This is the hardest note ive ever had to write, so i hope youll understand and…no nevermind. I hope you’ll understand my fragmented mindset
I understand on a personal level that…emotions are a powerful and important factor when it comes to a friendship. Yes?
Humans feel a wide variety of ways, be they positive or negative. Its the concept that fascinates me most about humanity
You…ciarog. Yes. I am unfortunately understanding that you wont be happy to receive this note, nor do you want to hear from me.
I broke boundaries over emotions, i…
I cannot let that be forgiven. I acted irrationally. And i felt, for a glimmer, the pain i had made you suffer
Everything i worked toward, the risk i took in doing such a foul act, it was all for naught regardless.
I failed you, i failed Adam, i failed the future
What does it mean to hurt?
Am i selfish for hurting despite all being fault of mine?
Am i supposed to let myself hurt more over the loss of a friendship, a loss i could have prevented?
My one beacon, someone to drive me forward
Youve left me to wallow in my own shame, my own deserved despair
But i coot be forgiven, the time of forgiveness ended with adams death. Do not forgive me. Leave me to rot…id rather not have the opportunity to hurt you again. Let the future be painless with our paths intersect no longer
Goodbye, Ciarog. May you rest easy now
- Sincerely, Dirtica, the Purity of the Hive (D.Ph)
Ciarog grabs the note tightly in their palm, papercuts forming on their hands as they try to steel their resolve, and try not to cry while the others are in sight. So, for the first time in a while, they leave the church, through the woods to where Adam's grave is. Black and brown mushrooms grow around the burial sight, intertwined, while the angel statue looms above them. They let themselves sob for all they had lost, they scream in anguish from the pain they are in, and once they've laid their heart bare to the earth, they finally, finally, feel ready to respond.
"I.. can't forgive you yet. You hurt me, took my autonomy, all for something I didn't understand."
They fall into a coughing fit, feeling like their lungs are going to burst, and yet they remain breathing.
"Now, though, I think I understand you. This illness.. it isn't natural. It started as soon as Edel began to lurk in these woods. You knew that would happen, didn't you? You were only trying to help, to save our unworthy souls from damnation, and yet I, too, was selfish. Even then, though, I cannot forgive you. Not yet. Not yet.."
They lay beside Adam's grave, pathetic and feeble, a beetle without wings to fly, without a shell to protect their fragile insides.
"But we really do deserve each other, don't we?"
