Oh, Dana Scully, No

[fucknoshoulderpads]

1x07 - Ghost in the Machine

You know what? Yeah. I don’t completely stand by the color of that shirt for this but I would 100% wear this jacket, and honestly probably a helpful reminder for all of us to reorganize some of the shit we’ve been collecting around us.

[fucknoshoulderpads]

1x08 - Ice

You know what? I’ve spent the last fourteen months of quarantine in variations of the above, so this might actually be one of the more timeless fits seen on the show.

[fucknoshoulderpads]

4x01 - Herrenvolk

Scully! I love this suit! I love the practical analog watch for all your medical doctoring needs! Even that guy in the background is impressed. This is the beginning of a brave new era.

[fucknoshoulderpads]

3x23 - Wetwired

You know, Scully, on the one hand I'm impressed that you always have blazers that fit you properly in the sleeves. I can never find that. On the other hand is this strange proto-Olivia Pope number, which TRULY needs a hat in order to impress your underlings.

What do you mean you don't have underlings? Everyone is your underling.

[fucknoshoulderpads]

3x21 Avatar

Sweet Jesus, Scully, I appreciate you wanting the button manufacturers to have a boom year, but this is slightly excessive for a blazer.

[fucknoshoulderpads]

2x24 Our Town

Again with the drying your hair in the car, Mulder. There must be a better way. 

[fucknoshoulderpads]

3x18 - Teso Dos Bichos

IS THIS HALLOWEEN, SCULLY, ARE YOU IN COSTUME AS AL CAPONE, because otherwise I just don't see a reason for this. 

[fucknoshoulderpads]

3x09 - Nisei

Mulder's plan to break in to a government facility actually hinges on his camouflage: limitless access to a dad wardrobe. Dad jeans? Check. Cool dad black turtleneck? SUPER CHECK. I have no doubt that just offscreen, he is wearing some pristine white New Balance gym shoes. 

[fucknoshoulderpads]

The List 

Fine. Fine! You win. I've come back around. I completely, 100% unironically love this. I'll even support the lapel-collar fusion here, Scully, which I think we'll all agree is a victory.

[fucknoshoulderpads]

3x04 - Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose

You know what definitely makes more sense than a four-button jacket on a tiny woman? A double-breasted jacket. That makes equally as much, if not more, sense.

[fucknoshoulderpads]

3x09 - Nisei

Nisei 1 I am 60% sure this is a SECOND red blazer with black velvet trim, this time with giant buttons as well. One red blazer with black velvet trim was too many, Scully! JUST ONE!

[fucknoshoulderpads]

2x25 - Anasazi

I want this bronzed. I want this in the Smithsonian.  I want them to send a picture of this moment into space so that alien civilization can better understand what they will encounter here. They should have sent a poet.

[fucknoshoulderpads]

3x01 The Blessing Way

Everything about this is so aggressively 90s I've actually gone back in time and am late for homeroom. 

[fucknoshoulderpads]

2x18 - Fearful Symmetry

Is there anything I can say that will add to the absolute splendor of this? I submit to you that there is not. Thank you for your entry in the "absolute best all time uses of yellow brocade", Melvin.

[fucknoshoulderpads]

2x23 Soft Light

I do not accept. Is this a My Cousin Vinny situation? Is one half of this suit covered in mud? There are truly not many good explanations available, here.

[fucknoshoulderpads]

2x20 Humbug

I know you guys were in a big rush to get out here, Mulder, but did you honestly have to dry your hair with the air vents in the rental car? 

[fucknoshoulderpads]

2x19 Død Kalm

Why this strange formal sweatshirt, Mulder? Don't try that "it's all the fashion in Norway right now" line either, half the crew just arrived from 1940 and even they're not buying it.