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Jun 2

𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐬 & 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬: 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬˖˚⊹꣑ৎ

a03 | main story masterlist | playlist

blurb - After four years of grueling work, Joel finally finished one of his dreams: college. Though everyone here is here to support your husband, you and him find time for you and your three kids. The duties of being parents don't stop, not that you're complaining in the first place.

warnings - Mentions of past postpartum depression and a past heavily traumatic birth.

a/n - I know, I know, the anniversary for t&c has passed. But I wanted to do something special for you guys! Thank you all for the support for the past year with this fic, and I hope you enjoy!

word count: 8.4 k

May 7th, 2009

Summers and children do not go well together, contrary to popular belief.

Lorraine spent her time preaching that when summer hit, she could just open the front door and let you, Tommy, and Joel go in and out wherever you pleased. She only needed to holler once for dinner, and you three would come running from different directions, coming to where you knew best: home.

However, 2009 was a different time.

Keeping many kids under five entertained to watch hundreds of undergraduates cross the stage was bad enough.

Kevin and Benji were trying to bite and kick each other, and were now separated among the sea of Millers. Raymond had Benji in a tight grip, the six-year-old glaring at his older brother. Kevin stuck out his tongue from Tommy’s lap, hugging their dad tight.

Even Sarah, at twenty, was buzzing around in her seat, putting her hands underneath her thighs to keep them from sticking to the bleachers. You fanned your face, the sweat unpleasantly mixing with your makeup. Of course, graduation had to be at the start of Texas summer.

Your dad was making the most of it, though. He couldn’t bring Aspen—no pets allowed—but at least he got to see his favorite team’s stadium one last time.

“Y’did the right thing marryin’ that man,” He would tell you every time Joel handed over his tickets to him. “Free tickets are the best gifts a son-in-law could give to his wife’s daddy!”

Sure, out of the many reasons for becoming Mrs. Miller, keeping you and Joel’s dads' college football rivalry was the main one.

Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium was huge. Unnaturally so. You knew that the culture was so interconnected, but seeing it in action was something else. Everyone was in either white or orange, and screams echoed throughout the whole stadium after each person crossed the stage.

You tapped your heel impatiently as the names went down the line. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L…

And finally, M.

You looked down onto the field and saw a row standing up and making their way to the stage. You couldn’t see your husband, though, and neither could your kids.

Sarah groaned, leaning back and running her hand over her slicked-back hair, “This humidity is going to be the death of me. Look at this! My hair’s already sticking out! Do you know how much product is on my head right now?”

“I know, baby; I was the one who put it in…” You murmured, your attention split three different ways.

One, to Sarah.

Two, to make sure you didn’t miss Joel.

Three, to your two little children fussing on your lap.

While only three, Jonah Ray Miller was so curious. It didn’t help that his comedically sized glasses magnified his eyes, making them bigger than they looked. He looked exactly like Joel, in every way that mattered. The skin tone, the eyes, the hair. You sometimes wondered if any of your genes even tried with this one.

Though, his usually calm demeanor had been thrown out the window for today. His face was scrunched up, and he kicked his legs, almost nicking the person sitting right in front of him.

“Mama!” He cried out, tugging at your shirt, “It’s hot!”

“Honey, it’s hot for all of us. Just be a bit more patient, daddy’s gonna be crossing the stage soon—”

“I wanna go home! I wanna go home!” He shirked, and you instantly saw that he was about to put himself in a toddler tantrum. You almost gave him your mom-glare—you’d been practicing—when his shoe pushed and landed smack on his sister’s leg.

Not the older one, the younger one.

Juniper Lo Miller was a heavy, heavy sleeper, only a couple months old. She wasn’t even supposed to be sleeping; she was supposed to be awake because if she slept now, she would spend all night awake and crying. But having the energy to deal with her right now was not something you had.

Luck had decided to abandon you in that moment, because the second Jonah’s foot landed on her cubby leg, she jolted her eyes open. She took in all her surroundings: the loud announcer, the colors, the screaming people, and promptly opened her mouth and cried out like a siren.

You cursed, trying to attend to her while balancing both kids on both of your thighs. Jonah saw his sister crying, and like a mimic, started to bawl as well, twisting in your arms. Faces turned back to you, clearly annoyed or concerned.

“Juni, baby girl, it’s okay—Jonah, where do you think you're going?! Sit back down and stop—” You tried, but nothing seemed to work.

Your dad, who finally decided to open his mouth and say something, cooed and took Jonah from your arms before you could blink.

“Aw, look at ya son, kickin’ up a storm and stressin’ out your mama. That ain’t nice.”

“But it’s hot!”

“Yeah, I heard ya the first time.” He sat Jonah on his lap and blew softly on the boy’s forehead. Instead of losing his mind, Jonah relished the feeling of moving air, closing his eyes and sniffling as he got control of himself.

You looked at the duo in awe, Juniper still crying in your arms, “How the hell did you manage to get him to be so… so quiet?!”

“Takin’ care of generations of Millers gives experience.” He chuckled. Then, looking at Juniper, he gave her his finger, which she blinked at in confusion. She looked up at him, then back down, before taking it into her grubby hands and opening her mouth, trying to gnaw at her grandpa’s skin, “Plus, it helps they’re just like you. I know exactly what’ll help.”

“What, you’re saying that I kicked and screamed when it was hot?”

