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“He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
— Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil
she recognized him now —- he was THE NEW GUARD the council hired to protect her and the rest of her family. maybe he heard her coming back and thought that someone was trying to steal the griffins? nevermind ; what mattered was that she knocked him down and —- oh lord, there was blood coming out of his nose. going on her knees, she gently cupped his face with one of her hands to look at the damages on his face ; trying not to grimace too much. IT WASN’T PRETTY - NOT AT ALL. ❛ i’m so sorry - i thought you were a THIEF. ❜ she tried to apologize - leaning forward to examinate his wound - her mother would probably kill her when she’d learn what she just did to the poor young man.
❛ lean on me - we’re going to take care of… that. ❜ she wrapped one of her arms around his shoulders ; guilt crashing down like a weight on her heart - she never meant to harm an INNOCENT PERSON . she couldn’t imagine that he would try to enter her appartement. it was forbidden for the guards to be inside private properties - he couldn’t ignore the rules. yet, it wasn’t the right time for her to ask him a few questions about his training - she had to take care of him first.
blood had began to trickle into his mouth, infiltrating his taste buds with it’s bitter, coppery flavour. if she had not been moving in his direction, he might’ve spat it onto the floor, but though his brain had been rattled by the blow, he knew BETTER. he had been RAISED BETTER. he swallowed it down, causing him to cough and splutter --- but that didn’t matter, because not a drop of blood passed his lips.
he recoiled slightly as an arm swept across his shoulders. ( ----- didn’t she know that it would be kinder to let him quietly slip away to lick his wounds in peace? ) “ i --- ” that one syllable alone was enough to cause a gargling sound to erupt from his throat. he swallowed again, hard. “ i thought your mom was the doctor. ”
s01e02 // s03e05
Requested by @shangrilala
THEY FINALLY CROSSED PATHS AND SHE HOPED BELLAMY WOULDN’T RECOGNIZE HER. yet, her silent pleas vanished in thin air when he hailed her and started tracking her. at first the woman tried to OUTRUN him ; she wanted to avoid an altercation with the brunette. especially now that her mother confirmed her doubts - she was carrying his child. she would never tell him THE TRUTH ; it was her problem and she didn’t want to involve the guard. a part of her was scared that bellamy would ask her to keep their baby - she wasn’t ready to be A MOTHER ; not with the grounders hunting her like a WILD ANIMAL. wanheda was a lethal warrior ; an omen of deth - not a matriarch - it was her mother’s role.
she groaned when she realized that he wouldn’t give up on her ; he would probably keep following her until the end of the world. her steps led her to the ruins of their spaceship - WHERE IT ALL BEGAN. she finally stopped walking as she entered inside the dropship, waiting for the older man to join her inside. maybe she could keep her PREGNANCY hidden - her slightly rounded belly covered by her clothes. she would deceive him for his own good.
❝ what do you want, bellamy? ❞ she whispered ; keeping her back turned on him - she wouldn’t let him reach her ; she would keep her DISTANCE with her former lover. he probably wanted to convince her to come home with him but it was something she couldn’t do ; it would put arkadia in danger - the grounders would attack them to steal wanheda’s power.
“ how about we start with an EXPLANATION? ” TWO MONTHS PRIOR, the acceptance of that drink had been misread as reassurance that she would stay. and he’d made his own promises, too. every kiss he’d spared that evening had contained an array of silent promises. ‘ we’ll get through this, together ’ had been pressed to her collarbone, and ‘ you’ll always have me ’ had been placed upon her lips. she’d taken those promises with her when she left. the muscle in his jaw twitched as he watched her back. with every passing moment his patient grew thinner ---- god, if she would just LOOK AT HIM. of all the unpleasant memories that were aroused by his surroundings, ( his gaze journeyed upwards to the spot where murphy had hung him from the ceiling ) he suspected that this would be a strong competitor for the worst. “ for the last few weeks i’ve had time to gather my own ideas of WHY YOU LEFT, but i want to hear it from you. ”
---- getting back to this blog with a new every-freaking-thing.
└ @frctello ┐
WANHEDA DIDN’T WANT TO COME BACK. She left her people for a good reason - she didn’t belong with them anymore. Clarke Griffin died alongside with the Mountain men - the only thing that was left of her was a ghost, a shadow lurking in the woods. A MISERABLE CREATURE many grounders wanted to add to their kill count. It didn’t matter that much to her - maybe dying would stop that lingering pain in her bones that made her quiver at night, waking up from terrible nightmares - dreams so vivid in their atrocity and sadly so close to what her reality became.
