was reading r/ffxiv (a thread about healing, in particular, so you can imagine how that thread went) and had some Thoughts
mainly about how people approach playing with others, because a lot of focus seems to be on "other people should play the way I want them to play / the way [x resource] says is the most optimal way to play", which does have its place in ensuring a run doesn't repeatedly end in disaster (the big orange circles/cones are there for a reason! so are those other buttons on your hotbars!), but also ignores the opportunity for one to learn how to manage their own emotional responses to what other people do
if you use the Duty Finder at all, you are spinning a roulette wheel. you have no idea what kind of players you're going to be matched with. you know this, going in. it behooves you to be ready for anything, and to prepare your responses ahead of time. maybe that means "if I get Syrcus Tower one more fucking time I'm just gonna abandon duty and eat the penalty" because that's less annoying than going through ST again and being so irritated about it that I make mistakes or say something unnecessary in chat or generally have a bad time when I could have avoided having a bad time by leaving and letting some other poor DPS who's been in queue for 20 minutes have my spot instead. or, maybe that means having plans of action for a tank who refuses to use mitigation for whatever reason -- my plan generally is to ask tank to use mits, and depending on response, either: 1) successfully get through the run with the tank having learned something; 2) sigh, adjust, hope for the best; or 3) vote dismiss. I don't have to worry about getting into a stupid ass argument or getting tilted about their behaviour, because I know what my options are. my emotions are managed before the queue even pops.
people will talk at length about how to be a better player so other people don't get mad at you, but it's so much harder to have a productive conversation about how to properly manage your own emotional responses so that you don't have to worry about other people's playstyles in the first place. not everyone will share your values or your philosophies about MMO gaming. that's incontrovertible truth. is it sustainable to constantly get angry at them for that, for being individuals with their own approaches and desires? or is it more sustainable to learn how to adapt to that in a way that doesn't compromise anyone's values and also minimises personal aggro? for some people, that means only queueing with friends. for some people, that means adjusting their own approach to party content. for some people, that means... playing WoW instead, idfk. but it does involve taking some responsibility for one's own experience instead of just being pissed at everyone else for not being the same as oneself.
personally, in my few years (on and off) on FFXIV I've learned a lot about what it means to play well with others. I've improved my playing, yes, but I've also evaluated my values about how I want to treat other people and how I want to be treated in group content. for example, I've learned that a thing I value is creativity and adaptation -- more than wanting people to play smoothly and get through the run quickly, I want a variety of experience. I value those moments when I have to think on the fly and figure out creative solutions, even if it's annoying at first or takes longer. I also value making things funny and lighthearted -- like Titan's "yeet" mechanic. I love it when I'm healing or tanking Titan Normal and everyone gets yeeted, it's funny to me. I try to make jokes about it so the sprouts don't feel so bad about it, because really, it's not a big deal. big rock man is a pushover anyway, and even with wipes it's a really short duty. my approach is always to do things that emphasise that we're all just playing a game together and trying to have a good time. if someone doesn't agree and wants to be a stickler about things, then, fine. that's their business. they can even votekick me if they like, I'll just queue up again and go on about my business. if they get abusive in chat, well, ain't that exactly what the report button is for? they can't make me feel bad about myself because I've already decided how I want to play and I'm secure in my stance as a perfectly average player who is always open to learning.
ultimately, I think playing an MMO well is not just about mechanics and learning how to push buttons, but also about learning how to socialise with a vast variety of people -- people who don't speak your language, people who refuse to read party chat, people who love to speedrun, people who move as slow as possible and go into every side room, new players, old players, people older than you, people younger than you, people who came from WoW and haven't quite nailed how things work in XIV yet, people who spam emotes, those weird couples who just ERP through the whole dungeon (lmao), and so on ad infinitum. and that's a feature, not a bug. it's an opportunity, not an annoyance.
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