offer that she isn’t completely out of it. it was a simple curiosity. 

looking back down into the ocean, there’s not much she can really see from up here. there’s moving masses of black shadows that she’s assuming are fish, but they could really just be anything else. hell, they could be trash that made its way from the coast or thrown overboard by people on other boats. “yeah, i hope they don’t find us all too terrible though i wouldn’t completely blame them if they did,” she says with a shrug. 

she taps her fingers along the rails that she’s leaning on before completely leaning over to put her head onto it. “have you done anything exciting on the ship yet?”

“More natural movements? I suppose.. But do you really think that the fish really are paying attention to that? I mean, they’re probably just happy that they’re not being swallowed whole, you know?” It was quite an interesting question to think about, especially because there were so many different answers and it wasn’t like anyone would be able to decide which answer was correct. Or at least neither of them would be able to decide that. Kyungmi could say with absolute certainty and without embarrassment that she was nowhere near being an expert on fish, and she was willing to bet a pretty penny that Jaein wasn’t either. “I think there are some whales that are as big as boats. Like great whales and.. I don’t know a lot of different kinds of whales, but I’m sure there are ones bigger than ships. I think.” She let out a chuckle, more amused by the conversation than anything. 

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m sure they give us the same amount of thought that we give them.. Which isn’t much to begin with.” At least that was how it was for Kyungmi. She didn’t really dwell on things of that nature because she knew that if she allowed herself to think about them, it’d be a snowball affect of thoughts and what ifs that she really didn’t feel like dealing with. It took a second and a half for the question to register with her, because she shook her head. “Not really.. Honestly I’ve just sat around in my room most of the time. Have you?” 

[fmdkyungmi]

fmdhyeju​:

though she has no clue how all these technical machines function, it always surprises her how much shit seems to go wrong when it comes to concert days. during her own rehearsal, she’s had problems with her in-ear not projecting her voice back to her, and she had to go by pure memory, trying her best not to let the echoes of the concert venue mess up her beat. it’s pissed her off since hyeju believes in always giving the best performance she can and when it comes to technical difficulties, she can’t do that. plus, the fact that it’s not her fault is what bothers her the most about such situations. 

she’s grumbling as she gets off stage from lipstick’s rehearsal, ripping her in-ear out of her ear and handing her microphone back to her staff members before heading her way to the waiting rooms. stepping in, she’s a little surprised to see somebody else. she steals a glance at the name tag on the door and realizes that she’s the one that stepped into the wrong room. hyeju’s ready to leave when she can hear the older female mumble something. stepping closer, she realizes that there’s obviously something wrong. “oh,” she says before reaching over and trying to help kyungmi out with her outfit. with a few grunts, she manages to get the zipper up and gives the bee member a pat on her back to inform her that the deed has been done. “there you go. has that zipper done that before? if so, i’d suggest you mention it to your stylist. i’m sure they can fix it up for you before the actual concert. wouldn’t want something to happen during the actual thing, you know.”

Hyeju was a familiar face that Kyungmi had seen and interacted with on at least a surface level for over a decade. They had trained together for about a year before Kyungmi debuted with BEE in 2010, so they definitely were no strangers to one another. She was just glad that it had been someone that she knew at least a little bit rather than someone she was completely unfamiliar with. And the fact that it was another woman had helped her feel a little bit better as well. She wasn’t sure she would have been able to deal with the embarrassment if it turned out to be a man who had walked through that door instead of her junior. 

She sucked in her breath when Hyeju gripped the zipper and began tugging on it, her eyes closing as she sent a silent prayer to whatever higher power resided in the sky to not allow the zipper to break or rip through the fabric. The sound of the zipper sliding up and reaching the top of her back was like music to her ears, and she breathed out a slow and steady sigh of relief. “Thank you,” she murmured, smoothing out the front of her stage outfit. “It’s actually a new outfit that we haven’t gotten fitted for yet. They decided that they wanted to switch things up for the final concert at the last minute.” She let an annoyed eye roll slip. “You saved me from what could’ve been a very embarrassing moment, thank you.” 