It took her almost THREE MONTHS to realize that something was wrong with her - her mind refusing to accept the INEVITABILITY of her current state. It was just… so unexpected. So unreal - a bad joke, a twist of fate that could have made her joke if it didn’t already make her want to cry. Yet, her eyes were completely dry as she decided to come back to her former home - for she cried too much in the past.
She managed to use another entry to make her way inside the camp - avoiding both her former friends and the guards as she found her way to her mother’s barrack. After quite a soulfoul reunion, Abby confirmed her doubts and fears - the girl was PREGNANT. If her parent believed that Finn was the FATHER - Clarke knew that it was another boy. A boy she had hoped to see again for weeks before giving up on her silly, selfish dreams. Bellamy belonged with his people, not with her. There was no FUTURE for the two of them - and there would never be. In these circumstances, making a DECISION wasn’t that complicated and yet, Abigail convinced her to wait a couple days before giving up on that child growing inside her.
Leaving her mother’s habitation, Clarke lowered her head - hiding her face behind her long and pink hair - as she started walking fast towards the exit. She had no other choice but to take the main door - men in uniform standing between her and her previous shortcut. The chancelor told her that her former comrades were out looking for other survivors and thanks to that information, she didn’t dread to meet them on her way back to the forest. Especially one of them.
---- CLARKE? even the drastic shift in appearance couldn’t have thrown him off the scent. her shape, height, weight ---- the way that she moved. he had committed her to memory. he could feel miller’s eyes on him, but of the group of five ark guards he had been speaking with, only his RIGHT - HAND MAN appeared to have noticed this sudden shift in energy. from relaxed to frantic in a matter of seconds. not many could have such a profound effect on him. SHE WAS BACK ; ( i repeat : this is not a drill ) she was an OCEAN TIDE as she swept past them, pulling him underneath the waves. A FIGHTER, A SOLIDER --- he could not defeat the gravity of nature. water had already begun to fill his lungs. without a word to the others, HE FOLLOWED. he heard miller discourage them from calling him back ---- even if his grasp on the situation was weak, he knew bellamy . . . and when he needed to be left to his own devices. he walked at least fifteen paces behind, though he could be sure that she knew he was TRACKING HER. his impatient tongue urged him to call out to her or risk losing his chance, but he knew that it was better to wait ---- WAIT until she reached a spot they could be alone.
- kb.
oh. dear. god. this could not be happening, absolutely positively could not be a thing that was happening. except IT WAS. it was totally happening & clarke couldn’t get her brain to cooperate with the rest of her body — eyes sort of locked on to the man in front of her as octavia continued rambling on in the background, oblivious to her brunch companions. it wasn’t until bellamy abruptly stood up that the youngest blake noticed they had a problem, leaving the blonde to hurriedly stand up as well, offering out a forced hand to the man. “nice to MEET YOU, bellamy.”
she looked just as bowled over by this as he did. maybe even more so. ( a doe caught in the headlights. ) but then, she had given him the slip. left without a goodbye, a note, or a point of contact. never to be seen again. at least, that had been her intention. “ yeah, you too. ” octavia shot him an appraising look as if to say ‘BE NICE’ and he sank back into his seat, practically burying his head into his menu.
Clarke took even breaths trying to calm her heart beat. She was afraid of the pain but she knew that it was necessary. What she wanted and what was necessary were never the same things. The moment had passed and she watched as he turned suddenly toward her, eyes catching a glimpse of the heated blade before he pressed it against her wound. She let out a blood curdling SCREAM of AGONY, echoing off the walls of the car and in the parking garage.
Her back arched but the pressure of the knife on her side wont let her move away from the pain. It was like being r i p p e d open again, like someone running through you with a hot poker. Death wouldve been easier. Bleeding out was only painful until she passed out. Death would come with the stopping of her heart while unconscious. Maybe he shouldve let her die. The wanderer writhed in pain for a moment as her skin sizzled, closing the wound.
“Stop stop make it stop..” she mumbled with a hoarse tone before everything went black.
her screams ripped right through him, ( threatening to unravel is entire being ) but he only responded by pressing a hand to her chest to keep her still. the blade was in contact with her skin for no more than five seconds, but every second that he remained the perpetrator of her agony was almost more than he could bear. he did bear it, though, SO SHE WOULDN’T HAVE TO. the knife was discarded, thrown in the direction of the fire, freeing his hands to grope at her neck in search of a pulse. “ please --- ” he quietly pleaded with any of the so - called ‘GODS’ who may have been looking down on them at that moment to PLEASE ---- please, let her survive this. he put his ear to her mouth and felt short, shallow breaths on his cheek, sending a tidal wave of relief to wash over him --- cooling his skin fractionally. he gently lifted her head, tilted it to the side, and positioned himself beneath her. now that he was no longer in a state of panic, he was able to find her pulse to monitor her heart rate. not that it would mean a whole lot to him, but at least he’d know if anything had changed. all that was left to be done was MONITOR and WAIT.
