we met originally because she was an anon on my blog! lol if you scroll back far enough you could probably find her asks/requests đ and eventually she dmed me and we became friends that way!! so we were friends before she was ever a writer on here which is funny to think about
i wasnât planning on writing something about this whole situation but i think somehow it will help me close this chapter and start fresh again.
as yâall may know iâm kinda new to this whole hc tumblr community, i was barely starting to gain some followers after i filled my first requests and all of a sudden i saw this person recommending my blog. i was really thankful since it brought more people to my blog and i was happy, we started talking since that day cause i was trying to be kind.
everything went downhill when she started ignoring the things i would talk to her about, she would simply talk about something else while i was trying to open up about my things. she started talking bad about writers on here, specially bunnie and lu which to me were really nice people. she made me believe they were horrible, she talked so bad about them i started doubting who they were as a person even without knowing them at all. if you read luâs and bunnieâs writings about this then you know exactly what kind of rumors she was spreading about them. at some point she even had me wrapped around her finger, i started hating on these people even when i havenât talked to them in my life, i thought reading their works was only making this person feel worse so i stopped. i stopped my enjoyment only for her to feel heard, cause thatâs what she wanted, she wanted someone who was not involved to believe her side of the story without a doubt.
but what she didnât know is that i started talking to bunnie after that, trying to figure out who i was talking to and why was everyone so bad except her, why would she get so mad everytime i would try to defend any of these writers. i finally realized who the real victims were
in addition, she made fun of a lot of coping mechanisms i do have and she just harassed me in many ways or made jokes about things that made me really uncomfortable, specially cause we were getting to know each other and we werenât that close for her to do those kind of jokes without asking first.
i stopped talking to her entirely, iâm so scared of her because i still think she will try to contact me and manipulate me to believe in her stupid words again and again.
but the whole point is, please donât fall for her words and do not pay attention to her posts from now on or throw hate at her cause thatâs what she wants, she wants something to complain about and she wants it to make it all about herself and how sheâs supposedly the victim in all of this.
and to finish this, i wonât be answering asks asking for her @ or any ask thatâs harmful towards me or my friends or other writers that were harmed by her, donât even try cause i wonât be answering any of those.
with something like this, there never feels like a right time, and i donât know if iâll ever feel well and truly prepared to talk about these things, but iâll give it a shot. here is my experience with reza and the entire situation.
i say none of this with malice, and i would hope nobody else does either. nobody but those who were directly involved can understand, talking about this is hard, but itâs weighing me down not to. so please, donât send anyone hate or interact with her at all. i just want to express what happened and move on.
i became friends with reza awhile ago, probably over a year ago at least if my memory serves me correctly. unlike many others in this situation, we were very close. we spoke nearly everyday. we have spoken on the phone, she has met my girlfriend over the phone, we shared a lot of personal things. we even talked about meeting in person at one point. so trust me when i say, this has brought me an intense amount of sorrow, loss, and guilt.
i know people throw around words like gaslighting and manipulative a lot, but i truly mean it when i say she manipulated many of us. she made me feel absolutely insane sometimes, like i couldnât trust my own memories, perspectives, and experiences. what i said i thought happened never mattered. experiences i had with someone were never considered unless they aligned with her predetermined narrative. she would convince me i said or did things i didnât, or at least didnt remember saying. she told people i was angry at her about something when i had no recollection of it. iâm not an angry person, i couldnât imagine being truly angry and harsh with her ever.
it seemed every few weeks or months, she picked a new person to dislike and she wanted everyone else to dislike them too. she used to tell me frequently how nobody ever believed her about anything, so at first when she would tell me about not liking someone for some reason i always tried to validate her and believe what she said. i wanted her to know i was a good friend, i wanted to be a good friend. but the more it went on, the more i started to question things. people i didnât know very well i easily believed what she said, because iâm very trusting. i had no reason not to trust her, really. but then it became people who were my friends that were the targets of her distaste.
if i ever had a small problem with someone, she blew it way out of proportion. of course all friends have issues, everyone has issues. so i would confide in her when other people i was friends with had upset me somehow, and she always responded with incredibly petty insults about the person whether it be their writing, their art, or about them as a person. it was very odd. but i learned very quickly i couldnât ever defend any of my other friends, because that angered her severely. she has talked poorly about just about every single person on this website in this community, including her own friends. i know sometimes you just need a place to vent, i understand that, iâve done that myself. but she was often rude, petty, and insulting about these people. it wasnât just venting, it was true distaste and malice.
