Welcome! This is a blog dedicated to Fernando Torres, our number 9. My name is Luz and I run this blog, I also have a personal blog which you can see here .
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"Disculpa?" I managed to mumble as I turned away my gaze and began to look into my purse for a pen. I felt his eyes on me for a couple of more seconds before he giggled and brushed his fingers through his short dark hair.
"Nada. I - I'm sorry. Its just, you remind me of someone I used to know." he said somewhat shyly.
I looked up and smiled as I handed him the pen. He took the white piece of paper I had handed him earlier and pressed it against the wall to jot his autograph down. Seconds later I heard a car honk. In it was a young brunette and a little girl in the back seat waving.
Fernando turned around and waved at the brunette in the car. "See you." he said as he handed me back the paper and the pen. "Adios Fernando" I whispered as I saw him run towards the car and kiss the brunette.
Of course he was married & had kids. I thought to myself. How would he not? How would anybody be stupid enough to let him go once they had him? How would anybody be as stupid as myself.
I looked back down at the white piece of paper he had handed to me as he had run off to meet his family. I opened it and in it to my surprise was not only his autograph, next to his name he had written down the following message "Aunque lo nieges, yo nunca podre olvidar tus ojos, Valeria." Even if you deny it, I would never be able to forget your eyes Valeria. And next to it was his phone number.
- - 2 days later - -
"Well, are you okay? Better yet, will you be okay?" asked Nuria as I walked impatiently back and forth in front of my bed at the hostel.
"Yes." I replied. "I just - - I hope he's not mad at me."
"What did he say exactly when you called him?" she asked, closing her book and placing all of her attention on me.
"Nothing. I mean - - he joked that he knew it was me as soon as he saw me and had to control himself not to laugh when I tried to act like it wasn't me. But - then I think his wife, or girlfriend, or whoever that brunette was walked in and he got quiet. He told me to meet him at this restaurant and to make sure to be taken up to the VIP area to avoid the media."
"Well, just be careful Val." said Nuria. "I don't know him, but - - I wouldn't want you to be stuck in the middle of some drama."
-------------------
It was a cold night in London. The restaurant Fernando had told me to meet him at wasn't too far from the hostel. I was wearing a black dress with a burgundy coat. I took in the fresh London air as I walked to the restaurant. Different scenarios played over and over in my head. Would he be mad at me? Who was that brunette? Something inside of me made me think she looked familiar.
"Ms. Carbonero, right this way." said the host as he escorted me inside the restaurant. "Your party is waiting for you." he said.
As we neared the table Fernando slowly stood up and smiled. The host was about to draw out the chair for me when Fernando walked over and did it himself. "Thank you." said Fernando to the host.
We sat there for a couple of minutes in silence. His hands tangled within each other, my eyes set on his hands counting down the few freckles I could see. I smiled.
I looked up and our eyes met each other. I tried to smile, but instead a small whisper came out. "Disculpame." I'm Sorry. He looked somewhat shocked. A million things running through his mind. His eyes trying to focus on one, one thing to ask me and suddenly, there it was.
"Why did you leave?" he asked. Sincere emotion in his eyes. We reverted back to those two teenagers in Fuenlabrada years ago. With nothing but dreams and aspirations, no sign of broken hearts and nights spent crying for someone halfway across the world.
"I - I" I stuttered. "I had to leave Fernando. My grandpa, he .. he threatened to kill you, end your career Fernando. And, I - I just couldn't live the rest of my life with that on my back." I said.
"So you just left? Not even a goodbye?"
"I couldn't Fernando. It was hard enough for me to decide to leave Fernando. I didn't need to see you, I didn't need that."
He interrupted me "but what about what I needed Valeri? Why were you so selfish?"
There was hatred in his tone of voice. A mix of emotions. Millions of feelings he had bottled inside himself for so long. Everything he had wanted to ask me and finally, here, here I was in front of him. Everything he wanted to know was just a simple question away.
"I wasn't selfish Fernando. I did it for you. For your dream. Look at you now. I wanted this to happen to you Nando. I - I couldn't be the one to take that away. I did it for your dream Fernando, for you."
