🖤

PEY

[foundmyhapp1ness]

BANGTAN

The love I have for Bangtan.

People say that you will find them at the time you needed them the most. And I agree - I definitely agree. I can still remember the time I became interested in them. It was one random day when one BTS clip showed up on my tktok FYP. And then the next one came, the next one came, and without realizing it, I am already searching for their names.

I used to judge those international K-pop fans before (the ones who can't actually speak Korean) because I was wondering, how can they be fans of someone they can't even speak the same language with? And when I became an ARMY, that's where I found out the answers to my questions.

I searched for their names, I tried so hard to remember their faces and names, I used to get confused with JHope and Yoongi. I can still remember that RM was actually the reason why became interested in Bangtan. There were a lot of clips where the videos highlighted how Namjoon looks at his members on stage while they were having fun. And that is still one of the main reasons why I love them.

Their music isn't just about how it sounds or how you'll vibe with it. Some of their songs have an upbeat melody but with a sad meaning. Some political, some talks about their struggles, some talks about their wins, some talks about their love to their fans and their messages to ARMYs. I can't still understand Korean, but I learned how to understand BTS' songs. I take time to search for its meanings and english translation.

and with RM's live yesterday talking about how most of the people doesn't care about the lyrics they worked hard for..

Uhm, sorry to disagree but there are still lots of fans who take time to understand your songs, your music.

I remember when the Arirang album was first released, I wanted to understand some of the lyrics' metaphors. I actually searched for every meaning of the songs. I listened to it on spotify/apple music while reading the english translations of the lyrics.

I was curious about why the promotional message was actually "WHAT IS YOUR LOVE SONG?" because when you just listen simply with the songs, you know you'll not gonna hear the typical love songs. So I took time to study the meaning of the songs. And some of the songs that really got my attention were:

Into the Sun became my new comfort song and I think that was the love song I dedicate to Bangtan.

Merry Go Round felt like the song of my life which I could totally relate to. It talks about how your life is just on the loop. It's like you wanted to get out of whatever you're dealing with but you just keep on going back. It felt sadness, depression, anxiety, and struggles.

Normal, uhm, the love and hate feelings that I had for normal because if you'd actually listen to it, it is actually a sad song talking about how they struggle on having a supposed-to-be normal life.

2.0, my fave because it is them saying that they're back - I mean, THEY'RE DEFINITELY BACK.

Swim felt like the answer to Merry Go Round, like whatever you're going through right now, just keep on swimming, just keep on moving forward.

and when I thought I couldn't love Bangtan more? RM decided to tell us that Please is their song for ARMYs.

When the world divides us Baby, oh, please I'll take another step closer I'm on my knees Stay with me on my worst day Hold you even tighter right now, even hell, I'm down All I want is you

Thank you for your masterpiece. Thank you for your music. Thank you for making life feel lighter, better, and happier. Thank you for making life worth living.

[foundmyhapp1ness]

Gurl, I just want you to know na wala na kayo :) and he cheated on you after 7yrs, and his first contract :)

[messofsadness]

“I hope my daughter never feels this way at night.”

— 10 word story (s.s)

[fntb]

Pagod na pagod na ako. Pagod na pagod na ako physically. Gusto ko na lang matulog. Matulog ng isang linggo. Kung maari lang yun eh. Kahit anong gusto kong subukan mag push. Hinahanap pa din ng katawan ko yung salitang pahinga. Ang sama lang sguro tlaga ng pakiramdam ko. Hayyy. Sana makapag pahinga na ako ng totoo. Hayy :(

[foundmyhapp1ness]

Beb isang linggong tulog lang naman pala gusto mo. Pero bakit 6 years na hindi ka pa din gumigising 🥺

[foundmyhapp1ness]

beb parang gusto ko na din nung pahinga mo :(

[foundmyhapp1ness]

sana nandito pa din si pey, para sure akong without any doubt, meron isang taong pipilli sakin.

[foundmyhapp1ness]

gusto ko sana matulog.. mga 2 months, 3 days and 4ever..

[foundmyhapp1ness]

ayoko na po makipag talo kay Jovin. as much as i wanted to save our relationship, i'm also choosing to save myself.

