Fox Freud & ink

21| Sydney, Australia | A resource for young women experiencing domestic abuse in any form. Sharing my own experiences, lessons learned and raising awareness

[foxfreudandink]

My partner doesn't want me to go to uni because he thinks it's pointless and a waste of money. But I want to go because I feel like I'm not ready to start a business (I want to do design and illustration and creative writing) without having all the skills I need. Is it abusive that he won't let me go? He wants me to stay put but I feel like I'm missing out on vital things for my career if I don't go

Hey there, Your partner has absolutely no right to dictate what you do with your life in any shape or form. While he may believe he is doing the best by you and has your best interests in mind, at the end of the day he still has no control over what you want to do with your life. I 100% believe you should enrol into the uni course you want. You need to think firstly about your own wants and needs and not let your partner hold you back from these. I completely understand that it can seem daunting to 'go against' your partner. You need to remember that sure, you can absolutely adore your partner in every single way but again, you need to think about your own needs and wants first. I believe it is your partners responsibility to respect your goals and ambitions regardless of whether he fully agrees with them or not. For this situation, (while I am by no means an expert or anything) I would suggest simply explaining to your partner exactly what you want to do and why. Explain that going to uni is important to you and your future career goals and that he needs to respect your decision- because it is essentially your decision and your decision only about whether you go or not. If your partner cannot respect your goals and ambitions and still believes he can hold you back from these, I believe he then does not deserve to be in a relationship with you. Relationships between two people should always involve respect and support and to extend that, general encouragement from each partner to see their SO succeed and develop themselves as a person in all aspects. I hope things work out for you. Again, your partner has absolutely no right to stop you from attending uni. He needs to respect your plans, goals and ambitions regardless of whether he agrees with them or not.

[foxfreudandink]

When he/she come back, don't be fooled. They will sound sincere. They may sound apologetic. They may come with a reason that sounds plausible or perfectly innocent- but don't be taken in again, whatever you do.  They have not changed. There is still the same dysfunction working within them. There is still the evil attached to them, exacerbating their disease. They are still blaming you for what happened. They are still blaming you for their bad behaviour. Underneath their mask they feel they have done nothing wrong. If you go back you are subjecting yourself to unnecessary dramas. If you go back you will have to go through another round of devastating heartbreak. Than is nothing surer than this. You have come too far now to go back to something so ugly. You have gained so much more respect for yourself  now to put yourself through a moment more of that misery. You have learned so much about yourself and how you want to be treated. You have a wonderful future ahead of you if you only close this door for good. You deserve much better and through your lessons you will find it- as long as you leave this door closed.

Narcissist Experience Notes

[foxfreudandink]

Healthy/Unhealthy Relationships

Characteristics of safe and healthy relationships

PARTNERSHIP

joint decision making

shared responsibilities

ECONOMIC EQUALITY

freedom to decide issues of work, school and money

EMOTIONAL HONESTY

feels safe to admit and share fears and insecurities

SEXUAL RESPECT

accepts that 'no' means no

PHYSICAL SAFETY

respects partner's physical space

expresses self non-violently

RESPECT

respects right to differing feelings, friends and activities

supports partner's goals

SUPPORT, TRUST

listen and understand

value partner's opinion

Characteristics of abusive relationships

DOMINATION

abuser decides

servant/master mentality

ECONOMIC CONTROL

deny job freedom

withhold money

EMOTIONAL manipulation

uses jealousy, passion, stress and frustration to justify actions

SEXUAL ABUSE

forces partner to do things against his/her will

PHYSICAL ABUSE

hits, chokes, kicks, pinches, pulls hairs, pokes, twists arms, trips, bites, restrains, uses weapons

INTIMIDATION

charming in public, menacing in private

destroys property or pets

makes light of abuse "You're too sensitive"

CONTROL

name calling, mind games

isolates partner from friends and loved ones

*source unknown

[foxfreudandink]

Round 2 & 3

Not long after I had gotten over the first incident of meeting up with A* (after the relationship had ended) and had gone through a complete detox of anything A* related (blocking on facebook, deleting numbers, changing my own number etc etc) I found myself yet again talking to him. Looking back at it now I am almost frustrated with myself- how hard was it to not talk to him? He was only going to hurt me again. I can only imagine now how frustrating it was for my closest friends when they eventually found out I was talking to him, considering the efforts they had gone to trying anything they could to protect me from him. While I do feel guilty about this fact, my only reasoning for my actions was that I was not looking at the situation in a way that addressed my 'best interests'. I was still so deeply hurt from the entire saga and believed the only way I could heal from this was to be with A*. 

