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HabitUs

Being a scholar of the Ateneo have been a big help for my family because the university has already provided me with all that I need. And me taking advantage of what the school has to offer doesn’t end there. I also grab the opportunities to work in labs and/or startup companies to earn more allowance. As an Atenean, I enjoy learning especially about the fields I’m interested in wherein I always put more effort and heart. I also am influenced by the community, who are so kind and welcoming, to become a woman for others. On the other side of the spectrum, I’m still trying to adjust to the grading system and the subjects that are not in the scope of Science and Technology. I’m not that focused on keeping my grades up that much for this semester because I’m still seeing this sem as my testing the waters phase where I shouldn’t dive in too quickly into habits that may not be suitable for me so I’m exploring things because everything feels new and committing to something might mean closing off the other options. In conclusion, as an Atenean, I’m focused on helping my family by excelling academically while not putting to much pressure on myself.

My BINHI experience was different from my habitus as an Atenean student since I do help people when I can but I’m not necessarily focused on helping people. But during our BINHI experience, we traveled miles back and forth just for the kids. And we were focused on developing them to become Ateneans at heart in our own little way. We showed them love and care by teaching them how to make origami, how to be polite and especially by playing and talking to them.

During this experience I feel really privileged. One main reason is that I’m done with the elementary school and also because I studied at a bigger school with more facilities when I was at elementary. My family endured the tuition fees because they believed the elementary years are as important as college and high school if not more because what is learned there is the foundation of everything learned in high school and college. At the same time, I also somehow felt oppressed because their moms were waiting outside when it was almost time to go home. And as a student studying far from home, I missed being pampered.

One of the things I do on weekends is work for Exora as an intern of the front-end team where I develop software. I work closely with the product lead of the team and the company is still small so I basically work closely with everyone who are so awesome at their jobs and life in general. During my first days, I felt shy and somehow oppressed mainly because I didn’t feel like I’m experienced enough since I’m new and the youngest. I also felt poor because I’m just a mere student/intern and most of my colleagues have graduated college and are already working a stable job aside from Exora.

I’m a line - maybe curved maybe straight.

I thought only gender can be fluid and that if you’re homo, you should also be sexually attracted to same sex only. Turns out, everything is as fluid as water. Which is a good thing because people can be anyone they want without limits unless of course they are hurting people-but that’s another story.

I thought I was already informed about how fluid gender is. Turns out there is more to it than that. If I already considered myself knowledgeable about fluidity of gender but didn’t actually know the extent of its fluidity, then how much more the people who consider their selves as people who don’t know about gender fluidity? When will they know that gender is fluid? When will they know that not just gender identity is fluid but also attraction, expression and sex is fluid?

I learned that biologically I’m not so female. This is because of my hormonal imbalance. I’m sexually attracted to men maybe a bit to women. But I’m definitely romantically attracted to men. I don’t care about my gender expression, so i could say it’s pretty fluid depending on my mood. Well actually it depends if I’m tired to dress up or not. But generally, I don’t really care how I look. Unless I need to make an impression of myself to people like a panel or office mates that’s the time I need to look decent. Most importantly, I identify myself as woman.

At first, the difference between identity and attraction wasn’t clear to me until ma’am said an example of something like a man who identified himself as a woman and likes other women as well. As always, Ma’am Ocampo never fails to explain our lessons. <3

Now you see me, now I see you.

This is me working for a device that will sense the occurrence of an earthquake and send alarm notifications to people who haven’t been hit by such earthquake yet. My family sees me as a person who works hard and does more things for the benefit of the people close to her than for her own benefit.

I am allergic to dogs. They make me sneeze and their fur irritates my skin. Like dogs, my family sometimes annoy me. Weirdly, it’s more likely for me to get irritated by them compared to getting irritated by other people. Even though they are not the perfect family they definitely are the best . I love my family a whole lot just like how most people love their dogs. Also, there are five dogs because we’re five in the family.

My friends see me as a crazy person because I can do really crazy stuff. I can embarrass my self and not care just because it’s fun. They see me as someone who doesn’t care that much about how other people see me. They always say I’m cute so might they see me as a baby who also doesn’t care about anything and just does what she wants.

I see my friends also as bunch of crazy people but I see them more as the people I cannot live with and I’ll never be tired of being with and I think I need and I will never get tired of food and water. So they might be crazy food and water.

My boyfriend sees me as who I am and I see him as who he is. WOWS <3

I see my self as super sleepy and tired to do anything. So even if I’m doing something academic or even extra curricular I just imagine myself as if I’m sleeping and that I’m doing this all in my sleep I won’t get sleepy because I’m already “sleeping”.

P.S. my sense of humor is so great.