“Nah, you were more of a biter.”

You were about to land a solid jab at his shoulder when a gasp and Lorraine’s excited voice cut through the noise.

“He’s ‘bout to go out!”

Eleven heads suddenly looked down at the large screen. Another Miller was crossing the stage, and at the edge of the display, you could see Joel awkwardly shuffling back and forth, waiting to be pushed into the spotlight.

Juniper let go of your dad, and gurgled, “Ba-ba-ba!”

You grinned, “Yeah, that’s dada. That’s your dada—”

“Joel Miller!”

Not a single Miller could keep their screams down at the sight of Joel half-waving at the camera he somehow spotted, his face holding the biggest grin possible. You were the loudest, watching him shake hands and get his degree, posing for a picture.

Even while he walked off the stage, you kept your eyes trained on him. You saw him walk and walk some more until he made it back into his seat. He looked over his shoulder, trying to see where all the cheering came from, but it would be impossible, with how high up you were.

But you were glad knowing he knew everyone was there for him.

The hours droned on after that. Name after name got called until finally the last person with Z in their last name crossed the stage. Eventually, everyone on the field stood up, tossing their caps high into the air. Everyone cheered, yelling for their family members and friends. You clapped Juni’s hands together as she gurgled, and Jonah even managed to find some joy in it all.

Though, getting down the steps to see the now-alumni was the worst part. Thankfully, you had set a plan with everyone else long before you arrived—everyone else but you, Sarah, Jonah, and Juniper headed back to the cars and waited, while you four found Joel and brought him back.

After managing to get out of the stands and into the parking lot, you took Jonah back from your dad and carried both your youngest kids, while Sarah held onto the back of your shirt. Quickly, you guys separated from everyone else, taking a right to get inside the stadium, then flushed out into the open area where families called out names and hugged them.

“Do you think if we did some echolocation, we could find Dad?” Sarah piped up, her grip on you tight so she wouldn’t get lost.

You shook your head, “I was thinking of looking for a tall man with a mean mug, but hey, your idea might work.”

She laughed at that, before grumbling when she saw a family of at least twelve hug one person, “God, I don’t know how Dad does it. Having everyone here? Jeez, I’d lose my mind.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” you clicked your tongue. “One more year, and we’re all heading up to New Haven for your graduation.”

“Ugh, do not remind me.”

“Please, you know us. We’ll probably book an entire hotel for at least two weeks before it even happens, so we can follow you around and see the Connecticut life.”

“Connecticut will put grandmama into a coma.”

“I think it’ll liberate her.”

“Connie-cut?”

You looked down at Jonah, who was clutching your neck in your left arm. “Yeah, baby, Connie-cut is where Sarah goes to school. She’s so, so smart; she goes to Yale.”

Jonah ignored your whole sentence, content with just looking around the crowd, craning his neck to find his dad. “Where’s daddy?”

“That’s who we’re looking for. Did you see him yet?”

“No…”

Sarah peeked her head over your shoulder toward her little brother, “Hey, I think mama’s getting slow. How about I carry you for a bit? Huh?”

Jonah wasn’t a big talker, so instead of smiling, he just nodded and reached for her. Sarah let you go, and with a grunt, took him with no complaint. She fussed over his hair, cooing over his curls, before winking at you.

You nodded in thanks, before leaning to your right to Juniper, who had started to fall asleep again—even though a million people were yelling around you both. “Baby girl, come on, you can’t sleep now.”

This time, she looked up to you, and the same colored eyes as yours blinked at you. Juniper cooed, stretching her little legs before kicking and looking around. She immediately started babbling to herself, opening and closing her mouth as she looked over every person passing by. Not even a year old and people-watching was her favorite thing to do.

You followed shortly behind your eldest two kids, watching as Sarah had a seemingly deep conversation with Jonah. He pointed, and she followed.

“Seems like your brother and sister have a plan,” you whispered to your youngest. She didn’t seem interested and instead went to reach for your hair.

You winced, trying to pull her off and say something to Sarah—

“Dad!”

“Daddy!”

The sound of heels against concrete was the only sound you could focus on. You watched as both Sarah and Jonah ran to the man before them, and this man rushed toward them with his gown fluttering behind him.

Joel reached around Sarah’s torso, picking two of his kids up and twirling them around like he hadn’t seen them in days, not hours. He laughed into her hair, and she in his. He placed them down gently, and before you could blink, he had Jonah in his arms, tossing him slightly into the air. Jonah’s giggles rang like the lightest bells and were the thing that pulled you into the trio.

“Well, look who came to see me!” Joel stopped throwing his son, placing him securely on his hip. “Thought you guys would head over to the cars and wait there.”

“No way.” Sarah scoffed, clinging to her dad’s side, “We had to come see you. Were you shocked? Were you?”

“Shocked the hell outta me, baby girl.” Joel nodded solemnly, then turned to Jonah, “And did you see me cross the stage? I waved at you.”

“I did! You waved like this—” Jonah lifted his hand and waved just like his daddy had before.

“Got it down to the look, son. So smart, both of ya,” Joel kissed Sarah and Jonah once more, earning giggles from both. “And please tell me you were good for your mama. All three of you at once is ‘nough to send anyone into a coma. Speakin’ of which, where is she—”

“You really think they’d care about that?” You chuckled as you made it up to him and your kids. “I think it’s time we invest in those hand-held fans. I’m sure there’s some with the long horns on them.”