CLARKE WAS AGAINST THE COUNCIL’S DECISION, the blonde haired girl wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a guard watching over her and her parents all the time when other people on the ark probably needed more protection. She tried to argue with her father - tried to make him change his mind - but he refused to even listen to her. He kept pretending that the poorest people living on the Ark were more agitated than usual and that it wouldn’t be surprising if there was AN ATTACK against the privileged in the next couple of days.
Clarke was supposed to meet Wells but she decided not to go - she didn’t want to talk with anyone, still too upset about the presence of the guard in front of her little compartment. Pretending to walk towards his cabin, she used a SECRET PASSAGE to go back inside her flat, trying to be as silent and sneaky as possible. She didn’t want the young man in front of their door to notice that she was back sooner than she was supposed to. Grabbing a few pencils, the young artist silenty started to draw - escaping from reality for a few hours.
It’s only when she heard the door opened that she understood that something was WRONG - her parents weren’t supposed to come back until late in the night and the guard was forbidden to enter in their domain. Hiding behind a half open door, she remained silent as she started observing THE STRANGER. She was ready to attack him if it was necessary - clenching her fists as her body switched into a defensive posture. It’s only when he came close to her hiding spot that she used the door to knock him down, pushing it right into his face with VIOLENCE.
if the suspicion that there had been someone inside the compartment was purely of his invention, to be used as an excuse should he require one, then WHY THE HELL WAS HE LYING FACE DOWN ON THE GROUND? a steady stream of blood ran from his nose and pooled on the floor around him. his mind was clouded by shock and disorientation. it took a few seconds to recall what had happened ---- the door that had met his face with a loud CRUNCH. someone had to have been behind it, and now that same someone could be standing over him, preparing to deliver another blow. he needed to get back on his feet. through a pained groan, he was able to position his arms either side of his head to use as leverage for the top half of his body. it took three attempts to work himself up to his knees. if his superiors could see him now . . .
dark eyes scanned the room in search of his attacker --- in search of someone large and ferocious . . . someone from an impoverished part of the ark, probably. but instead, he found the exact opposite of what he’d expected. CLARKE, the griffin’s daughter. still positioned on his knees, he swayed uneasily.
“don’t be a dick.” kyara thrived on planning. she needed to know her next move at least twelve moves earlier than intended. it allowed her to have control over a situation. arms crossed over her chest, she manages to relax ( just barely, of course ). flopping down next to him, she sunk into the couch. “fine, FINE. so, it was just somethin’ that we couldn’t fight anymore. after so long of not dealin’ with it, we just decided – fuck it. we’re into each other, why not. it’ll be like the first stage of PUPPY LOVE.”
a truly shit-eating grin latches it’s self to his lips. the pair had been keeping score from the day they met --- counting victories, even the minor ones. she was, ( without doubt, ) the greatest sparring partner a guy could ask for. “ i knew you’d come around, ” he said, DARINGLY, as he collected his car keys from her coffee table.
We’ve all got a monster inside of us, Clarke. And we’re all r e s p o n s i b l e for what it does when we let it out.
“I am sure you can think of a way to do just that.”
Clarke laid on her back next to him, close enough that from time to time she felt his skin against her own, or their feet would accidentally brush under the furs. The contact earned a small smile each time it happened and she eventually found herself drifting a little closer to him after a while.
his sleep was broken up by regular intervals which consisted of braving the blizzard to brush off the snow off the tent. if left for more than an hour or so, the steady snowfall would have collapsed the canvas. he did the same for the other tents, starting with his sister and lincoln’s and working his way around. each time he returned, he slipped beneath the furs beside clarke, and each time she would drift closer to him. until eventually, as the sun was about to rise, she was pressed to his chest. he fell into a deep, contented sleep, his face buried in her hair, breathing her.
she tucks a loose strand of wet hair behind her ear, lips pulling into a smile. “Thanks again.” walking over to him, she takes the beer in her hand, head canting slightly. “I was on my way over to see if you wanted to go to this thing in Central Park–but obviously–” her hand gestures to the nearby window, a chagrin smile on her face. “That’s not gonna happen.”
“ i think it’ll take more than a rain shower to deter the hardened new yorkers, ” he muses with a glance towards the window. “ but i can’t let you go out there dressed in shorts and a t-shirt. ”