Not The One

[forgottenprincesss]

Kamusta mahal? Naaalala mo pa ba? Parehong araw at oras noong nakaraang taon sinong magaaka na isang buwan nalang noon e magbabago na ang lahat. Itinuring kitang regalo ng langit kung kaya't mula noon e wala na 'kong ibang hinihiling pa kundi ang makasama ka sa mas marami pang kaarawan pasko at mga araw na darating. Siguro nga pahiram ka lang saakin. Wag ka magalala kinakaya ko namang magisa. Kinaya ko kasi kailangan. Pasensya ka na kung hanggang ngayon mahal pa kita hayaan mo konti nalang makakalimutan din kita.

[260lightyearsaway]

“I’m too exhausted to explain my soul to someone again.”

—

[praydeath]

[forgottenprincesss]

They said girls instincts could sometimes be true and sometimes not. Back then I always doubt my own instincts maybe because I consider myself as an overthinker more than anyone. But I guess we should never overlook our own instincts for this maybe a sign or a hint from God that something may went wrong or he's making you look on things that you usually dont see. Intuitions could be so tricky but surprisingly true most of the time.

Days ago, as I was browsing thru my photos on my phone I saw some of these screenshots and pictures that I saved on my phone last year particularly last June. Looking back, Those times I can remember how happy we are. I could still see how genuine our smiles from our pictures and videos back then. But you see, In between those happy moments that I could remember I had these unexplainable feeling. I randomly find myself saving these kind of quotes and pictures about cheating and feeling unlove. It was a strange feeling tho. We're always together but I could feel something was different. It was an empty feeling and I feel so puzzled. But I tend to ignore those things and continiously trusted what we have. But who would have thought? That those random screenshots that I've saved on the times that I know we were happy was already a sign and it has been right on my phone giving me some hints.

Yes, A month after, I found out that he's been cheating on me for about 2 months already. Maybe God has been sending me these signs but I didnt WANT to believe and chose to look away. So i guess girls instincts arent gust instincts. Its a gift from God that we should always be grateful for. ✨

[forgottenprincesss]

Some people say they don't like being in the dark maybe that's why most people chooses days over night. But do you know what beauty hides during nights? It was the stars, stars that serves as a reminder that even on the darkest times of your life there will always be a shed of light. A light that symbolizes hope that could guide you when you are walking through a dark path. Stars makes me feel safe that's why I always trust into its light that serves as my companion. See, they are away but they wont make you feel alone. But let us not forget the dawn. Next to nights daws are also my favourite. Sounds cliche but dawns really makes us reveal our vulnerable side. The tranquility makes us hear our loudest thoughts. It hides a thousands of secrets and unveil millions of our emotions. But sometimes along its calmness here, we have own demons that we constantly fighting with. And now, as this night begins to grow its light I know that no matter how dark and scary the world is there will always be stars that could be your guide and will never leave you.

3:50am | forgottenprincesss

[forgottenprincesss]

Maybe the reason why I don't win its because Im fighting a wrong battle.

[forgottenprincesss]

Dear Future Self,

Im sorry you had to go through this pain. Im sorry you had to meet people who continously break your heart and disappoint you. I know you were tired but constantly fighting your battles. You have the kindest heart that only few people see. I promise you that I'll do everything to protect that heart so that one day it'll never ache and have its hapiness that you deserve. I've been trying my best to protect this heart so you wont ever have to continue bearing the pain you don't deserve. I've been trying to put back all the shattered pieces that they've been breaking all along. I promise to rebuild my walls stronger this time that no one could ever break. You've been very brave but I know you were too tired. This would be the last time I would allow them to wreck you again. Soon, you'll never have to worry anymore. You will be happy again I promise.