Joel blinked at your voice, and you saw the exact moment his eyes landed on you. Quicker than lightning, they filled with a love different than what he had for his kids: admiration, devotion, dedication, just to name a few. The flush crossed over his face from adrenaline, and the heat became more red when he saw you.

Pride took over you as you looked at him, in his black cap and gown, his cords and stole that said he graduated not only from MaCombs, but also Summa Cum Laude. You had never seen him shoot up so quickly from his chair and start holding you and spinning you around the living room, kissing you stupid all the while.

He took two steps toward you and placed a hand on your hip, pulling you the rest of the way into his chest. He kissed you then, his lips ever-so gentle against yours. Then, he looked down, and his face broke into a grin, wider than the one he had when he crossed the stage.

“Now, what’re you lookin’ at, little miss?” he said to his youngest, now kissing the top of her downy head. She kicked her legs at the feeling. You and Joel made quick eye contact before swapping his degree for his baby. His arms now full—he pulled Sarah into the mess somehow—he smiled at you. “Now, this is right.”

“As much as I love our kids, they’re getting heavier by the day to carry. Both of them? A death sentence.”

“Ah, what can you do? All of ‘em are big-headed.” Joel took Sarah’s smack with grace before looking over your head. “South parkin’ lot should be that way.”

“Lead the way, Miller.”

It wasn’t simple getting five people through the crowd, but with Joel’s side steps, you saw the crowd thinning. Now, it was only the people leaving, making it to the sea of cars that had been cooking as early as this morning.

Finding the truck was not hard at all. Having seven people practically screaming when they saw you five walk up made it pretty easy to locate. As well as the flash of Lorraine’s camera.

Raymond and your dad were the first to walk up to Joel, clapping him on the back and squishing your children’s faces. Sarah grumbled when your dad pinched her cheek extra hard, and went her way to Maria and Tommy, who were keeping their sons from running around.

Joel put Jonah onto the ground, which immediately meant he came toddling over to you. You picked him up before he could even speak, and placed him back to where he was on your hip.

Jonah looked at you, “I’m hungry.”

“We’re going out to celebrate daddy, though, so I’ll make sure you eat really good.”

“At the—”

“Shush, shush!” you lowered your voice, glancing over your shoulders to make sure no one had heard, “What did mama say?”

“Oh, secret.”

“Yes, sweetie. Our secret, right?”

“Mhm. Okay.”

You kissed the fat of his cheek, “Good boy.”

❛ ━━━━･❪ 🎕 ❫ ･━━━━ ❜

Adding McDonald's into the mix doesn’t help either.

You didn’t mean to evade all your family. They really did want to celebrate Joel and all his accomplishments over the past four years. However, Joel had told everyone that he wouldn’t be organizing a group dinner. When interrogated, he simply stated that he’d go home and crash into his bed, too tired for anything.

Lies, of course, but no one needed to know that.

Now, both Jonah and Juniper were reaching up, desperately trying to fight for Joel’s attention. Your son was trying to force a fry through Joel’s lips, while Juni held her chubby fingers on his mustache. Sarah wasn’t any better than her siblings, only she was on your side of the booth and clinging to your shoulder.

“And you’ll bring me something back from New York, right?” she insisted, leaning over her burger. You smiled at her while sipping your Coke.

“I’m already getting you that Dior bag you wanted. You want something else?”

“C’mon, y’know she brings you a lotta stuff.” Joel raised his eyebrow, “What more could you want?”

“I do need some more dorm stuff…”

“Sarah.”

“What?” She grinned at her dad, “I’m not asking her to buy a store for me. Though I’m sure she could, right?”

You bit into your fry, “Lemme see your last semester’s grades, and I’ll think about it.”

“All A’s!” She puffed up her chest with pride, and you leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I’ll even print it out and send it to you.”

“Knew it,” Was all you said.

Juniper cried out, grasping Joel’s salty finger and putting it in her mouth. She sucked once, spit it out, and on cue, started to cry.

Joel pulled his hand away, sighing before glancing up to you with a smile, “I dunno why she keeps suckin’ like it’s gonna change my finger’s taste.”

“Mhm, maybe you need something sweet there. Sugar cubes?”

Joel huffed. He then swapped Juni into his other arm, wiped his hand, then looked up at you, “Want me to take her?”

You shook your head, “Nah, I got her. Could you try to get your son to eat his pickles instead?”

Jonah, who was trying to shove his pickles out of sight, froze. He then took the one he tried to hide and held it up, “Don’t make me eat it. Please.”

Joel just shook his head, handing a flailing baby over the food. You took Juniper from him safely and put her in the crook of your arm. You then looked over to your side, not seeing your purse, and gestured to Sarah.

“Baby girl, will you hand me the baby bag?”

Sarah nodded, brushing off her hands before grabbing your bag from beside her. She sighed dramatically. “I can’t believe you turned your Birkin into a diaper bag.”

You shrugged, taking the bag from her and opening it, digging around for Juni’s bottles of milk. “It’s just a bag.”

“It’s a Birkin.”

“You know I have my collection.”

“Something I’ll never get over.”

You just shook your head, taking a full bottle and bringing it to Juni’s lips. She fussed a bit more before wrapping her mouth and suckling, ceasing her crying. You stared down at her with complete love, wholly onto her little face.