[foundmyhapp1ness]

naiiyak ako kasi gusto kong umiyak at mag breakdown kay mama kaso di ko naman mapapaliwanag sakanya kung bakit ako nag be-breakdown. so iniimagine ko nalang, ayun lalo ako naiiyak hahahha

[foundmyhapp1ness]

2016 ❤️💖

Well. New years resolution? Diet? Its too old and mainstream. I don’t want a new me for this year. I just want to be a better me.☺️ Well, I’m sick of all the bullshits I’ve been through for the past year. So for now, may reminder ako sa sarili ko. 😂😂👍

R1- Never make yourself feel unwanted.- Ayun! Kapag ayaw wag pilitin. Kapag ramdam mong di ka mahalaga, let it be. Kapag di ka mabigyan ng kahit na konting oras, then wag na ipush ung sarili. Hayaan mo na din siya.

R2- Don’t trust anyone.- Well, this one will depend. But I’ll always keep in mind to always trust my instincts.✔️ Wag basta basta maniniwala. Bawal mag paloko.👊👊

R3- Never be attached to new people.- Ayan. Sakit ko yan. Pagiging clingy.😭 Makausap lang ng matagal na sunod sunod na araw, ang clingy na. It looks like na I’m desperate. But nah, bru I’m just really clingy. And yun, NEVER!! Because ang dami ng temporary people. REMEMBER: IIWAN KA DIN NIYAN 😂😂

And lastly, for 2016!!! Don’t stop yourself from falling inlove. Let it be. Pero don’t rush. Okay? Aral muna. Good grades bago good lovelife! ❤️💖

[foundmyhapp1ness]

Sooo, naalala ko na meron akong sinabing new year’s resolution ko. All along, akala ko last year ko lang sinabi to. Kasi hanggang ngayon never ko siyang nakalimutan. Ung Rule#1.

Anyways, next year, 2024, ibabalik natin ung rule#1.

I WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE MYSELF. Kung anong energy and vibes ang natatanggap ko sa isang tao, yun lang ang ibabalik ko. I will never let my guard down to ANYONE - AGAIN.

Narealize ko kasi, nakakapagod din sa sarili na ikaw nalang palaging mag-aadjust sa mga tao. Relationships won’t work if you won’t meet halfway. Minsan kasi nakaka-drain ung ikaw palagi nag a-adjust, ikaw palagi nag a-approach, na alam mong kapag di ka na nag-approach, mawawala nalang naman talaga. Nung nawala si Pey, isa yun sa mga pinag sisihan ko and binago ko sa sarili ko. We’ll never know kung bukas or mamaya nandyan pa sayo ung tao, so kung alam mong mahalaga sayo, pahalagahan mo din. Wag mo nang hintayin mawala sayo bago mo iparamdam na importante sila sayo. I’ve always been the cold-one, I was never clingy and appreciative even sa friends ko, pero after non, lahat yon binago ko. Pero siguro I’ve done my part.

What you see is what you get. So what I get is what I’ll give. Hindi na din para sabihin ko sa mga tao kung pano nila ko dapat tratuhin. Kung anong vibe kaya nilang ibigay for me, I’ll settle for it, pero I won’t make an effort and ayun lang din ibibigay ko.

Pagod na ko para sa sarili ko, so di ko na kailangan pagurin ung sarili ko para sa ibang tao. I know I can give my 100% sa mga taong importante saken, pero kung hindi nila kaya, then so be it.

Kung 7 years ago nga naalala ko pa resolution ko, what more eto.

Sabi nga nila, you deserve what you tolerate. Sakto, ngayon natutunan ko nang mahalin sarili ko. And mas na-eenjoy ko na company ng sarili ko. So I won’t settle for less. If people will give me less, then I won’t give them more. Less is less.

[foundmyhapp1ness]

grabe. went to tumblr to rant about choosing myself. tapos sakto mababasa ko to. Bilis mo naman po sumagot Lord!!!

[foundmyhapp1ness]

hi tumblr. i'm back.

hi tumblr.

i'm back. so meaning lang non, di na naman natin kaya ung bagay bagay.

Dear self,

I'm sorry kasi kung ano ano nanaman naiisip mo. sorry kasi ung 3 tao na importante sa buhay mo, hindi ka kayang piliin sa paraan na gusto mo.

