๐ซ๐ถ๐ต๐ป ๐ฎ๐ถ ๐ฉ๐จ๐ช๐ฒ ๐ป๐ถ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐บ ๐จ๐บ๐บ!
youโve blocked him on everything, and email is unfortunately the only place he can go to ask for you back ; (does this count as a smau ?)
๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐ โฟ ex!porco galliard , reader in college
๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ง๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ โฟ not really sure of anything that would be a โwarningโ per say
From: [email protected]
To: y/n.l/[email protected]
Subject: Please donโt ignore
Hey,
Iโm not really sure how to start an email to an ex-girlfriend but I hope โHeyโ is acceptable. Maybe itโs too informal for email but you blocked me on everything else so here was my last option.
Also not really sure how to ask for forgiveness either but this is my attempt. And considering we broke up a week ago iโm guessing this is my last chance before you can find another guy
Please consider hearing me out. It was stupid of me to not make time for you and I especially understand that now that I donโt have you making out with me every other night and help me with wellโฆeverything. I miss you. I miss you being here, with me. I miss us. Trust me if you wanted me to quit the extra shifts at my momโs, the smoking, hell if you wanted me to drop out Iโd do it all in a heartbeat.
P.S: If thereโs another guy already, please forward me his number and me and him can have a โtalkโ.
Please reply.
With love and regret,
Porco Galliard
From: y/n.l/[email protected]
Subject: Re: Please donโt ignore
Are you serious or high again?
You started an argument with me about me โbeing too needy for youโ right before valentineโs dayโwhich I was alone for, Porcoโ and your big grand apology email consists of saying you miss making out with me?
Trust me, you wonโt have to worry about quitting all those things because we wonโt be getting back together.
Go to hell and donโt bother sending another email either. I wonโt read it.
Y/n L/n
From: y/n.l/[email protected]
Subject: Stop.
Porco, believe me when I say this,
Leaving me chocolates, my hoodie, flowers like were still together at my door wonโt fix us back together.
And the note attached saying โP.S: Technically this isnโt an email. I still miss you.โ is probably as idiotic as something can get and isnโt aiding .
P.S: You didnโt even use P.S the right way. This is how you use it, in a formal letter or email, not attached to a poor attempt at getting your ex back. And you used P.S right the first time how did you fuck it up now ???
With annoyance,
Y/n L/n
From: [email protected]
To: y/n.l/[email protected]
Subject: Re: Stop
I know you said donโt email again but you emailed first this time so this felt like a get out of jail free card.
I really am sorry I ruined your valentineโs day. I didnโt really think it was all that big of a deal. Which sounds worse than I meant but we can both agree Iโm an idiot.
And if giving you stuff wonโt get us back together, what will? Because to me that sounds like another chance and Iโd really appreciate one of those.
Also because I never followed up to ask previously youโre not seeing someone else, right?
If you are please tell him I did boxing in highschool and serially got into fights (and am willing to re-hash that ability if it means winning you back.)
P.S: Sorry about my misuse of this last time.
Lovingly and panning for forgiveness,
Porco Galliard
From: [email protected]
To: y/n.l/[email protected]
Subject: My unfortunately stupid brother
Hi, Y/n!
I know we havenโt technically talked since you and Pockโs breakup but you liked my story the other day so Iโm assuming this isnโt breaking any immediate boundaries.
I do seriously think you should give him another chance. He really is depressed without you. Clearly, because heโs an idiot, he didnโt realize that he can barely function without you when you were together. But now he does and is bitching to me about it every god damn day.
It is a little bit selfish of me to ask this because I want him to not complain and whine to meโabout โI just wish she would give me another chanceโ, โFuck, do you think she found another guy?โ and โSheโs too good for me. Fuck.โ, trust me it gets annoyingโbut you understand just how relentless and pestering he can get.
Please, Y/n. I am begging you to at least try with him again. For my sake at least.
With best regards,
Marcel
From: y/n.l/[email protected]
Subject: Re: My unfortunately stupid brother
Marcel,
Respectfully, stay in your lane.
Look, I do not hate you, but trying to meddle with me and Porco doesnโt particularly come off as helpful as you think.
While itโs a sweet thing to do at heart, it doesnโt help me in the slightest to open my school email and see one brother begging, and another begging for him as if weโre middle schoolers.
If Porco is that desperate for a date, tell him to wait a month to at least let me think it over. I still have life, class, work, etc., and trying to get back with the asshole who called me โtoo needyโ does not touch the top ten of my priorities.
P.S: Also tell him to stop having Pieck message me about our breakup as well.
Sincerely,
Y/n
From: y/n.l/[email protected]
Subject: Stop (2)
Porco,
What part of โlet me think it overโ is incomprehensible to you. I know Marcel told you what I said and I know the message of โleave me alone for a whileโ was clear. So why on Godโs green earth do you continue toleave gifts outside my door?
Do you have any idea frustrating it is for you to ignore every single thing I ask of you?
If you want to have any hopes of us getting back together in the future, stop leaving gifts, stop emailing, stop getting your brother to email you, and stop getting Pieck to message me on Instagram because I know sheโs not doing that on her own.
And so help me God, if Reiner asks me if Iโm seeing anyone, then immediately pulls out his phone and texts you the answer after class again, Iโm going to march to your apartment and shove a lit blunt down your throat.
P.S: This is not flirting. I know when we were together I got mad like this and you thought it was hot, but donโt take it that way. Iโm genuinely upset and annoyed by you, Porco.
From: [email protected]
To: y/n.l/[email protected]
Subject: Itโs been a month
At risk of being repetitive,
Iโm sorry. Please take me back.
this was so fun to write lol