Juni’s birth had been some of the hardest times of your life. So much so that your work trips to New York had to take a pause. An uncontrollable sadness and loneliness had taken over you, and you found little interest in anything. Eating—no matter how much Joel tried—bathing, being a mom to your two kids, even crying every time Juniper needed to be breastfed.

Postpartum depression, your OB/GYN had said.

It had shocked you. Jonah’s birth had been traumatic, almost deadly for you and him, but you hadn’t any depression afterward. The words scared you more than anything, so much so that being separated from her was like knives on skin. It was so bad that you had decided that you would sleep in her nursery in the rocking chair. Joel had tried to say something about healing and it not being good for your back, but you had snapped at him and taken your things to her room. It was only recently that he had finally soothed your worries to let her sleep alone. Though you kept a tight grip on the baby monitor

Maybe it was because she was your last baby—you and Joel swore it—or maybe it was the thought that something would happen to her if you weren’t watching. Either way, those feelings only now had started to lift, and your smile graced your face more often.

You sighed in relief, rocking Juni back and forth to keep her quiet. Your hands were full, so you leaned over to sip your drink. You watched as Joel stuck a pickle into Jonah’s mouth, and his face scrunched up in distaste.

“Daddy, I don’t like it,” he whined, but he still came closer to Joel and practically sat in his lap.

Joel pulled him to sit more comfortably and watched to make sure Jonah didn’t spit it out. “Don’t you want to grow big like me?”

“No, Daddy.”

Joel huffed, “Alright, then who do you wanna be like?”

“I wanna be like Uncle Toms.”

“Well, bein’ like Uncle Toms means you gotta eat your pickles. How’d y’think he got so funny? Happened ‘cause he ate what his mama put on his plate.”

“But you don’t eat your mushrooms.”

“I’m a bit different, so what? Thought you were hungry, isn’t that what you were whinin’ ‘bout for?”

“I ain’t hungry now.”

Joel gave Jonah a blank stare. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Fine, fine. Guess you really don’t wanna go to the library after school tomorrow—”

Jonah gasped like he had heard the worst news in the world, “No! No, I wanna go to the library. I’ll eat the pickles, I eat!” He then took a handful—as much as his hand could take—and shoved them into his mouth.

Sarah laughed at the sight, “That’s one way to do it.”

You turned to her, “You eat too, or I’ll feed you just like your sister.” You nodded down to Juniper, whose eyes were drowsy, nodding off. Sarah rolled her eyes and went back to eating.

Soon, Juniper latched off, lips parting to reveal her milk-drunk expression. You smiled down at her, kissing a soft kiss on the top of her head.

Technically, Jonah was supposed to be your last kid. You already had Sarah and him, and combined with Joel and your ages and careers, two was enough.

Unfortunately, you and Joel loved to travel, and that meant you loved to enjoy the adult things in life. Your trip to Cabo was supposed to be a way to celebrate your four-year anniversary and his upcoming vasectomy. But you two also had terrible luck with it came to alcohol and hotel rooms, and also with pregnancy scares. Juniper was all that came true.

When you looked up from your daughter, you noticed Joel was already staring at both of you, a pickle dangling from his fingers. His eyes flickered from Juniper to you, then back down, then up when he noticed you staring. His face turned pink, and he smiled at you when you ran your heel on his jean-clad leg underneath the table.

Soon, everyone had finished eating, leaving just you and Joel. Sarah was leaning her head against your shoulder with her eyes shut, and you couldn’t tell if she was awake or not. Jonah had fallen asleep on Joel’s lap, curled up perfectly, and Joel had taken off his glasses. Juniper was fast asleep too.

“Quiet table, huh?” you said to Joel with a smile. His face softened, staring down at his son and patting his back.

“Hm, think today drained ‘em?”

“You think? Baby, I had three kids out in the heat all day and sitting them with some of the most dedicated UT fans.”

“So your daddy?”

You scoffed, “Of course it’s my dad. When we got to the B’s, he started throwing Juni around like a football and trying to pass her your dad.”

Joel tutted, “Poor baby, they got her runnin’ ‘round UT like a headless chicken.”

“More like a hungry chicken,” you laughed, then winced when she stirred.

Joel noticed instantly and put a hand on the table. He looked over to your right, eyes falling onto Sarah. “She dead to the world?”

“I’m not.” Sarah groaned, but nuzzled deeper.

“She’s tired. She was trying to finish some of her internship applications before we headed to the stadium.”

“Did you finish, baby girl?”

“You know it…” Sarah said drowsily.

Joel chuckled, and so did you. A small silence fell over you both, and only the sound of the workers behind the register.

“Think we should head out?”

Joel checked over Jonah one last time before nodding. “Yeah, yeah, probably should.”

You and Joel started to clean up, with him leaving Jonah to rest on the seat while he dumped the trash away. You made sure that your diaper bag was organized again, and you had Juniper. You then patted Sarah’s shoulder, telling her to get up, which she groaned at.

Finally, the five of you got up and left the McDonald's, making the small trek back to the truck. Joel made room for Sarah to take the middle seat in the back, then strapped a sleeping Jonah. You got Juniper in her car seat. You and Joel got into the front, shutting the doors.

He looked to you, and you to him. You leaned in and kissed him softly. When you pulled away, he was chasing your lips.