[fmdkyungmi]

fmdjoosung​:

the first thing out of sung’s mouth was an immediate apology, while his hand came up to cover his eyes. he’d been looking for yujin and yurim who’d gone off somewhere together, and instead found himself in a place he really shouldn’t have been. maybe it would have been better to stay with their other member in element’s area. the girls would have come back eventually.

one foot had stepped back out, and his free hand had fumbled to grab the door handle, when the girl he hadn’t even had time to recognize, spoke. sung stopped in his tracks. are you sure? he’d wanted to ask as much, but, she was the one asking him, so of course she was sure.

a breath more, and sung lowered his hand, to find kyungmi, who was much more clothed than his fears had led him to believe. the fears, though lowered, weren’t gone completely. as a man raised well by his mother, sung always tried his best to be respectful of the women around him. “um, yeah, i can.” he stepped fully into the room, closed the door behind him to keep her privacy as much as he could, and met with her still-open backed outfit. keeping the mood light, he spoke while holding the pieces of fabric together to zip bit by bit, “i hate when this happens to me. i usually end up having to twist it all up and,” he paused for a small hiss, as his nerves and distraction led him to pinch his finger with the zipper. not wanting to cause trouble, he continued his sentence, “twist, yeah, twist it, and zip it somewhere weird first.” the zipper thankfully went all the way up without another hitch.

“um, i’m sorry to have walked in on you like this. usually, i don’t, um, i’m not… that kind of man.”

The younger idol was quite familiar, and it didn’t take long for her to put a name to his face. Sun, one of the members of a co-ed group that had debuted not too long ago. Element. She’d heard a few of their songs and had even seen a few of their live performances when the stars all aligned in the right position. She enjoyed their sound and their vibe, and couldn’t help but wish that the industry was more accepting of co-ed groups. They definitely deserved a lot more attention than they were getting, that was for sure.

Those thoughts were fleeting though, leaving her conscious just as quickly as they entered, and she refocused back on her issue at hand - her clothing malfunction. She wasn’t sure if her predicament was even more embarrassing because she was in the presence of an idol who just so happened to be male, or because she was in the presence of an idol who was a junior to her both in seniority and age, but she quickly found herself breaking eye contact just as soon it was made. 

“Thanks,” she mumbled when he approached her and started working on the zipper, reaching behind her to pull her hair to the side and over her shoulder to give him more space to work with her uncompromising zipper. She subconsciously sucked in her breath, not wanting to breath for fear that the zipper wouldn’t slide up for the umpteenth time that afternoon. When the zipper finally slid all the way up, she let out a shaky breath, her hands smoothing down the front of her outfit slowly. “Thank you.. I couldn’t make it work for the life of me,” she breathed out a sigh, still examining herself in the mirror. She frowned slightly, not completely happy with the way that it looked, but at least she didn’t have to worry about the zipper anymore.

“Huh?” Her eyebrows furrowed at his words, and she turned around to face him. “Oh, that.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t apologize. It’s not that big of a deal. I’ve worn less than this on stage before, so you didn’t walk in on anything no one else hasn’t seen.” 

[fmdkyungmi]

fmdtaejin·:

starter for @fmdkyungmi·

he forgets what it feels like when he’s subjected to the role of kim taejin of decipher.

the taxing toll it takes when he’s only painted as an established sunbae, extending open arms to the younger generation of idols he’s long forgotten the names of by now. in and out faces, and taejin finds himself in the observation deck with his back pressed deep into the chairs. 

it doesn’t dawn on him that he’s not the only one in the room until he manages to jostle out of his seat for a stretch in arms. a yawn, and a gaze that flits past his shoulders — he notes a familiar face. “you wanted a break from the cameras or did you just come in here lost?” he greets, his tone still based in warm undertones of an extension in welcomes. 

strangers more than business correspondents —  years inside bc together, and it’s the first of anything more than a frivolous conversation he’s held with her. “take a seat — the cruise treating you well and you’re all in the holiday spirits?” there’s not much more that can be said, not when the only thing he associates with kyungmi is bee and bc entertainment. yet, he gives her the benefit of the doubt expecting age to be a precursor for a more promising conversation.

For the past ten years, Kyungmi’s identity has basically been subjected to anything and everything BEE related. She was BEE’s leader, the caretaker of the group. The mom of the group, something that their Honeys never failed to mention time and time again whenever the group was brought up in conversation. She was the main vocalist of BEE, the powerhouse, the one who carried BEE’s songs on her back vocally. Besides being a good leader and a great singer, no one really talked much about her other qualities, apart from Honeys, and even then it wasn’t as much as the other girls. 

The worst part of it all was that she allowed it to happen. She never put herself out there, for fear of being judged more harshly than she already was, and the ending result was the public seeing her as not having a personality of her own. 

The cruise only drove that point home even further. It wasn’t like she had anything better to do. Her holiday wouldn’t be spent with family and friends. She had nothing to do but work, and it seemed like BC knew that. Even though she didn’t have anything better to do, she still didn’t like having cameras pointed in her face when she wasn’t on stage. The twenty four-seven camera crew was definitely one of the biggest cons to the whole cruise. 