if she wasnât responding with petty insults, she would become very intense about the situation. she would almost always instruct me to not trust that person anymore, or to cut them off, or even sometimes go as far as to âhandleâ the situation herself. another writer mentioned in their post that they were kicked from a groupchat because of her, and i was in that groupchat, and she did it simply because a joke that was made had upset me slightly. she took things from 0 to 100 in seconds, before i could even protest. sometimes when she did things like that, i felt perhaps thatâs what friends did? i didnât have many friends growing up, so i guess i didnât really know. but it often felt as if she treated me like someone who couldnât fight my own battles when really, iâm just not a fighter by choice. iâd rather talk things out, especially with someone who was a friend of mine who i cherish deeply.
i confided in her that i was very trusting and thought everyone had good intentions due to being autistic and taking what people say at face value. i told her thatâs how i ended up in my abusive relationship, because i was too trusting. she told me she hated that anyone had done that to me, and then went and did it herself. she took advantage of the fact i canât tell easily when iâm being manipulated. she attempted to plant seeds of distrust within me towards every single other friend i had, even my girlfriend. i spoke to her once about an issue my girlfriend and i had had a long time ago, and she immediately said in essence she didnât think my girlfriend was good for me. this was one issue within a nearly 5 year relationship. it felt insanely isolating, to be told at every turn that anyone in my life was bad for me, except for her.
itâs also worthy of pointing that all of these people who she would talk so poorly about to me and to just about anyone who would listen, she is more than willing to turn around and kiss their feet when she lost all her friends. duckie was a particular target of hers in terms of her attempts to get me to cut my friendship off with. some of the things she said to me, i donât even want to repeat, though of course i have told duckie about it. she has said nasty things about her, about me, about our entire friendship. and yet, the second she didnât have her friends on here anymore, she was tagging duckie in a praising post, surely in the hopes somebody might take her side i can only assume. that really boiled my blood â all of those nasty words, only to turn around and do that. and duckie isnât even the only one, sheâs just the one iâm closest to who reza did that with.
she has accused so many of us of being clout obsessed or chasing clout. i am no professional, nor can i make claims with 100% certainty, but i would go out on a limb and say iâm fairly positive those accusations are heavy projection. many of her accusations are, to be frank. she has always been seeking âcloutâ, attention really, ever since the beginning. she used to tell me her biggest dream was to end up on one of those writer reccomendation lists and so it doesnât surprise me at all that her supposed final straw with lu was being excluded from one, even accidentally. but of course, sheâs certainly accused all of us time and time again that weâre obsessed with clout, that weâre all only friends with each other for clout. and itâs sad to me, that thatâs how she sees friendship, a means for exchange. but itâs clear thatâs how she treats friendships.
she also accused someone of copying art. now whether they did or not, i have absolutely no clue. but when she showed me the supposedly copied art, i told her i wasnât an artist and iâm also pretty face blind so i wasnât sure if i was the best judge of whether it was copied or not. she got very angry at me for not believing her, and i tried to reassure her i trusted her perspectives i just couldnât make the call myself. this became a repetitive situation between us â her making an accusation, me trying to dispute or to even just deflect and move on in conversation, and sheâd get mad at me or just straight up stop replying. it was exhausting.
the rumors she has spread about me and others on here are horrible. some of the things sheâs said about me have me absolutely floored. thereâs things iâd love to address, but i donât want to throw the person who told me what she said under the bus. but what i will say, is she basically acts as if iâm incompetent without her. i hate to throw around accusing words, but in retrospect many of the things she did and said to me and things sheâs said and done since ending our friendship feel incredibly ableist and infantalizing.
now onto what really brought all of this to head. iâm sure all of you have seen the posts referring her calling a trans poc a nazi, but thatâs not my story to tell really. my story is what happened after. she dmed me in the midst of that situation to complain to me about the person she accused of being a nazi, and i essentially told her not to bring me in the middle of it. at the time they were both my friends, and i thought she was acting incredibly out of pocket. of course, she grew upset, but insisted she wasnât trying to bring me into it. i told her i didnât think her accusation was fair, she told me that this person blocking her was âproofâ that they were a nazi supporter, and i basically told her that was quite a leap. we didnât talk for awhile after that, until she reached out again saying she didnât want to lose me as a friend and this very long, nice message. i told her i valued her friendship a lot and as her friend, i felt it was my duty to tell her she fucked up and that she should apologized. she admitted to me she knew she was wrong. she admitted it. but she said something like it was too late to do anything about it. one of our last dm exchanges was her saying i was the one person she didnât want to lose. then she blocked everyone.