THEN and NOW

THEN

My parents saw me as a child who doesn't know right from wrong. They saw me as someone fragile who they had to protect. Someone who wasn’t allowed to commute. Someone who can’t be left alone by herself. I was never allowed by my parents to be without them or without my older sisters. Even when I was in high school, I dated with my sister following me around.

I saw myself as a child who can make mistakes and still not be responsible for them since my sisters are the ones who are scolded for my mistakes.

I saw my parents as the people I look up to and who set the boundaries of right and wrong. I saw them as people I need to respect or else I’d get in trouble.

NOW:

My parents see me as an independent and responsible teenager who can manage herself well. And as opposed to how they see me then when they never allowed me to be by myself without a guardian, now I even study very far from them and from my sisters.

I see myself as a member of a family not anymore as a child who has to be pampered but as a practical, rational, responsible, strong and most especially independent adult who also takes care of the family.

I see my parents now as the people whom I need to serve and take care of since they have provided me with more than enough love care and support ever since I was born.

Johari’s Window

What struck me in this activity is my willingness to get to know more my self. Even though I could just answer it myself, so it won’t be hassle for me to explain to my family and friends that this is a requirement and I need their a bit of their time, I opted to keep on asking them to answer. It wasn’t that easy for me to get their answers since they are also busy pero kinulit ko talaga sila na mag answer. I was open to hearing my positive traits and focusing on them. And I was even more open to negative traits and so I could improve myself for others and definitely also for me.

This is related to the looking glass self. I’m taking into consideration the opinions of others for self development with emphasis on my identity.

Adulting: Being Mature

This week I understood that my attitude is developed through time and that the current state of my identity is dependent on the past state of my identity. In the same way, who I will be in the future will depend on who I am right now.

I was shocked by how I related to Erikson’s Psychosocial Stages of Development compared to Freud’s Psychosexual Stages which is maybe because I never really referred to myself as a sexual being. I totally relate to an “I” meets and “I”. And by this I mean I agree that before two individuals go into a relationship, each must have a solid view of who they are and what they want. These individuals must know each other before committing to the relationship, they must make sure that they really like and/or accept the other for who they are and it would be a bonus if what they want in life are aligned. If this is not the case, the relationship will be bad for both.

Anyways, more about myself because why not? If I’m not an adult yet I might be on the end part of emerging adulthood. I say this because I think so maturely and what I do mostly is practical and/or for my family. I’m studying diligently so I could be successful and provide enough for my future family. And even now, I’m working multiple jobs to give my parents money since we’re so buried in debt or at least not ask them for money. If I’m not being productive, I’d always think that it’s such a waste of time and since my parents have been working hard for us I should also work as hard. And since I am already capable, it’s already time to give back because they deserve more than anything in the world.

I’ll apply my learnings in Erikson’s Psychosocial Stages to life by taking things slow or not rushing things since there’s a perfect time for everything. And if a psychosocial stage is not yet fully developed and you’re already working on the next psychosocial stage then you won’t be fully equipped for that stage, which I guess will turn out badly.

Go Away

I learned that one can never really keep something from other people because one way or another it will manifest in what you do, either in your dreams, accidents or errors.

I have this friend since the start of the sem, she’s also a dormer like me and we’re classmates in almost all of our subjects. We’ve been so close until we weren’t. I got tired of her clinginess and her following me around like a dog and its tail.

I’m extremely moody so at first, I was okay with her clinginess. In fact, I was also clingy to her. But then this week, I wanted space and she wasn’t giving me any so I got irritated. I’m not that kind of person who would speak up in situations like these. I just repress my emotions and avoid interaction (regression) in the hope that the other party will understand how I’m feeling and then solve the conflict without having to tell him or her directly what I’m feeling.

Since we were close at the beginning of the sem, we’re seated beside each other at almost every class and I get annoyed by her almost every minute of the day. At first I was just annoyed of her clinginess, but it progressed to getting annoyed and frustrated about her everything, her smell, how she reacts, her statements, her questions, her following me around, her pouting when I tell not to go with me instead, well basically her everything.

Even if I’m trying hard to keep my feelings in me, it still manifests in my actions. Like for example before, we were side by side when we were walking to the dorm. But now, I’m after her and she’s behind me. Before I kept the door open when we pass through doors that are initially closed, but now she got hit by the door after I opened it so I can pass and didn’t hold it for her.

In contrast to everything I just said, I also pity my friend because she has no close friends in the block and she looks like someone who needs that one friend she can always go to. But no, I also don’t want to be that friend. I wanna be free to move around and I’m more comfortable by myself unless we really click.

This is also an intrapsychic conflict in itself of the id ego and superego.

