Lunchtime Adventures

One woman's quest for reasonable workplace nutrition

[foodsnark]

The Mexican express train

When it comes to naming dishes, some things are obvious. "Hawaiian" means pineapple. American sometimes also means pineapple. Salads are named after the most expensive ingredient, not the dominating ingredient. These are the things I have learned while working here. I can look at the menu and determine edibleness from the names. 

But then the Mexican express train appeared on the menu. 

I was intrigued. What could it be! Some sort of build-your-own-burrito thing? No, surely the chef would just call that "build your own burrito".  He loves the "build your own" thing. The menu said it would be served with potatoes, so I was expecting some sort of tex mex stew, maybe. Beans, if we were getting REALLY authentic. 

How wrong I was. 

You see, the Mexican express train is: 

- hot dogs

- baked in a large pan with eggs

- and pickles, chili peppers and corn

- seasoned with some vaguely tex mexy spice mix

In hindsight, I should have expected the pickles, peppers and corn. Last week we had "Mexican pork" which was breaded pork cutlets topped with those very same three cornerstones of Mexican cooking.

I had half a hot dog, some roast beef (which was delicious), some scalloped potatoes, carrot salad and cabbage salad. And three pancakes for dessert. 

[foodsnark]

It's back.

In the last episode of Lunchtime Adventures, the local lunch place closed down for a few weeks. What would our heroine do!?

Well, I ate grocery store salads for a few days, then decided to check out some of the other lunch places in the area. One of them ended up being pretty good. They have a salad bar with a lot of variety, and the hot food was okay too, if a little on the heavy side. And their desserts kind of suck. They're also more expensive than the place in my building, and it's at least a 5 minute walk to get there.  Anyway, the local place reopened this week, and the food has been particularly unexciting. There was roast beef, but it looked like sliced beef that you'd put on sandwiches, served in a very salty sauce. One day they had "seafood mixed grill" on the menu, which was supposed to have salmon and perch, but when I got there there was only some random bland white fish. And the salad bar makes me cry. The "green salad" has been mostly iceberg lettuce this week, with a few pieces of cucumber and tomato thrown in. And there's carrot salad and cabbage salad. So depressing. The other place usually has a leafy salad of some kind with tomatoes and cucumber, carrot salad, a potato salad, a pasta salad and sometimes something else too, like a bean salad. Then they have bowls of cooked vegetables like broccoli, green beans, cauliflower, brussel sprouts etc. The Other Place has totally ruined weirdo chef's salad bar for me.  But the local place still has the better Thursday pancakes. 

In other news, today was Restaurant Day. I didn't have a chance to wander around and try different places because I was running a tournament, but luckily there was a dumpling stand outside our venue and they gave free samples to the event staff. Some of the dumplings had a meaty filling and I think some had veggies. Both were delicious served with a spicy chili condiment. citing. Why can't I have food like this for lunch every day? 

[foodsnark]

Summer hiatus

The meals haven't been very memorable lately, except for one occasion where my fish and potatoes were so similar in colour and texture that I couldn't tell what was what. 

I had some scalloped potatoes and cod in bearnaise sauce. Maybe the lighting was bad in the dining hall, but everything was sort of beigeish and flaky and I had some issues getting both potatoes and fish into each forkful of food. Because I hate getting a mouthful of just potatoes or just fish; it just doesn't feel right. Is that weird? 

I also had carrot salad, red cabbage slaw and the lettuce/cucumber salad of the day, so my plate wasn't completely monocoloured. 

In any case, I'm on vacation for a couple of weeks and when I get back to work, our lunch place will be closed for a few weeks. So I'll be exploring other lunch places in the area (hoping some of them will actually be open), or bringing a packed lunch to work.

[foodsnark]

Moscow: the Fooding

I spent last weekend in Moscow, working an event. I've been to Moscow twice before and it's always an adventure before you even get there, due to the complexities of the visa application process. Like any city, Moscow has good food if you know where to find it (and have enough time, money or both). Like in the vast majority of cities, the good food is NOT located within walking distance of the tournament site. 

