International foster care
I want to share some beautiful news. Here you will find the story of how I met my soon-to-be wife. Her name is Nargis Salmani. Our story is literally out of a Bollywood movie and only happened? When I stopped "looking" and just prayed to be "in-tune" and ready for good.
We met in December 2013 at a Child Protection conference in Delhi. She was invited by a local organization and I was speaking about non-institutional care in India. In fact, that morning she debated not coming because of the distance and because the area was unknown. Lucky for me, she convinced her sister to come with her and we both arrived late (I had flown in from Udaipur that morning). We seat next to each other at the back of the room. The rest, as they say, is history.
I’ll tell you, from the moment I started speaking to her, I knew she was special. She had a balance of strength and humility that was attractive beyond belief. I soon learned bits and pieces of her story as we scribbled notes back in forth in mixed Hindi and English. Nargis grew up and lives in a south Delhi slum area in a family of 8siblings. Her father, who does not have an education, pledged to educate all his children. He later he explained to me, that he decided at an early age that we would educate all his children. Nargis’ love, respect and pride radiate when she talks about how her father fought conservative family members and community members to put all of his tiny income to her and her sibling’s education.
Nargis not only is a strong woman, but she is also a strong organization director. At 12 years old Nargis looked out her front door and asked herself why she was getting an education and her peers were not? So she started teaching them. At 18 she worked for a local humanitarian organization and at 21 she founded Child Life Care Society. Now six years later, she serves 100+ out-of-school children a day at her organization. She motivates their families to enroll them in school and also teaches dance,life skills and health consciousness. I mean seriously, could she be anymore perfect? The answer is yes because there is SO much more to Nargis.
After many phone calls and long conversations, I found myself on a 24-hour layover in Delhi. She invited me to her home to meet her family. Since she is Muslim, we spoke a lot about culture differences and religion. She framed everything on the love of family and constantly explained the true beauty and humanity of her family. Before arriving to Delhi, I told Nargis that if her family was as amazing as she said, and if I felt loved and comforted under her roof, I would propose to her father right then and there. She was shocked, because she never considered me a possibility. Five minutes after arriving at her home in Delhi I felt loved. Her mother, who has never hugged another man other than her husband and sons, hugged me and said, "welcome home". I then asked her father to join me on the roof to talk. Because of the huge cultural differences and the tradition that Muslims often do not marry outside of their religion, he asked for time to pray.
Let’s be honest here, for a society composed of centuries of layers and traditions,our marriage is a BIG deal. Though times are changing in many ways, our different cultures, backgrounds and beliefs caused many people in her and my community to question the relationship. At the same time, people surprised us with immediate support and tears of happiness. One person in particular was my lifetime friend Birgit. She sobbed on the phone in happiness when I told her about Nargis. My heart soared.
After praying for a couple weeks, her father came back and said "I did not educate my daughter so that she could go behind a veil for her rest of her life. I'll convince my community, fight and stand strong. I believe you make her happy, and her happiness is my number one." Her father boldly and lovingly understood that although I would not convert to Islam, I would never ask Nargis to stop practicing her beliefs.
At this same time I reached out to my family in the United States. They were immediately supportive. Imagine those phone calls! I’ve never felt more love and excitement. My sister Anjali, whose opinion I follow unconditionally, explained that she had never seen me feel or speak about someone in the way I spoke of Nargis. For her, it was clear that Nargis is ‘the one’.
As we spoke everyday, we discussed life, future and all the important things to consider pre-marriage. Thanks to the support from my aunts and uncles, I was armed with the right questions to ask and the right things to consider. We continue to grow closer each day.
When we marry we will have met only 5 times in person and will have never even hugged each other. In the beginning I mentioned that our story is a lot like Bollywood, I’ll recap why. Our story includes Love , crossing boundaries, community doubt, a strong sense of family, laughter, dancing, singing and victory.
I could go on and on, but I think I’ll stop here. I am so grateful for Nargis and for this how amazing our story has unfolded. We’d love to know what you think.
Much love to you all,.
Ian Anand
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