1. Y, out of all the people, akala ko siya na ung huling tao na mawawala saken, i gave all my effort, we tried saving our friendship numerous times, pero things ended again and again, and now, wala na ko energy to save us. She didn't even try.

2. J, dati kapag tinatanong ko siya, he'll always save our friendship. pero ngayon iba na sagot niya, though masaya and proud ako para sakanya, kasi ung sagot na sinagot niya saken, un ung sagot na gusto ko sanang marinig sa jowa ko pero di ko narinig.

3. Jovs, i asked him for several times kung anong mas pipiliin niyang i-save. Never received the answer that I wanted. Isasagot nalang niya kapag ipit na ipit na siya pero paglalaban and kakatwiranan pa din niya. Imagine having someone na kaya kang ipaglaban sa ibang tao, parang gusto ko nalang maging kaibigan niya, kung ganto niya ko ipa-lalaban sa jowa niya. Imagine choosing to save the friendship kahit nag kakanda leche leche na ung relasyon niyo ng partner mo. Imagine defending your friend against your girlfriend's feelings. Imagine hearing your boyfriend say na sila lang ung meron siya while you offer your whole self para lang hindi niya mararamdaman na nag-iisa siya.

Sorry self you needed to defend your thoughts and feelings all by yourself. Wag kang mag-alala, hindi ka man piliin ng iba, simula ngayong araw, pipiliin na kita. Sorry you've felt invalidated pero wala kang magawa.

Lord,

hindi ko na po idadasal na matanggap ko ung bagay na to, kasi pag tinanggap ko, tinanggap ko lang ung sakit na nararamdaman ko. What if ikaw nalang po pumili saken? Hehehe. pero seriously, ang dasal and wish ko lang po is sana isang araw gumising nalang ako ng wala na kong pakialam sa kanila. Wala na kong pakialam sa friendship nila. Sana bukas makalawa magising nalang ako ng wala na kong nararamdaman. Wala na kong nararamdaman kapag nakikita ko ung pangalan niya, pag nakikita kong mag kausap sila. Napapagod na po akong umintindi, and napapagod na kong ipaintindi ung pinanggagalingan at nararamdaman ko. Napapagod na po akong labanan ung utak ko. Kung mas pipiliin niyang ipag laban ung friendship nila over my peace of mind and mental health, I don't care. Then so be it. Tulungan niyo nalang po ako mawalan ng pakialam tsaka nararamdaman. Ung tipong kahit makita kong mag kasama sila or mag kausap sila or mag kachat sila, wala na kong mararamdaman inis, wala na kong mararamdaman na galit, bwisit. Para po sa ikatatahimik ng utak ko, para sa ikatatahimik niya, para sa ikatatahimik ng relasyon namin, tulungan Mo nalang po ako. Ayoko na po. Pagod na po akong ipaglaban ung sarili ko. Kung gusto talaga niya ung friendship nila, then okay. Hahayaan ko na po, basta tulungan niyo lang po ako mawalan ng pakialam at nararamdaman sa friendship nila. Drain na drain na po ako. Kahit anong pilit kong intindi, di ko talaga kayang tanggapin. Dagdagan pa ung fact na kahit pinag aawayan na namin, talagang kakatwiranan pa po ni Jovin ung tao na yun. Kung un po ung nakikita niyang kakampi niya, edi sige wala na kong magagawa. Ayoko na pong umintindi. Ayoko na po makipag away. Tulungan niyo nalang po ako mawalan ng pakialam. Down na down nadin naman ako, gusto ko nang piliin ung sarili ko kesa tuluyan akong mabaliw. Di para ikumpara ko ung sarili ko sa ibang tao. Di para ipag pilitan ko ung sarili ko sa ibang tao. Kung di nila ko kayang piliin ng walang pag-aalinlangan, ng walang pangangatiwaran, ng walang kondisyon, ako po pipili sa sarili ko. Or baka po gusto niyo nalang din po akong piliin, okay na naman saken.

PAGOD NA PO AKO.

Ayoko na pong labanan lahat ng ingay sa utak ko.

It is what it is. Whatever happens, happens.

