2024 reflections
Happy New Year!
I have observed peoples reflections on social media and have looked back, positively, over the year I have just had. I wanted to be able to review what I have achieved but am mindful of the conflict in Gaza and other people going through difficulties elsewhere in the world. This has made me consider how I share my personal reflections, which will just be on LinkedIn as opposed to other social media platforms. In 2023 I have had a raised awareness of how and when I share things, due to some of the work I have been doing. I also realised I have once again become all too familiar with doom scrolling. There is always a balance and where I got some things spot on in ‘23 there is also a lot I can improve on. The first goal for 2024 is to be less active on social media (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and TikTok apps have all been deleted!) and so my achievements in 2023 with Betatwindad.com and the M&M show had come at a cost where I have been much more present on social media and started looking at what others have, sometimes whilst I’m meant to be spending time with my family.
I digress but ultimately this article will move and jump around. As much as the 12 months of the year are in an order my successes and learnings are not. In work I became the lead on a new project, which was years of work to achieve. During the 5 years at Twining Enterprise I have been learning and reflecting and developing my skills, building up to this achievement. I have stayed true to my own values and principles, mainly motivating and having a view to 'lead from the back'. Empowering and enabling others to lead. Over 2023 I continued my Co-Active coaching with Rohanna Law (being coached) and this has given me the mindset that if I really want to achieve something, I can. I’m proud of getting to this chapter and am extremely grateful. I am also all too aware of my personal life allowing me to navigate this. I have twins but am not the main parent, that’s my fiancé and their mum who was looking after them full-time until recently returning to work part-time. As I have been doing more work and building my networks I have been increasingly more aware of the challenges mums have returning to work. I’m proud that in our recent recruitment we have worked with agencies working with mums returning to work and In 2024 I want to do more with parents. My own personal journey I see how tough it is for mum, but I have been conscious of dads - I really want to do more for dads on paternity leave and give both parents the opportunity of stability in the home.
At the start of the year in my personal life I started a website - betatwindad.com. I wrote blogs about male infertility, premature babies and parenting. The beta was around not wanting to be the alpha male. I wanted to pass on observations rather than telling someone what will work and I was all too aware of how much I didn’t know, that I was never in a position to act like I was the alpha… I didn’t renew the domain after 12 months as I wasn’t spending as much time as I had planned writing or maintaining it. Part of 2023 was trying to navigate the new role, parenting my twins and staying in a positive mindset. As much as the blogging was having a creative hobby and an outlet for passing on my experiences, it was taking its toll. In 2024 I’ll continue to work on that balance but I need to focus on my main work. I plan to build up my mental health networks and become a leader in the sector. I still want to continue blogging but these will more be around articles (much like this). I am proud that in 2023 I wrote and was published in 4 articles - in The People (about the twins), Twins Trust magazine (about my mental health whilst parenting), the Brentford Community Sports Trust research (for a programme I was a participant on) and The Metro (about being a father on the maternity ward).
In March I was a participant on Comedy For Thought, a Brentford FC Community Sports Trust programme delivered by Dr. Maria Zofia Kempinska MBE. I did standup to a room of 40-50 people, as a showcase, after having 6 sessions learning the skills. At the time I didn’t know I needed it but on that first session I completely opened up about my infertility and the challenges navigating 29 week premature twins. Working in mental health I have an understanding of how challenging it can be to talk about any conditions you may have. The old cliche of men not talking is more often than not down to men not having a safe space to do so, or indeed something that fits in with where they would like to share. I had confided in a couple of friends and family, finding it easier to tell some than others, but for others it was never ‘the right time’ or I was worried about their reaction. It’s 2023 but people still struggle to talk to people, or know how to respond when someone shares their issues. Learning comedy was so great. I could deliver a punchline and get feedback on the delivery, rather than the content. I went and did a couple more shows but realised quite quickly just how hard comedy is and how much time comedians spend honing their style and their content. Again I realised that I didn’t have the capacity to do this. I was happy standing up in front of audiences and sharing my life, with some laughs, but not what it would take to be really funny. In 2024 I want to do public facing talks but again may do this more on mental health and less about comedy, but using the learning from standup to deliver to an audience. Through that one showcase show, which I shared on a fertility for me Facebook page, I met someone that took me on a different path.