“What’s that for?” he asked.

You shrugged, “I love you.”

“Mhm… I love you too, sweetheart.”

The drive back home was silent. You didn’t dare turn on the radio, fearing you’d awaken the Kraken that was your youngest. Joel just kept his hand on your thigh, and you held him there.

When you pulled up to the house, only the porch light was on. Sarah started moving, fully awake now, and helped get Jonah out. Joel was the one who got Juniper, making sure to be gentle and soft. Then, the five of you went toward home.

Inside, Joel put his cap, gown, and degree onto the couch. He kissed Juniper’s downy head before putting her on the floor on her little mat. She fussed ever-so-slightly before going still again. You put Jonah next to her, and he stayed quiet, too.

Joel put his hands on his hips, turning to you, “Now, I think that we should put these lil’ troublemakers to bed.”

“Took the words outta my mouth, but where to start…” You tapped your chin, then gestured to Sarah with your head. On Joel’s face, an uncharacteristic smirk slipped onto his lips.

“Oh, might as well go down the chain—” Then out of nowhere, Joel scooped her up bridal style, earning a shriek from Sarah. She hit Joel's chest and swung her legs.

“Dad! Oh my god, put me down!” Despite her words, that doesn’t stop the smile growing on her face. You followed, coming close to her head.

You smothered her face with kisses. “But we have to put our baby to bed!”

Sarah fought you off too, but couldn’t shake either one of you. Joel took her down the familiar hall into her room—he had refused to change anything about it—and flicked on the lights somehow. Her room was neatly arranged, with her suitcase in the corner.

Joel brought her to her bed, flipping the blanket, and tucking her inside.

Sarah grumbled as Joel tucked the blanket under her chin, “You know I still have to change, right?”

Joel shushed her, “C’mon, can’t have your daddy have this one thing?”

“Actually—”

“It’s only cause he missed you,” you added. “You only just got back, but trust me, he wouldn’t stop complaining about you taking so long to get here.”

“Oh, stop it.” Your husband’s face went pink.

“It’s true! You should’ve seen him when we were at the airport; he almost started crying—”

“Alright, alright, let’s not spill all my business everywhere.”

“Aw, Dad, you missed me that much?” Sarah propped herself up, tilting her head.

Joel could only nod. Sarah smiled, then opened her arms, which he immediately took. He hugged her tight, and she hugged him back. They didn’t let each other go, and he whispered things only meant for them in her ear.

Sarah caught you staring, then opened her arms again. You wordlessly shifted toward her and hugged your oldest kid and your husband, the three of you caught in a tight ball. Before Jonah and Juni, it was just you, Joel, and Sarah. Those years of you three traveling, taking her to her games, and a quiet house just as it was meant to be.

You loved that version of your life just as much as the one you live now.

Yet, the moment was cut short when, from the living room, Juniper’s cries instantly called you. You sighed and pulled back, looking to your husband who also had his head turned to the hallway.

“You go to sleep now.” You stood, pointing to her as you stood and started walking backwards to her door, Joel following you, “I want you up early so I can take you to the mall, got it?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Sarah gave you a salute, “Love you. Love you, Dad.”

You smiled, stopped at the door, “I love you to, baby girl.”

With that, you and Joel exited her room and shut her door with a soft click. Joel slipped his hand over your hip.

“Think Juni’s a bit jealous,” Joel said while guiding you down the hallway.

In the living room, chaos came quick. Juniper was twisting and kicking in her playmat, while Jonah just watched, his face a little ball of frustration. When he saw you in the reflection of the TV, he turned and stood, toddling over to you. You picked him up while Joel went to his daughter.

“Mama, she woke me up.” Jonah wiped his eyes.

You frowned, kissing his baby-fat cheek. “I’m sorry, baby; I’m here now.”

Jonah nodded and buried his face in the crook of your neck. From the corner of your eye, you saw Joel rocking Juniper.

“Think we got ‘nother hungry cry over here.” He chuckled, coming close to you.

You groaned, closing the rest of the distance between you both. You brushed her hair back, studying her face, "Definitely. Trade again?”

Your husband nodded, but you were about to take your daughter when Jonah wrapped his little arms around you tighter, shaking his head.

“I don’t wanna go. Mama?” He looked up at you with the biggest possible eyes, and it worked in an instant.

It worked wonders on Joel as well, who just leaned in and kissed Jonah’s forehead. “Just go to sleep, baby boy.” He turned to you, “I can feed her, get her ready for bed.”

“Thank you, baby.” You pecked Joel’s lips before turning and going back down the same hallway, this time to Jonah’s room.

His room was a light blue, but it looked like the depths of the ocean in the night. His rocket lamp was next to his bed on his side table, and when you flicked it on, it showcased everything your son owned for the past three and a half years.

Books on books. You didn’t think you’d met anyone who loved to read as much as your son. He read just about anything he could comprehend at his age, specifically about dinosaurs. A lot about dinosaurs. You knew too many facts now.

You took Jonah to his dresser, placing him on top so that you could pull off his tiny shoes and socks. You then picked out his pajamas, which were—not surprisingly—dinosaurs. He even helped you slip his shirt off and put this one on, earning him a big kiss on the forehead.

You took him through his nighttime routine, even though it was late. Brushing his teeth, washing his face, and brushing back his hair. Soon, you were tucking him in, kneeling by his tiny bed with a blanket twice his size.