so when she tells people i blocked her, or i ended the friendship, or whatever, thatâs not true. i didnât block her until she blocked me. i was never mean to her, not even at the very bitter end. if she thinks i was a bad friend, by all means she can think that, but i tried my best day in and day out to be a good friend. i wanted to make things work so badly, i truly loved reza as a best friend, we had so many good memories together. it broke my heart to watch her behave that way and go on to behave how sheâs behaved since. i thought she was better than all of that.
sheâs thrown out all sorts of wild accusations towards nearly everyone on here, including claiming weâre all lesbophobic for not supporting her gofundme. this is where her hypocrisy becomes evident. her close friend who has since deactivated had made a post basically claiming that posting âa few wordsâ isnt activism right in the middle of when many of us on here were sharing donation links of black people in need in the aftermath of the chauvin verdict, which reza reblogged. both reza and her friend shared their own gofundmes mere days after that post. i thought that was absolutely despicable. not to mention the amount of times sheâs accused lu of being transphobic and a bad ally, or reblogged posts of her cis friend claiming lu is a bad ally, which just isnât true in the slightest. lu is an upstanding individual, and truly the pinnacle of allyship in my mind. she doesnât just reblog a post to look good, sheâs truly an amazing and supportive friend. couldnât ask for better than that.
reza is hypocritical in so many other, smaller ways. she attacked someone for simply watching a critical review of attack on titan but continues to stan groups and people who have problematic or questionable pasts or elements to them. of course, media has problematic elements and we can engage with that critically, but the problem is she seems to think only she can do that and other people are free game to jump on and make wild accusations about. she claimed softblocking people was dumb, only to softblock me herself days later. the expectations she places on others she feels no obligation to uphold herself.
she has made attempts to entice new writers into this community by promoting them, praising their work, and claiming they can be the biggest writer etc all the while on her twitter tweeting things to the effect of all the writing on hc tumblr is boring now, or twice fic isnât as good anymore, dreamcatcher fics are better etc etc. itâs disgusting. she brought innocent people fresh to the community into this nonsense and the second they didnât validate her entire pov she deleted everything relating to them on her blog, all her promotions, and tweeted sheâll never help a new writer again. it was horrible to watch how many people became involved in this messy web and got hurt because of it.
i want to end all of this by apologizing from the bottom of my heart to anybody who i was swayed into a wrong opinion of by reza, to anyone who i spoke on without realizing i was being clouded by her manipulation, and to all of my friends who she spoke so poorly about. i did everything i thought i could to defend the people i cared about, but as many others can attest to sheâs incredibly hard to argue against. itâs painful, and sometimes i hit a point of exhaustion. i am so sorry. i am truly, truly sorry to anyone who has been hurt by this situation, by reza or any of her friends or anybody. it was terrible being stuck in that cycle of awfulness, and i feel so much guilt thinking that i couldâve ever contributed to her poor actions and words about others. i trusted her with so many private things and i regret it more than anything.
thatâs the hardest part of this, that i trusted her with so much. i trusted her with many things i would hardly share with anyone else. i told her embarrassing stories, shared much of my traumas to her, told her about my sister and my family and my girlfriend and all of these personal things. she told me so many things in return, but i know who i am. i know i would never share any of those things, none of the embarrassing stuff or the private stuff, nor would i laugh at it even to myself. but i know who she is, and that makes me feel like someone who i canât trust holds so many things i shared in comfort, a comfort i no longer have. itâs difficult to grapple with.
and reza, if youâre reading this and iâm pretty positive you will be â i hope you find peace within yourself so you donât have to treat people this way. perhaps iâm too optimistic, too kind and too trusting and too easily tricked, but i would rather be that than live the way you have, paranoid and bitter inside towards everyone. i hope you find a way beyond that, and i mean that genuinely.
hi honey, I'm sorry you had to go through that, i can only wish you good things and that you can feel better, all of you deserve better than that weirdo.
i appreciate this, i just hope things can get better after all of this not only for me but for my friends and all the people that were unfortunately hurt by this person
i have my own thoughts and experiences about this situation, and iâll get them into words for a post eventually. i just need some time, because all of this was incredibly personal for me. however i think itâs fairly obvious that i stand with my friends on here, and i extend them the utmost of my support and love while theyâre sharing their experiences and what they went through because of all of this. itâs a horrible situation, and itâs gut wrenching to know how many people were affected by her.
i wish i could talk about all of this but i donât think iâll ever be ready to do so, iâm scared of this person and the trauma she left me with is just.. a lot to handle. i just want to warn all of you that she isnât a good person, she doesnât have good intentions when befriending you so please take care of yourselves in this shitty app. the only thing this person wants is revenge over something that SHE thinks happened but that it actuallt was mostly her wrong doing, the friends she has donât talk to her about how hard she fucked up in the past so none of them are reliable either. please take care, and no i wonât be answering questions about this unless weâre friends already because iâm not comfortable, thank you for reading.
