ely

posting how i feel without any second thought

[fuimosamor]

December 6

94% on our Spotify blend

“you two are relationship goals”

[fuimosamor]

November 11

please, don’t go.

I miss the guy that loved me.

I don’t know what im doing anymore.

[fuimosamor]

November 11 - dreams

we got back together. trying to send good morning messages again. spending time together. I was trying so hard but something felt off. like I was over doing it and just pushing you away again. we wanted to make it work though. you said I love you.

Then I had a second dream that we were basically inside a video game. that we had to solve puzzles in real life. it was intense. we started in a town then had to make our way through different areas. a factory. a closed room. when we got outside it was like an abandoned town. I thought it was pretty so I asked if we could take a picture together, you sighed and asked if was really the right place or time. and just in that split second we see a howler monkey. I said we need to leave asap. We need to get out of there. I start grabbing things and see we are near a door. We can hide there. I manage to climb the railings and jump in and I turned and told you to come grab my hand. and it was like you didn’t want to. you stared down the howler monkey who was now next to you. before you know it, the monkey grabbed you by the legs and dragged you away. he tried coming for me but i barricaded myself. I had to wait a couple minutes and saw you fight a howler monkey until it got bored. then i had to let you rest so we could continue our journey. we had gotten to a lake where we canoed to the next piece of land. where we found another factory with a medical room. with instructions to close the door. and I woke up.

[fuimosamor]

November 10

“I think what hurts the most is that I thought, for the first time in my life, love finally loved me back.”

[fuimosamor]

November 7 - dream

I dreamt that you asked to meet up for coffee or to just talk. and all I remember is getting there then saying “oh hold on” and I turned on a timer for an hour. you ask what that’s about and I say “it’s how long im willing to stay”.

bc im not really sure what i will be willing to endure if i saw you again. I can’t do hours that’s for sure. who knows what you’d want by meeting up. if that’s something that would happen

[fuimosamor]

November 6

you’re playing Minecraft.

I wonder if you think of me. Think of all the times we played together. How I asked count less times if we could play again.

Do you remember our calls and playing until 2am? how I cried bc you made your new house without me.

I wonder if it’s all part of you listening to sad indie songs that talk about nostalgia love and longing.

are you really thinking of me or are you just processing the breakup a little bit more.

[fuimosamor]

November 2

and I thought it couldn’t get higher

93% on our Spotify blend

wild

[fuimosamor]

November 1

realizing I’ve really gone the whole year without him. feeling a bit stupid. he’s never going to be my boyfriend again. it’s just not how it works. I dunno. maybe I should’ve let him go a while ago. he clearly has let me go

[fuimosamor]

November 1

I was thinking that you have consistently gone out in the evening the past two weeks. so if you would have gone out last night then it would have reflected that in your music.

so my guess is you did work and kind of back to your regular habit of not doing anything else in the evening like socials. just like I don’t really think you’re dating too. I guess it’s highly likely you didn’t do anything last night too.

bc even with xbox, it was rare that I was even seeing you play so often. when before you bought the game around my birthday, you’d only play like once or twice a month

[fuimosamor]

November 1

I think I had an okay halloween. I went out to a halloween party after giving out candy. I was there a lot longer than I thought I would. but it was a fun time seeing people again and catching up. there were still moments I felt sad and wished he was there.

I was really worried a bit to check if he’d listen to music but he didn’t. I was hoping he’d at least play xbox but nothing :/ I don’t know what he did but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was nothing :/

I also did get asked if I was dating again yet and I was like :| no

[fuimosamor]

November 1 - dream

I knew you’d go grocery store on the opposite end of me. so I just on w whim decided I’ll make a quick turn just to see if I can see you.

and I did. I saw you at the end of the aisle with a shopping cart talking to someone else. I was surprised to see you in a burgundy short sleeve shirt. since you only ever wear long sleeves. I was even able to double check it was you because of your arm tattoos.

but because you were at the end of the aisle I figured I should turn around and leave the same side I came in. but by the time I turned around you made it to the check out area which I would have to pass again. we did make eye contact but I kept pushing just in case. because I don’t know if you’d want to talk to me.

[fuimosamor]

October 31

the end of october. it’s finally hit me.

all the things we did together. the boo basket I made. the halloween party. the pumpkin painting party. the halloween movie marathon. bowling. late nights.

knowing it’s my favorite time of the year and favorite holiday. you made sure to wish a happy day.

but you’re not here anymore. I don’t even know if you’ll do something. if you’ll be dragged out by friends or stay in your room alone.

if you’ll even think of me. or wonder about me too. I really don’t want to do this without you anymore. I really don’t want this to be my reality anymore.

I thought I didn’t miss you as much. I thought it was passing. this urge to have you by my side forever. but I was wrong. I don’t want to lose you but I already did.

[fuimosamor]

October 31

you’re music listening today is so weird. your usual days off you don’t start early or really even listen to anything at all. so what’s different?

you do these spurts then pause for hours or 10/20 minutes. could you be running errands? could you just be listening when you want while at home?

there’s so many possibilities. you use to fill up your day doing a lot or nothing anyways.

could be laundry, cooking, drawing, showering, cleaning. just at home too.

[fuimosamor]

October 31

I just don’t know what you’ll do today. I don’t know what you do everyday.

today just feels heavy, just the idea that wow you’ve really been okay without me stings a lot today. I’ve grown accustomed to not know you and not have you in my life but I don’t really like it

[fuimosamor]

October 31

I’m actually really scared and sad for today. Halloween is my favorite holiday and I wish I was spending it with him. What if he goes out with others? :( like last year he worked and didn’t do anything. and we celebrated the weekend before, we went to a Halloween party, we went bowling, we watched scary movies with my siblings. he knows how important the day is to me, I wonder if he will even think of me 😞 I can’t help but feel so sad

[fuimosamor]

October 30

But overall you listened to a lot of classics so it just sucks that I didn’t get to see it. but at least it’s not like you removed listening history or was private. just offline

[fuimosamor]

October 30

Then today it wasn’t updating your music at all? but stats was showing you were listening to music.

so I figured out you were listening to an offline playlist. and now that you’re back online lol you switch immediately to dj? that’s funny, you’re such a creature of habit.

also damn dude, lots of heartbreak classics on that offline playlist you have. you played Rosa’s by La oreja de Van Gogh 4 times!