Jonah looked up at you as you tucked it under his chin. “Mama, you should sleep here,” He patted the space next to him.

Your eyes softened despite yourself. Jonah had issues with sleeping on his own, always leaving his room, knocking on your bedroom door, and crawling between you and Joel. The pediatrician said it was probably separation anxiety, which ticked Joel the wrong way.

“I gotta sleep with daddy though.”

“He gets you every night.”

“He does…” You tap your chin as if in deep thought, “But he’s such a baby, and he needs me.”

“I need you, though.”

You couldn’t help but coo over him, moving to sit next to him and opening your arms. He slipped in perfectly, lying over your torso. “I know you do, but you have to be a big boy.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“Wanna what?”

He shook his head, “Be a big boy.”

“Now why don’t you want to be a big boy?”

“Cause then I have to sleep by myself. And I feel lonely when you aren’t here.”

God, if you had it your way, Jonah would have been taken out of this room in a second and tucked in by your side in your bed. Damn what the doctor said.

Jonah had always been a nervous, shy child. When he was a baby, he couldn’t be put down without instantly sobbing. Forget leaving the room, he’d shriek for hours.

It was draining and mind-numbing. No matter what you did, no matter how much you fed him, rocked him, carried him, he could not be without either of you. You never mentioned it, but you and Joel had your theories about what was wrong.

He rambled to you about genetics and being more predisposed, blaming himself. It took the next appointment with the pediatrician to assure him that with time and consistency, it would go away. White noise and a dark environment were all the things that helped, but despite the methods, Jonah wanted you.

You opened your mouth to speak, but the knocking on the door frame caught your attention instead.

Joel stood there, Juniper over his shoulder, sleeping silently. Your husband’s brows were furrowed, looking at the sight of you and Jonah.

“Now, why didn’t y’all invite us to the party?” He entered the room and made it to the bed.

You ran your hand up and down Jonah’s back, “He got nervous again.”

Joel’s face softened, “Did ya, son?”

Jonah nodded, “I did.”

“Well then,” With a groan, Joel sat on the edge of the bed, putting his hand on Jonah’s tiny leg, “Tell daddy, tell me what’s wrong?”

Jonah nosed closer to your skin, “I want Mama.”

“You want her to sleep in your bed?” Joel chuckled when Jonah nodded vigorously, “But what ‘bout me?”

“You’re old, Daddy, you’ll be fine.”

Joel scoffed, “Ain’t that rude? I’m the most youthful man you’ll ever meet.”

Jonah giggled, and you smiled at the noise. “You’re funny.”

“He is, isn’t he?” You murmured, glancing up at Joel while kissing the top of Jonah’s head, trying to push the worries away. Joel leaned in closer, putting his hand over Jonah’s head after you moved out of the way and ruffling his hair.

“Let’s make a deal, son, if you ain’t asleep when that clock says ten-thirty,” Joel moved Juniper to a cradle in his arm to point at Jonah’s alarm clock, “Then you can come in and sleep with Mama. I’ll even give you my big pillow.”

“Promise?”

“With all my heart.”

Jonah considered the proposition for a long second, his bottom lip jutting out in thought. Finally, he looked up and smiled, “Okay, I can do that.”

Joel smiled with pride, “Good boy, ain’t you?”

Jonah soaked up the praise like a flower in the sun. He hugged you extra tight, which you reciprocated. You slipped out of Jonah’s way as he lay down and got comfortable in his bed.

You kissed Jonah’s face over and over, mummering words he’d only hear, “I love you, baby, love you so much.”

Jonah smiled even bigger, “I love you too, Mama.”

You made room for Joel, who came and smothered Jonah’s face with kisses as well. Jonah squealed, running his small fingers over Joel’s beard.

Then, Joel brought Juniper to Jonah’s face, “C’mon, say goodnight to your sister.”

Jonah leaned up, placing a kiss on Juniper’s cheek, not enough to wake her, “Good night, Juni.”

Joel spoke for his daughter, “Juni says thank you.”

With that, you and Joel stood, but not before Joel reached into his jeans’ back pocket and pulled out Jonah’s glasses. He put them on his bedside table for easy access in the morning and flicked off his lamp, casting the room into darkness.

Joel exited the room first, but you lingered by the door. You turned and saw Jonah watching you both with wide eyes. You smiled.

“Sleep well, alright?”

“Yes, Mama.”

You shut the door behind you and turned to Joel, who was watching you. In an instant, you leaned forward and planted your hand over Joel’s chest. You kissed him, lips moving with him. For a moment, it was only you, him, and your baby in his arms.

When you pulled away, he cocked his head to the side, as if confused. “What’s got into you? Bein’ all kissy with me.”

You shook your head. “Thanks for getting him down.”

He smiled, then kissed you, and muttered against your lips: “Just doin’ my job.” He looked down at Juniper and smiled. “Last one?”

You nodded and looped your arm over his bicep, taking careful steps to her nursery.

Juniper’s nursery was also like her brother’s, shades of blue turned dark by the night. This time, you didn’t flick on any lights, only giving Joel room to put his baby in her crib.

“Did you change her diaper?” you asked, watching him lower her, then pull back to his full height.

He nodded, running his hand over her tiny chest, watching her breathing. “Changed, fed, knocked out. We probably got a good four hours of sleep ‘fore she wakes.”

