Freud would love this

I am not sleeping, I am just thinking

[freudwouldlovethis]

A little dream with my crush <3

It was early in the morning and I was in the subway. It was my first time like an independent adult in the city and I moved there by myself. So, that morning I was looking for the University campus, in specific, for the literature department. There was only a few persons in the subway and all of them looked sleepy and tired. The cold weather didn’t help and I was sleepy and tired as the people in the sub. In a certain moment I watched the passengers and then I saw my crush. He was sitting in front of me. I was pretty sure that he didn’t recognize because we aren’t friends or something else. I was determined to talk to him but he moved from his seat. I gave up.

For some reason, I knew which my station was, but I had this knowledge thanks to a memory of my childhood, it was pure instinct. So, when I came to my station, my crush took the same way as I did. Quickly we were walking next to each other and I was forced to talk to him. It was now or never. I asked him if he knew where it was the university campus, more in specific the literature department, he said “yes” but I already knew that because he studied there. Suddenly he said that he would take me there but first we had to go for some morning beers. He was flirting with me and he wanted to drink some beers with me before midday, I was super excited so we went together for a breakfast and beers. 

[freudwouldlovethis]

Toads, depression and my way to home

After the school me and my friends were talking, like always we do, just that my ex was there. I didn't speak to him because he hurted me so much, but my friends were adoring him. After a while we got hungry and one of my friends said that nearly there was a place where you can eat "toads", yeah like frogs but these were somethingn edible, so we were there. While we walked, I avoided to speak with him, and he was just talking with one of my closest friends. For some reason I started to want go home, the walk was very long to me and it was getting dark, I remembered that my mother will be early in our house and that we like to spend those evenings together. But, suddenly, we were in the restaurant where you can eat a toad and it wasn't a real restaurant, we were just sitting under a bridge and an old lady and a man seemed cooking something, and we were just waiting. In some part of our waiting, my ex said to everyone "do you want me to do little puppies to her (my friend)?" Everyone said "yes" and he started to kiss her in a childish way. I was so upset that I leaved the bridge and walked to a kind of mall. My friend leaved my ex and started to following me with another gay friend, they yelled at me and I was just saying "I want to go home, my mom is there and she's waiting me" but they didn't stop so I ran from them, but they ran too behind me, for then I was already crying and saying "go away! I have depression and anxiety!" When my friend listened to this she asked to my friend gay "she said that she is depressed?" And he said "omg! It must be true, and you know why? Earlier she saw some pictures of some person and she got upset when saw you with that person" . They stopped and I keept running. Suddenly, in my way to home, I realized that I was kind of lost. I knew those streets but the way felt very long and all the people was very weird, and they were looking at me in a very strange way, even dangerous, all of them were doing strange things. Then, I heard my cellphone and it was a text from my friend, I answered to her saying that I was ok.

[freudwouldlovethis]

A soccer game, Ewan McGregor and an autograph

There was a soccer game and in the backyard of my aunt’s house. I was lying in one bed, next to a window, so I could see all my cousins playing. When the game finished, I saw that everybody were entering in the house and one of my aunts was saying that it was already lunch time. Very fast the backyard became a lonely place except for one person, which I was observing, suddenly he looked at me and I recognize him, he was Ewan McGregor in my aunt’s backyard playing soccer with my cousins.

When I was walking through the living room, I saw him going to the dinner room, so I stopped him and started tell “hey (and I touched his arm), you are Ewan McGregor”, even nobody else were in the room he looked very concerned and he pulled me apart and started saying “why are you telling me this? please, don’t tell anybody” and I said “of course not, but I need your autograph, I’m a huge fan, I need pen and paper, wait here”. For some reason nobody in my family knew with which person they were coexisting, he was just another guest.

I was running everywhere in the house seeking for pen and a decent paper, I didn’t want an autograph in a piece of notebook. Two, or maybe three, of my cousins were playing in a kids bedroom, I was so desperate that I started to seek in their school stuff, but they only had graph paper. It was so much my desperation that I took one of those graph pages and a black ink pen, I tried a blue one but I looked awful.

Finally when I found Ewan McGregor (again in the living room), he started to write my autograph and I apologized a lot for the kind of paper that I gave him, but he said that doesn’t care a lot and kept writing. When he finished, went to the dinner room (he was starving), and I followed him very cautious. Nobody in my family still knew who he was and what I asked.

Later, I was in a room watching tv with my cousins, and for moments I was reading my autograph, which was very confusing, it said something about pursue your own philosophy and it was written with a lot of mistakes, so I thought that I should analyse that with more patience, however my twelve year old cousin saw what I was doing and I left het sae my autograph but her eighteen year old brother put some interested in us and took the paper. He left the room without said anything, I get worried but he never came back and I woke up.