Do you think is transphobic/wrong that some lesbians just want to have sex with cis woman??
Well, yes. Not all trans women have penises, LOL do you all not know that there are trans women with vaginas??? first of all, and second of all, even if youâre having sex with a trans woman with a penis, doesnât mean she wants you to interact with it at all. thereâs so many ways to have sex.
And the real issue is that cis lesbians often reduce trans women to their genitalia when these are full human beings with varied bodies and experiences of womanhood. If your first thought of a trans woman is âoh I wouldnât have sex with her,â how you really gonna tell me thatâs not fucked up, you know?
And like, what if you fell in love with a trans woman? You really gonna pull a 180 on someone you love and shit on them for genitalia they probably donât even want to have???
Idk I think a lot of people who engage in this conversation often donât even really see trans women as human beings and it shows.
ALSO the idea that cis women get to be the sexual gatekeepers of trans women is really fucked up and implies that trans womenâs bodies and sexual worths are only valuable if cis women see them as valuable.
Iâm super bored on the bus, send in ur questions/comments/curiosities/stories !!!
a bunch of terfs got hold of this post again, so iâm just reblogging again to let all my new followers that trans women are women and we love and support them here!
I think you can say you donât wanna date someone but still see them as humans and give them that respect. You got a right to your own body and who gets to touch it, and to have preferences when it comes to sexual partners. It is okay to take an aspect of your own life and respect it, whether it is comfort or discomfort with something like this. Sex takes two to tango, and if you are not attracted to a set of genitals or a large aspect of someoneâs person, then that is okay and you shouldnât force yourself or your boundaries like that.
OP explained pretty clearly, I think, why touting this rhetoric in this specific context is quite honestly being reactionary. No part of trans acceptance movements have ever been about revoking sexual autonomy or pressuring people to consent to something they donât wish to consent to. Derailing the conversation to push things back to âactually no one can make you do anything you donât want to!â is purposefully missing the point. Obviously, this is true. But itâs not what this conversation is about.Â
OP really already said it well enough⊠but theres really no argument you can make for âI would never date or have sex with a trans womanâ that isnât reducing a person to their genitals, that isnât being transphobic. Not only can trans women have any aspect of physicality that a cis women can have (making absolute statements about ~preferences~ obselete) but also ~preferences~ are informed by transmisogynist thinking and beauty standards. Every person, regardless of any details of their personal lives, always has full 100% responsibility to challenge these transmisogynist biases.Â
When you are asked to challenge these biases within yourself, derailing the conversation to make it about what boundaries you can or canât set with regards to the genitals of your sexual partners is the wrong way to react for a plethora of reasons. Itâs once again assuming trans women as a monolith, reducing trans women to their genitals, and deflecting from the real heart of the conversation (tackling your transmisogyny).Â
âis it antisemitic if i wouldnât have sex with a jewish person?â
âis it racist if i wouldnât have sex with a person of a certain race?â
âis it ableist if i wouldnât have sex with a disabled person?â
because of course everyone can say no to sex with anyone. but the fact that you group millions of people together as a monolith and just assume you would never be attracted to any of them shows how you truly think about this group.
no one wants you to have sex with anyone. we want you to acknowledge that trans women are not a monolith, just like ANY OTHER GROUP OF PEOPLE, and that just like any other group of women, there is a possibility you (as a person attracted to women) could someday meet a trans woman you are attracted to. so just as it would be antisemitic to say âi would never have sex with a jewish womanâ, it would be transmisogynist to say âi would never have sex with a trans womanâ. NO ONE WANTS YOU TO ACTUALLY HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE. in fact, very bold to assume anyone would wanna have sex with YOU⊠@twerfs i promise no one wants to fuck you, you are the bottom of the barrel just like any other bigoted freak.
hi! i was just re-reading all your old work and iâm just here to send you some love and appreciation đ„șđ„ș I love your writing style and i hope youâre taking care of yourself âŁïžâŁïž
thank you so much, iâm glad you enjoyed what i wrote so far. i am taking some time for myself, and whenever i feel motivated iâll start writing the requests i have, thank you for the good vibes đ
Pretty much. If you transition slowly, people call you a trender and they question your validity, but if you do it quickly you're a bad influence onto other people who are transitioning. Yeah, it's all excuses to be transphobic. Go at your own pace, not anyone else's.
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