“That’s good.” You made your way to Joel’s side and leaned your head against his shoulder. “Better than usual, at least.”

Joel hummed, knocking his head against yours. You both stood there in peace, staring down at your daughter, whose face twitched and lips curled.

You only moved when Joel moved first, slipping his hand into yours. You turned back to Joel, and he was simply staring down at you. You shrugged, wordlessly asking what he wanted. He merely shook his head and guided you out of the room.

You managed to grab the baby monitor, then let yourself be guided to the living room.

Together, you and Joel cleaned up what was left of the mess. Joel took care of the toys in the living room, while you straightened the pillows on the couch. Both of you cleaned dishes in the kitchen, working in perfect union.

By the time you finished, it was ten-fifteen. You prayed Jonah was asleep, but you didn’t dare stir him by checking. Back in the living room, you gathered Joel’s cap, gown, and degree from the couch, while he went to check on all the locks.

You headed back to your bedroom by yourself, toeing open the door.

You placed Joel’s things carefully on the dresser, then placed the baby monitor on your side table, then quickly changed, throwing your clothes into the hamper. You ruffled your hair, sighing and silently padding to your bathroom.

You washed your face and brushed your teeth, and when you came back, Joel was waiting, slipping off the tie around his neck. The door was shut behind him.

You leaned against the bathroom doorframe, just watching your husband. He cursed once when it got tight instead of loose, and you snickered. He turned at the noise, unamused.

“Laughin’ at my sufferin’? Guess I know where Jonah gets it from,” he huffed.

You waved him off, coming to him and turning him. You started undoing it for him, “He is my son, after all. And he loves what I love, and I love tormenting you.”

Joel hummed, hands landing on your hips while he let you work, “I know, it’s my favorite thing ‘bout you.”

“That I like torturing you? Machonist much?”

“Hey, don’t blame me. All ‘cause of you.”

“Don’t you pin your kinky tendencies on me. If you wanna be spanked, just ask.”

He laughed at that, and so did you. His tie slipped off, and you tossed it mindlessly onto the dresser. All of his attention was on you now, and his smile was light and loving.

“It was nice seein’ you with the kids,” he said, “It was sweet.”

“I liked it—not herding all three of our mini Joels—but I would do it again.”

“Yeah? Even when we go to the beach next week?”

You groaned dramatically, looping your arms around his neck. “If you mention our vacation one more time, I’m going to book my own flight and leave right now.”

“Need it that bad, don’t ya?”

“So bad. You do not know how bad Michelle has been riding me. She acts as if she doesn’t have a million teams for her every whim. Why me?”

Joel nosed your cheek, pressing a smooch there, “Maybe ‘cause you’re brilliant, lovely, and the only one she can trust?”

“I guess,” you huffed with pride, “Where would she be without me?”

“Exactly. So ‘stead of focusin’ on her or our vacation—” you groaned again “—focus on me.”

You tilted your head, letting Joel walk you backwards to the bed, “You want more attention? I could give it—Joel!”

Joel pushed you back onto the bed, letting you flop like a fish. He put his hands on his hips, laughing like this was the funniest thing he’d seen all day.

You frowned, and, grabbing his wrist, pulled him down over you. He yelped, barely bracing in time to not crush you. You giggled at his face.

“Pay back.”

“Oh, pay back?” he tilted his head.

You nodded, “Yeah.”

Joel shook his head in disbelief before closing the distance, “I’mma show you pay back.”

He proved his words, kissing you. Joel’s didn’t fight his hands, letting them roam and take over your entire body. You let him, and he let you do the same. Your legs wrapped tight around his waist, and your hands glided down his broad back and spine. He shivered, and you enjoyed it.

You pulled back for half a breath, “I’m getting payback for something else, though.”

“Tell me, sweetheart.”

You leaned in and tilted toward his ear, “It’s unfair.”

“Is it?”

“It is. How can you look so damn sexy being a daddy, and make me want to have more of your kids? Why would you do that to me? Do you hate me?”

Joel paused, then you watched live as he flushed pink. Even after almost five years married, he still couldn’t handle your blatant flirting. What a darling your husband was.

Joel stammered, “I… It ain’t my intention—”

“Don’t act innocent, I know you loved me pregnant.”

“I love you in every version.”

“Yeah, but you really loved me pregnant.”

“...I did.”

“Do.”

“I do.”

“Shame though,” you tut, “That pesky vasectomy of yours.”

“I always planned to have a vasectomy—”

“For my favorite reason.”

Joel became truly red now, “—‘cause we don’t need another unplanned Juni cryin’ ‘round here.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you lost control in Cabo—”

“Drunk me lost control. So did drunk you. And we had drunk sex that brought us our lovely daughter.”

“And I’m very grateful for her.”

“I am too.”

“But forgive me if I want my husband to creampie—”

Before the words could exit your lips, Joel’s hand clamped over your mouth. You let out a small squeak, but still met his eyes.

Joel huffed over you, leaning closer, “Speakin’ so dirty ain’t a nice thin’ to do.”

You cocked an eyebrow up, and against the calluses on his hand, you smirked.

You wordlessly spoke with the spread of your thighs, letting the weight of him sink deeper over where you both wanted the most. Joel groaned, but you didn’t let him go.

The invite was simple.

