I wanna disappear

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@folliarazionale
I wanna disappear
I just want to escape reality (or life).
Sometimes I don't feel listened.
Like always.
And I'm so used to it that when it's my time to speak I have nothing to say.
Maybe this is just 'cause I'm trans and poly, but the vision cisheteronormative monogous hegemony pitches was always so bleak to me. Like growing up, I really believed my 20's were my only chance to really enjoy myself. You need to have all the types of relationships you want to try and go to all the kinds of parties you want to go to and sleep with all the different people you want to sleep with and try all the different sorts of sex you can have; and at some point in the middle of it all, at least by the time you're in your thirties, you've gotta pick one combination of it all and just... stick with that. Lock it in, no more chances.
I can't imagine not getting kind of resentful of being in a closed marriage at a certain point, no matter how wonderful it was to begin with. I never really looked forward to the concept of "settling down", it seemed like a great way to let life just drain through my fingers.
We left so much unsaid, and now all that remains is the weight of could’ve been.
I loved your soul without seeing you physically.
He sent me one of those sweet and lovely messages. Like the one we used to send to each other. But now, when I get one of those, all I can think about is "it's just a lie". I'll never understand how someone could put so much effort into something that has no meaning for them, it will never make sense to me. But you did and now I know people can do it. I know he's different, I can see the little things and, most important, I see the facts that confirm every word of his. But still every time I hear that type of words my heart just hides away, "I don't wanna hear it, I don't wanna believe it".
Just what did you do to me
What most people think the challenges of polyamory are: jealousy, lack of commitment, insecurity.
What better-informed people think the challenges of polyamory are: calendar management, social stigma.
What the challenges of polyamory actually are: when your husband and your lover bond over classical music, and your lover suggests to your husband that he would really enjoy Stravinsky. And it turns out your husband does really enjoy Stravinsky, but unfortunately with the exception of the opening bit of Firebird, which is OK, you fucking hate Stravinsky. And the background music of your life is Stravinsky for months on end because your husband loves Stravinsky now. So even when the three of you meet up together it turns into Stravinsky Fan Club Time. Plus a third wheel of you.
He knows me lol
I wanna be in poly family so badly. I wanna have my wife and her girlfriends, maybe they become my girlfriends. I wanna soo badly be able to cuddle up with everyone and feel loved and love them. I wanna tease them about their other partners and help them get all dressed up for dates. I wanna hear them all groan as I yell go piss girl down the hallway before we all burst into laughter. I want to be around people I love. I need that. I wanna make cookies to sit out for everyone to nom on throughout the week. And play dnd as a family. I want a family I can love and who loves me please.
“anything you want princess” me to me when i want to buy stuff
Yes.
esiste per voi quella persona che ogni tanto vi torna in mente nonostante tutto e nonostante il tempo?
Ovunque tu sia, spero che tu stia bene ❤️🩹.
Pizza Day 💕
carolyn