Works in Progress

fin.

[tennantbutt]

i dont need to go clubbing anymore i just go to the local grocery store that plays 80s music and stand there

[amarguerite]

I bet there’s a lot of one star Yelp reviews “A.Z. Fell and Co. Bookshop,” like:

“Is this store ever actually open?”

“By some miracle the store was open when I went in. It smells really bad? I don’t know why. Incredibly dusty and disorganized. Could not find any staff member when I wanted to buy a book. Ended up giving up and going home.”

“Unparalleled collection but awful, awful staff. Tried to purchase a 16th century book of prophecy I’ve been trying to get my hands on for years. Shopkeeper treated me like I was trying to steal it and then refused to let me purchase it, while casting some very nasty aspirations on my character based on how I handled the spines of early modern volumes when taking them off of a shelf. Will NOT be coming back.”

“Went in to browse. Two very odd men in suits came in and loudly discussed needing to buy pornography. The shopkeeper took them to the backroom and then after the two men left (without a book, mind you), the owner kicked us out and closed. I think this bookshop is a front for the mafia.”

“There is a large snake roaming around the store.”

[fortrialanderror]

stasis

back again.

not much has changed, but I’m happy.

[fortrialanderror]

deep end

I have nothing of significant value to write on this blog, but I’ll keep posting.

this used to be a blog about my personal dive into the deep end of depression. I struggled with being a freshman in college, maintaining a long distance relationship, and coming to terms with the title ‘survivor’... more on that one later.

it was strange going through all of the old deleted posts on here and seeing exactly how much I was hurting. that shit was dark. like, really dark. and unhealthy. 

I’m not above it now, but it scares me, you know?

[fortrialanderror]

still looking for the answers

there’s a song by Noah Gundersen called ‘jesus, jesus’ that is slowly becoming the soundtrack to my every day. just this one song. on repeat. almost like a prayer, which is appropriate considering the name, but also a bit funny. only because I haven’t actually prayed in some time.

anyway, the song talks about the world basically going to shit. he’s basically asking god to be kind. it’s hard to say if any of his words are being heard by any ears other than my own and those of the sad hipsters in seattle who attended his show last saturday night, but wouldn’t that be nice? to get some answers?

I’ve been in and out of doctor’s offices for over a year getting no answers at all, so I’m bitter about the answers thing. what started as dizzy spells have now escalated to mild seizures. I’m losing faith in the specialists I’ve been seeing. I’ve heard nothing but ‘let’s wait and see if it gets worse’ for way too long. things are definitely worse and it’s absolute bullshit.

I just want answers.

[fortrialanderror]

god I get way too moody at night.