Space bread

The culinary horrors of this trip started somewhere above the Gulf of Finland: the dinner served by Aeroflot. At first I was grateful to get anything on an Economy flight of less than two hours, but then I saw the food. 

The meal consisted of:

- a small slice of toast (about a third of a normal piece of toast)

- A bowl with two pieces of cold chicken, a slice of mystery meat (ham?) and a pickle

- a packet of eye-wateringly strong nuclear yellow mustard

- a small packet of butter and a small wedge of soft cheese (that I didn't eat)

- a very thick and sugary chocolate chip cookie

- and finally...

This, I imagine, is what an alien civilization would come up with if asked to re-engineer "bread" from old photographs and Wikipedia articles. Weird shape, unappealing texture, general scariness - I didn't touch it. In fact, I still have it in my bag. I'm going to see how long it takes for it to show signs of spoiling. 

Russian lunch ladies

The event hall had, as event halls do, a "food area" where items of questionable nutritional value are served to people who have limited options. This one was staffed by three people who didn't speak a lot of English (one of them was of course the supervisor, because there are always supervisors in Russia). Our options were:

- a few different meals, heated in a microwave oven until sort of warm

- salads

- small slices of bread with toppings 

- pastries with no clue as to what the filling was made of (mushrooms? cherries? something else? you won't find out until you bite into it!)

- reassuringly familiar brands of chocolate bars and sodas

I chose a microwave meal that consisted of a ground pork patty and mashed potatoes: 

I also got a piece of bread with some salami and a sprig of parsley on it. The bread was so stale, I tried eating it with the parsley. It didn't help; I had to ditch the bread and just eat the salami. 

The pork and potatoes were lukewarm and depressing. Naturally, I had the same thing on the second day, because this really wasn't the place for culinary adventurousness. 

My friend Jani had this: 

I can't even begin to guess what it is. 

The good stuff

Now, I did have some good food - the dinner on Saturday night was pretty nice (although overshadowed in awesomeness by the cat videos the restaurant was playing on their TV system). A fresh vegetable salad, a pork roast with potatoes and more salad, and a big slab of fruity cheesecake. The sandwich and muffin I had at the Aeroexpress terminal was delicious, because I had my lunch of soviet pork and potatoes (I think 90% of the meals I've had in Moscow over three trips were pork and potatoes in some form) pretty early on Sunday and I was starving by the time I left for the airport. 

But the best thing was a type of donut that was sold in a small shop near the event hall. A local called Sergey brought some to the hall on Saturday afternoon, so when my shift was over I wandered out to look for the shop. I couldn't find it, and walked back to the event hall where I found Sergey. He offered to lead me to the donut shop, where we found another event staff member almost at the top of the massive queue. We got several dozens to share among us and friends back in the hall. The donuts were basically rings of fried dough, not particularly sweet, kind of chewy and greasy and warm almost straight from the fryer. So simple and good.

I am already looking forward to my next trip to Moscow. The people there are worth visiting, even if I have to eat that pork and potato thing every day. 

[foodsnark]

An interlude

Today there was a note at the cashier's desk: "Dear customers, our dishwasher is broken and today we are using paper plates and plastic utensils. A spare part has been ordered from Sweden and it should arrive on Friday."

[foodsnark]

Foodsnark: the GP Manchester edition

Because GP lunches are work lunches too! 

For those random readers who don't actually know who I am, "GP" refers to a large gaming tournament which I attended as a referee/glorified janitor. I was in charge of a team of referees/glorified janitors, which meant it was my job to make sure the team got lunch at their appointed lunch hour. 

The event was held near Trafford Centre, a mall so ridiculously kitschy it's hard to believe it wasn't located in the US. Fake marble, fake Greek statues, fake everything. An Asia-themed alley of restaurants leading into an absolutely massive food court. It took us nearly 20 minutes to walk from our event hall to this temple of fast food, but it was worth it.