[foundmyhapp1ness]

hayerp ka ayoko na itype ulit lahat un para lang ipost, kung ayaw mo ipost edi wag hahahaha

[foundmyhapp1ness]

lech ka tumblr sobrang haba nung rant koooooooooooo!!! di ko pa na-save, ung sinend ko kay jovin kalahati palang ng sinabi ko. tapos nung ipopost ko na nag error, wala akong kopya ng buo kahit ano tsaka kahit saan. tapos wala din sa drafts and queue. so saan napunta yon!!!!!

[foundmyhapp1ness]

2016 ❤️💖

Well. New years resolution? Diet? Its too old and mainstream. I don’t want a new me for this year. I just want to be a better me.☺️ Well, I’m sick of all the bullshits I’ve been through for the past year. So for now, may reminder ako sa sarili ko. 😂😂👍

R1- Never make yourself feel unwanted.- Ayun! Kapag ayaw wag pilitin. Kapag ramdam mong di ka mahalaga, let it be. Kapag di ka mabigyan ng kahit na konting oras, then wag na ipush ung sarili. Hayaan mo na din siya.

R2- Don’t trust anyone.- Well, this one will depend. But I’ll always keep in mind to always trust my instincts.✔️ Wag basta basta maniniwala. Bawal mag paloko.👊👊

R3- Never be attached to new people.- Ayan. Sakit ko yan. Pagiging clingy.😭 Makausap lang ng matagal na sunod sunod na araw, ang clingy na. It looks like na I’m desperate. But nah, bru I’m just really clingy. And yun, NEVER!! Because ang dami ng temporary people. REMEMBER: IIWAN KA DIN NIYAN 😂😂

And lastly, for 2016!!! Don’t stop yourself from falling inlove. Let it be. Pero don’t rush. Okay? Aral muna. Good grades bago good lovelife! ❤️💖

[foundmyhapp1ness]

Sooo, naalala ko na meron akong sinabing new year's resolution ko. All along, akala ko last year ko lang sinabi to. Kasi hanggang ngayon never ko siyang nakalimutan. Ung Rule#1.

Anyways, next year, 2024, ibabalik natin ung rule#1.

I WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE MYSELF. Kung anong energy and vibes ang natatanggap ko sa isang tao, yun lang ang ibabalik ko. I will never let my guard down to ANYONE - AGAIN.

Narealize ko kasi, nakakapagod din sa sarili na ikaw nalang palaging mag-aadjust sa mga tao. Relationships won't work if you won't meet halfway. Minsan kasi nakaka-drain ung ikaw palagi nag a-adjust, ikaw palagi nag a-approach, na alam mong kapag di ka na nag-approach, mawawala nalang naman talaga. Nung nawala si Pey, isa yun sa mga pinag sisihan ko and binago ko sa sarili ko. We'll never know kung bukas or mamaya nandyan pa sayo ung tao, so kung alam mong mahalaga sayo, pahalagahan mo din. Wag mo nang hintayin mawala sayo bago mo iparamdam na importante sila sayo. I've always been the cold-one, I was never clingy and appreciative even sa friends ko, pero after non, lahat yon binago ko. Pero siguro I've done my part.

What you see is what you get. So what I get is what I'll give. Hindi na din para sabihin ko sa mga tao kung pano nila ko dapat tratuhin. Kung anong vibe kaya nilang ibigay for me, I'll settle for it, pero I won't make an effort and ayun lang din ibibigay ko.

Pagod na ko para sa sarili ko, so di ko na kailangan pagurin ung sarili ko para sa ibang tao. I know I can give my 100% sa mga taong importante saken, pero kung hindi nila kaya, then so be it.

Kung 7 years ago nga naalala ko pa resolution ko, what more eto.

Sabi nga nila, you deserve what you tolerate. Sakto, ngayon natutunan ko nang mahalin sarili ko. And mas na-eenjoy ko na company ng sarili ko. So I won't settle for less. If people will give me less, then I won't give them more. Less is less.

