>:'( @fordekyle - Tumblr Blog

actually this blog is funnier if i only ever at any given time have only one post on it. like it were some informative bulletin board or some shit.

#chainsaw's stupid life

:(

#i cant wait until im dead.

I'm just so fucking tired of the 'mental' health talk'

Like, god I wish I was you. In fact I was, 10 years ago or so. But they don't compare. In my experience, the physicals is ten times worse than the mental. Like, I give up

#words cant compare. im drunk anyway anymore.#its a miracle that im still alive.#nothing pisses me off like ppl who have stuff to live for #complaining. like fuck you. you have no idea #im. idk. like. i would have nothing. utterly nothing without that entertainment #but at the same time #the ignorance pisses me off #Cant wair until im dead. i have nothing to live for

i wish this stupid tos shit would have waited. why when i was 19. i. this stupid country a 19 y/o cant be disabled. why. why why w hyw hwu bywhxus

#its not fair im so done i want to die i give up #its not FAIR i want to die i cant AFFORD this body no body could ever love me i need to DIE #I GIVE UP #im so DONE #I GIVE UP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE #I CAN ONLY PRAY THAT ILL DiE #why tf am i STILL HERE WHEN IM GOOD FOR NOTHING I GIVE UP :(

:""""""(

#I just want a normal body. I just want a normal life.#Why the fuck did I sign up for this..Whatever the fuck i thought i could handle... well i cant #i give up. im done. i give up. i have nothing. i want to go home.#i quit #i dont care. i just want to go home. im tired.#im tired of the the tos. im tired of the odc. im tired of the obsession. im to tired.#im tired of being misunderstood #im tired. i cant take it anymore.#maybe i thought i could over there but i cant over here #idfc anymore. i quit. im done.#:(((((

:'(

#I have nothing left.#so please just take me home #pls. 2025 dreams. plz. i have nothing left. i want to go home. im done. i quit.#im done. all my art is over. i give up.#i have no further way to make it. im done. 5 years #later. and im done.#plz kill me.#theres no point. my last hope is dead so pls just kill me. i have nothing left to offer.#like i guess its cool that i spent the last 5 years making art and whatever. even if it was for a useless cause #but right now #im done. i give up.#5 years of r*tp and the after that im done. kill me.#i have nothong left.#i give up.#i want to go home.

.

remember when u tried to KILL ME TWICE

#on second thought yes actually Yes to be medical trauma on main #chronic pain Life ruiner ego death is the fucking worst and i am still after all these years like #i Never asked For this.#i hope i die soooooooon #how many suicide attempts does it taaaaaaaKe

what if u wanted to do Literally Anything at all but god said No to All of Them

#like yeah it took me 4-5 years of this hell to truly 'find god'in which everyone else will/would call me crazy but #the real problem is... why am i still here. whats the fucking point AT this point.#my body fails me. i have no money. i have no friends i just dont know why i still have to suffer here anymore.#im so done #the only hope i have left is dumb im so :(#like ok i see u know so. kill me plz? unless. that 'stupid hope'i have.....will....😳#no. jk. unless #no seriously im so fucking mad

Still alive. Regrettably.

I just don't know what to do. I just can't function in this hell hole. I don't know what to do. What do I have to DO to deserve basic human rights. I just don't understand. Like, logically, I, deep down, know better. But I'm still so frustrated. This stupid American 'health' care system is so fucked up. I'm so tired. I can't believe I haven't killed myself yet. It boggles me how I can simultaneously be the 'worst case' drs have ever seen in 20+ years yet 'don't qualify for disability'. It's a fucking nightmare. The same dr that said I NEED disability income, and who gave me another problem on top of the existing ones, is the same dr that lied to me and told me I'd recover from any possible surgery damages, which I never did. Like what's the point. 5 years and I can't put it into words anymore. There's too much. This shit is so fucked up. I wish I was dead

And like would I, for all that, be able to win a medical malpractice case? Probably. At least, initially I probably would have been able to. But I have no money. None at all. Never had. The curse is the year that this all started at; i never even had a chance to escape from this shit. The only money I have is anything from my abusive father who has been abusive my whole life. I'm so done. I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I just want to die.

#Can't wait until I'm fucking dead.#Words can't describe.#Not to be like medical trauma on main but jfc. I'm so done.#I really hope I die soon #There's legit nothing to live for.#Everyday it all gets harder. I'm so done. I don't care about anything.#Except the One Very Slim Unmentionable Thing I care abt but it's stupid so like. Whatever.#I so miss 10 years ago. 10 years ago when I was physically healthy. 10 years ago when the internet was abt making and sharing art #now everything has gone to shit. my body above all.#i am so done

I quit.

I give up. I'm done. I've spent the last five years fighting through this shit for absolutely no reason. And I'm done. There's no point. It's my birthday, of all days, and today I got my letter in the mail denying my disability.

I'm done. There's nothing left. I quit I have nothing left. This stupid disability income was my only hope and now it's gone. I have nothing left. I have no friends. I have no family. I have no money. I have nothing. I'm done. I wish I would have killed myself 5 years ago. When I seriously considered it. I can't even cook for myself and yet I'm 'not disabled.' I'm done. I give up. I quit. There's nothing left.

#I don't know how much time I have left. I'm done eating. I'm done doing anything. I'm done going to the doctor. I'm just done.#This is the last straw. I quit.#I'm ugly and gross and useless and unlovable and I quit. It's not fair. I can't do this anymore. I quit.