The first thing I saw was a Five Guys. I immediately decided that this is what I would do for lunch, since I had not tried it before. Most of my team wandered off to eat other things, but Sir Swirlybeard followed me. I ordered a cheeseburger and small fries, and was then told I could have whatever toppings I wanted on it. 

Whatever I wanted! 

How is possible, so confuse, wow, such burger. 

I asked for mayo, lettuce, tomato, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms and mustard. I didn't hear Swirlybeard ordering but I think he got bacon and skipped anything resembling a vegetable. Eat your vegetables, Swirlybeard. You'll thank me later. 

We waited for our food and watched the guys in red shirts work. One of them, possibly some kind of manager, was a bit of a showman and some customers even wanted to take his picture. Once we got our food, I discovered that the "small" fries at Five Guys are about ten times the amount of fries I can actually eat, considering that my burger was the size of an infant's skull and contained two beef patties. It was a good burger. Could have used a little more salt, which I could have added myself, I suppose. I didn't come even close to finishing my fries, and it's possible that they actually gave me the "medium" portion by mistake. 

Verdict: pretty damn good for a tournament lunch. I'll definitely try Five Guys again if I get a chance. 

On Sunday we didn't have time to go all the way to the food court, so me and another judge picked up some sandwiches at an "EAT" shop, after failing to find the M&S food department that someone had told us about. I had a ham, brie and cranberry baguette, which was okay. I also got a piece of carrot cake which was unpleasantly greasy. Still better than many other GP lunches I've had (see for example: any German event where the only options are bread, sausage and MAYBE potato salad if you're lucky).

[foodsnark]

Sergeant Beardface

Today is Thursday, which means pancakes and thus I rarely care what else is on the menu, because I can always eat pancakes.  But first!  

PlovFail 2014

A PLOV UPDATE. Last week I vowed to investigate the mystery of the "vegetable plov" dish that was on the menu. It turns out that it's a rice dish similar to a pilaf, but I didn't make that etymological connection at the time and thus didn't recognize the dish (remember, the dishes are not labelled although there is a menu posted on the wall). I just saw a pan full of dry-looking rice and whole garlic bulbs, which didn't seem appealing. I was looking for something with more vegetables in it. In any case, I was eating with a colleague so taking photos would not have been an option (I already get weird looks when I tell them about my previous job). But clearly I need to expand my rice horizons beyond risotto. 

Today's menu includes:  Grilled salmon with remoulade Boiled new potatoes Chef's meatball, franfurter and bacon mix Vegetable and tofu skewers Vegetarian spaghetti bolognese

I took a seat next to two uniformed police officers. I often see cops eating here, which is supposed to be a testament to the quality of the food. To me, it just means there's plenty of meat on the menu. One of the cops, a sergeant (I know this because I googled the Finnish police rank insignia) was bald (well, shaved head) and bearded with a sort of weather-beaten face and a pair of sunglasses on his forehead. He looks like a total badass. His partner was a baby-faced kid, who had pizza for dessert even though pancakes were available. I hope I didn't creep them out by staring at them, I was trying to see if Babyface was carrying a gun. I'm not sure if all Finnish cops do; he did have something gun-shaped in a holster but it could have been some non-lethal device that shoots out cotton candy and rainbows. Anyway, my brain is already writing a buddy cop show about them.  Sergeant Beardface is a tough no-nonsense cop who has seen it all. All the rookies fear him. He has a legendary reputation, a difficult relationship with an ex-wife, a love of pancakes with ice cream, and he does something like landscape painting on his spare time. Officer Babyface is just out of the academy and he's kind of bummed to have Beardface for a partner, but eventually learns to appreciate his grumpy ways. His buddies are still partying and doing irresponsible things on weekends, which causes some conflicts because he either has to work or he refuses to participate in shenanigans. Mid-season they start uncovering a huge conspiracy centered around a local diner... ...what was I talking about? Right, the food. 

The grilled salmon was alright. The salmon was cooked correctly, the sauce was good. Nothing to complain about. 