She was barely able to sneak away to get a few moments alone. Or as alone as possible, because she ended up running into an all too familiar face. “The first one,” she answered honestly with a shrug of her shoulders as she settled down on the nearest empty seat, reflexively crossing her legs. “It’s work after all. Since when did work treat us well?” She sighed. “And, no. Not particularly. Doesn’t feel like the holiday season to me. What about you?” 

[fmdkyungmi]

Apologies for my disappearance everyone! My manager switched my schedule around this week and I had to work a double and an extra shift, so I've been dead on my feet lol I'm going to nap and when I wake up I'll respond to didcord and tumblr DMs!

[fmdkyungmi]

It’s getting a little late here and I have an early morning tomorrow, so I’m heading to bed! I’ll get to DMs and discord messages once I wake up. Goodnight, and thanks to everyone for being so welcoming! 

[fmdkyungmi]

December 31st, 2020 / Busan, South Korea / Concert Rehearsal 

She should have known that everything wasn’t going to go off without a hitch for the entirety of the fantasy cruise. The first two concerts had gone well without any big issues, and Kyungmi was hoping that the third and final one would go the same way. Unfortunately, she couldn’t always get what she wanted. The final concert called for a different stage outfit for her and the other members of BEE, which she didn’t mind. She enjoyed switching things up, but the only problem was their newest stage outfits hadn’t been fitted before they went to board cruise. So it unfortunately didn’t fit, which caused her mood to sour. As impolite as it seemed in the moment, she couldn’t help but shoo the camera people out of her way with a wave of her hand as she made a hasty exit to somewhere a little more private. 

She had been standing there in the empty room for several minutes, back facing the mirror as she struggled to pull her zipper up, frustration becoming more and more apparent on her face. Then suddenly, the door creaked open and her eyes snapped up to meet someone else’s. She didn’t really care who it was in that moment, she just wanted to get her outfit on before BEE was called to run through their set. “H-Hey, could you, um..” She sighed, turning around so that she had her back to them. “Zip me up? Please? I’ve been trying, but it’s.. Stuck,” she mumbled the last part, unable to repress the embarrassment and shame she felt being found in such a predicament. 

[fmdkyungmi]

fmdjaein​:

“you ever wonder what fish think when they see a ship out here like this?” 

it’s the most random thought that’s occurred in her mind but as she’s standing on the board, arms hanging off the rails, and looking out into the massive ocean that’s surrounding them, she can’t help but wonder. blame it on her fatigue from the concert the previous day as well as everything else her and her fellow idols have been put through for the purpose of the event. the waves are acting as a form of comfort but other than that, the cruise hadn’t been exactly the fun adventure that she’d initially been looking forward to when she heard the plans of the trip.

“like it’s so massive to my eyes that i can’t help but wonder how big it is to them?” at this point, she wouldn’t be surprised if the person standing besides her simply decided to walk away because this doesn’t sound like a conversation she’d like to have either. rather than taking a look at them, she continues to look out into the open, catching sight of the coastline of some standalone island. quickly, she makes a mental note to herself: take a nap later if you want to stop talking nonsense.

open, december 29th

Kyungmi had never been a really big fan of boats. Although she supposed that her fear mostly stemmed from her aversion to large bodies of waters. Even as a child, she hated the boating trips that her parents used to force her to take with their other wealthy friends. When she had been told that all the idols under all three companies were going to be forced to spend several days on a cruise, she immediately felt herself become wary of the whole thing. She didn’t voice her concerns or complaints though - she never did. She had always been more of the grin and bear it type instead of speaking up. 

So she tried to do her best to keep herself distracted. However that wasn’t exactly possible when literally everywhere on the ship, apart from the inside of course, was in plain view of the ocean. It was unavoidable, so she figured she might as well force herself to get used to it. She would take a few minutes long walk along the deck whenever she had some time to herself, which was how she found herself in Jaein’s presence. Fortunately, the younger wasn’t bad company to keep. In fact, Kyungmi found herself enjoying her presence. 

The question posed to her did catch her off guard, but not in a bad way. In fact, she found herself chuckling at it. “They probably think we’re some kind of whale or something,” she said after a moment’s pause. “Either that, or they don’t even pay us any attention. I just hope they’re not too upset that we’re invading their space.”