You saw the exact moment Joel took it, his own smirk show up as he leaned in closer, his other hand trailed down your side to your sweats and his fingers found their way to your—

Bang, bang, bang!

You’d never had Joel jump off you as fast as he did in that moment. It was as if the wind itself had taken him away. He lay next to you on the bed, hands on his chest like his heart would fly out.

“Daddy? It’s ten-thirty.”

Shooting yourself up to prop yourself on your elbows, your voice came out shaky, “Baby? I thought you would’ve been asleep by now.”

There’s a pause before Jonah spoke again. “I didn’t.” he knocked more on the door.

Joel let his head flop onto the bed, running his hand over his mouth to hide his groan. Yet, he was the one who sat up, got up, and walked over to the door. He opened it, and through the crack, you could see your little son staring up at him, blanket in hand, glasses on crookedly.

“Took my words to heart?”

“You said it was a promise.”

Joel looked back at you, then shrugged, “Guess I did.”

You shook your head, internally laughing at the whole situation. You held out your arms, “Come here, baby.”

Jonah’s eyes went bright, and he rushed past Joel’s legs, climbing onto the bed and into your arms. He held you tight, letting the blanket drop onto the sheets.

You looked up at Joel, “You wanna change?”

He nodded, quickly folding up his cap and gown, placing his degree on top to deal with tomorrow. He grabbed some fresh clothes from the drawers. “Yeah, I will.”

Glancing down at Jonah, you covered his ears and hissed: “And take care of yourself, if you need to?”

Joel’s face brought back that flush. He quickly turned and headed to the bathroom. All he could give you was a thumbs-up before disappearing and shutting the door.

All that was left was you and your son. Still clinging to your body, you brought Jonah to the pillows, laying his head there and pulling the sheets over his chest. You curled up beside him, placing a hand on his chest.

“Didn’t sleep?”

“I didn’t want to sleep without you. I waited, Mama.”

“I can see that,” you sighed. You patted Jonah’s chest in a rhythmic pattern, trying to lull him to sleep. “But if you wanna sleep here, you actually have to sleep. Yes?”

“Okay. I can do it.”

“Good boy.”

Jonah turned himself to tuck his head underneath your chin. His tiny hands curled into themselves, and in almost an instant, he closed his eyes.

You ran a hand through his hair, playing with the strands that reminded you so much of your husband. You glanced over to Juniper’s monitor and saw a sleeping baby, exactly what you wanted.

You don’t know how long you lay there, but it was long enough that the shower turned on, then off, and after a few seconds, the creak of the bathroom door caught your attention. You watched as Joel stepped out, lips curling into a smile. His hair was sopping wet, dripping onto his bare shoulder. He was in gray sweats and shirtless, though the band on his boxers peeked through.

While Joel had kept his body fit from his job, that didn’t stop his stomach from gaining a curve. His hair had gotten thicker and coarser over his chest, and that wonderful, amazing strip of hair that went down his navel was more prominent.

Joel sighed, throwing his clothes into the hamper. He made his way to his side of the bed, lifting the sheets and slipping in. Jonah whined at the cold air, coming closer to you.

Joel hooked an arm around Jonah’s middle, causing the boy to squeal as he was pulled away from you and against his daddy’s chest. Jonah didn’t fight it much, accepting his fate and curling there.

Smiling, you propped your head up with your hand. “What about me? You’re gonna leave me out in the cold?”

Jonah seemed offended by this question. He reached up for you, wordlessly calling for you. You slipped in closer, letting your son wrap his arms tight around you. Joel’s arms came soon after, pressing against your back. You buried your face into Joel’s neck, breathing in his scent, and placed a small kiss there.

“I’m proud of you,” you muttered, keeping your voice low for Jonah’s sake.

When you pulled away, Joel was already looking at you. He matched your tone, “Yeah?”

“Always. You graduating means so much to you, and I’m happy you could get to your goals.”

“Wouldn’t have been able to without you and the kids.”

“That’s not true.”

“But it is,” Joel kissed you then, “Without you, I would’ve lost motivation a long time ago. You helped me with all ‘em study techniques.”

“I just taught you what helped me in college.”

“I’m lucky then, that you graced me with your brains.”

You shook your head, “Well, with my brains, I’m gonna have to find another frame that matched my degree. I wanna put yours up there as well.”

“Won’t it be awkward? You graduated ‘92, I’m ‘09. That’s a seventeen-year difference.”

“So? Does that matter? You earned that degree, Joel. I’ll put it on our front porch if I have to, show off to everyone my cool, educated husband.”

“Only ‘cause I got the smartest woman in the world by my side.”

“Smart family,” you giggled, “Me in New York, you at Austin, our oldest in Yale… makes me wonder where the other two will go.”

“Somewhere good and great. I’m thinkin’... Oxford for Jonah?”

You huffed out a laugh, "Perfect, and Juni’s in Harvard.”

“Ain’t that the life?”

Looking down one last time, you noticed Jonah had completely knocked out. Your heart thudded at the sight.

“He’s out like a light.”

“Hm,” Joel played with Jonah’s ear, “He was tired. Deserves this.”

“I’m tired. It doesn’t help that I could have a conversation with you forever.”

“Then I’ll shut up.” Joel snuggled you closer to him. “And you sleep.”

Ugh these two are so sweet. Too sweet. I think I have a cavity now after writing this.

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