The meatball and sausage thing, however...that's the kind of thing you cook for 5 year olds or as a hangover cure. It's so low effort in concept and execution that I don't know why it was on the menu. The meatballs weren't even made in-house. 

I didn't try the vegetable and tofu things because they looked scary. Wrinkly, dry mushrooms and I don't even know what else. That dish belonged in the Mystery Sector. 

I also didn't try the veggie spaghetti bolognese. I saw a burly construction worker type load up his plate with it, then look at the menu and turn pale. Again, no labels - I think a lot of people thought it was a meat-based pasta sauce. 

What culinary horrors will I encounter next time? Will Beardface and Babyface solve the mystery of the diner before their boss orders them off the case? Stay tuned. 

[foodsnark]

Sushi shop karate master

Today I had to take care of some errands in the middle of the work day, so instead of taking a proper lunch break, I had to grab some takeway I could eat while working. 

I ended up getting some sushi from a place I'd heard good things about. Some guy with a foreign accent takes my order and invites me to get a cup of tea or coffee while I wait. As I sip my green tea, I realize that I know the guy - he's a karate instructor. A friend of mine was (is?) his student, and I went to a demonstration at his dojo once. 

Sushi shop guy is secretly a 6th dan karate master. That's straight from some 80s movie.

The sushi was good - definitely above average for Helsinki. I will definitely go there again, but I shall not reveal the name of the place, because surely the karate master needs to protect his secret identity. Also, they get bonus point for having those little soy sauce bottles that are shaped like fish. 

Oh, and in case you were waiting for plov news, I will share those in the next post. 

[foodsnark]

Plov. What is a Plov?

I was going to do a post about Monday's lunch, because it was truly depressing. But I ended up buying a last minute ticket for the Justin Timberlake concert and spent Monday evening standing around in queues and leaning on the B-stage. I even got a handshake from the man himself. Excellent show, money well spent. 

But enough about things that are delicious. 

Monday's lunch...sounded good in theory. It even had a theme, although I didn't notice it at the time. The theme was...AMERICAN BBQ. 

What we got was more mystery meat in a random sauce with rubbery bits. One of the pieces was simultaneously squishy and crunchy. We also had "chicken wings and legs in sweet chili sauce". These were actually okay, but the flavor didn't go well (ha!) with the other things on my plate and everything ended up tasting weird. It's been a few days so I don't remember the rest of the meal that clearly, but I couldn't finish my plate. 

Anyway, what's a Plov? I don't know. But it's on the menu for tomorrow. A "VegetablePlov", to be more precise. In the name of science, I shall find out what it is. The sacrifice is not great, since it's Thursday and that means pancakes for dessert (a Finnish tradition I shall discuss another time). We're also getting "rose roast beef" which I think it's supposed to mean that it's cooked medium-ish. And the pizza of the day is "pizza margaritta". 

I might even take a picture of the Plov. 

[foodsnark]

Caribbean salad

Today was supposed to be a packed lunch day, but I'm feeling a bit under the weather and didn't want to make difficult decisions such as "what am I having for lunch" before 8 in the morning. So I ventured downstairs again for lunch. 

The menu did not look promising: Meat loaf stuffed with smoked bacon Grilled Pacific Ocean fish with hollandaise Beets in a blue cheese gratin Caribbean salad  Ham and pineapple pizza  Meat loaf and bacon. Okay, I guess. Pacific Ocean fish. Don't feel like you have to tell us what species: the ocean is not that big. We'll figure it out. Beets in a - nope. And Caribbean salad? My knowledge of the Caribbean kitchen is limited: I know beans and rice are a thing, and there's something called "jerk chicken". 