[foundmyhapp1ness]

October 11, 2023

October 11, 2023

Andito nanaman ako sa tumbr. Hindi ko na kasi kaya ung pag-iyak ko be. Kagabi pa to. Sobrang babaw ng luha ko habang nanunuod ng Hidden Love. Kahit simpleng scene iniiyakan ko, kanina ung ending, happy ending naman pero iniyakan ko pa din. Habang nag po-propose sa kanya ung lalaki umiiyak pa din ako. HAHAHAH mag iisang oras ko nang tapos ung movie pero ung iyak ko hindi pa din tumitigil sa pag tulo.

Wala ko makausap be mababaliw ata ako. Si Yanni, ayoko naman istorbohin para lang mag breakdown kasi di din naman sya okay. Hahahaha baka sabay pa kami mag breakdown. Si Jovin tulog, ayoko naman tawagan para gisingin tapos hahagulgol lang ako sakanya. Ano naman magagawa niya, bibigyan ko pa ng problema hahahahaha. Di ko alam bat bigla akong nag breakdown, sa away ba namin, sa movie or sa gutom. Pero baka kasi dala-dala pa din ng sarili ko ung sinabi nya kagabi. Pakiramdam daw niya pinag babawalan ko siya palaging umalis. E ako pa nga nag tutulak sa kanya na mamasyal sya ang mag enjoy siya dun. Tapos lalabas sya kahit di pa ko nag ko-confirm. Hahahaha. Baka kaya ako naiyak dun sa proposal part ng movie...

Feeling ko bigla akong natakot ulit sa kasal -- kahit sa proposal. Nung mga nakaraan na-eexcite ako sa idea ng proposal, feeling na engaged na kayo ganun. Pero di pa naman ako umaabot sa punto ng kasal. Feeling ko di na mawawala ung takot ko sa kasal. Ngayon maski sa idea ng engagement feeling ko di na din ako ready. Hindi ko kasi alam bakit sobrang pansinin ko, kaya ung mga maliliit na bagay pansin na pansin ko. Ung mga bagay na hindi naman niya nagagawa dati, ngayon nagagawa na niya tapos ihihingi nalang niya ng sorry pag-katapos. Di ko alam kung nag ooverthink ba ako or hindi lang din niya napapansin na minsan nag babago siya. Hindi ko alam kung OA na ba ko, or kinakain lang ako ng anxiety ko.

Ang hirap ng mahina utak, di ko kayang labanan sarili ko. Bakit ba kasi kailangan ko mag karon ng anxiety and depression eh. HAHAHAHAHA

Hirap din nang wala nang malapit na kaibigan, walang matakbuhan. Eh wala naman talaga kong kaibigan, si Yanni nalang malayo pa. Si Pey sana kaso nasa langit na. Ano kaya feeling kung nandito pa din si Pey no? Feeling ko di ako mag bebreakdown ng ganito kasi for sure nasa labas na kami. Depress lang ako pero di ko mararamdaman ung depression ko kasi mag-kakasama kami. Naalala ko nanaman tuloy isa sa mga huling chat niya na sana daw mag open naman ako sa kanila, Umiyak di naman daw ako minsan hahahahaha beb sorry, ngayon hindi na minsan ung iyak ko. siguro pagod na pagod ka na makita akong malungkot. Sana dalawin mo ulit ako sa panaginip ko. Miss na miss na kita. Akala ko hindi na bibigat pag naalala kita pero ngayon humahagulgol ako pag naiisip ko na ano kayang buhay natin kung kasama ka pa din namin ngayon =(

Di bale lilipas din naman to. iyak ngayon, back to normal ulit bukas. Sorry self, diet tayo ngayon, di kita kayang i-comfort :'( di kita pwedeng bilhan ng pagkain. Bawi nalang tayo pag pumayat na tayo :)

[foundmyhapp1ness]

So much love and memories for our 2015.❤️💖 May iba pa sana kong ilalagay, kada gala naten but, hanggang 10 lang kaya ng pics 😭😭😂😂

ayun, I just want to thank you guys for everything!❤️💖 Maubusan na ko ng kaibigan, wag lang kayo ung mawawala. Ang dami na natin pinag daananan… Mga sermon ni Aljay, Mama at ni Nanay! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHA. Sml and hate for them 💖💕Walang titibag! Ayun, so uhm wala lang. Ayoko mag mmk ng bongga kasi aun naman lagi natin pinag uusapan. Be successful together ☺️😍 Ayos ayos na din! Hhaha titira pa tayo sa isang bahay. Kailangan yayamanin un.😂😂 Ayun. Miss ko na kayoooooo!! Labyuuuuu btches 😘❤️

[foundmyhapp1ness]

Happy 19 Team RKR ❤️ 2yrs and 2months 💋❤️ jusko dalawang taon palang tayo pero bakit parang ang tagal na natin mag kakasama? 😩😤 HAHAHAHA.