Kevin Button aka theman_cave got in touch with me and invited me on his instalive. Since then other audiences I have held have been on InstaLive. We connected and after that he invited me to do the M&M show. A chat show for men, by men, talking about male infertility, mens mental health and topics to help more men being open to talking. I loved talking to Kev, Gareth and other guests (some big names in the fertility sector) about this topic. I’ve always found talking so empowering and therapeutic. The blogging, the comedy, the work I do for Twining and the instalives have given me the opportunity to process the last couple of years. The talking in the instalives is ultimately to give others some support and help, a place they can go and meet others facing similar challenges but in doing so I talked about my feelings, my mental health, my lows. Looking back over all the years I found myself seeking help and becoming a helper and this was just that. Again though, I’m grateful to Kev for listening. For not reacting. For thanking me. This was a stepping stone I needed and I wanted to talk on different spaces. In 2024 I’ll continue to do the instalives but ensuring I’m not impacting on my day job or running myself too thin.
In 2023 I went from doing these lives to speaking on 3 podcasts and in 2024 I really want to do more. My life I have been outward, an extrovert and in negative discussions I have been called egotistical. Since being with my fiancé I have worked on managing how often I talk first, how often I am in the middle and how often I bring the conversation back to me. In work I try to focus on listening and coaching (something I continually need to work on) but I have always searched for/had an ambition for a certain 'fame'. It’s always a balance and any social setting I’m aware of my voice and my stories but these podcasts were a freeze frame of my situation, my life and gave me an opportunity to always have something in the airwaves. A memory bank. In 2023 I also understood that although it’s me talking and is my part in it, my fiancé was very much part of that process and she is not as keen as I am to be the centre of attention. So in 2024 I want to go on more podcasts and shows but not about our fertility journey and our twin boys. It needs to be about my mental health and my well-being and my own learnings, so more around work and the sector I’m in. I’m extremely grateful to firing blanks, The Collaboration Twins, testhim and The Fertility Podcast for having me on their podcasts and listening. Something I’ll forever be proud of.
2023 was a positive one for me. It was one that I survived in large chunks and thrived in chunks. Not without a lot of support, a lot of selfishness/boundaries from time to time. I’m also aware that in amongst the highs and best bits, there were lows, when I didn’t take enough time off to recharge, when I gave too much energy to too many things all at once. It is a constant battle to get the balance right, I didn’t run as much as I would have liked but I did the Ealing half marathon. Trying to squeeze in a run between sorting the boys their breakfast before work, or taking over after work until bedtime, before cooking became too much and so I only ran 288 miles in 2023. Sometimes maybe I would have benefited from more running. I started reading properly again once the boys started sleeping through the night more. This has helped me to get to sleep and meant I have now come very close to finishing the Rebus books that I started in lockdown. I still drink nighttime tea but potentially too much coffee. I lost weight for six months but in December put all of it back on again. I managed my well-being as best I could but still in November came very close to having a breakdown. One tougher than usual week at work, one too many conversations about communication and I found myself unable to go to a social situation I had planned. I couldn’t even take the tube properly and kept on going back and fourth between stops and going to the wrong station. I have since spoken to friends who said they were always around if I needed to reach out and in 2024 I need to do more to reach out when I need it. That’s partly why I have a Coach. A rain check. A de-stress.
Those low moments were minimal but in 2024 I need to work out how to balance better. I want to lose weight but for my longevity and health, in the hope that I won’t get stressed as easily and my boundaries can be stretched. It’ll be a big year if I manage myself well. Working in the sector I know only too well the benefits on having a well-being locker, tools that we can use to stay well but it only works if we are using it proactively and not reactively. Stretching is important but only within a healthy boundary.
Here’s to a healthy, stretchy 2024.