Love,

Forgottenprincesss 🧡

[love-diaries]

“Maybe we’ll meet again, when we are slightly older and our minds less hectic, and I’ll be right for you and you’ll be right for me. But right now, I am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart.” - Unknown

[forgottenprincesss]

They're back. All the demons I've been trying to calm was about to swallow me again. I've been in this storm for quite some time now and yet I can't still see any signs of a rainbow. Im afraid I might go down this road again and it scares me because I know this time its much stronger than before. I dont have any more courage to fight because the last time I did, it consumed me. It consumed me to the point that I know I may never recover again. I tried every possible way to fight and It made me numb, so numb that I can't even feel anything anymore. I can't even shed a single tear. Isn't it more scary? When you can't feel anything? Unlike when you're feeling all the pain knocking you all at once? Its more scary because you know this time you may not know what to feel anymore. You wanted to cry but theres no more tears. All you wanted is for everything to stop. Because theres no more "you" that is left.

3:00am | F.P

[forgottenprincesss]

I never knew I miss you until I ran through our conversations and pictures on my phone. I have been avoiding every traces that might remind me of you. I even force myself to sleep countless times these past days. I even binge watch every movies and series I see just for me to avoid thinking about us. I hardly tried repressing everything because I know this time I cant let myself drown with my thoughts of you because last time I did it made me went through the darkest place and had to seek some professional help. That's why this time i needed to get rid of you. You were not good for me. But look at me now finally gave in. Trying to be sober hoping that this thoughts would go away. I know you dont fucking care how hurt I am right now and its funny how you swore before that you would protect me from any pain at all cost but look at me now, shattered into million pieces. I've been trying to put myself together but Im constantly failing.

Hi, I know you're happy with the things that you have right now. It was all you wanted all along. Having your own family. Im just wondering, how selfish can you get? Are you happy destroying me over and over? Do you feel satisfied? I remember when we met. You came to me really broken so even if I am too I chose to fix you but you never realized you were breaking me too. I tried to put away myself because I know you needed me more than I need you. Because thats what love is right? Puting someone you love first before yourself. I kept my promise on making you happy I obeyed every fucking rules you've set. I even let you decide on mylife. I left my friends behind and gave you all my time and love because you said you needed me. I supported you on everything you wanted. But hey I didnt regret those things. I just dont get it. Why did you chose to cheat on me. But hey, its's okay. It has always been okay. I understand. And that's the most fucked up part, I always understand you. I just dont get it. Why can't you just let me go?

I miss you. But I miss myself too. And this time I love you but I wanted to love myself too. Im sorry but I have to. I may not be able to fulfill my promise to stay even at your worst but always know that I tried. This was our fight but I guess I've been fighting alone all this time. Till we meet again

Xx

[forgottenprincesss]

Hey there, it's been awhile.

[forgottenprincesss]

Isn't it ironic how we fix someone and save them from the chaos they're in but you yourself don't even know how to save yourself? 🙃

[forgottenprincesss]

Today I receive another disappointing news again and Im starting to doubt and think that maybe this year is wasn’t really for me. I have lost few things but those few were the ones who are important to me. maybe Im not that lucky enough nor good enough to deserve good thing. I know from the start I’ve always been a failure and disappointment to people who believes in me. Now no matter how strong my support system is Nothing could ease this fucking pain.

[makatangnatotorpe]

“It’s ironic isn’t it. That if I cared about you less, I’d be easier to get.”

—

Ranata Suzuki  (via theprocast)

[artyprose-deactivated20200707]

At madalas iniisip ko, sana yakap kita ngayon. Sana malapit ka at nararamdaman ko yung lambot ng puso mo para sakin. Dahil sa gulo ng isip ko, at sa bilis ng oras dito sa mundo, sayo lang ako kakalma.

[stringssinsideme]

May mga tao na kahit ibigay mona sa kanila ang lahat, kung hindi ikaw yung para sa kanila wala karing mapapala.

[forgottenprincesss]

Isn't it nostalgic that I am sitting on the same spot where we sat last year? Where everything was still starting, where all the butterflies took over my system. Where our hearts were slowly captivated by each other? Its funny how drastic changes can get within a year. Its funny to think that the same person who said that from that moment I'll never be alone again was the same person who left. Now, as I was sitting here I realized that no matter how a person swear with all their hearts and even if they promised you the world you shouldnt believe and hope that they will always prove it till the end. Sometimes their definition of forever was different from the forever that you've always believed in.