adjusting to life after he had ‘died ’ and been trapped in the soul stone for months was far from easy. it was easy to put on a smile and pretend everything was okay, but it wasn’t. it was hard, to say the least, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t happy to be home. he was. but it was still a difficult adjustment, and he hadn’t gotten a response to any of his texts yet from harry. a sigh escapes his lips as he perches on a rooftop before he pulls his phone out of his backpack. he opens up the phone icon and calls his voicemail. his phone volume isn’t turned up that much, so he holds his phone up to his masked ear, and it’s only a few seconds before UNCLE BEN’S voice fills his ears.
“peter, i know things have been difficult lately and i’m sorry about that. i think i know what you’re feeling. ever since you were a little boy, you’ve been living with so many unresolved things. well, take it from an old man. those things send us down a road… they make us who we are. and if anyone is destined for greatness, it’s you, son. you owe the world your gifts. you just have to figure out how to use them and know that wherever they take you, we’ll always be here. so, come on home, peter. you’re my hero… and i love you.”
he hasn’t listened to this voicemail in MONTHS. it’s years old, and he can’t bring himself to delete it. in times of stress or sadness, it either helps him or makes him more sad. it’s calming, hearing ben’s voice, but at the same time he knows it really only UPSETS him further. by the end of it he’s sniffling, but not crying. not now, anyway. he locks his phone and drops it into his backpack. at this point he’s glad to have his mask so no one can tell he’s feeling emotional. so that no one knows he’s ON THE BRINK OF TEARS.
AND HE STICKS OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB as he drops down from his perch and into an alley, then promptly exits the alley and steps onto the street. among crowds of people, here is spider-man, still in the iron spider suit gifted to him by tony stark. a sleek suit made of nanotech, colored red, blue and gold with the spider emblem on his chest and eyes that glow, though that’s not as noticeable in daylight. when he spots a familiar head of sandy blonde hair, his heart skips a beat. he runs to the person he knows is harry, spewing apologies along the way as he walks straight into multiple different people. when he catches up, he shoots webs at his boyfriend, pulling him into an alley way, their bodies colliding with one and other. normally peter might’ve actually caught harry, but this time, for some reason, they fumble to the ground, peter laying flat on the ground with harry over top of him.
“uh…” peter begins, masked eyes widening before dismissing the mask, as the nanotech of the suit reveals his face and stops at the neckline. “hey.” he says, NERVOUSLY, as he stares up at harry, tears welled up in his eyes. it had been about eight months since he had DIED. and he didn’t even know if harry had lived through the snap or not… if harry had also died. THE THOUGHT OF THAT BROKE HIS HEART. “i…” he gulped. “i love you.” he said, his voice barely a whisper before his hands come up on either side of harry’s face and he kisses him gently.
harry had spent a few weeks with may in the beginning, on and off. he’d buy her groceries, make sure she actually ate them. he’d cook for her when he had the energy. mostly he just spent time with her so she wouldn’t have to be alone. so neither one of them would have to be alone. both of them should’ve prepared themselves for this. death that young didn’t just happen to regular kids peter’s age but then, peter wasn’t regular. he was a hero. he made it his responsibility to put himself between the good guys and the bad. harry and may both knew that.
but even in harry’s worst nightmares – all the horrible scenarios he’d imagined being the end for them – they’d never gone like this. he’d always imagined it the other way around. his own premature death. or norman getting in the way. worse, green goblin. he imagined a flaming meteor crashing into the earth and killing them all. he imagined peter getting sick of him. he imagined peterrealizing he was too good for him. not a single scenario, not even the wildest ones, involved peter’s death.
may hadn’t recovered any more than harry had, but she got on her feet easier. was, in general, an adult about things. found her own ways of grieving. that’s what really set the nail in harry’s coffin – he went back to work, and he fell apart. when he was at work he was spending all of oscorp’s money on research – trying to find a way into the infinity stones so he could bring peter back. he, of course, assumed that this was possible because if it wasn’t, he might as well drop dead.
harry hadn’t even heard about their return yet. there was on reason for him to have. at home he slept and he drank, alone. every day. he didn’t turn on the television – couldn’t bear news hosts going back and forth in a game of debate ping pong as they discussed whether or not superheroes were the good guys are just dangerous vigilantes. those made his blood boil more than anything. “you have no idea,” he used to say, wishing the person he was talking to was standing in front of him rather than in the screen. “they protect us. they save us, you ungrateful little prick.” so instead of watching the news, when he wasn’t at work, drinking, or sleeping, he was buying necessities. milk. fruits, sandwich meats and cheese.
harry felt something touch him, and he tried to yank his arm away from the culprit, but no sooner had it happened when he was yanked suddenly and forcefully into an alleyway. he stumbled forward, wishing he had some kind of pepperspray – until, slowly, his assailant’s face becomes clear.
i love you too. when peter’s lips met his, harry closed his eyes, allowing himself, for one moment, to suspend all disbelief, all questions, everything that didn’t make sense so he could have this. peter parker. love of his life. trupping over each other in an alley. but even harry couldn’t only hold onto the good. it didn’t take long before he could feel his eyes stinging as tears formed at their corners, threatening to roll down his features at any second. he pulled away, but kept his forehead pressed against peter’s, breathing hard. thinking.
“i thought you were dead.”
he hadn’t allowed that realization to manifest itself until then, and it was the first time he really, truly understood what it meant, and what it would mean, for peter to be dead.
harry put his hands on either side of peter’s face again, and shook his head.
“don’t leave me alone in this world.”