Only a few weeks after the first meeting with A*, we were in contact with each other again. A* ended up at my house, one thing led to another and then we were sitting there discussing the possibility of making the relationship work again. I think at the time both of us were too scared to fully jump into the relationship- I think we knew, or at least I did, that things needed to change for it to even possibly work again. We settled on the status of 'seeing each other'. I remember asking/telling A* that I wanted that 'status' to also mean that we were exclusive to each other- I explained it not only for emotional reasons but health etc. If were to give this relationship idea a go, I wanted it to be at least a genuine try at it. It's almost embarrassing to look back and remember how I reacted when I told A*  the idea of being exclusive and he replied with "well no... what am I supposed to do if a girl comes up to me and offers me something? Am I meant to say 'sorry. I'm seeing someone.". I responded with a complete shut down of my own feelings, instead instantly agreeing with A*. Like sure- you genuinely want to try the relationship with me again but if another girl offers you something in the moment (and I'm not around), go right ahead. For A* to even utter those words to me I feel showed his complete lack of respect that he had for me and what little effort he was prepared to put into rebuilding our relationship. This stint of 'seeing each other' only last about two weeks. It ended with me not hearing from A* for a few days, calling him to see what was up (stating that I deserve to be told what the situation was, not left in the dark making myself physically sick from anxiety etc) and with A* laughing at me through the phone because as he said 'I sounded like a sulky little girl', basically belittling me and invalidating the fact I was upset that again. A*'s reasoning for pulling back from the whole seeing each idea was that he basically couldn't be bothered.

A month or so later A* messaged me through my second facebook account, a 'heartfelt' message saying he wanted to try and fix things. I responded of course, becoming completely absorbed in the idea of trying the relationship yet again. Over the next two weeks we would be messaging, calling and seeing each other at any opportunity. I can't explain how genuinely happy I was during this time. Despite how the relationship ended, spending time apart etc, it did feel like we had both matured somehow. A* was actively looking for counselling to address his anger issues and our previous relationship issues (mainly around the abuse incidents and the cheating)- I can honestly say that this gave me so much hope. As I saw it, A* genuinely wanted to try the relationship again and was willing to change his behaviors. If the relationship did begin again, I never once expected it to be all 'running through fields of daisies and off into the sunset' sort of thing. I explained to A* that he had broken my trust in ways I couldn't describe, I needed him to promise me that he wasn't going to do those things to me again. We set new parameters for our relationship, ones we thought would safe guard us against any major problems in the future. For about a month everything did work. I felt like I was more genuinely in love with A* than what I had been for the past 5-6 years and that our 'relationship' was going to be infinitely stronger because of all we had worked through. 

On what would have been our six year anniversary, A* called me to say that he didn't have time to try the relationship with me again, didn't have time to go though counselling etc. to address his own problems and basically did not have time for anything that involved me. He was in a new band and that had taken all priority. He informed me that if I waited until June 2015 (this was in November 2014), he would contact me again and would then apparently be ready to try the relationship again. He also said that during this time up until June, we were free to do what we liked with whoever we liked. Needless to say, I was completely numb throughout this conversation. It felt as though I was going through the entire spectrum of emotions I went through the first time we broke up, all over again. I honestly do not understand how I even coped with A* 'breaking' me all over again- or even the fact that I opened myself up to it, leaving myself so utterly vulnerable. I was basically back at square one. 

[foxfreudandink]

Effects of Verbal Abuse

The psychological effects of verbal abuse include: 

fear and anxiety

depression

stress and PTSD

intrusive memories

memory gap disorders

sleep or eating problems

hyper-vigilance and exaggerated startle responses

irritability, anger issues

alcohol and drug abuse

suicide

self-harm

*adapted from healthyplace.com

[foxfreudandink]

14 Offensive Tactics of Manipulators

lying

denial

shaming

diversion

seduction

minimization

guilt tripping

rationalization

covert intimidation

vilifying the victim

selective inattention

playing the victim role

playing the servant role

projecting the blame (blaming others)

*unknown source

[foxfreudandink]

Physical aggresion by a man towards his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches a wall; throws things at you; blocks your way; restrains you; grabs, pushes, or pokes you; or threatens to hurt you, that's physical abuse. He is creating fear and using your need for physical freedom and safety as a way to control you.

Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?

[foxfreudandink]

Is my boyfriend being abuse by not letting me sleep some nights and never apologising and never complimenting me or showing verbal affecting because he finds it "gay" (he's still all over physical affection though). Is it also abusive that often all he does when we hang out is he expects me to watch him play video games without letting me try because I'm too "slow" and then to make out with him afterwards?

Hey :) For this situation, you could consider it as either psychological abuse or emotional abuse. Regarding your boyfriend never complimenting you or showing verbal affection, it could be a possibility that he simply doesn't feel 'comfortable' or feels awkward in expressing himself in that way- resulting in him calling it 'gay' (to hide the fact that he might not know 'how' to actually go about being affectionate in this way- this could be from reasons such as him never being shown this sort of affection himself, from previous partners, family etc.). A solution to this could be as simple as you explaining to him how you feel and explaining to him how you would like to be treated- You have every single right to be treated in whatever way that you feel is appropriate in a relationship. You should never settle for anything less, compromising your own happiness just for the sake of your partner.

Another possible solution could involve 'demonstrating' the sorts of affection that you would like (eg. calling him babe or any other term you like, complimenting him on things etc.)- from showing him affection yourself he could then see the sorts of behaviors etc. that can be shown between two people in a relationship, possibly then figuring out how to reciprocate this sort of affection with you. 

In regards to your boyfriend expecting you to watch him play xbox, not letting you play and calling you "slow" and then expecting you to then make out with him can certainly be identified as a form of emotional abuse. While being in a relationship is between two people, you are still very much your own person. Your boyfriend has no right to control you and instruct you in what you are meant to do when you are spending time with him ( eg. watch him play xbox). He also has no right in calling you "slow" and therefore not let you join in with him etc.- I can only imagine how that would make you feel. Furthering this, from how you explained it, it sounds as though your boyfriend forces you into making out with him (once he decides he has finished up with his game and is ready to pay some form of attention to you). If this is the case, then it is absolutely abusive. As I said, you are your own person. Your boyfriend has no right to force you into anything that you do not feel comfortable with. Absolutely no right at all. I can honestly say that I have been in the exact same situation. Having to sit quietly and watch my partner play their game, not being allowed to bother them in anyway and basically wait for them to decide to pay me some form of attention. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and not to be treated as some kind of object that will just wait around until your partner feels like interacting with you. If your partner cannot understand this, he simply does not deserve to be in a relationship with you. 

[foxfreudandink]

I've been best friends with this girl for as long as I can remember, since before school. But recently I feel like she might be emotionally manipulative. Whenever we get in arguments, I always have to apologize, or else she acts like nothing happened. She always makes me feel guilty for standing up for my views about whatever it is we're arguing about. And oftentimes she and my other friend will make fun of me in class, about how I look and my intelligence and play it off as a joke. What do I do

Hey there :) Firstly, I am really glad you have been able to look at your relationship with your friend and identify parts of it that can be considered as emotionally abusive. This is an important thing for you. You are realizing that someone else's behavior is compromising your own emotional well-being and there is absolutely no excuse for this. While I am no position to make 'official' judgement on your friend's behavior, it does sound like she is being emotionally manipulative over you, particularly in the examples that you explained.  My advice for your situation would be to take an assertive attitude towards your friend. I totally get that it can seem impossible to stand up to someone, particularly when you have known them for a while etc.. sometimes it feels like it easier to just agree with them and to keep the peace. 

From my experience, I think it is important that you tell your friend that you do not appreciate her behavior and that you will not tolerate it. If your friend/s can't take you seriously from this, I then believe that they do not deserve to have any form of friendship with you- especially when they cannot even respect you enough to express your own ideas or even to defend yourself in an argument. You have every single right to stand up for your own views and not be made to feel guilty about expressing yourself- regardless of whether your friend agrees with you or not. Your friend has no right to make you feel as though your ideas aren't valued or worth being expressed. The way you have explained your situation  to me honestly sounds as though you are in a toxic friendship. These people can affect you in countless ways and sometimes it is better to remove yourself from these sorts of relationships (which again, I completely understand as seeming like an impossible task). 