[freudwouldlovethis]

Mom's job, the cutter and nine years to recover

In my dream, my mom was waiting for a call about a new job. She really wanted that job, she was so desperate that if she received a negative answer we will commit suicide. It was our treat. She was in her room and I was in the living room just waiting, and suddenly I thought that I should kill myself regardless of my mom's job. I was in front of a miror and I had a cutter in my hand. Looking at my reflection, I stabbed myself three times below my chest. The three wounds were made in a vertical way, one below the other. I felt how I did hurt my stomach and I fell to the ground thinking that maybe I wont have a lot of time. I don't know why but I stood up and went to my mother's room, she was there doing her stuff, and I said to her "I hurt myself, you have to take me to a hospital", she was very calm and said with a normal voice "ok ,the other day I talk with the doctor and said that she can make an emergency appointment if we need it, I'll talk to her and we can go, it's just 9 a.m." We went to the hospital and everything were very blurry, I just remember when we were back home and my dad was there, when he saw us he ask to my mom "what did happen? where have you been?" and my mom said "she cut herself, she hurt even her pancreas, it will take nine years to recover".

[freudwouldlovethis]

Twitter, my exboyfriend and a scientific reunion

I was in my bedroom twitting and I said something about a beer, but the beer’s official twitter answered me with and invitation to a free dinner in a very elegant restaurant. I had a boyfriend which was an old friend from school, he lived in other city so I was having an affair with my exboyfriend. I told my situation to my mom while she was cleaning the bathroom. She said that I should break up with my boyfriend, I was agree but inside I felt very insecure about that.

My exboyfriend and I went to the free dinner but there was full of people, it was like a convention of scientist. We share a table with my aunt and her colleagues, who were there for the reunion. When my ex boyfriend and I could have some of privacy I told him “do you know that I like you a lot?” he said “no, it doesn’t seem” and I though in all the bad things that I did to him, I felt terrible, so I took his hand and I said “but I really do, I like you a lot”. And we left the restaurant.

[freudwouldlovethis]

An hotel, a pool with sheets and the guy's kiss

I was in a hotel with my school mates and other guys. All the atmosphere was very strange but these guys were acting like our friends: we were drinking together, making jokes and all that kind of stuff. Then I went to a pool but this seemed like a bed with the sheets and everything, anyway, I started to swim and I was doing it so fast. In some point I realized that one of the guys (very tall and handsome) was swimming by my side, I didn’t say anything and we continued doing that together until he went to the bottom of the pool. I didn’t see him so I started to seek for him going down. When I founded all the pool became like a big bed he and I were under the sheets and everything, we were so close to each other so I started thinking “if I kiss this guy it would be the first kiss since that one my ex boyfriend gave me the last time we were together, am I really doing this? am I capable to do it?” and I kissed the guy, I felt his lips, I felt his tongue, I felt very excited and happy because from now the last kiss that I had it wasn’t my ex boyfriend’s kiss. After that we came back to the hotel, we speak about us, we were knowing each other but then I went to my room to pack all my stuff and finally leave that place.

[freudwouldlovethis]

***

I've been having so many dreams with a person that I don't like anymore and the school is so hard in this time. I hope write more stuff but I don't know when

[freudwouldlovethis]

Friend's party, poetry reunion and boring stuff

I was in a strange house and there was a party. Mostly of my friends were in a room sitting in chairs that formed a circle. I sit next to the best friend of the guy that I like. We were drinking and talk like usually and suddenly my friend took in a very intimate hug, I couldn’t walk very well and I felt that someone (maybe the guy that I like?) was taking my left leg because he didn’t want me to go. So my friend kept pulling me out of the room to take to another where there was a poetry reunion. Again, the people’s chairs were forming a circle but there was a television in one corner and everyone was looking at it. The topic was the poetry of a twenty-some guy that I’ve reading a couple thing on the internet. My friend was whispering me about his poetry and I couldn’t say that I already knew him. It was a kind of desperate situation. I wanted to be with the guy that I like but he was in the other room. In a moment of the poetry discussion my friend looked at me and kissed me.  He was in love with me and he only wanted to be around me in that party. The reunion finished and we could continue with the party; I wanted see the guy that I like but I stayed in the room. I sat in a big couch and started drinking something, I was kind of sad. I saw a friend coming into the room and she sat next to me, we were talking and suddenly more girls came and sat next to us. They were saying that the party would be better in a couple minutes but nothing happened. I was getting boring and I decided to seek the guy that I like, I went to the first room where all began and I saw him with another girl. After that, I fall asleep (yep, in my own dream) and I woke up in a room of the house. I was alone, nobody was there.