Id = I don’t like her, I wanna stay away from her because she’s so clingy among other things.

Ego = I don’t tell her about my feeling of annoyance but I avoid her and stay away from her as much as possible.

Superego = I still wanna be her friend because I think she needs me. I also think I need to tell her to solve the conflict.

P.S. HAPPY TEACHERS DAY MA’AM!

My ABC’s

Knowing your ABC’s is like knowing yourself. Knowing how you respond to stimuli or events is advantageous because if have an instinct that a situation will end badly, you can control the situation before it even happens and somehow change the ending of the mini stories which shape your life. For example in the infographic for the sad emotion, the “C” could have been “I’ll jump off a building”. But knowing that the rest of my already broken family would suffer, I changed the “C” to something that would have a better result like trying to be improve so my loved one will be proud of me up there.

‘TIL DEATH DO US APART

Background

Daphne and Kyle have been in a relationship just recently (4 months). They are still starting out so they have fight a lot about petty things. More often than not, Kyle feels bad over something and Daphne has to lambing him for the fight to be over. Kyle loves Daphne so much that he adjusts and changes his wants, habits, and everything else in favor of Daphne. Daphne loves him as much but she can’t sacrifice certain things for Kyle especially her studies.

Problem

Recently, Daphne has been overloaded with schoolwork and the fights between the two have become more frequent. She wants to end her relationship with Kyle so she can focus a hundred percent on her studies. She doesn’t like it when she feels bothered when Kyle feels bad over something especially when she has exams coming up. However she also loves Kyle and she doesn’t want to let him go.

Analysis

Daphne’s System 1 thought to break up with Kyle because she finds it hassle to be in a relationship with a person who he is so needy when she doesn’t have time for consoling him which she thinks is petty. But her System 2 intrudes and says that she loves Kyle so much to the point that she has already decided to marry him and it will only do them both worse if she breaks up with Kyle.

The following cognitive biases are present in Daphne’s experience:

1. Peak-End rule

Daphne was experiencing one of the “lows” in her relationship and is biased into thinking that her relationship with Kyle is hassle and a distraction to her studies which is what she remembers her relationship with Kyle. This experience may also be considered as the “end” because it is the most recent interaction she had with him.

2. Representativeness

Daphne felt that their frequent fights meant that they are breaking up and that it may be better that way, since no relationships meant no more fights. Frequent fights also represents an unreasonable source of stress and certainly is a distraction to studies.

Resolve

Eventually Daphne decided to cool off and think about it for a while. This is where System 2 played its role. She thought that losing Kyle would mean crying every night for a year. She thought no one will ever surpass Kyle’s values that she adores and has already accepted. In the end, she told Kyle that she doesn’t like to comfort him for petty things and Kyle, as loving and as understanding as always, changed the way he acts especially when he feels bad so Daphne can focus more on her studies.

#Kahneman

PSY-I Week 2

For this week, I was struck of how globalization is Janus-faced. Because I never looked at globalization that way. Well, to be fair I never looked at globalization at a deeper level. I just knew it was happening and that it is mostly advantageous for the Philippines.

I think there are a lot of ways of how we can define the “Janus faces” of globalization. It can be looked at in a way that the “faces” are the local and foreign aspects of our identities; the faces can also be the disadvantages and advantages of globalization.

Because of globalization, we have influences around us that our local identities consider as bad. This week, I have especially learned how to be resilient and flexible which is by taking a dialogical view of the self. By talking to inner self and external self while trying not to be bias, I can filter out the bad influences and only absorb the good influences around me in this globalized world.

I can apply these learnings by thinking carefully every time I make a decision that affects my identity. I have to look at the difference it will make if I absorb this certain influence or if I neglect it and stay the same. For example, if I have friends who drink, I have to carefully decide if drinking would be an advantage to me or if staying the same (not drinking) would be more of an advantage in itself.

My Bioecological System

I am a dormer and a student of Ateneo de Manila University. ARSA is an organization composed of dormers who are affiliated to the University. The ARSA community and my roommates are the ones who I interact with (MICROSYSTEM). ARSA get-togethers such as eating out, studying together, and watching movies are the opportunities (MESOSYSTEM) where we can talk and enjoy our time with each other.

As students or faculty and dormers of the Ateneo de Manila University in Katipunan Avenue, Quezon City, the Loyola Schools, Arsans officers, Office of Student Housing, Office of Health Services, Katipunan and QC government affects me even though I’m not directly part of them (EXOSYSTEM). Lastly, if not all, most of us here in Ateneo share the same Christian community, Ignacian values, Academic Community, and Residential Community (MACROSYSTEM).

#BioEcological

The beginning of love is a horror of emptiness.

Robert Bly

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