I hope I have been some sort of help...and I really hope you can improve the situation between yourself and your friend/friends. You deserve to be respected and treated in a way that you feel is appropriate and isn't compromising of your own well being in anyway. Nobody has the right to make you feel worthless or make you doubt your own self-worth. 

[foxfreudandink]

Definitions.

A while after making the first police report, one of A*'s friends messaged me on Facebook. Aside from checking up on me and to see how I was doing, they also asked about what prompted me to make the report. I considered this person as a reasonably good friend and so had no issue with explaining to them the relevant details surrounding the report (that yes, A* had been physically violent with me in the past etc.). At the time, I think I felt the need to justify my actions/decision to make the report. I remember including in my response the fact of me feeling 'sooky' at first and feeling as though I was making a big deal out of nothing. I also remember including that regardless of how minor I thought my experiences were (in comparison to what other women may experience), my fears, concerns and experiences were all extremely relevant and that I had every right to take any steps necessary to ensure my safety. 

A*'s friend responded to my message eventually, providing a response that was basically a prime example of the sort of societal views that people hold in relation to domestic abuse. The response involved informing me that I have no right to class my experiences as 'domestic abuse' or to even compare my experiences to the ordeals that other women endure at the hands of their partners. I was advised that I should consider the 'psychological trauma' that these women go through, apparently setting my situation apart from theirs (...because I was not psychologically traumatized in any way). 

It was honestly frightening to read their response. In their mind, my situation could not be classed as 'domestic abuse' because a) 'I was not psychologically traumatized' b)It only happened three times and was not an ongoing thing and c) the 'level' of physical abuse I experienced was not as serious as what other women experience. These ideas are so dangerously incorrect. It is not the point of 'how many times' I was abused- it is the fact of that it even occurred once. The fact of me being genuinely terrified of my partner and the fact that they felt their actions were justified. It is also not the fact of how my experiences compare to other women who have gone through such ordeals- my experiences are relevant to me. I do not need to justify whether I feel my situation counts as domestic violence or not. In regards to 'psychological trauma', I can not emphasize how incorrect a statement that is. To put it lightly, you know you are 'psychologically traumatized' when you now have 'triggers' that bring back distressing flashbacks of things that happened in the past. 

It was things like that message that gave me even greater reason to start this blog. A person should never compromise their own safety or well being simply because they feel that their situation isn't 'real abuse' or doesn't count as actual 'abuse'. Nobody should have to put up with any form of abuse simply because they have been told things like only incidents of 'serious physical aggression' etc. count as domestic violence and so their own 'minor' incident isn't  justified. I can not emphasize how harmful these sorts of ideas can be. 

[foxfreudandink]

Signs of an abusive relationship

Working out whether you’re in an abusive relationship isn’t always easy. Learning the signs of an abusive relationship can give some perspective. Thinking that abusive behaviour is your fault is a common feeling, but it’s important to know that you’re never to blame for another person’s behaviour.

You might be in an abusive relationship if your partner...

tries to control your behaviour

gets jealous easily

insults you in public or private

makes you feel confused or like you are going 'crazy'

threatens violence against you, your pets, or people you love

makes you feel scared

What is an abusive relationship?

Abuse is experienced in heaps of different ways and isn't just limited to physical violence. An abusive relationship can include sexual, emotional and physical abuse, and can also involve control of finances.

Key signs of an abusive relationship

Possessiveness:

Checking on you all the time to see where you are, what you're doing and who you're with.

Trying to control where you go and who you can see and getting angry if you don't do what they say.

Jealousy:

Accusing you without good reason of being unfaithful or flirting.

Isolating you from family and friends, often by rude behaviour.

Put downs:

Putting you down, either publicly or privately, by attacking your intelligence, looks, mental health or capabilities.

Constantly comparing you unfavourably with others.

Blaming you for all the problems in the relationship, and for the times they are out of control or violent.

Threats:

Yelling, sulking and deliberately breaking things that you value.

Threatening to use violence against you, your family, friends or even a pet.

Saying things like 'no one else will want you'.