[freudwouldlovethis]

Some cents, the supermarket and old men

I was in the supermarket and I had a couple cents in my hand, I don’t why I had it or for what reason but I went to the checkout and an old man was there, he want to see the coins and I put them in front of him but he started to move it so fast and I get worried, I mean, maybe he was trying to steal my coins, so I freaked out and because I really needed the money and they were screwing up everything. So I looked for the manager or something and I found a woman, she said that she could help me but we had to go to the parking lot. Outside it was night, so the woman and I stood by her van and when she almost said me how to deal with the strange guys, they came out of the supermarket and were walking to us. I was so scared and started running but something was wrong with my leg and I couldn’t go faster, they started running too, and I heard the woman’s scream, but I was trying to run because I felt that one of the guys was very close to me, almost touching me. I saw the supermarket and thought that I should came into it but everything got darker and I got lost.

[freudwouldlovethis]

Frida's house, a town in fever and food

I was with my family in an old house which was in a cliff, it didn’t have a roof and many of its walls were incomplete. There was too many plants growing up in the ground and walls. My aunt was telling us that that was maybe the house of Trotsky when he lived in Mexico, she said that the location of that house was very difficult to precise, some people thought it was Coyoacán, other said Aguascalientes, and some others Zacatecas.

My aunt is nun and soon she should be with the other sisters. We looked the house very fast and walked down to a little town. All the people there was very hurry, like a Christmas fever or Black Friday or something. We were tired and hungry, so we sat in the pavement and a nun came to us and gave us food.

[freudwouldlovethis]

A short dream about me as a lesbian

This time I was a lesbian. It was weird because all the persons in the world were lesbians too or something like that. So I was in the street like a prostitute and all the lesbians who were walking by turned around the head to my direction.   

[freudwouldlovethis]

Another party, a burger in a restroom and the guy that I like

I was in a strange party. All the guests were in the garden and I was seeking for the bathroom. I saw a lot of my friends there and all seemed a little bored. When I found the bathroom I realized that it was a really big room, almost like a public restroom. There was a girl who was seeking for a burger, I thought that she was crazy because she was crawling on the floor. Weird. Suddenly I saw the burger and I told her but the burger had a thread (like the dollar joke) and someone was pulling it. That freaked me out. I came back with my friends, but I heard a voice saying my name and I saw the guy that I like and his friends waiting for me. I went with them and they ask my name, and they said: “Oh god! You are that girl who bothers N. (the guy’s that I like girlfriend) You are the reason why they are very close to broke their relationship, we calculate that will happen in November.” I saw the guy that I like and he had an inexpressive face. I felt terrible, I was waiting for him since too much time and he was there very quiet. Nothing happened.

[freudwouldlovethis]

My mother's essay, communist people and a jealous girl

I went to a convention in a little city. All the buildings were old with a colonial style. By the night, there was an event where I’d read an essay. I was waiting for my turn but suddenly someone ask to my mother go to the stage and read her essay. I don’t remember very well the subject of my mother’s essay. I was putting attention to her and she starts to read: “don’t try to be like Susan, she’s always thinking that all the boys want a romantic relationship with her”. I was in shock, Susan was my friend (not anymore) and my mother was reading a comment that I told her, it is supposed to be a secret. I looked to Susan and she was hiding her face, I was so embarrassed, fortunately a friend came to my seat and asked me if I was ok. Of course not, I wasn’t. I took his hand and both went out of the event.

It was night and we started to walk down the street. We saw communist people and they tried to convince us to join them. We didn’t care and kept walking. We couldn’t talk because a girl came to us and she was very jealous, so she started to kiss my friend. I left them. The end.

[freudwouldlovethis]

Salinger's house, an old typewriter and the basement

I was in the J. D. Salinger's house. It was very strange because the house was more like a building and in the middle of this there was a huge spiral staircase. I was wandering thru the hallways and the rooms. I was looking for something, I don't know what. I came into a room and there it was very dark, and I star to browse and I found my mom's old typewriter, and I thought: "Well, this should help me with my homework, doesn't?" I took it and after that I met my mom. I said to her that I was looking for more stuff that could help me. She said that I should be careful because Salinger was mad. I keep walking and I came into another room. Unfortunately I don't remeber what was there. 

For some strange reason, all the persons in the house should go the basement. I walked to the spiral staircase and I saw Salinger, he was very old and slow, I didn't want him to follow me, so I jumped to another staircase, he couldn't follow me and he saw me with a strange gaze. I left him and I went to another place.

