No Excuse. @forksandspoons92 - Tumblr Blog

Dreaming.

Forever you remain in my dreams, where our high power has put you. You are running out of ways to grasp my attention, but I've already heard what you have to say. I am falling on my trail, and I cannot keep my foot straight. I follow those who call me, and trust those who lead me. I am unable to find you in the shadow I call my soul. You appear time and time again yet I do not listen to your silenced fears. I am halfway under water, and my feet won't turn straight. I have no pleasure in being held prisoner to the waves, instead I feel remorse. I feel an underlining sadness that strikes me. The same feeling I feel when I am left in the same empty room with you. I hear you calling my name, but I know I am only dreaming.

The thought poisons my brain like acid. It starts slowly clawing it's way in, but leaves by morning. It's a thought that creeps behind the darkest shadows, a pain that awakens death. How crippled I've become, how weak I have fallen. I cannot believe I could think such a thing. There is no logic to it, but a cast of grey emotion. And yet, I still cannot gain any control. I want death to find me laying on this bed, I want to crawl my way out, And maybe I'll be gone before morning.

I feel torn laying here. I try to hold on to the pieces, but they get all mixed up. We have grown strangers in this bed, and my heart begins to panic. For so long I've held you near, but am I having my doubts? So long I waiting, constantly eager for somebody to love me. Desperate for an emotional connection, a sensitive soul like myself. Someone who could express how desperately they wanted/needed me. But you see, I feel alone, I feel desperate. This is the pain of growing older, it becomes the same old loneliness that has rotten the fruit I call my brain.

I have given up time and time again. I've disappointed, hurt and bullied myself. I've become the victim and the villain and I'm splitting dreadfully. I cannot find a piece of mind that is strong enough to guide me. I get high and low, with no balance of composure. I'm lost , and gradually falling closer to a life I do not want to lead. I've stepped on the toes of my pack, and find myself slowly falling back. I'm no longer a leader in the poison that clings to my life. I've found myself howling at the moon, but staring at the stars. Forgive me purpose for I have been far to depressed to reach you.

The slight breeze of an overwhelming behavior poisons my lungs. I cannot help but wonder what I've done to create such a wave. Has my prospective on life merely darkened under the moon, or do the stars no longer shine. The pit of darkness begins to capture me, and I fall under it's humid air. Breathing in hot, short breaths I remember poison fills the air. I not only remember it slowly creeping into my soul, I remember it forcing my eyes open. Rapid eye movement and a subconscious thought provoke my rested heart. Fluids held dear to my heart start to pull to my wrist and slam back to my heart like magnets. What appears to be hours, is seconds. Seconds of heavy, pulse. It is now that the night has found me alone, and that the corners of my eyes are home to the shadows that lay low to the earth. For it is now I wish the stars would shine, the moon would protect me, and my thoughts would leave me. Goodnight.

One more round of whiskey, and maybe we will all forget. That these feeling we share become abet. Time again and again we forget our resolutions. Causing self harm, and searching for the solutions. But see here we are the problem, and we were always the cure. But we've wasted our time worry in over troubles, doubting we are pure. Now the clock strikes twelve, and we silently put last years goals up on a shelve. Because every year is never short and sweet, and surly you'll get knocked off your feet. So indulge in yourself and become who you want to be. Because life is to short to start on New Year's Eve.

Oh precious words You pass lies through my teeth. You hold my tongue, And pass my lips. The fight of brighter days has only just begun. Congested with emotion Sickened by a lack of a cure. I swear I was made this way, Made this way. Broken past, uncomfortable memories, and unpleasant dreams. I am a victim, a villain, and incapable of being a hero. Oh how I lie through my teeth. I swear I was made this way, made this way.

Funny how invisible I am

I have become desperate. The taste of happiness is numb to my tongue. I've captured the essence of always feeling helpless. If I could give up now, I would. If I could press the shotgun to my lips and have my last thoughts spread poetically against the wall.. I would. But, my trembling lips and shaking hands deny the trigger the ride. I'm disappointed in myself for not pulling sooner, for not letting myself become one with the pit of the earth. Here I suffer, engulfed in the flames of all my burning desire. I am a lose cannon, a fragile bullet, and I swear to god I'll take myself down with me.

Fuck it.

Palms pressed to the ground I feel like I can feel the heat from the center of the earth. I've found myself so low, and covered in my despair. I've already tried countless times to pull myself up, but every time I climb, I fall. My knees are busted and bruised and the sky just keeps getting darker. I've felt no remorse for those in my own position until now. I realize as I cry over the rain and mud that I am no weaker than them, that I am no more useless than the next, that I too have a purpose and in other to full full that purpose I must dig.. Because no matter how low you get, you feel the warmth of the pit of the earth. And I'm not about to give up over a few bad days.

Logically or emotionally? Do I push my thoughts to the back of my skull, where no man can find them? Perhaps I shall feel everything and everything until it bleeds into ever vessel of my veins. The longitude and latitude are Devine but complex. Floating steadily down my neck. Piercing every second with a minute, yet I find no hour. I'm still within your capture and breathless at your existence. Logically or emotionally? Do I prey on things that make you stutter, shall I struggle to show you the light Or do I guide myself home?

What are friends? Where I'm from friends find home in the hearts of others and I'm stuck in a waste land. Because I’m sure I will always find myself abandoned. I am crafted to fit everyone, but built to confined in no one. I've been abandoned far to many times to believe that anything can last. You see people are selfish, not that they should be selfless. But for once will someone dance the fine line? I'm getting tired of broken people, who leave when whole. I'm getting tired of nurturing the beaten, and becoming the old. Just for once dance this line with me, and let me find home.

I am the trip before the fall. The crack before the broken. I am the cut before the blood. The wind before the storm. I am the cry before bed. The crash before the accident. You are the warmth before the sun. The light before the stars. You are the smell before the flower. The dusk before the dawn. You are the elegance before the dance. The smile before the laugh. You are, the start to my end.

Lion

Torn viens, Blasted brains. Full of lion manes. Loud roar, Vultures soar, Flesh tore. A trap, A slap, A clenched jaw snap. Cat claws, Blood draws, Flesh raw. A taste treat, Red meat, A lion at its peak.

Next stop.

Strapped along side you waiting on a hot cup of tea. We are lovers who've fell into place. But the more you sip on the heat of your tea The more I realize we are just passengers. We are held together by seats and a rail. We enjoy the ride, countlessly placing each other at best. But, my sweetheart my stop is the one before yours and I'm afraid it will not change. You shall sip the cracks on the cup of your hot tea. Just as I walk away.. And you let me walk away, lips pressed to your cup smirking away the pain. Have a safe trip my sweet heart.

No friend of mine.

A best friend in the depts of a empty bottle. A comfort in a needle as it boils my vines. The smell of a table as it burns my nose dry. The smoke as it engulfs me and presses past my lungs. A delusion, a false reality, something to blame. I am a woman to prideful to find home in the shape of a bottle. I am the girl you never met who searches for the warmth in a pill bottle. I am a human in desperation searching for my reflection in a spoon. I am the sin you so desperately want to taste in hopes of finding a friend. A cure dancing with death.

Classified and crashing at the stick. They say witches burn, because a sin fell under their feet. Muddy water, bloody hands, contagious at best. A sinner is just a victim , and a victim is just a choice. I don't much believe in a religion but, I believe in the muck that lays still over the water. I believe in the hiss that hides beneath the blades of nature. Yet, the sun, she shines upon me.... Like I've never made regrets.

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