Physical and sexual violence:

Pushing, shoving, hitting, grabbing, making you have sex or do things you don't want to do

Harming you, your pets or your family members

Things you might feel in an abusive relationship?

'My partner isn’t violent all the time - they love me'

A violent relationship may not be violent all the time and the person who is violent may seem very loving at other times and sorry for their behaviour. This can make it hard to stay angry and upset with them. However, the chance of their violent behaviour continuing is quite high. Abusers are often very charming and sweet with other people, especially if they are trying to manipulate other people’s view of them.

'Things will get better - they don't mean it'

After a violent event, it's common for both of you to try and make it ok by making excuses, apologising, or promising to change. Sometimes the violent person may even blame you – saying things like 'it wouldn't have happened if you didn’t…'. Things might settle down for a little while but it’s often only a matter of time before the build-up to violence starts again.

'It's so confusing - I'm sure it's a one-off'

If you are experiencing violence in a relationship, things can feel very confusing, especially if it's your first relationship. You might not be sure what behaviour to expect. Abusers often work on your sense of what is real to make you feel confused or even that you are going crazy. Statistically though, if someone is violent once they are far more likely to be violent a second time.

'Maybe it's my fault'

You might begin to think that the violence is your fault. The abuser will probably tell you that it is. The truth is that no matter what you do, another person’s behaviour is never your fault.

'I'm scared of what will happen if I leave them'

In an abusive relationship, it’s not unusual to be afraid of leaving the person you are with. This can be for a number of reasons, such as fearing for your own safety, or being fearful of what the person might do to themselves.

You might also be afraid of not being able to make it on your own. It’s important to remember that you’re not on your own and there are people who can help you every step of the way.

Source: http://au.reachout.com/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship#key

[foxfreudandink]

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse underlies physical abuse, sexual abuse, bullying, dating violence, family violence, and all forms of human cruelty and unkindness. 

threats of physical harm

constant criticism

spiteful comments

public shaming

belittling

ridicule

making fun of appearance or ability

labeling

repeatedly pointing out mistakes

intentional embarrassing

put-downs disguised as jokes

teasing

name-calling

blame-shifting

fault-finding

gossiping

lashing out

humiliating

insulting

scape-goating

giving the 'silent treatment'

lying

withholding affection and emotional support

refusing to talk and listen

dismissing one's ideas and opinions

ignoring

emotional abandonment

isolating from supportive friends and family

making one feel inferior, not 'good enough', worthless

*source unknown

[foxfreudandink]

I was not being a sook. I was physically abused. It was not my fault (regardless of what he said). In those moments I felt legitimate concern for my life and feared my partner. My experiences should not be compared to the experiences of other women, regardless of how 'minor' they may seem.

[foxfreudandink]

Step 1.

In the almost six years that I was in a relationship with A*, I never said a single word to my parents about the abuse incidents. While I am a very private, 'bottle everything up' kind of person anyway, the idea of telling my parents about even one of the incidents was something I never considered. I was terrified about how they would react, particularly towards A*. Regardless of how civilized and collected my parents are, I could never fathom them reacting in a calm manner to their daughter telling them that in one instance she had been lifted by her neck and choked in their home by a person they had accepted into the family and trusted unquestionably. I was scared about what they would do to A*- I thought about things like whether they would let me stay in a relationship with A* if they found out and whether they would tell the police or not.

Over a month later of being out of my relationship with A* I managed to tell my parents the entire 'saga' of the past six years. I ended up text messaging them all the details while I was out one night and they were at home. They understood that I was more comfortable with this method and had no issue with it. I can only explain the feeling of having finally told my parents everything that had happened as literally having a weight lifted off me. My parents were completely horrified and basically distraught from the fact that I had been through all of what I had told them- particularly when they had trusted A* so much. Following their 'enlightenment', my parents went into a sort of lock-down, 'must keep our daughter safe' mode (so protective-parents lvl10). My mum ended up contacting the local police station, looking for some guidance as to the best way to ensure my safety from A*. 

When I started this blog I mentioned the surreal feeling it was to think that my relationship with A*- my best friend, 'soul mate' etc- had ended with a police report. It  honestly felt as though I was talking about a stranger and not A* when I sat there with the police officers making a report for domestic violence. My mind could not wrap itself around the fact that I was talking about the same person that I thought I would be one day marrying etc. Following the report, I remember sitting in the car driving home and doubting myself. My main concern was "Am I being a sook? Where those incidents really that bad? What about compared to what other women experience with domestic violence?". It was these questions that I soon learned where some of the most harmful things I could have thought to myself. 