Well, di naman uso saten to but nung nakaraan ko pa gusto mag speech sa inyoooo!😂😂

Again, I just want you to know how thankful I am to have the both of you. So wala ng iwanan to. Papasalvage ko magiging dahilan ng pag hihiwalay naten 3.💣🔫🔪 Masyado na tayong madaming kagagahan para lang mag hiwalay pa!😂😂👊

I can still remember our first conversations.🙊🙊

Faye- ung sa school may project sa Humanities. Tayong 3 pa nga nila Erica un. Well, thanks to Tondo 😂😂 kundi dahil sa kanya di tayo mag totropa. HAHAHA. Tapos ayun nga, sabay umuwi and the rest is history.

Joseph- un ung ihahatid na ko ni Faye tapos nakita ka namin sa chapel 😂😂 tapos sumama ka mag hatid. Una awkward ka pa, pero ang daldal ko talaga so natatawa tawa ka pa. HAHAHAHA. And ayun naaaa..

- Ewan ko. Minsan lang ako maging clingy and sweet so damdamin niyo na!😂😂 sorry kung napakamaldita ko. Well, hindi ako si Cathy kung hindi ako maldita. Thankyou kasi nakakatiis kayo sa kamalditahan ko.😘😘 Okay lang yan madaming taon pa natin titiisin yan.😂😂 konting kembot nalang makakapag tapos din tayong lahat. Mauna ka na faye. Back up mo kami! Nandto lang kami lagi para sayoooo.❤️ Gagawin ka naming inspirasyon para mag tapos na din kaming dalawa para work hard na tayo wala ng study hard!!😂👊

Iloveyouboth!!😘❤️ t3aM rAk3r lHuAnq sXuApAt nUaH ❤️

[foundmyhapp1ness]

‼️ WARNING : LONG AND CRINGING POST AHEAD ‼️

skip if u're not interested, and if u're not a fangirl/boy 🙃

I'm not OA, i just really want to let it all out, one last timeeeee~

Dear Justin Bieber,

Gusto ko lang malaman mo na habambuhay na tong sama ng loob ko sayo. HAHAHAHA. First time you cancelled your concert, you gave us an "UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES" reason. Second time, health priority. Ohh okaaay.

Ung effort namin na pumila, mag-puyat, mag-ipon, pumasok sa work/school after lining up overnight just to secure your tickets, jusko, tapos kung kelan malapit na concert tsaka ka nanaman mag ka-cancel. Hmmm, disappointed but not surprised ;3 Sana di ka nalang nag-announce bhie.🥲

I'M JUST THANKFUL THAT I AM ALREADY INTO ✨ BTS ✨ WHEN YOU ANNOUNCED AND CANCELLED YOUR CONCERT. CAN'T IMAGINE HOW DEPRESSING IT WILL BE FOR ME AGAIN IF YOU'VE CANCELLED IT WITHOUT BANGTAN EXISTING IN MY LIFE. LIKE GUUURL??? ISANG LINGGO KONG INIYAKAN UNG PURPOSE TOUR CANCELLATION MO SANA OKAY KA LANG.☺️

Now, the only feeling i'm left with for you is regret. 13 years full of regrets. The only reason I'm thankful of you is because of the friends I've met because of you *inserted photos here* *also insert kakamp---🌸 na di ko pa nami-meet lahat so no pics hehe*

The amount of stress, anxiety, and depression these cost me... Pagod na kooo. Di na 'ko aasa bhie. Yes I'm breaking up with you. Thank you for the 13 years.☹️🥺

Napakahirap mong mahalin.😔

To my 13 year old self,

I'm sorry but it's just not really meant to beeee.😭

Nag-bibitter,

Cathy.💔

belieber since 2009

ended 2022 🥺✨