[freudwouldlovethis]

An engagement, money and vikings

Again, I was in my aunt's house (let's call her "the good aunt"). It was like a familiar reunion. I was in the living room when a guy, who seemed from a foreign country, came into the room. He was asking for one of my cousins. She was in her room so I told to the boy how to get there. After that my aunt came and said me that the guy wanted to married my cousin and he was very rich. Suddenly, everyone in the house was very happy and then, my other aunt (let's call her "the bad aunt") told me that the guy wanted to give my cousin $25,000 but she didn't accepted it. Nobody knew about this, so my aunt gave me the advice to convince the guy to give me the money, it seemed a good idea.

I went to my cousin's room but in a half way I found the guy. I told him my intentions and he told me that he would do and he wanted to marry me. We both agree and he left and I went to my room. I was watching TV when my good aunt came into my room and in a hysterical voice told me: "Did you accept to marry with your cousin's boyfriend and took the money that was for her?" I said the truth and we went to the living room where everyone was there, even the guy's relatives. My cousin was crying and the guy was very quiet denying everything. In that moment, he didn't want to get married, and my cousin was with her heart broken. I said to her that I would give her the money and she could use it in the wedding, of course, if the guy agreed. But he continued with his conviction to not get married. He said that, after our little talk, he had found a revelation, like it happened to an ancient viking that he admired and which story he read in a book many years ago, when he was just a boy. I knew that story, and I told him that I read the book but, to me, the best viking was Leif Erikson, "c'mon he discovered America" I told him, but that wasn't enough for him. His father said the same thing and I felt that I was talking with the most annoying persons in this planet.

I was so tired to speak with that persons, so I said to all that I was going to bed. I said goodbye to each one of the persons there except to the guy and his father. My good aunt told me: "Say goodbye to your old aunt" she was next to my cousin, so I said goodbye to her and I gave to my cousin her money.

[freudwouldlovethis]

A flight to LA, a friend's walk and the taxicab

This time, my parents had paid me a flight to LA. I was so happy, i couldn't believe it. I packed all my stuff and my parents and I went to the airport. It was very lonely and I had to pass the customs office. My mother was watching me while I was caring my stuff. I was thinking in how they want to know that you have enough money for you stay in the country. My parents gave me that money and I was nervous and sad because they couldn't come with me on my first flight to a foreign country.

For some reason I couldn't travel, so we came to home, but in the car, I said to my dad that I wanted to see a friend, and he left me in a strange street. Immediately, I saw my friend and we start to walk. I don't know where we were going but we walt thru a very small streets. Suddenly, she stopped in front of a blue building, she told me that she was living there. I was a little disappointed because I thought that we would keep walking and talking, and now, I had to do it alone. I was afraid about walking alone, and I was very far from my house, so I took a taxicab and I did go.

[freudwouldlovethis]

The bear's attack, an appointment with the doctor and loads of used cars

My aunt and I were in her new school, she’s a teacher. Her classroom was in the end of the hallway. We were decorating it. She told me that she had to travel to a foreign country, so she left me in the classroom. I stayed there, decorating and watching thru the window all the persons who were walking outside. My aunt came back and I said to her that I had finished the decoration and had to go.

I walked through the street that I had watched from the window of the school. I was going to a park where it supposed that I’ll see my friend. Between the park and the street where I was, there was like a small garage, it was very old and dirty, the floor was cover with thatch and oil. In the left corner of the room there was a wooden cage and in this was a bear. The cage was open so the bear could easily catch me. The bear attacked me but I survived (I don’t know how). I saw that the bear scratched my tights but my dress could cover that.

I went to the park and there I found my friend waiting, she looked angry. We started to walk and I tried to talk but she was angry about something that I didn’t know. I got tired about that situation, so I left her saying that I had an important appointment with the doctor. I went to the hospital but there was a lot of people waiting their turn. I sat and waited but nothing happened and I was boring again. I decided to go. When I finally where in the outside of the hospital I saw that my mother was there, waiting for me. We were walking and talking, and in that moment I realized how much I love my mom (aww).

After, we went to a place where there was a man selling used cars. We were watching but all the cars were too ugly and old. I saw a dark orange car, it seemed like a Volkswagen. I said to my mom: “Hey! Come to see this, is like your style” she went but the car was too ugly. She didn’t like it. She started to ask me about an appointment with the doctor for the next week. It supposed that I will go to a near town out of the city to see a doctor, but nobody could go with me, so I would have to go alone. She was worried about that and me too. I remembered that my aunt will travel that weekend therefore my dad will come to take her to the airport and that will be a great opportunity to me, he could go to the doctor with me. I explained to my mom and both of us were relief.

For some strange reason, we went to a small supermarket, we were buying a lot a thing in company of some workers from the car sales. They were buying a lot of sodas. We were stock in the cash register. Again, this was turning into a boring situation. And the boredom ended up everything. The end.