Because she's worth it.

A collection of the most amusing lines from the writings of Eventhorizon451, on Tumblr and AO3. I’ve been accumulating these for years and only recently thought of posting them to spread the love, so not all of them have specific sources, I'm afraid. But there are great lines liberally spread throughout all of EH's works, no matter where you start.

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

‘Can evergreen garlands be considered wild?’ ‘Compared to the lack of them, they’re wild as a badger on acid.’

Mycroft and Greg, Have a Holly Jolly Christmas, Eventhorizon (via fuckyeaheventhorizon451)

Badgers on acid. Are you guys seeing this stuff?

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

‘Fuck a fat waddly duck.’ ‘Did it give consent?’ ‘It did.’ ‘Then fuck away.’

Eventhoziron (via fuckyeaheventhorizon451)

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

‘A swarm of locusts is a more welcome plague than you.’ ‘Look at you going all biblical on me.  Right between the eyes with a fistful of Exodus.’

Mycroft and Sam, Lets You Know You’re Alive, Eventhorizon (via fuckyeaheventhorizon451)

“fistful of Exodus.” Just.  

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

I did keep my grades up, though. Nobody could say I didn’t pull the As out of my ass like flying monkeys.

Sam, Lets You Know You’re Alive, Eventhorizon (via fuckyeaheventhorizon451)

Monkeys are kind of a theme I approve of. Obviously.

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

Demanding!  I thought my daddy days were long behind me.  I bet you’ll whip your head around to avoid the spoon, too, when I try and feed you.”       “Against the superstitions of the masses, I will happily bite the hand that feeds me.

Sam and Mycroft, Eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

Sherlock is a social hand grenade...

Eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

...since we’re square now.  Which we are, right?  Or at least squarish. Vaguely rectangular is enough for me right now, actually.”   “Vaguely rectangular might be pushing it, but I can agree to oblong.”       “Oblong works… I can live with oblong.  Thank you, John.  It means a lot to me.”       “You’re still not getting this bottle back.”       “Fuck you and the bicycle you rode in on.”       “How in the world do you fuck a bicycle?”       “Got some paper?  I’ll draw it for you.”       “I think I’m revoking my oblong offer.”       “Too late.  And I’m going to throw in some rollerskate porn while I’m at it.”       “I need another drink.”      “No way, you’ll need at least four for this.

Sam and John, Eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

Playing fair is not something in which I have ever placed a great deal of stock.”       “I’m doomed.”       “The acceptance of one’s fate is said to bring peace.  How marvelous for you.”       “I’d make a rude noise, but you’d probably find a way to tell me that’s marvelous for me, too.”       “You are especially adorable when you are sulky and petulant.

Mycroft and Greg, Eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

I could use some more juice anyway and the lady at the bar makes it just the way I like it.”       “With an umbrella.”       “Yes!  It makes it taste much better.”       “Of course it does.  We’ll make sure Mycroft gets two.

Arthur and Greg, Eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

My dear Gregory… always looking on the bright side of life.”       “I see a Monty Python marathon in the future.”       “Perhaps.  If you can cut down the mightiest tree in the forest.  With a herring.”       “I am the luckiest man in the world.

eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

And what section [of the bookstore] will I find you in?  I doubt there’s a whole case set aside [for] practical tips for world domination.”       “Heavens no… there are several cases for that particular topic, however, a special key and passcode are required to achieve access.  Then, of course, there is the leopard to contend with, but she is a dear thing once you get to know her.

Greg and Mycroft, Eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

And now the phone was ringing.  The phone, which was really just another piece of paper except it talked.  Another problem, complaint, case, order or other burden laid on his desk to go with the eternity of others.  He’d take this message with a blue pen.  He’d used a black one for the last few, so it was time to get a little crazy about things.

Eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

John spent the cab ride blissfully oblivious to where they were going and what was going on around them.  He was right at that perfect state of inebriation where the world seems set to do lovely things for all the good little drunks and he was the best of them all.

Eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

Fuck you and the unicorn you rode in on. “Very good.  Well… onward and upward.”       “Want me to put a saddle on your unicorn, so you can ride through the crowd in style?”       “Fantasia need not be bothered for such a thing, I feel.”       “Fantasia?”       “A resplendent creature.”       “Fantasia?”       “Yes.  Pray tell, what would you name a unicorn?”       “Corny.”       “I am leaving now, Gregory.”       “Was it something I said?”       “You are most fortunate your appearance, also, is resplendent.”       “Yeah… I won’t even bother to argue.

Eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

You have their genes, Gregory.  There is good in you.  Quite a lot, in fact.”       “I just kick it to the curb and step on its face for extra spite.

Eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

[Teens Mycroft and Greg in a pub with pre-teens John and Sherlock] One more kiss, which lasted long enough for Sherlock and John to place their lunch order and return to decorate the older boys’ hair with plastic monkeys the bartender had dredged up from the 1970s. “Thank you, John.  I assume this is your gentle method of urging me back to work.”       “No, you just look good with monkeys in your hair.”       “Well, let them instead ride in my pocket as I return to my toil.  My dear, I shall see you later?” Sherlock choked and fell to the ground seeing Lestrade’s lecherous look, prompting John to begin ringing his body with monkeys in lieu of police chalk.

The Ages of Man, Eventhorizon

[fuckyeaheventhorizon451]

They’re happier that you’re sharing my life than me sharing my life.”       “An understandable viewpoint.”       “Oh… you smug bastard.  Smug’s written all over you in big, bold letters.”       “Is it spelled correctly?  I cannot abide shoddy spelling, punctuation or grammar.”       “Smug has two g’s right?”       “Dear me… I have been marked by some cosmic illiterate.”       “I find the bastard, I’ll break his fucking face.

Of Sinners and Saints, Eventhorizon