He looked away, you could tell tears had started building up inside his eyes. He was trying to hold them back as much as he could. "What the fuck did you know about my dreams Valeri? The day I bumped into you in Fuenlabrada Valeri, that day you became my dream. Not futbol, not any of this. To live for the rest of my life with you - - that was my dream."
The tears building up inside of me caused my throat to choke up. What was the appropriate response to Fernando's words? I'm sorry? No. Silence overcame our table. The waiter finally brought our drinks and took our order. Part of me was ready to say goodbye to Fernando. Realizing after all that this whole trip to London had been stupid. We would have been better off clinching on to the memories of when we were teenagers.
Out of nowhere Fernando broke the silence. "Did you get married?" he asked. His eyes looking down at the plate full of food in front of him. I didn't look up. "I did, but - - I'm separated now." I said. "Hmm" he managed to answer.
He took one bite of his food. "How about you?" I asked. My heartbeat began to race. No, I don't want to know the answer. No, don't answer Fernando, don't.
"I did. And I have two kids, Nora and Leo." he said with a smile as he placed his fork on the table and reached for his phone. He looked through it and then faced it towards me. There were two adorable little kids, exact replicas of Fernando.
I smiled. "They are beautiful." I said. "They look just like you." he took his phone and placed it inside his jacket. Took one bite from his food. "Leo does, but Nora - - she looks just like Olalla."
"Olalla?" I managed to say as I took a sip of my wine. "You married her?" my heart fell. But what did I expect? For him to wait for me his whole life? That's why the brunette looked familiar.
"I did." he said. "She moved to Liverpool with me and then we had Nora and - - you know, the next obvious thing was to get married."
Nora, the way his eyes lit up every time he spoke the little girl's name. This brought me back to a night in the roof in Fuenlabrada.
"Do you want to have boys or girls?" I asked Fernando as we thought about our future.
"A little bit of both" he said with a smile.
"If we have a girl, I want to name her Nora." I said taking his hand over mine.
"Nora Torres, I like it." said Fernando giving me a kiss on the forehead.
I reached for my purse as the waiter brought our check. "No, put that away." said Fernando as he reached for the check and handed the waiter a credit card.
"Where are you staying?" he asked.
"A hostel, about 5 minutes away." I said as I stood up and put my coat on.
We walked towards the entrance of the restaurant and both stood there.
"Well, it was nice catching up." I said as I extended out my hand to shake his.
"No, let me walk you home." he said as he began to walk.
"No, its fine. Listen, I wouldn't want anyone to see us." I said.
"Its okay Valeri. Its late and - - I doubt anyone will spot me."
We walked for a few minutes in silence until I turned to him. "London is beautiful, isn't it?" he smiled. "Yes." He stopped walking. "Have you been back to Madrid?" I looked away.
"I haven't. I - - grandma is gone, so there's really nothing for me to go back there for." I said.
"For years Valeri, for years I waited for you. Thinking, she's going to be back, she has to be back." we walked. "And you never came back. And when your grandma died, I went there - - to pay my respects but also hoping I would see you and you didn't show up. Do you know what it feels like to wait for someone who never shows up?"
I could't take it anymore. I stopped walking. "Fuck Fernando. Do you think it was that easy for me? To leave you behind? To tell myself every night as I laid in my bed crying that it was the best I could do for you? That if I really loved you, I had to leave you? To see you everywhere, everything reminded me of you. But - - but nothing, no one ever replaced you. I married someone who I thought could erase you. But every single time he did something wrong, every single time he yelled at me, fought with me, made me cry, my thoughts went back to you. To how perfect you and I would have been. To us, Fernando. And now, you've moved on Fernando. You have a family, your kids, your life. And here I am Fernando, alone."
He stood in front of me, our eyes locked. His hands grasped the sides of my body and pulled me in. His lips locked with mine. His tongue slowly opened up my lips and began to savor me. It was a release of tension. Our bodies went electric. He held me close to him. Bit my lower lip. I let him guide me. A kiss that we both had been waiting for, for years. Finally as we both pulled out for air we stood in front of each other. No words. Just staring at each other.
So I just discovered your tumblr and I LOVE it. That picture of fernando in his suit that black and wearing a v-neck sweater. What was that event he attended ?
Thanks! I can't find which picture you're referring to :(
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