I was not being a sook. I was physically abused. It was not my fault (regardless of what he said). In those moments I felt legitimate concern for my life and feared my partner. My experiences should not be compared to the experiences of other women, regardless of how 'minor' they may seem. 

While I may have initially believed that my report was minor, one of my closest friends explained something to me that truly changed my entire perspective on the situation. While I might have personally thought I was making a big deal of something little (at the time), the fact of me having made the police report was basically safe-guarding any other partner that A* may be physically violent with in the future. From having already one report against him for domestic violence, if another girl was to come forward and report a similar situation, my initial report would be considered as supporting 'evidence' of sorts of A* engaging in this behavior with a previous partner. Realizing this fact honestly helped me immensely- the idea that I could be possibly helping another girl that had to endure A*'s behavior in any form. 

I think my main point of this entry is to emphasize the need for domestic violence victims to tell someone of their ordeal or to make a formal police report regardless of how minor they might think it is. Any instance in which your partner has made you feel scared for your safety or well being, whether through threats or actual physical contact should be considered an issue of concern. Please don't just brush it off with things like "They usually aren't like that. It was out of character for them" or "He probably was already annoyed about something and I opened my mouth and made it worse. I probably deserved his behavior.". There is no excuse for physical aggression, intimidation or threats to be made from one partner to another. 

[foxfreudandink]

Here's a summary of common everyday Sociopaths.

They make you feel sorry for them

They make you feel worried or afraid

They give you the impression you owe them

They make you feel used

Sometimes you suspect they don’t care about you

They lie to you and deceive you

They take a lot from you and give back very little

They make you feel guilty (and use that to manipulate you)

They take advantage of your kindness

They are easily bored and need constant stimulation

They don’t take responsibility, but place blame elsewhere

*unknown source

[foxfreudandink]

after.

The following weeks after my relationship with A* ended can only be described as a huge mental and emotional overload. I was inundated with support from people, particularly once the ‘reality’ of my relationship with A* started to become more known. People were horrified and in disbelief- having been together for almost six years, A* and I apparently looked to have a perfect relationship. Nobody  thought that A* was capable of doing the things he did to me considering he was generally seen as a friendly, reasonably ‘popular’ and likable kind of guy. 

When trying to start this blog off, I began with some basic research into the facts of abusive relationships. Sometimes I wish I had been shown some of the things I found about 2-3 years earlier. There is absolutely no excusable reason for how A* treated me at times. This is a fact that I truly began to accept once the relationship ended and something I believe all victims of abusive relationships (whether physical, verbal, emotional etc.) need to realize and accept for themselves. 

Despite having achieved some form of ‘closure’ regarding the abuse I had been through, I was still sitting around asking why it had even happened in the first place. While no one deserves to be treated in the way that I was, I was still asking why I in particular had to be put through all of this. I had only ever been completely devoted to A*- I honestly adored the guy in every sense. I think the only answer I can give myself is that there was no reason for it to happen to me. It did, through no fault of my own and I can only learn from it now (as cliche as that will sound). 

Regarding where things stood with A* following the end of our relationship, I ended up being sucked into his behaviour after about a month of being apart. “We should catch up and talk…I miss you..” turned into me being used for A*’s own satisfaction yet again. I have no explanation why I even left myself open to him (having become wiser to how manipulative his behaviour can be)…I think I became caught up in the idea of us being together again, willing to jump at any opportunity for that to become a reality. It was a month of being apart from him and I still felt incredibly hurt, betrayed and basically rip-offed. I could not fathom that I could be happy with anyone else, having been so convinced that A* was the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. 

[mental-health-advice]

What are the signs of emotional abuse?

Abusive Expectations - Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.

Aggressing - Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.

Constant Chaos - Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.

Rejecting - Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.

Denying - Denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.

Degrading - Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as: name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,

Emotional Blackmail - Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.

Terrorizing - Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.

Invalidation - Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.

Isolating - Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.

Corrupting - Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.

Exploiting - Using a person for advantage or profit.

Minimizing - A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.

Unpredictable Responses - Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.

Gaslighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.

Love, Salem