Unsure why the ham and pineapple pizza is not called Hawaiian pizza, given that they love to assign random nationalities to food.  Now, just when I thought I had their salad thing figured out, they change things up. Instead of lettuce, tomato, onion and mystery Caribbean ingredients, "Caribbean salad" turned out to be a coleslaw-type thing with pineapple and prawns (?!) sitting in a suspicious puddle of milky liquid. I had some because I hate myself today; it basically tasted of cabbage and pineapple.  Between the cold salads/slaws/veggies and the hot buffet is a forbidding, disputed territory that I like to call The Mystery Sector: a table where they put extra stuff like napkins and ketchup, but also extra food that's not on the menu! Sometimes it's leftovers from the previous day, sometimes it's leftovers from events (they do corporate catering as well). And because it's not on the menu, you often have no way of knowing what is. Today there was some scary bean thing and some ribs that were on yesterday's menu. 

I took some ribs, and finished my plate with some potatoes, a slab of meat loaf, and a tiny piece of fish. The beet thing looked like congealed purple vomit. I hate beets and I can only deal with blue cheese if it's preceded by at least four servings of wine. 

The meat loaf was...sort of rubbery. No smoky flavor was present, but who cares. The ribs were way too much work and too messy. And cold. The fish was okay. I probably should have had more fish. 

The best part of the meal was the piece of fruit I took from the dessert table and enjoyed at my desk later in the day. 

[foodsnark]

Not as bad as it sounded

Today's theme was "things that should not be done in a buffet setting".  Menu highlights:

"Texan beef steak in barbecue sauce and french fries" 

I'm betting it's not exactly a steak, and probably not very Texan either.  "Pasta carbonara" 

I make a carbonara at home, with bacon, garlic, cheese and eggs. I'm guessing this version will have cream and ham.  "Grilled vegetables and mushroom risotto" 

We had a dinner party this weekend and I served a mushroom risotto. My mushroom risotto is GOOD. I should not even look at this. It will give me the sads. 

"Fruity chicken salad" 

Today's incarnation of the "lettuce, red onion, cucumber, tomato and INSERT OTHER INGREDIENTS HERE" salad. 

I had a busy morning hammering out reports for clients, and by lunchtime I was starving. So hungry I was that I sent out my 12 o'clock reports at 11:55 and went downstairs early! 

The Texan beef steak turned out to be some mysterious part of the cow, cut into small pieces, some of which had lots of chewy-looking fat on it. I avoided those pieces. I'm not sure where the BBQ sauce was hiding. The meat was okay, but I wouldn't call it a steak. 

The carbonara was farfalle pasta in a creamy sauce, with small bacon cubes in it. It tasted pretty much like cream, bacon and pasta. It didn't make me hate myself. 

The risotto...was dry and stiff, as expected, but it actually had a decent flavor. 

What can I say, I quite enjoyed my lunch. As Uncle Dolan would say, everything went better than expected. 

Possibly because I didn't try the other dishes:

"Root vegetable mosaic" = bits of carrot and something in a hotel pan of sadness

"Zucchini stuffed with tuna" 

"Vegetable pizza" - I didn't check which vegetable it was. 

Tomorrow's menu includes "Curry-flavored chicken lasagna", and the weirdly-named "Kasvis-tuore pinaattisalaatti" which translates roughly as "vegetable-fresh spinach salad". No idea what that means.

[foodsnark]

Welcome.

By popular demand (ie. one or two people said "get a blog!" and I assumed they were serious), I shall post rants about my workplace lunches, and possibly other food-related topics, in this blog. 

As an introduction, a few words about the delightful place where I often eat my lunch. I work in a typical grim office building, and on the ground floor there is a quite typical "lunch restaurant". They're open for lunch only, and the lunch is a buffet which costs 9 EUR or 8,50 if you work in the building. The buffet includes bread, salads and random veggies, three or four hot "main dishes", soup, pizza and dessert. Coffee, juice and "kotikalja" (basically a very low-alcohol beer) are also included! It's not a horrible deal when you're paying with subsidized lunch vouchers (or actually a subsidized lunch debit card), but often you end up eating some weird stuff. 

And before you ask...no, there won't be pictures (except maybe on special occasions, like birthdays, Runeberg's day and the anniversary of the Treaty of Nöteborg). I'm not going to be THAT guy (girl) in a lunch restaurant. Sheesh.