[thuyanhnn]

[fmdkyungmi]

@fmdjiah

[fmdkyungmi]

OH KYUNGMI is the LEADER, MAIN VOCAL, AND RAPPER of BEE under BC ENTERTAINMENT. She was born on MARCH 18, 1989. She looks a little like ACTRESS YOON BORA

Hello hello everybody! I’m Trinity and I’m bringing Kyungmi here to you all today. From what I’ve seen, it appears that she’s Famed’s resident grandma, which is going to do wonders for her self esteem lmaooo but anyway! I have some wanted connections for her that you can find here and you can check out her profile while you’re at it. I really look forward to plotting and writing with you all! And if tumblr DMs aren’t really your thing and you prefer discord, you can add me at number 1 hag stan#2392

Note: There will be triggering topics here, such as weight issues, eating disorders, cyber bullying, and mental health.

Kyungmi’s parents were both involved in the music industry (her mother being a well known vocal coach and her father being a producer). This was technically how she got her start as a singer.

Given her parents’ careers, she was born into a family that was quite well off and she didn’t have to ask twice for things that she wanted or needed. 

It was apparent from a young age that Kyungmi was meant to be a singer. She’s always had a strong voice on her and it was just a matter of when and how by the time she entered her teenage years, not if. 

She auditioned for and got into SOPA after graduating middle school. It was during this time that she encountered an insecurity that she would suffer from for the several years that follow - her weight. 

One day in class they were discussing what they wanted to do in the future and when Kyungmi told everyone that she wanted to be an idol, one of her classmates told her that she was too fat to be an idol. She never paid much attention to her weight before that moment, but it made her very self conscious from that moment on.

After her sixteenth birthday, her parents decided to allow her to start auditioning to different companies and labels. BC was the one that snatched her up first. Their only requirement for her to join the company was for her to lose weight. Of course she agreed and began the dangerous journey of unhealthy weight loss. 

As a trainee, she dropped weight quickly, but she didn’t go about it in a healthy way. It was obviously taking a toll on her (i.e., causing her to be dizzy and lightheaded during practices), but the trainers and most of the other trainees didn’t do anything about it because it was seen as “normal”. 

She was eventually able to debut as BEE’s leader, main vocalist and rapper in June of 2010

She was excited for the start of their career and how popular they seemed to be from the beginning, but then things started going to hell. BC sent them to the states, causing their popularity in Korea to stagnate a bit. Then one of their members left. Kyungmi was lowkey starting to feel like a failure as a leader and felt an immense amount of pressure on her shoulders to do better. 

Around 2015, her stress began to take a toll on her physically, causing her weight to fluctuate a lot. And that caused netizens to attack her and her appearance. She started developing unhealthy habits regarding eating and exercise and that lasted for two years until BEE’s hiatus began. 

During BEE’s hiatus she was in the midst of getting intense therapy for her problems while her members discussed contract renewals. Her therapist wanted to send her away to a clinic that could actually help her, but BC refused, and so did Kyungmi. She thought that going away would be like abandoning her group members, and she didn’t want to do that So she just stayed consistent with her therapy, which helped for a while. 

After a while BC started pressuring her about resigning and moving along her recovery process so they could go back to the way things used to be. They didn’t realize that the way things used to be was why Kyungmi was in that predicament, but alas, Kyungmi agreed to come back and dropped therapy altogether. 

When they came back with ‘Something’, Kyungmi was surprised by how popular the song turned out to be, but she was happy. She was glad that BEE still seemed to be popular and relevant. 

Then during Something’s promotional period, they were on a variety show where they were all asked about harsh comments they’ve received from netizens. Of course Kyungmi talked about her experience and even got a little teary eyed and choked up on camera, which triggered a lot of netizens to send her hate once again. How dare she have feelings, right? She’s rich, talented and famous, she shouldn’t complain. 

While her group members have started pursuing solo endeavors, Kyungmi’s hesitant to do so. Apart from a few OSTs and a cameo in a Decipher and Knight video, she hasn’t done anything on her own. She’s scared that people won’t support her away from BEE and she doesn’t want to fail. 

She’s definitely the ‘mom’ of the industry. Most of the industry only has positive things to say about her. Friends with everyone, both young and old. The type of idol that a lot of idols have friendly encounter stories with to tell. 

Tries to cover up her struggles and insecurities with a smile. Doesn’t really enjoy talking about her issues and problems because she feels like as the eldest, she should be the one handling everyone else’s problems. 

She really wants to try acting and releasing her own solo music one day. She’s actually written so many songs that she keeps on the back burner because she doesn’t have the confidence to do anything with them yet. 

[voonbora]