The Mad King

I answered an ad on craigslist, and now that crown will be the last thing you ever see. (A fake!ah crew blog)

[freethemadking]

cdjailhouse :

Dad no. No no no. I’m not going to harm myself! I promised not to do that a long time ago! I’ve never done that. I’m not going to hurt myself on purpose dad.

Good! Good. I don’t want to see you hurt.

[freethemadking]

cdjailhouse :

Okay cya in a bit Mica!…Dad. you make it sound like you think I’m going to pop my eyes out of my head. I’m focusing on the road.

You sounded like you were! Promise me you’re not going to harm yourself like that, Christopher. You’re...... To me you’re.. The thing is...

[freethemadking]

pistolsandprada :

cdjailhouse:

I have two eyes. Besides that isn’t supposed to be literal dad. You want to stay on the line Mica?

… No. You go ahead and focus on driving. I’ll see you when you get here. Drive safe.

[Mica hangs up and goes back to loitering] 

And you need them both do not remove them- please don’t remove your eyes Christopher. It’s extremely important you listen to me on this Do Not Remove Your Eyes.

[freethemadking]

pistolsandprada :

cdjailhouse:

How would I engage the child locks? Is there a button on the dash for that? I don’t see it here.

Maybe it’s just for the back seat… Just keep an eye on him.

Keep your eyes on the road, not on me. Otherwise you’re pulling over and I’m driving.

[freethemadking]

pistolsandprada :

cdjailhouse:

….We are criminals dad. Why would we need a license.

Take your time. Another ten minutes doesn’t matter when I’ve already been here hours. And do yourself a favor and engage the child locks so he can’t open the doors while you’re driving.

I wouldn’t open the doors while the car is moving! That’s insulting.

[freethemadking]

cdjailhouse :

pistolsandprada:

[Mica stares up at the sky, searching for answers. The light polluted sky has nothing to tell her.]

Okay… Well.. I’ll be here. [She winces at the shout about the knife, hearing Ryan’s mumble in return] Yeah… That’s probably for the best Chris.

Fine. You can take the knife but I’m driving dad! Please! We are on our way Mica. Be there as soon as we can.

Do you even have a driver’s license? ..Do I even have one?

[freethemadking]

cdjailhouse :

pistolsandprada:

[The sound of Mica’s palm hitting her own face might not be audible but her tone of voice definitely reflects it] 

Jesus fucking– I’m at The Edison, downtown. I’ve been waiting for two hours; I’m in heels and this stupid fucking dress and I’m hungry and I want to lay down so I don’t care who gets me but someone better come get me. [She breathes in for a moment, then exhales excessively] Please don’t actually let him come pick me up alone he sounds awful.

Dad no! No no no. That isn’t a good idea. I’ll drive. Okay dad and I are on our way. We can get some takeout of something on our way home to get dad into bed. Because..dad that is a knife not keys!

It’s necessary. For.. For... Hm I just need it. The keys are already in my pocket. I can drive.

[freethemadking]

cdjailhouse :

pistolsandprada:

[The phone picks up on the first ring, and Mica does not sound pleased]

Dad better be dead or I’m going to kill him myself.

Hey. Don’t kill dad. Also I’m not entirely sure he isn’t a zombie right now anyways….he’s actually kind of scaring me. Did you need a ride or something?

[In the background of the call] I’m not a Zombie. I’m grabbing keys. Where’s.. Drop off? Pick up. I mean pick up.

[freethemadking]

cdjailhouse :

Riiiight….

Siri call Mica.

Ask her the meet up again, just in case. And if she needs anything. 

[freethemadking]

cdjailhouse :

Dad?…Your phone is dead….do you want me to call Mica?

Oh.. Yes. Tell her I’m on my way. I’ll be there in.... 30 minutes? Yeah. 20-30.

[freethemadking]

cdjailhouse :

Isn’t that it on the coffee table in front of you?…I’m not sure you should be going anywhere right now dad.

Right. No, it’s fine. There’s.. Mica? She needs me. I should get moving.

[freethemadking]

cdjailhouse :

….This is like…your 6th? And that just since I got home…

Have you seen my phone? I need the time. I’m supposed to... Go.. Somewhere.

[freethemadking]

cdjailhouse :

….You opened your last one dad. This is a new one. You just sat down with it.

I was only supposed to sit down with one. There was something I needed to do after.

[freethemadking]

cdjailhouse :

Ummmm….no? It isn’t?

But I opened it.

[freethemadking]

My soda isn’t open.

[freethemadking]

themidaseffect :

[Letting out a contented sigh then he smiles a little, relaxing where he was.]

[Ryan just lays as still as possible, his phone in one hand so he can check for delivery updates]

[freethemadking]

themidaseffect :

No…no this is nice.. [He hums a little, nuzzling into Ryan for a moment before he hums.] Just put anything on…

Right. Good. Okay. [He moves just slightly to reach for something to set things up. Ryan smiles a little at the man on top of him, Gavin’s adorable]