Komaeda quickly broke the contact, letting his hands fall by his sides when the silence became a bit too long and Hinata kept looking down, as if refusing to meet his gaze and he immediately realized his mistake. He didn’t even thought it could be hurtful for the other to explain his everything, and going back on unpleasant recollections he would probably rather forget. It had been cruel of his to neglect his feelings like this, not even acknowledging his pain in his astonishment. Of course Komaeda wanted to know what happened, he preferred having his memory back than just put it aside and start a new life without even knowing what was his past consisted of. He didn’t wished to stay an amnesiac like this. But… if it had to come along with his friend’s sorrow then he could do without. He never imagined it could cause pain to Hinata, but he would never want to hurt him. Quite the contrary actually, the white haired teen wouldn’t do that for anything in the world. Hinata was so special and important, he would never dare try to cause him emotional pain, no matter how important his reason may be.
His whole body ached in an unknown pain but it was nothing compared to the desperation he felt when Hinata finally lifted his gaze to look at him - and the grief he could see in his eyes was horrifying, it was nothing short of despairing. There was a immediate desire to help him, to let his own feelings reach him and make him understand it wasn’t needed if he was so opposed to this. Komaeda smiled gently, looking at him in an achingly fond way and slowly entwined their fingers together, not wanting to cause him any more sorrow. He was very careful in his actions, as if going too quickly may be terribly harsh for the other. Ah right he couldn’t know that but he wanted to help Hinata anyway, to fix his own mistakes.
"You don’t need to do this." he was eventually able to release the words after the shock of seeing Hinata so sorrowful. "Don’t do this if you don’t want to, okay?" He holded both of his hands in a light yet soothing grip, never letting go of him. "It’s fine, I don’t want to force you. I can do without it." he explained with a friendly smile, trying to make him understand he shouldn’t tell if it was causing him pain.
However Hinata made the choice of telling him anyway, and when he syarted to talk, Komaeda immediately shut his mouth, not wanting to interrupt him. At first it didn’t ring a bell at all, Komaeda could understand his words but they weren’t aligning with anything he could remember. Hinata started to explain first their time in Kibougamine yet no matter how much he tried, there wasn’t any memory that could come back, even though it was probably the most important memories he could have had. His mind was scarily empty.
When he went at telling their time as Ultimate Despair Komaeda just couldn’t process it anymore. Unsavoury things? This was a nice euphemism, that hid completely the truth of what they had done in the name of a misguided abstract notion. How could he have ever worked for Despair itself? The notion was so trivial, so disgusting compared to the ideal of hope that was the greatest good. Hope was a thing to be admired, to work for whilst despair wasn’t anything noticeable or worthy of being compared to the previous ideal. No really, not only him working for despair made no sense, but the symbols of hope destroying the world? What was this? Komaeda really wanted to trust Hinata but his claims were so weird and he still couldn’t get his memory back.
Something was finally triggered when Hinata started to talk about the Island, and when he talked about Monokuma a picture of a monochrome bear flashed in his head and Komaeda used all his strengh to keep it and not lose his first trace of recollection. And then it all came back at once, a whole bunch of pictures and words spoken by people he was recognizing, Togami's corpse, an intense pain in his whole body, Hinata, the poison, a fever that made him remember weird things he forgot right after the super high school level despair, numb tied limbs, and his death. He wasn't sure when he broke the contact with Hinata to hold his head while hiding his face, trying not to show too much discomfort at -- Hinata? What was he- how could he even be alive? It was nothing but a simulation, he had completely failed. Ah indeed Hinata had to bring him back from the death, he just couldn't accept living without regretting everything. At some point his hands fell and he kept a neutral, frozen expression while still listening to the other though there wasn't a need to anymore. Komaeda didn't really realized Hinata was crying before the end of his speech, when he did a complete impulsive thing and pulled his limp body in a tight hug, as if making sure of his presence and if he didn't knew better the luckster would almost have thought it was an act of kindness. Though it was more likely that he was glad because he was pitying him, for his worthless existence. Komaeda didn't made a move to pull out, neither hugging him back, merely hiding his face in the crook of the other's neck. It was weird, to be that close and to have the reserver initiating the contact and he wished he could say it was unpleasant but on the contrary it felt nice, even if it came with a feeling of pure dread.
"Hinata — you." he croaked, unable to think of a way to end his sentence, didn’t even trusted his voice to stay still and was proven right as soon as he opened his mouth and the words came out hastily, messily, without any order in a broken voice. 'Shouldn't be' he meant to say. There was nothing he could bring to them. But he was unable to express it. "You don’t hate me." it was supposed to be a statement but the tone was so frail it sounded more like a question.
